Small Favors
by Eve8
Summary: Thor wants Sam and Jack's help, and doesn't want to take 'no' for an answer. Season 7, AU. SJ, of course.
1. A Simple Request

A/N: This is not an original idea, by any means, but then again, are there really any original ideas left in the world? I never thought I'd write a story like this, no matter how tempting, because there are plenty of very good stories with similar premises already out there. However, I caved. I'll blame it on the hormones, although that excuse is fading fast. As my oldest daughter said the other day, "Mummy is _always _pregnant." This is the first time for my baby sister, however, and I'm so happy about that I can't even say. Real life is quite amazing and strange on its own sometimes, right?

Ch 1: A Simple Request

Jack O'Neill groaned as his alarm went off. He slapped at it until it stopped beeping, hoping he had only pressed the Snooze button and not shut it off completely. He burrowed his head under his pillow, squinting against the bright morning light streaming into his bedroom, and tried to go back to sleep.

He was promptly engulfed in an impossible bright white light and found himself face down on the floor of Thor's ship.

"No," he groaned, opening his eyes reluctantly.

He was met with a pair of little gray feet. Resisting the childish urge to reach out and see if Thor's feet were ticklish, he groaned and rocked up to a sitting position, legs sticking out in front of him.

"Thor, buddy, if you want me to save the world again you're going to have to beam me up some coffee," he said with what he hoped was a convincing smile.

Thor narrowed his eyes slightly and said, "Greetings O'Neill," as he fiddled with his little beaming-thingy again.

"I was joking about the coff..." Jack started, trailing off as his 2IC materialized next to him.

Major Sam Carter, the smartest person he knew with the best military reflexes he'd seen... was still sound asleep, despite her recent demolecularization or whatever it was Thor was always doing to them. "She is a sound sleeper," Thor commented, sounding mildly curious.

Jack looked at the little curled up ball that was his 2IC and said, "Well, this was the first time she's slept in three days, she's tired. So this better be important," he said, not bothering to hide the unpleasant tone of his voice as he nudged Sam's shoulder.

Her very _bare _shoulder, he couldn't help but note. Apparently his 2IC liked to sleep in little camisoles, he noted with a grin. And underwear, and nothing else. He glanced at Thor quickly, hoping his little gray buddy wasn't paying either of them too much attention. As if he would bother travelling to Earth, beam them to his ship while they were sleeping, and then ignore them.

"Come on, Carter, wake up, you've got company," Jack said, squeezing her shoulder.

She jerked awake and sat up so fast he had to dive out of the way to avoid their heads colliding. "Sir?" she asked, blinking at him in confusion. "What the hell..." she looked around and he had to laugh at the absolutely shocked look on her face. "Thor? What's going on?" she asked, getting to her feet nervously.

She looked down at herself, glanced at Jack, and blushed furiously. He couldn't help but notice the blush crept all the way down her neck to the top of her... "Thor, forcryinoutloud do you have any clothes around here?" he demanded.

He scanned his naked gray buddy's body and sighed. "I am sorry, O'Neill. I can adjust the temperature if you are uncomfortable, Major Carter..."

"Um, that's not really the problem..." Sam tried to explain, crossing her arms uncomfortably.

Jack rolled his eyes and quickly pulled off the Air Force tee-shirt he always slept in. "There," he said, tossing it to her. She pulled it on gratefully. It came halfway down her thighs, but after the show he'd just gotten, seeing her in his night-shirt was still more distracting than the fact that they still didn't know what Thor wanted them for in the first place.

"Um, Thor, are you going to fill us in now?" Sam asked.

"Yes, please do," Jack said, crossing his arms over his bare chest. Hey, he was just glad he'd been wearing boxers to bed. If he'd materialized naked he didn't know what he'd have done.

"Very well, O'Neill. I shall 'fill you in.' Would you like to have a seat? I am sorry I woke you both, but I thought it best to take you from your homes rather than the SGC, as that seems to send your base into a slight panic."

"No problem, Thor," Jack said, sitting down on the slightly cold black floor of Thor's ship. Sam sat down next to him and hugged her legs to her chest. Even sitting down, Jack was nearly as tall as Thor, so he met his eye and said, "Spill it buddy."

"As you are aware, the Asgard are a dying race. We have been trying to fix our cloning problems for many, many generations."

"You're not about to tell me that Loki guy's made another screwed up clone of me, are ya?" Jack asked. "Cuz the Air Force was pretty decent about the last one but if this becomes a habit..."

"Loki has been punished, O'Neill. He will not be permitted to conduct experiments any longer, and our research has proven that cloning your DNA will not solve our problem. However, we would like you to consider helping us in... another way."

"What exactly are you talking about, Thor?" Sam asked, sounding slightly alarmed.

"What?" Jack asked, not having a clue what Thor was talking about or why Sam looked suddenly nervous.

"We believe O'Neill is an important step forward, but not the final step. To continue the evolution of your species and hopefully assist the development of ours as well, O'Neill, you need to procreate. Our studies of your people's physiology shows that most people have already spawned by the time they have reached your age. We had hoped you would have spawned..."

"Can you stop saying 'spawned,' please!" Jack interrupted, not liking where this was heading at all.

"Very well. We had hoped you would have propagated by now on your own but you have not. The Asgard council feels the time has come to openly encourage you to propagate before you are incapable of doing so."

"Hey, I'm plenty CAPABLE, okay, buddy, you can tell your council and anybody else who wants to know that _that _is not a problem..."

"Um, sir," Sam cut in quietly. "Remember what General Hammond said..."

"General Hammond's been talking about my..."

"No, sir," she interrupted pointedly. "About... diplomacy."

"Oh. Right," Jack grumbled. "All right, well, look Thor, I'm really sorry about your problems, but you can't just order me to start making babies..."

"I do not understand," Thor said. "You like children, O'Neill?"

"Well, sure, but..."

"We would only require a small sample of the child's blood, that is all..."

"Look, you can't just... hey, what's Carter doing here anyway? You gonna try to make her 'spawn' too."

"Well, we all felt Major Carter was the natural choice to assist you in propagation," Thor said patiently, as though he was being forced to point out something blatantly obvious, along the lines of 'the sky is blue, the grass is green.'

It was a very good thing that both of them started yelling at Thor at the same time, because he couldn't tell exactly what either of them were saying. He got the gist of it, however, and waited for them to calm down before speaking again.

"While Major Carter does not carry the Ancient DNA, the Asgard believe her to be the best specimen your planet has to offer. She is clearly the most intelligent and possesses many other qualities that should be passed on as well. Additionally we know her to be an extremely compassionate and affectionate individual, and our studies have shown that is important for the development of human children..."

"Okay, first of all, don't call her a 'specimen,' okay, Thor? Second of all, affectionate?"

He turned to Sam with the 'Carter, explain' look and she blushed and said, "I ah... got a bit carried away once and... hugged... Thor. A little bit. Sir."

He laughed at that but then refocused his attention on the very strange issue at hand. "Look, Thor..."

"I did not expect you to have any objections to having children with Major Carter, O'Neill," Thor said in that 'I'm barely restraining my impatience at the stupidity of these humans' tone of his. "Surely there is not another human you would rather procreate with?"

"I... wu... Thor, you're missing the point. You can't just tell us to have a baby!"

"Why not? You would both make excellent parents and we would be very grateful..."

"Thor, aside from obvious personal issues we both have with what you're suggesting," Sam cut in, trying to be diplomatic. She could tell Jack was about a second away from strangling Thor. "The Air Force has rules against that sort of thing. General Hammond would never allow it. We would both be kicked out of the Air Force. Colonel O'Neill could even be incarcerated. At the very least, we would be reassigned, and we wouldn't be able to continue working at the SGC, which is important not only to both of us but to the safety of the planet as well."

"General Hammond is a reasonable man, Major Carter, perhaps if I explained the situation to him he would make an exception," Thor said, moving over to one of his consoles. Sam and Jack exchanged a panicked look as he started sliding and twisting things.

"No, wait, Thor, let us get dressed..." Jack started.

"Thor, please, you can't ask him..." Sam said at the same time.

The next thing they knew, they were standing in the gateroom with twenty or so guns pointed at them and General Hammond was yelling at them. "COLONEL O'NEILL! MAJOR CARTER! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN THE GATEROOM HALF NAKED!"


	2. Little Technicalities

A/N: Wow, I am so pleased with how much everyone seemed to enjoy the first chapter! So, I rushed this one out to answer the questions as to whether this was finished or not... it is _definitely_ not. But I do have four small children, so most updates will not be nearly this fast. Probably about once a week or so. That's the best I can do. Er, Kurnal Jack... sorry, I'm not quite sure where you got that Jack starts this story off as a General and then becomes a Colonel... he doesn't. He's a Colonel all the way through. This is Season 7, only because I referenced the cute-as-a-button mini-Jack, but I suppose it's pre-Heroes and pre-Chimera, because Pete's not in the picture and Janet is. Well, here we go!

Previously...

_The next thing they knew, they were standing in the gateroom with twenty or so guns pointed at them and General Hammond was yelling at them. "COLONEL O'NEILL! MAJOR CARTER! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN THE GATEROOM HALF NAKED!" _

Ch 2: Little Technicalities

"Uh, well, funny story, sir," Jack started, looking down at himself to make sure his boxers were still in place. Why, of all days, did it have to be the day he was wearing the ones that had Bart mooning everyone?

Thor materialized in front of them both and Jack ordered, "Stand down, Airmen!" to everybody in the gate room, while General Hammond made his way down from the control room.

He looked at his two best officers in disbelief. They had both clearly just woken up, and Major Carter was wearing what looked suspiciously like one of Colonel O'Neill's shirts... and nothing else, it appeared. And what in the hell was on the Colonel's boxer shorts? The General suddenly started laughing.

Jack and Sam looked at each other in concern. Had they finally pushed the General over the edge? Was he completely cracked? They edged closer to each other, slightly worried.

"I just realized what a strange life I lead, in that I was more surprised to see the two of you like that than by the fact that an alien just beamed himself into my gateroom."

Jack and Sam laughed nervously.

Thor spoke up. "General Hammond, I have something of great importance to discuss with you..."

"Of course, Thor. Let's all go up to my office..."

"Um, sir, maybe Major Carter and I could go get dressed while Thor fills you in..." Jack suggested.

"Yes, please do, Colonel. Major. Dismissed."

They both snapped to attention automatically at that; it was a reflex. The fact that they were so very much out of uniform as they did it made everyone in the crowded gate room and control room, who had all been watching the entire scene in shocked silence, finally burst out laughing.

Sam practically ran out of the gateroom. Jack followed quickly, trying to keep up with her,making a mental note to figure out exactly which Airman he overheard making a comment about his 2IC's legs and beat the crap out of him later.

Sam was already halfway to the locker room. "How the hell do you move so fast with bare feet?" Jack demanded, ignoring the way all the people in the hallways were stepping out of their way and watching them in complete shock.

Hell, they worked at the SGC, they should be used to seeing strange things by now. Although, to be fair, perhaps they had never seen anything quite as strange as the 2IC of the entire base in Simpsons boxers, chasing after _his _2IC, who was wearing only a big gray tee-shirt and royal blue underpants.

Jack slammed the door to their locker room behind him, trying not to appear out of breath, because Carter wasn't. She was calmly but quickly getting dressed. Jack went over to his locker and forced himself to stare straight into its boring gray depths as he began dressing as well.

They should talk, right? They had to. I mean, come on, Thor was up in General Hammond's office right now, trying to convince him to let them...

"Carter, we need to..." Jackbegan reluctantly.

The doors were thrown open again and the other half of SG1 entered. Jack didn't know whether to be grateful for the sight of Teal'c and Daniel or not. It did instantly drain all the tension out of the room though. And somehow he was now able to see the humour of the situation.

"Jack, Sam, what the hell is going on?" Daniel demanded.

"What do you mean, Daniel?" Jack asked in his most-innocent voice, unable to resist torturing the archaeologist just a bit.

"I mean, Lieutenant Simmons just burst into the commissary where Teal'c and I were eating breakfast and announced to everyone that you two were beamed into the gate room with Thor and were running around in your underpants!" Daniel said quickly.

"Easy there, Danny, don't have an asthma attack on us," Jack said calmly. "You seem to have been informed correctly then," he added.

"Okay, but _why _were you beamed into the gate room with Thor and..." Daniel started.

Jack glanced at Sam, who was taking more than enough time on her boots, which let him know in no uncertain terms he was on his own to explain this one. Teal'c looked only mildly curious about what was happening. Nevertheless, the large man waited politely for his explanation.

"Oh, just Thor's new plan to save the Asgard," Jack said casually, tucking his black tee-shirt into his pants. "He's up there trying to get permission for Carter and me to start making some super-smart babies."

Daniel stared at him for a few seconds and then laughed. "God, Jack, you had me for a second there. Good one. No really, what does Thor..."

Jack looked at Daniel pointedly. Daniel looked at Sam, who nodded grimly. Daniel looked at Teal'c, who was grinning calmly from ear to ear. That was disturbing on _so _many levels.

"He wants... why does he..." Daniel spluttered.

"Well we all know about my genetic superiority," Jack said with a smug smile he couldn't keep off his face whenever that got brought up. "And apparently the Asgard all have crushes on Carter or something, I guess they've got a thing for brainy blondes..."

"SG-1 to General Hammond's office!" Harriman announced over the PA system.

"That was fast," Sam muttered as they headed out of the locker room.

Jack nodded, not bothering to respond verbally. He wasn't sure if the quick summons was a good thing or a bad thing.

A stern look from Carter on the way to Hammond's office put an end to all the funny looks they were getting from various SGC personnel. Jack couldn't keep the glow of pride off his face as he watched her glare put people in their proper places. Yeah, as the Asgard felt the need to point out, she was insanely smart. But he still liked to think he'd taught her a thing or two.

"Come," Hammond ordered immediately as Teal'c knocked on the General's door. They all filed in, the office becoming slightly crowded.

Thor was seated in one of the two chairs facing the General's desk, which made him look even tinier than usual. Jack wondered if the reason they were meeting here rather than the briefing room was because Thor might have trouble seeing over the table. He had a random mental picture of Thor sitting on Teal'c's lap, or maybe even General Hammond's, and had to turn an inappropriate outburst of laughter into a coughing fit.

Hammond looked at him suspiciously. Thor narrowed his eyes slightly. Teal'c wacked Jack on the back a lot harder than was necessary.

"Thanks, T," Jack gasped, gesturing for Carter to take the other seat next to Thor. It wasn't really proper; as higher ranking officer he should have sat, but he was uncomfortable and wanted to move around anyway. He and Daniel both took spots leaning against the General's lowshelves.

Jack reached behind him and picked up a model airplane to keep his hands occupied as General Hammond began speaking. "Dr. Jackson, Teal'c, I assume you've been informed of the unique request Supreme Commander Thor has made, and I thought I'd save Major Carter and Colonel O'Neill the hassle of repeating it all to you. Besides, some of these decisions might end up affecting SG1 as a whole, so you all deserve to be here..."

"Ohforcryingoutloud, sir, you can't be seriously considering ordering Carter to..." Jack started, angry.

"Jack!" George said sharply. "Of course I am not going to order Major Carter or yourself to do _anything_."

"Thank you sir," Sam mumbled.

General Hammond looked back and forth between his two officers, not really knowing what to say to either of them. They certainly managed to get themselves into some pretty bizarre situations. He would have been laughing his bum off at this one if Major Carter wasn't involved in Thor's request. She just looked so uncomfortable he couldn't find the heart to laugh at her. At least not until she was out of the room. The poor woman looked like she had swallowed an overloading naquadah reactor.

"Thor's... request... is merely being put forward as that. A request," Hammond began in what he hoped was a gentle voice.

"Well, request denied!" Jack said in his most sarcastic voice.

"Colonel," Hammond corrected sharply. "I am willing to let a dialogue continue regarding this subject but only if all parties agree to behave."

"Yes, sir," Jack mumbled. This whole thing was ridiculous.

"O'Neill, I am sorry to have made you so uncomfortable," Thor began. "We have studied your species closely. We have studied you, O'Neill, closely. We saw how much you cared for the life of your own clone a few months ago. We do not understand why this request is being considered so controversial. Surely you would enjoy having children of your own? And Major Carter, you are much younger than O'Neill, I understand you have more time to procreate. The council merely consider you to be one of our favorite humans."

"Thank you, Thor, I'm sure you mean this as a compliment in your own way," Sam started, trying her best to be diplomatic. She suddenly wished Janet had been invited to this meeting as well, so that she wouldn't be the only woman in the room.

"May I say something?" Daniel asked.

"Of course, Daniel Jackson. Your opinion is highly valued by the council as well. While you do not possess the Ancient gene, we would consider it a detriment to your species if you never procreated as well."

"Uh... right. Thanks. I... think. Okay, Thor, if I understand this properly, you need people who carry the Ancient gene to procreate, to pass along their DNA so that it can continue to evolve naturally..."

"That is true in a very basic sense."

"Okay, well, a lot of people have this gene, many of whom must have children already. We know you study... us... so I think what we're trying to understand here is why you feel it's so important for Jack and Sam specifically to uh... to..."Daniel trailed off, uncomfortable. Geez, it was almost as bad as thinking about your parents having sex.

"We do not believe it is only O'Neill's possession of the Ancient gene that makes him important to us. It is a combination of many things. For example, he has survived carrying the knowledge of the Ancients in his brain. Major Carter is the only known human to survive, both physically and mentally, from having a Tok'ra symbiote die inside of her. She was also possessed by another alien entity several years ago, I believe. More important than any latent knowledge she may have retained from being a host, she has shown intelligence on a scale which you do not even measure by your Earth standards. We believe she and O'Neill both think in ways that are beyond the way normal humans think, and this also is an important step between our ancestors and yours. We cannot think as you do now, but at some point, we did. Major Carter and Colonel O'Neill are both important steps in that direction."

Sam looked embarrassed. Jack just looked proud. It wasn't very often someone complimented his thinking abilities.

"I realize you think differently than we do," Daniel started in his smooth-diplomat voice. "But I think that's the biggest problem here. You are clones. You transfer your consciousness from one body to another and have for thousands of years. So I don't think you understand the emotional repercussions of what you are asking them to do. You can't just tell people to create a child. Even people who have been married for yearsoften aren't ready for that."

"We thought that Major Carter and O'Neill would create children on their own without interference but they have not, so..."

"Woa!" Jack interrupted. Sam didn't say anything, she just wanted to disappear into the floor. This was the most uncomfortable conversation ever in the history of the world, she was sure.

"It is our assessment," Thor continued, "That the reason that Major Carter and Colonel O'Neill have not procreated is because your government believes it unwise..."

"And illegal," Hammond put in.

"And has made rules that forbid such relationships. However, as I have been trying to explain to General Hammond, we feel that these rules should be nullified for this unique circumstance. We are willing to negotiate most generously with your government if you will agree to these terms."

"Negotiate!" Daniel and Jack both said at the same time.

Hammond rubbed his temples and said, "They're offering a whole lot of technology. Upgrades on Prometheus, medical advancements, communications technology... the works..."

"Sir, you can't do this," Jack said desperately.

"Jack," Daniel said gently. "Would it really be that bad?"

Everyone turned to stare at him as if he had just grown another head. "I mean... come on, Jack. You can't honestly tell me you like the frat regs?"

"Daniel," Jack said in a warning tone.

"We all know how you... okay. I won't go into that. I'm just saying. You and Sam both want to help people. It's what you do. You've helped Thor a lot in the past. This would be a way to help the Asgard, get a whole bunch of new technology for Earth to help defend against the Goa'uld, _and _you and Sam could finally..."

"Shut up, Daniel!" Jack snapped angrily. "This is so stupid! This whole thing! It is ridiculous that we're having a meeting about whether or not Carter and I should be allowed to have children! This isn't the way this is supposed to happen!"

On that note, he got to his feet angrily and left without waiting to be dismissed, slamming the door behind him loudly on his way out. The noise made most everyone in the room wince, but Sam was only one to actually jump in her seat as she flinched. The plexiglass star chart wobbled strangely, and Hammond wondered idly how many more O'Neill-door-slams it would be able to endure.

Teal'c and Daniel were told to go keep an eye on Colonel O'Neill. As they left the General's office, Daniel asked, "What do you think about all of this, Teal'c?"

"Do you recall the occasion when O'Neill made us watch lengthy footage of the 'Three Stooges,' Daniel Jackson?" Teal'c asked.

"Yeah... er... what? Where are you going with this, Teal'c?"

"I believe this would be the appropriate place for us to 'clunk their heads together.'"

"General Hammond and Thor?" Daniel asked incredulously, glancing back at the still-open office door nervously.

"No," Teal'c said evenly in that 'this is the end of this conversation' tone he usually reserved for O'Neill.

Daniel watched his friend walking down the hall and finally figured it out. "OH!"

General Hammond requested Major Carter remain in his office, with Thor. She agreed numbly. By this point, her day had been so completely bizarre that she wasn't even sure this was really happening. Half-convinced this was just a freaky dream of some kind, she was content to sit quietly and try to reign in some of her crazier thoughts.

While General Hammond placed the strangest call he'd ever had to make to the President (including the one where he informed him about the black hole incident), Thor spoke quietly to Sam.

"Major Carter, it was not my wish to make you uncomfortable. I fear Daniel Jackson is right. We cannot think like you. We have underestimated many things, it would appear."

"Thank you, Thor. I know you're only trying to help the Asgard... and help us in some weird way, it's just... I guess it's one of those things about each other neither of us can understand," she said, suddenly weary. She really needed coffee.

"Like our taste in nourishment, perhaps," Thor said seriously.

Sam couldn't help it. She burst into laughter as she remembered tasting that fine Asgard cuisine when she'd been off alone with Thor several years ago. 'The yellow one' that was Thor's favorite that to her had just tasted like the bottom of a shoe. Thor looked at her curiously.

"You made a joke, Thor. A good one. To ease the tension... Colonel O'Neill would be proud," she said quietly.

"Maybe then we are really not as different as we seem," Thor said quietly. "Major Carter, do you think I have made O'Neill upset... with me? The Asgard do not fully understand the concept of 'friendship.' As much as the council would not like to hear it, I have grown fond of him in a... non-professional sense," Thor admitted reluctantly.

Yeah, join the club, pal, Sam thought ruefully. That's what got them into this mess in the first place, isn't it?

"You're right, Thor. We're not so different. And I don't think he's mad at you. Just the situation in general is... awkward. To say the least. But I don't think he's upset with you."

"That is good to hear, Major Carter."

"The President is on his way to speak with you, Thor. It will take him several hours to get here. I have to say though that at the moment, he is in much the same mind as Colonel O'Neill. You have to understand, Thor, there are some lines that we just can't cross, and interfering with the lives of our officers on such a personal level is a very big deal, no matter what you're offering as compensation," Hammond said carefully.

"General Hammond, perhaps I am misunderstanding your laws, but do you not already interfere with the lives of your officers on a personal level by having these rules in the first place?" Thor asked.

General Hammond had no reply to that. Never having heard the man rendered speechless before, Sam looked up at him in surprise and was shocked by the sad look in his eyes. He covered it up quickly and said, "Well, that's a good point, Thor. You'll have to tell that to the President. Major Carter, this is going to be out of my hands soon, I'm afraid. But please understand that nobody is going to _order _you to do anything. At the very most, you will be given full permission to make up your own minds in this matter."

"Yes, sir."

"Why don't you take some time to yourself now, Major? I'll inform you when there is any new information."

"Thank you, sir," she said, immensely glad she hadn't been ordered to go home. She needed to work, _now. _Needed the distraction... as many distractions as possible to try and stop the onslaught of thoughts currently rolling around in her brain.

"Bye, Thor," she said as she got up to leave.

"Goodbye, Major Carter."

General Hammond was left alone in his office with Thor. What in the heck was he supposed to talk about with a little gray alien until the President arrived?

"So, Thor... what kind of music do you like?"


	3. Small Talk

A/N: I've been absolutely overwhelmed by the responses to this story. Thank you all so much. I will try to have the next chapter out within the next couple of days. (I have updated to change a couple of errors I noticed. That's what you get when you post a story with one hand while feeding a baby!)

Ch 3: Small Talk

"Hey, Jan, do you have a…" Sam started hopefully, poking her head into the infirmary.

"You get in here right now and answer a few questions, young lady," her best friend said in a falsely stern tone of voice.

Sam laughed and let herself into the infirmary. "Your office?" Sam asked.

"Yup. Good timing. I just finished giving SGs 10-15 their physicals and was about to have to come hunt you down. Come on."

They went into Janet's inner office, and Sam took a deep breath. "So, what have you heard already?"

"Well, let's see… the general consensus seems to be that somehow Thor caught you and Colonel O'Neill in bed together, and beamed you both down into the gate room to discuss the matter with General Hammond, and you were both practically naked. Then I heard that Colonel O'Neill was chasing you through the halls into the locker room in his boxers, your panties are bright blue today apparently, and all of SG-1 got called into Hammond's office to discuss the 'incident,' and the President is on his way."

"Wow. Well, apart from a few details, that's actually… not too far from the truth," Sam admitted.

"You're kidding? Why would Thor care if you were in bed with the Colonel and more importantly…"

"Janet, I was NOT in bed with the Colonel!" Sam interrupted, sure her face was bright red.

"Oh."

"You really thought that was a possibility!" Sam couldn't help but ask, shocked.

"Oh come on, Sam, it's not completely outside the realm of extreme possibility…"

"Janet, even IF I… I mean we… the regulations are very clear…"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're starting to sound like a broken record on that topic, Sam. Could you just tell me what really happened today?"

"Oh. Yeah. Well, Thor beamed both of us onto his ship from our OWN beds, so we _were _in our um… pajamas. Only mine weren't very… didn't provide adequate… coverage. So while we were on Thor's ship Colonel O'Neill gave me his shirt. Then Thor beamed us into the gate room so he could talk to General Hammond. The rest is pretty much accurate."

"Oh. So what did Thor want?" Janet asked, looking rather disappointed at the less-juicy version of events.

"Well, you are about to get the inside scoop on that, Dr. Fraiser, and if you tell _anyone _I will personally see to it that the next time Daniel and the Colonel end up in the infirmary at the same time you are stuck there with them the entire time. Alone."

"Ooh, this must be good if it's worth the threat of _that _horror. Spill."

"Well, Thor wants our help."

"Again?"

"Yes, but er… specifically, my help and the Colonel's. With… their cloning problem," Sam hedged.

"What do you mean?"

"He seems to think that Colonel O'Neill and I need to… well… he used the words 'spawn' and 'procreate' a lot."

Janet stared at her in stunned silence for a while and then said, "You're putting me on."

"That's what Daniel thought too."

"Oh dear."

"Yes."

In the interest of friendship, Janet made a valiant effort to conceal her amusement at Sam's obvious embarrassment.

"So he's actually up in General Hammond's office right now trying to er… convince him?"

"They're waiting for the President," Sam added, slumping back into her chair moodily.

Sam had suddenly taken on the body language of Cassie when she didn't want to clean her room. That, combined with the thought that the Supreme Commander of the Asgard Fleet was up in General Hammond's office, waiting for the President, so they could discuss the possibility of Sam finally getting a sex life… it sounded like the beginning of a bad joke. Janet lost it. She burst into laughter and couldn't stop for nearly five minutes, despite the fact that the more she laughed, the grumpier Sam looked.

"Glad my life is so amusing to you, Dr. Fraiser," Sam finally said, scowling at her friend.

Janet finally got control of herself and said, "So… they're not really going to be able to _order _you to…"

"No, of course not. General Hammond has made it perfectly clear that whatever is decided they won't force us to do anything."

"What does Colonel O'Neill have to say about this?"

Sam stared at her hands and mumbled, "He mentioned the word 'ridiculous' several times, screamed at everyone, and stormed out of the room."

Janet studied her friend closely and said, "I'm sure he didn't mean anything personal by that, Sam. He's probably just as uncomfortable with this as you are."

"He's obviously uncomfortable with it, all right. Can we talk about something else now?"

"Sure. Let's go get some breakfast."

"That sounds good, I'm about ready to kill somebody for some coffee."

Janet looked up in alarm. "Oh good Lord, you've had to go through all this without coffee?"

xxxxxxxxxx

"You go," Daniel whispered nervously.

"Daniel Jackson. We have spent the last twenty minutes searching for O'Neill because you wanted to speak with him. We have found him. Speak," Teal'c said.

They both watched their friend from the doorway to the gym. He was attacking a speed bag like there was no tomorrow, already having worked up a healthy sweat.

"I'm not going near him when he's like that. You go."

"We will both go," Teal'c said firmly, not-so-gently shoving his bespectacled friend ahead of him. "You may stand behind me if you feel it is necessary," he acquiesced as they approached Jack.

xxxxxxxxxx

"Eminem? Really?" Hammond asked, leaning back in his chair.

Thor didn't respond verbally, but he did kind of narrow his eyes a little bit. Hammond wondered why all the different aliens they ran into seemed to rely so heavily on tiny barely perceptible facial expressions as a main form of communication.

"I would be happy to assist the President in reducing his travel time," Thor offered after several minutes of uncomfortable silence.

"Thanks, Thor, I don't think his Secret Service would be able to handle it… plus this isn't a dire emergency or anything, I guess he'd rather stick to protocol. It would be pretty hard to keep something like that a secret from all the people who have access to the President but don't know about the Stargate program.'"

"I see."

xxxxxxxxxx

"Jack, I…"

"I really don't want to hear it right now, Daniel," Jack said firmly, not taking his eyes off the speed bag.

"Okay, well, I tried, Teal'c, go ahead," Daniel said quickly, trying to shove Teal'c towards Jack. Teal'c, of course, did not budge.

"Have you eaten breakfast, O'Neill?" Teal'c asked.

"No."

"Daniel Jackson and I were about to eat. Would you accompany us?"

"As long as he doesn't try to make me talk," Jack agreed, looking at Daniel pointedly.

Daniel shrunk back behind Teal'c a little bit more and nodded in agreement.

xxxxxxxxxx

"Everybody's looking at me," Sam muttered as she grabbed her tray in the commissary and followed Janet down the line.

"You're being paranoid," Janet said quietly, selecting a bowl of mixed fruit carefully. She heard the doors open again and turned automatically. Quickly, she turned back around, hoping Sam hadn't seen them. She had. The boys of SG1 were joining them for breakfast.

"Well, this will be fun," Janet said under her breath as she headed for their usual table.

Daniel and Teal'c exchanged significant looks as they followed Jack to the food line. Well, this was certainly awkward. Jack and Sam had nodded an uncomfortable greeting to each other and were now concentrating on loading their trays as if it was a life or death situation.

Okay, so potentially it could be; the eggs certainly looked suspicious at any rate. And the cream of wheat definitely had the potential to take down a man Teal'c's size. But still. Jack and Sam were clearly trying to avoid each other, while not trying to _look _like they were avoiding each other.

Nobody knew what to do. If they didn't all sit together it would get people talking even more than they already were. But Jack and Sam clearly were now so far beyond embarrassed at the day's strange events that there wasn't even a proper word for it.

The five of them sat down together as usual. Jack just looked mad at the world. Sam was focusing on her bowl of cereal with the single-minded concentration usually reserved for fascinating pieces of alien technology.

Daniel and Janet tried to have a light conversation to cover the awkwardness. Just as it started to work, Sam and Jack both reached for the sugar at the same time. Their hands collided. Jack swore, while Sam jumped in her chair and spilled her coffee all over her tray and her hand.

Jack started pulling napkins out of the dispenser at a breakneck pace, passing them to her over and over until she finally said, "Thank you, that's ENOUGH!"

He stopped and looked at her in surprise.

"Sir," she added apologetically.

"Sam, let me see that," Janet said quickly, trying to get a look at her burned hand.

"Are you okay?" Daniel asked.

"I'm fine!" Sam snapped, wiping her hand off and getting up to go get a fresh cup of coffee.

Daniel glared at Jack. He rolled his eyes and got up, grabbing her ruined tray and taking it over to the sinks. He set it down and went to go get her a fresh one, but Teal'c was already doing it.

He went back to the Table of Awkwardness and slumped back in his chair, resisting the urge to sit on his hands. He settled for sticking one in a pocket and keeping the other firmly attached to his own coffee cup.

As he listened to Daniel droning on and on about some documentary he'd been recording all week, Jack had the feeling he was being watched. By a lot of people. He looked around the room quickly and everyone became suddenly very busy.

"Screw this," he said suddenly, getting to his feet. "Sorry," he mumbled in Sam's general direction before hurrying out of the commissary.

Daniel watched Jack go, uncertain as to what he should do. General Hammond had told them to watch him, but Sam was his friend too. "I will go, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c offered.

"You sure?"

"Indeed. When O'Neill is in one of these moods I am better suited to be with him. I know how to sit in silence. I will see you all later." He bowed slightly to Janet and Sam and left.

"So, Sam…" Daniel began cautiously.

"Daniel…" Sam warned, sounding much more like Jack than she meant to.

"Right. So, Janet, how's Cassie?" he asked with a winning smile.

xxxxxxxxxx

The President stared at Thor, then looked slowly to General Hammond, then slowly back to Thor.

"You want _who_ to _what!_"


	4. Thor!

A/N: I've increased the rating for a word in this chapter that I'm not sure about. Thank you so much for all the great reviews. I especially appreciate the people who let me know what their favorite lines are. The next update probably won't be for about a week and a half or so - quick trip to America for my sister's wedding!

Ch 4: THOR!

Jack sat in his truck, staring at Sam's front door. He hadn't seen or spoken to her since he had stomped out of the commissary earlier. Since then, he had done a lot of thinking, about a lot of things. And he hadn't really figured anything out.

But he had realized that he might have upset his 2IC. Some of the things he had said... she could have taken them the wrong way. Especially if she was over-thinking things. Which, let's face it, was what she did.

He had gone home, not liking the way everyone kept looking at him curiously. And to avoid Daniel the pop-psychologist. Then, realizing he needed to talk to Sam, he had been forced to ring the nosy archaeologist when his 2IC didn't answer in her lab.

Daniel told him the President, Hammond, and apparently a few other higher-ups were still considering Thor's request, and that Sam had gone home for the night.

He turned off his truck and got out, shoved his hands in his pockets, and walked up to her front door. He wasn't exactly sure what he was going to say, but felt like he should make a few things clear. He knocked loudly and waited impatiently.

Sam opened the door in surprise, dressed in a tee-shirt and jeans. "Hi," she finally offered, when he didn't say anything.

"Hey. Er, I just talked to Daniel. Still no 'official' word."

"Do you want to come in or something, sir?" she asked, confused as to why he was there. She had a phone. And a cell phone. And a pager, and several e-mail accounts. No need to stop by just to tell her there was no news.

"I just... what happened earlier. When I got so... upset... and left. I just wanted to make sure you understand that had nothing to do with you." He stopped, because she looked so surprised he was getting slightly worried. She didn't say anything though, so he kept talking while he still could.

"I mean obviously it's to do with you because of what they're asking but I just meant... I just hope you know that I... it's not that I don't... or haven't thought... I'm just mad at the way everyone's always controlling my life. And yours. Okay? That's it... I just wanted to make sure you... know that."

She finally nodded slightly, still surprised at the fact that he was even there, much less saying and more importantly _not_ saying so much.

"Okay. Well... whatever they decide then... it doesn't have to mean that..." he trailed off, wincing.

"Let's just wait and see, okay, sir? Just... deal with that when it happens. Please," she said softly.

"Okay. I can do that. Night, Carter." He smiled for the first time all day and headed back to his truck.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

He wasn't asleep when the phone rang, so he answered it quickly. "O'Neill."

"Hi, Jack. I expected you to be asleep," Hammond's voice said over the phone. Jack glanced at the clock. Almost two.

"Not tired, sir."

"Well, the President has reached a decision, son, and I thought you'd like to know about it as soon as possible."

"I appreciate that, General."

"He's decided not to make any sort of deal with the Asgard regarding your personal lives. The whole thing is off. He felt that any formal agreement would put inappropriate pressures on both of you."

"I see," Jack said evenly.

Hammond sighed and said, "He was trying to do you both a favor, Jack, but... hell, I know you. I know you're mad about the bureaucratic bullshit, but... I'm not so sure we made the right call on this one."

"Don't worry about it, General. The decision's made anyway," Jack said vaguely. He suddenly remembered Cassie making him watch a bunch of 'Friends' episodes one night, and the Chandler guy saying, "Can opened, worms _everywhere._" Yup. That summed it up real nice.

"Did you call Carter?" he finally asked, realizing he should probably say something else to the General. It was really nice of him to stay up so late trying to help them out, and to call him personally and all.

"I'm going to do that now. Jack, it's Friday... take the weekend off, huh?"

"Yes, sir. I appreciate the call," Jack said as he hung up.

He stared at the phone. Well, okay, that was that. No harm, no foul. He hoped. He waited for a few minutes and tried Carter's number.

"Carter."

"It's me. You talk to Hammond?"

"Yes, sir, I just got off the phone with him."

"We still okay?" he asked, hoping he sounded a lot more casual than he felt at the moment.

"Yes, sir."

"Okay. Good. Hammond wants me to take the weekend off... it's probably a good idea. For me at least."

"Thor was worried you were upset with him," Sam blurted out suddenly. She wasn't sure why she said that just then, but it seemed important at the time.

Jack chuckled. "Well, next time I see him I'll be sure to give him a _hug, _Major," he said lightly. "See you Monday, Carter."

"Night, sir." He could tell she was smiling while she spoke.

He hung up the phone with a relieved sigh. Yeah. They'd be all right.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

When he woke up the next morning, Jack froze, momentarily disoriented. He knew _where _he was, he just didn't know how he got there. Which was never a good thing. As he stared up at the ceiling of the bedroom at his cabin, he thought carefully over last night's events. Nope. Flying to Minnesota definitely had not been on that list.

He jumped, terrified, as a loud, feminine, definitely pissed off and definitely familiar voice screamed, "THOR!"


	5. Thor's Plan of Questionable Logic

Notes: All of your lovely reviews are responsible for the fact that I am currently in my brother's study in the middle of the night uploading another chapter. I am SUCH a pushover! This whole fanfic scene is completely addictive. Special thanks to all those reviewers who had warm wishes for my sister and her new husband. I really appreciate both your patience and impatience with this story, but I appreciate the patience more;). Quick note about this chapter… I know Thor's explanation is vague and inadequate. It's meant to be.

Last time...

_When he woke up the next morning, Jack froze, momentarily disoriented. He knew where he was, he just didn't know how he got there. Which was never a good thing. As he stared up at the ceiling of the bedroom at his cabin, he thought carefully over last night's events. Nope. Flying to Minnesota definitely had not been on that list. _

_He jumped, terrified, as a loud, feminine, definitely pissed off and definitely familiar voice screamed, "THOR!"_

Ch 5: Thor's Plan of Questionable Logic

Jack jumped out of bed and glanced down at himself. Hey, sweatpants. Cool. He hurried to his guest room, where his 2IC was pulling on a pair of jeans and looking ready to kill the first thing that moved.

"Easy, Carter," he said carefully, creeping into the room. He'd seen this on Animal Planet. Approach slowly. Maintain eye contact. No sudden movements. Remain downwind... okay that one probably didn't really apply here, but still.

"Sir? What the hell is going on?" Sam demanded.

"I don't know. I was as surprised as you are when I woke up a few seconds ago. Okay, maybe not _as _surprised. This _is_ my cabin, after all. Only I don't know how I got here... or how you did... or why we're here..."

"Yeah, well, I think we can both take a stab at answering all of those questions, sir. Apparently, Thor wasn't happy with the President's decision and decided to take matters into his own clammy little hands!" Sam yelled the last half of that statement around the room, as though Thor was monitoring the situation. Which, Jack had to admit, he probably was.

"Okay, let's... go see if there's any... explanations lying around conveniently," Jack tried.

A quick inspection of Jack's cabin yielded several surprises, but no answers. The first surprise was that they had both had the majority of their wardrobes beamed in with them, as well as several personal items like Sam's laptop and Jack's Simpsons DVDs. The kitchen was fully stocked with a wide variety of food, and Jack distinctly remembered leaving it completely bare last time he had left.

"So, if things are different, are you sure this is even _really _your cabin?" Sam asked suddenly after he had told her about all the small differences he had noticed.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, maybe Thor somehow created this... fabrication or illusion of your cabin or something. He got it really close but not right," Sam suggested.

"I don't know, it seems pretty real to me..." Without explaining himself, he walked over to a picture of a speckled trout and slid it aside, revealing a hidden wall safe. He opened it, scanned its contents, and said, "It would have to be a _very _thorough fabrication, but I guess it's possible."

"I mean, he went to the trouble to beam us here, with a lot of supplies, which would indicate he intends to make us stay here for a while, so it makes sense that it's not really your cabin, right? I mean, if it were, we could just leave."

"Ah..." Jack glanced out the window. "He appears not to have beamed my truck up here. And the nearest town is a good twenty mile hike. So it's _possible _to walk out of here, it just wouldn't be a whole lot of fun."

"Well, this is just ridiculous," Sam said, walking out the front door to see for herself that they were without transportation. "I mean, what did he think, he'd drop us off in the middle of nowhere and we'd just decide that despite the President's decision we're going to give the Asgard what they want and jump each other?"

Jack coughed nervously and said, "Uh, no, I don't think he really thinks we'd do that. And, yes, the past two days have been nothing _but _ridiculous. We're obviously missing something here... and you were right before, when you were... yelling... he's got to be monitoring this..."

They both started yelling for him to show himself. As Jack's voice got hoarse he realized it was a good thing he didn't have any neighbors anyway, as a call down to the police station that "The middle-aged Colonel and some woman are on his front lawn yelling for somebody called 'Thor' at the top of their lungs" probably wouldn't be very well-received, even if he _was _poker buddies with the local sheriff.

Sam had walked the length of his long driveway and was suddenly knocked back roughly, landing hard on her bum on the gravel.

"Are you okay, Carter?" he called as she got to her feet and dusted herself off.

"Fine, sir... I think I was right about this not really being your cabin... there's some sort of force shield here, keeping us in..."

As he approached her, he watched as she carefully felt along the shield's invisible edge.

"Well, now we know for sure he's monitoring this... THOR! GET YOUR SKINNY GRAY ASS DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW!" he yelled at the top of his lungs.

Surprisingly, it worked. Thor materialized in front of him. Even though Jack knew it was a hologram, he still lunged for him, choking the little guy Homer-style. Sam laughed, despite herself, and realized it was the first time she'd done so since she'd woken up on Thor's ship the day before.

"O'Neill, you cannot damage me," Thor explained calmly.

"Yet," Jack stipulated.

"Thor, why did you bring us here? Where are we, for that matter?" Sam asked.

"You are at O'Neill's cabin, Major Carter. He has spoken of it often, and of his desire for you to accompany him here."

"All right, we know this isn't really my cabin. For one thing, it's way too clean, for another, I don't remember installing a force field around it last time I was here."

"Nevertheless, it _is _your cabin, O'Neill. I have merely assisted in ensuring your isolation by adding the force shield."

"But _why _would you do this, Thor?" Sam asked, exasperated. "The President said 'no' to your plan. I'm really, truly sorry about the Asgard cloning problems, but honestly, I don't even think Colonel O'Neill and I are the answer to it anyway..."

"Perhaps," Thor conceded. "Nevertheless, that is not the issue. You have been brought here for several reasons. First, because the Asgard High Council is willing to offer Earth more for your cooperation and it was decided that the odds of achieving a favorable outcome are more likely if neither of you are available for consultation in the matter."

"Oh that's real fair!" Jack roared.

"This was not my decision, O'Neill. It was I who chose the location for your isolation, remembering how fond you are of your cabin, in the hope that the familiar surroundings would make you more comfortable with the situation. The rest of the High Council had suggested... another location."

"I'm almost afraid to ask..." Sam said cautiously.

"In an effort to understand your culture better, we have familiarized ourselves with many important parts of your history. Due to the nature of what we are asking you to do, the High Council had selected a planet whose description matches closely with what you call 'The Garden of Eden.' Their plan was to leave you there, alone, with nothing to amuse yourselves with but each other. I however, convinced them this was a much better location."

"Well, thanks for that," Jack grumbled.

Sam wondered if 'Garden of Eden' meant 'naked,' as well. Probably. The Asgard weren't too bothered with clothes, after all.

"Yeah, thanks a lot," she said gratefully to Thor. "Of course, you could just beam us back home, or to the SGC…" she added hopefully.

He tilted his head at her and said, "You will remain here until we are satisfied."

"Satisfied! With what?" she demanded.

"Until the Council and your President have reached an agreement, you have decided to accept our proposal on your own terms without their approval, or I am satisfied that we have not done any permanent or lasting damage to your relationship," he added.

"Woa, woa, run that last one by me again, Thor..." Jack said.

"Yeah, that sounds really subjective," Sam agreed.

"You are both my 'friends.' I do not wish for there to be conflict between you, or unresolved issues of any sort. Much less because of something we have done. Think of this as an indefinite vacation. Do not worry about work. If you are needed at the SGC, I will of course take you back immediately."

"And nobody there is supposed to care that we're gone?" Sam demanded angrily.

"That has been covered," Thor said cryptically, disappearing in his beam of light.

"Aw, crap, no!" Jack yelled up at the sky. "Thor, come back down here, we're not done buddy!"

"I think he's gone, sir," Sam said with a heavy sigh.

"Great," Jack grumbled.

They walked back up to his cabin, not talking.

"So what are we supposed to do now?" Sam finally asked.

"Wanna go fishing?" Jack asked hopefully.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Notes: NO MORE until I get back home!


	6. Small Steps

Notes: Boston was great, the wedding was great. Jet-lagged kids: not so great. Here's the next chapter. When I thought this story up, originally Thor was barely in it, (I was just going to use him to get Jack and Sam stuck alone at the cabin) but people liked his part in the story so much I am trying to continue to include him. And of course, he'll be in the end when he has to come clean about all his matchmaking. As always, thanks so much for the reviews. I hope you continue to have as much fun with this goofy story as I am.

Ch 6: Small Steps

Jack and Sam had been at his cabin, completely isolated from the world, for six days, and they had barely spoken a dozen words between them. They weren't upset with each other or anything, just with the situation in general. And both were stubbornly refusing to have a good time, as they knew Thor was watching them and didn't want to give him the satisfaction of it. Plus they thought he might get bored and let them go home if he saw that nothing interesting was going to happen.

Sam had informed Jack shortly after Thor's departure that the phone line was dead. Jack had quickly discovered the cable was out. Soon after that discovery, a vast library of DVDs had appeared in a drawer under the television. That proved that Thor was monitoring them fairly closely, but further pleas to be returned home were being ignored.

Jack had spent most of his time fishing, not wanting to make Sam uncomfortable by his constant presence in the cabin. He couldn't help but feel guilty. Truth be told, he _had _always wanted her to come up to the cabin. But one of the reasons he'd never pushed for it too hard was that he had the sneaking suspicion she just might go stir crazy way out in the middle of nowhere.

Which she was. Kind of. She was trying to hide it and be polite about it, he could tell. But she was either going stir crazy or had just spent way too much time around him and was starting to pick up his habits, because her hands wouldn't stop moving. She fiddled with everything in sight, but not in the slightly destructive way he always did. He suspected she was taking things apart while he wasn't around. His suspicions were confirmed when he caught her red-handed, with the inner workings of her hair dryer spread out on the kitchen table.

It was at this point that he realized that his own plan to pretend they _weren't_ in an incredibly awkward and apparently inescapable situation wasstarting to look like less like a 'plan' and more like an excuse to avoid talking to her, not because he was trying to spare _her _from the awkwardness, but because he had no idea what he should say or do. But they were in this mess together, after all. And this was probably more his fault than hers. He wasn't completely sure how, but it probably was. Might as well acknowledge that. He _was _the one with the ancient gene after all.

"You okay?" he asked.

She looked up from her hair dryer parts and nodded. "Of course. Catch any fish yet?" she asked, the slightest hint of a tease in her voice.

"No," he said defensively. "Are you figuring out a way to bust us out of here with that hair dryer or are you just bored?"

"Just bored," she admitted, biting her lip.

"Carter." _Talk _was the silent order that went along with her name when spoken in that particular tone.

She sighed and said, "We've been here almost a week. I can't believe they don't need us back at the SGC."

"Is _that _what's been bothering you?" Jack asked, laughing suddenly.

"Well... yeah. I mean, you spend your whole life working at a place, you like to tell yourself you're important, that you're... needed there, and then..."

"Aw, come on, Carter, we both know this whole thing is a set-up of some kind. And if the Asgard wanted to, they could easily make it look like we weren't coming back from... wherever they made it look like we disappeared to."

"You think they think we're _dead? _What about my dad!"

"That's not what I meant," he said hastily. Damn, he was screwing this up. He was supposed to be cheering her up, not upsetting her more. And this was the most they'd spoken since this whole mess started, he wanted it to go well.

"I don't know where I was going with that, just... the Asgard could easily make it look like... any number of things... so that nobody at the SGC would _try _to find us."

"But still, even if Thor was lying to them, I know that if there was a real emergency, and we were really needed, he would come clean."

"So... you're upset because Earth is not in danger of total annihilation this week?" Jack asked, unable to keep the amusement out of his voice.

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Well when you put it that way... no. I guess not."

"Good." He rocked on his heels for a minute and said, "And for the record, Carter. You _are _important and you _are _needed. Otherwise, we wouldn't be in this mess in the first place." He shut his mouth quickly, wondering if she'd follow his train of thought in that area, and hoping she wouldn't. "I'm going to go fish some more. Wanna come with?" he said quickly.

"Maybe later," she said, turning her attention back to her hair dryer pieces.

Whew. Close one, he thought, forcing himself to get out of the cabin at a normal pace and _not _run all the way down to the dock. He went over what he had said in his head.

_Otherwise we wouldn't be in this mess in the first place. _

That was okay. That was vague enough, right? Even if she did think about it too much, she would probably assume he meant something along the lines of 'you've done important things for the SGC and the Asgard, they were impressed, that 's why they wanted you to help save their race, that's why we're in this mess, yadda yadda yadda...'

It probably wouldn't even occur to her that he'd been thinking about the fact that their, all right _her _importance to the SGC, Earth, the universe, and all that junk was one of the few remaining reasons he had refrained from running around in circles going "Yippee!" when the Asgard had suggested their little plan. Probably. He hoped.

Sam finished putting the hair dryer back together mechanically. _Otherwise we wouldn't be in this mess in the first place... I just want you to know, this has nothing to do with you... It's not that I haven't thought about... _what the hell was she supposed to _do_ with comments like that? For one, she should probably stop trying to think of every possible interpretation of everything that came out of her CO's mouth. Especially the incomplete sentences. That would be a good start, as it was doing nothing but confusing and frustrating the hell out of her. She looked around for something else she hadn't taken apart at least once already.

"If you feel like dropping off something cool for me to play with, Thor, feel free," she commented to the ceiling. No response. Big surprise.

She went to the refrigerator, intending to snag a bottle of water, but suddenly decided to grab a couple of beers instead. Despite the awkwardness of her CO's cryptic conversation, he had at least made the effort, which was more than she had done the past week. She felt the need to reciprocate but decided nonverbally would be the easiest and safest choice. It always was. So, she just took him a beer.

He grinned up at her in surprise as she handed it to him and she felt a twinge of guilt. Had she really been that unapproachable since this mess began, that he was _that _shocked and pleased by the simple action of handing him a beer? That was just... wrong. At least she could make an effort to satisfy _one_ of Thor's conditions for their release, and try to ensure that no lasting damage was done to their relationship because of this situation.

She sat down beside his chair on the dock, next to his box of fishing stuff, swinging her legs over the side of the dock.

"Want me to go get you a chair?" he asked instantly.

"No, that's okay. I'm comfortable like this," she said, leaning back on her hands. It was nice. Late afternoon, warm. The dock itself radiated a warmth that was comforting. She looked out at the pond. "Do you ever go swimming in there?" she asked curiously.

"Yeah. It's too cold right now though. In about a month it should be... tolerable. It's not that deep but it still doesn't get warm enough for very long."

"Oh."

They sipped their beers quietly for a long time. The silence was comfortable this time, unlike the majority of their week up to that point.

Jack noticed her looking through his open tackle box curiously. "Do you want to fish?" he finally asked.

"No thanks. Not today anyway. Maybe... later. I was just wondering what all these different things are for."

"Well, this is a momentous occasion then," he said with a grin. "Finally, something I know more about than you. All right, Carter, you asked for it," he said with a teasing challenge in his voice.

"Uh, on second thought, maybe..."

"No way. You asked for it. Think about all those briefings you and Danny have made me sit through... my turn to prattle now. Get comfy, Carter, this could take a while."

It did take a while, but then, they had a lot of time to kill. And they were both enjoying the rare role reversal. They had unknowingly slipped back into their on-base dynamic, which was very casual, comfortable, and slightly flirty, without either of them realizing it.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Thor contacted General Hammond immediately. "It is working," he said simply.

"Already?" Hammond asked, mildly surprised.

"Yes. We need more time."

"Well, luckily, you've assured me that won't be a problem."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

When Jack finally finished explaining what everything in his tackle box did, Sam let out a fake snore as though she had slept through the entire thing.

"Very funny," he said sarcastically.

"Hey, at least I was only _pretending _to be asleep, sir," she countered.

"When have I ever really fallen asleep in a meeting..." he started.

"P4X245, P7G247, P..." she rattled off.

"All right!" he objected, holding up his hands in surrender. "And anyway, those are probably all Daniel's briefings, I don't fall asleep when you talk."

It was true, he never had. Sam vaguely registered in the back of her mind that most people probably wouldn't find 'I don't fall asleep when you talk' to be a particularly sweet thing to say, but she did. It probably wouldn't show up on a Hallmark card any time soon, but she wasn't exactly a Hallmark kind of girl anyway.

"Carter?"

What? Oh, he was still talking.

"Sorry, sir... what did you just say?"

"Now who's the one not paying attention? I was just saying I can't believe you can pull those random designations out of your... out of nowhere years after we've gone to the planet in question."

"Oh. Well, since I'm the one who designed the program that extrapolates the coordinates based on the..."

"Please. No science talk on the dock," he begged.

"Is that one of the rules of your cabin or something?"

"It is now," he said firmly.

She smiled slightly and shook her head, turning her attention back to the calm water.

"Sir... there is not one fish in that pond, is there?" she finally asked. She had always thought Teal'c and Daniel were joking about his pond having no fish in it, but he'd spent the better part of a week sitting in that exact spot and not reported so much as a nibble.

"If there is, he's awfully lonely," Jack said with an unconcerned grin, finishing off his beer.

She suddenly started calculating the hours he'd probably spent fishing in a pond with no fish in it and burst into hysterical giggles. There was no way to explain why she found the idea so funny, ironic, and so... Colonel-y... she just did.

He looked at her like she was crazy for a few moments, then shrugged and grinned, glad the tension that had built up between them was gone.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Well," Jack finally said, as it was starting to get dark out. "It looks like 'Catch of the Day' is off the menu, let's go see what we can scare up for dinner."

"I'll fix something," Sam offered as they got to their feet and he gathered up his fishing equipment. He gave her a look and she admitted, "Well, all right, sandwiches."

He smirked.

"What!" she demanded, hoping it was too dark for him to see the uncomfortable blush in her cheeks.

"Nothing. Just wondering which one of us Thor actually thought was going to be cooking all that 'real' food in there," Jack said innocently.

"I _can _cook, I just... choose not to."

"Ah, Carter. You can't cook. _I _can cook but choose not to. _You _are an accident waiting to happen in the kitchen," he said affectionately, resisting the urge to ruffle her hair as he said it.

She'd probably hit him if he did, and while it would be kind of interesting to watch her reaction to her own insubordination in a situation like that, he really didn't feel like being hit at the moment. So he stuck his hands in his pockets and strolled up to the cabin, whistling the Simpsons theme song.

She watched him go and shook her head, trying hard not to smile. He was way too good at winning those little conversations. And he was _so _fixing his own sandwich now.

As she followed him inside, neither of them noticed the rather large white light that descended upon the lake for a split second.


	7. A Little Meddling

Ch 7 A Little Meddling

After dinner, Sam suggested watching one of the many movies Thor had so thoughtfully provided. "Sure. As long as it's not sci-fi," Jack agreed, going over to a closet and rummaging around for something. "I am _so _not in the mood for aliens right now."

"Yes, sir," she agreed absently, shuffling through the available DVDs.

He glanced over at her automatically, wincing. He wondered exactly what it would take to break her of the 'sir' habit.

"Sir?" she prompted, the big smile on her face frozen, her eyes showing she was slightly concerned for his sanity. It was a look he knew well, but he hadn't seen it in a while.

"What? Sorry. I was… thinking."

She held up a DVD case. "I was just saying that Thor sent us your favorite movie."

He smiled slowly. "Sweet. But we don't have to…"

"No, I haven't seen this in years. Well, since I was a little kid," she added as she put it into the DVD player.

"'The Wizard of Oz' is not just for kids, Carter," he said defensively, taking the fishing rod and reel he wanted over to the couch with him, along with a new spool of line.

He sat down in a corner of the couch and got to work. She started the movie and sat down on the opposite end of the couch. He knew she wanted to know what exactly he was doing. She kept looking at him when she thought he wasn't paying attention.

Finally, her curiosity got the best of her and she said, "All right, sir, I know theoretically you probably have the same odds catching a fish in your living room as out in that pond, but don't you think you're taking this fishing thing a little too far?"

"You are getting very sarcastic as the years pass, Carter," he said, pointing at her accusingly with the disassembled fishing pole. "I'm proud. And I'm replacing the line on this reel just in case somebody _else_ wants to fish," he informed her.

"Oh." She flushed slightly and turned her attention back to the movie, mumbling a thank you.

"No problem, Carter. You can help if you want," he suggested.

"I don't know…"

"Here. Stick a pencil through this spool and just hold it. That's all you have to do."

"That sounds easy enough," she agreed, leaning over and taking the new line from him. She did as instructed and he started winding the new line onto the reel.

"Yes, well, not everyone's hobbies are as complicated as building naquadah enhanced bombs," he commented mildly. "Slow it down with your thumb there so it doesn't go so fast." He finished up the maintenance on his spare rod and reel and set everything aside, then went into the kitchen for a drink.

He came back with two cold cans of soda and pressed one into Sam's neck. She jumped slightly as she took it from him. "No more beer?"

"Oh there's beer, but it just doesn't seem appropriate to mix beer with this movie."

"I thought this wasn't just for kids, Colonel," she said lightly, popping open the drink and taking a sip. She frowned at it slightly. "Someone needs to introduce Thor to Diet soda."

"You're the only person on the planet who likes that crap better than regular," he said, grabbing the remote and relaxing back into his corner of the couch.

As the movie ended, he looked over at his 2IC. She was asleep, curled up in her corner of the couch. He smiled at her and then sighed, realizing this was the first time since their incarceration/vacation began that he hadn't headed off to bed desperately wishing for this whole thing to be over.

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The next day, Sam woke up at the crack of dawn, but not willingly. _Somebody_, and she had a very good idea who, was outside yelling and whooping around like an idiot.

Determined to kill or at least seriously damage him, she grabbed her discarded sweatpants from the night before and stuck her feet hastily into her trainers as she hurried outside, determined to tell him off before she lost her nerve and was fully awake enough to realize that she was about to yell at her CO.

She let the back door slam behind her as she stomped out to the dock, but she froze halfway there. He had heard the door slam and turned to her, grinning like a happy little kid, because he was holding up a fish proudly on the end of his line.

"Carter! Look! It looks like I caught that one lonely fish!" he called enthusiastically. Guilt washed over him and he swallowed hard. "Oh… you were sleeping… sorry, I didn't mean to be so loud…"

"It's okay," she said honestly, her irritation gone as she smiled and came all the way out onto the dock to take a look at the fish. "What is it?" she asked.

"Um, that's the weird thing… it's a rainbow trout. Thor must have stocked the pond or something, because as far as I know, rainbow trout don't usually live in Minnesota."

"Well, he must have just got tired of watching you dangle your line hopelessly in an empty pond day after day," she said with a smile.

His excitement about the fish was contagious. She wasn't even upset about the early hour any more. She glanced around the dock and saw that he had set up another chair next to his, and the fishing pole they'd worked on the night before was resting on the dock between them.

He saw where she was looking and said, "Just in case. But come on, now you might actually catch something, how can you refuse…"

She couldn't. Especially when he slapped a goofy fishing hat on her head and handed her a thermos full of coffee.

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By lunch time, Sam didn't think she'd ever seen Jack quite so happy for quite so long. They caught fish after fish all morning long, throwing them all back in unharmed. And by noon, they had caught about ten different kinds of fish. Jack identified them all. Sam didn't really care one way or another whether they were catching a bass, a flounder, a trout, or a perch, or whatever, but apparently Jack thought it was hilarious, which was funny to Sam by extension.

When the tranquility was broken by a particularly loud growl from Jack's stomach, she stifled a laugh as he said, "All right, that's the cue to take a break. Come on."

He reeled in his pole and set it on the dock, heading up to the cabin. She mimicked his actions and went inside as well, trying to figure out why they'd spent the whole morning finally catching fish and then had thrown them all back and weren't going to cook any of them.

For some reason, she was reluctant to ask him, even though she was dying to know. She sat on a stool at the counter in the kitchen and watched as he washed his hands and then went about preparing lunch. All right. If he wasn't going to bring it up, she wasn't either. For now.

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Thor dropped into General Hammond's office, literally. Until now, the bald leader of the SGC was not as used to unexpected visits from Thor as O'Neill was, so he couldn't help but jump a little in surprise, his hand automatically reaching out to his red phone before he caught himself.

"Thor, how are you?" he asked after clearing his throat.

"I am well, General Hammond."

"Good to hear. And our, ah, little experiment?"

"It progresses at an acceptable pace. I have a question regarding the behavior of Colonel O'Neill."

"Well, I gave up trying to explain Colonel O'Neill's behavior a long time ago, it saves me a lot of headaches. But I'll give it a try," Hammond said. Thor nodded minutely. Hammond wondered if he ever laughed. Maybe it was an Asgard thing in general. They did have awfully small mouths, after all.

"Colonel O'Neill spends much time engaged in an activity known as 'fishing.' I took the liberty of scanning his lake and determined it to be completely devoid of any marine inhabitants. I filled the pond with fish so that he would benefit from this activity and included a variety of species to further enhance his experience."

Hammond chuckled, imagining how surprised the Colonel must have been when he made that discovery. "It seems to have been successful. Major Carter joined him for an entire morning of fishing and they caught many different fish. Both seemed to enjoy the activity."

Hammond raised his eyebrows, finding it hard to picture his smartest scientist spending an entire morning fishing, willingly.

"However, I was under the impression the purpose of fishing was to catch a fish for consumption. What could be entertaining about returning any fish caught to the water?"

"Uh… I don't know, Thor. I fish a little, myself, and it's not really always about catching the fish, more the experience, but… I don't know why they'd throw them all back, particularly if they're catching so many of them. I guess it's a Colonel O'Neill thing. If you're going to be observing them for so long, you might want to start making a list of questions to ask him when this thing is over. I have a feeling I won't be able to explain him to you very adequately."

"He is a very… special… human," Thor agreed, choosing his words carefully. "In fact, I find it most fascinating that he and Major Carter 'get along,' I believe is the expression, so well together, given their extremely different personalities."

"Yeah, I think that one took all of us by surprise," Hammond agreed. "We have a saying here on Earth though that I never really put much faith in until I met the two of them. It's called 'opposites attract.'"

"I see. I will now return to my observations. Much time has passed during this meeting. Luckily I am monitoring the 'experiment' remotely and recording it for further study."

"Uh, Thor, when we get to the ah… later… parts of the experiment… I don't know if the Asgard are accustomed to the idea of 'privacy,' but…" Hammond started uncomfortably.

"I believe I understand your concern, General Hammond. I only want to see a favorable outcome from this experiment. I assure you I have no wish to observe the actual physical interactions between Major Carter and Colonel O'Neill."

"Ah, good. Glad we're on the same page there, Thor," Hammond said, clearing his throat.

"I will continue to report any relevant information. Goodbye, General Hammond."

"Bye, Thor."

Thor beamed himself away. General Hammond stared at the spot where he had been and shook his head, chuckling. Sometimes he wished he could tell his family what he really did.

Whenever he caught himself doing this, he would picture himself around the dinner table with his daughter's family, after his granddaughter finished talking about the escaped class hamster or something, casually saying something along the lines of, "Well, today I took a break from the normal, wormhole-filled routine to play matchmaker for two of my people, gambling on the fact that if the Asgard are happy and my officers are happy, the President will change his tune. See, a little grey alien with a slightly sentimental streak made me an offer I couldn't refuse, so we've my trapped my 2IC and _his _2IC at a cabin in Minnesota indefinitely..."

Not only would his family not believe him (who would?) but there was a very real chance they'd think old Grandpa George was losing it and have him locked up for good. "My life is so weird," he muttered to himself as he got back to his paperwork.

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Notes: The fishing information is from two of my brothers, James and Charlie. Any mistakes are my fault - I know overstocked ponds and mixing different species is risky, but the consensus with my brothers was that the fish would be okay for a little while, and it would take a bit of time to notice any problems. Don't worry, Thor, Jack, and Sam won't let anything bad happen to the fish (I'm probably the only one that actually cares about imaginary fish anyway, but just in case...) I wanted to get this chapter out before the holiday because you have all been so sweet with the reviews. The next one will definitely not be until after the holiday. Probably about a week or so, but don't hunt me down if that turns out to be a lie, please! I'm still shocked at how popular this is turning out to be - it's just a bit of silliness, really!


	8. Small Potatoes

Ch 8: Small Potatoes

Jack O'Neill had a plan. Sam was playing computer solitaire on her laptop at the coffee table. He brought the chess board over and set it down in front of her.

"I've got an idea," he said with a smile, setting up the pieces.

"No offence, sir, but I'm getting a little tired of chess," Sam said.

He snapped the lid of her laptop shut, pretending he hadn't heard her. "Hey!" she objected loudly.

"That's why my idea to make the game a little more interesting is so brilliant. If you win, I'll jump in the lake and test out your little theory that it's warm enough to go swimming now."

"And on the off-chance you win?" she asked.

"Oh, I don't know," he said casually, looking around as though searching for an idea off the top of his head. "I guess… if I win… you have to stop calling me 'sir.'"

She raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Okay," she agreed.

"That overconfident, huh?" he asked with a smirk.

"Justifiably confident, sir. Not overconfident," she said, moving a white pawn.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Double or nothing?" Jack asked with a winning grin an hour and a half later, standing on the edge of the dock, shivering slightly in the chilly breeze. He was in his shorts, a towel draped over his chair, staring down into the water, looking slightly nervous.

"Nope. We had a deal, _sir,_" she reminded him with a smile.

He mock-glared and said, "Uh, the thing is, I'm slightly concerned because Thor really overstocked it, so it's really crowded in there and…"

"I bet they can make room for you, sir. Go ahead."

"If Thor is watching this, I really think this should prove he needs to consider revoking my 'advanced thinker' club membership ."

"I completely agree, sir," Sam deadpanned.

"Hey! That's insubordination, Carter!"

"Fine, write me up when we get back," she challenged, crossing her arms.

"Ohfercryinoutloud," Jack muttered, taking a deep breath and jumping off the dock.

The water was still damn cold, as he had expected. But he wasn't special ops trained for nothing. Resisting the urge to chatter his teeth, he said, "Hey, you were right, Carter, this is great!"

"It is?" she asked sceptically. "You look a little cold…"

"It's a bit chilly but really refreshing. Feels great on the old knee. Wanna join me?"

"I don't think so," she said firmly, backing away from the edge of the dock just to be safe.

"Aw, come on."

"Nice try, sir," she said, shaking her head. She picked up his towel casually. "It would be a shame if I accidentally took this back inside with me…"

"All right, all right, you win," he said, pulling himself back up onto the dock, dripping wet and erupting in goosebumps immediately. He took the towel from her with unnecessary force and started drying himself off. "This time," he added, hurrying inside before she could see how very cold he actually was.

Smiling triumphantly, Sam followed him back up to the house, resisting the urge to crank the air conditioner way up just to annoy him.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Over the next couple of weeks, Jack entertained them both by making as many bets as he could come up with, on everything from who would catch the first fish of the day, to what species it would be, to who could win at the few games he had up at his cabin, to who knew the most about 'Star Wars.'

During that particular bet, Jack was revealed to be a closet fan, despite his continuous insistence that he 'hated sci-fi.' Still, Sam prevailed when she knew that Kenny Baker was the name of the man in the R2D2 costume, and sent a silent 'thank you' to Teal'c, who knew everything about 'Star Wars,' and Daniel, who had first introduced it to him.

Jack's stakes were always the same, on his side of the bet (she had to stop calling him 'sir'). And he always lost. He ended up having to do all the laundry, make lunch twice and dinner once, go a whole day without fishing, clean the cabin, and stand on his head for two minutes.

Things got worse halfway through the second week when Sam remembered Thor was monitoring their activities and had started making him do embarrassing things when he lost, like sing, 'You Were Always On My Mind,' to a particularly fat bass he caught one afternoon.

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"Thor, are you sure this is… working? It looks to me like they're just going insane," General Hammond said in concern as he watched Colonel Jack O'Neill, one of the toughest (albeit goofiest) men he had ever known, singing his heart out on the dock in the middle of a bright, sunnyday… to a fish. "Talk about animal cruelty," Hammond muttered.

"Your courtship rituals are very strange indeed, and my studies show they vary dramatically on a case by case basis. I believe Major Carter and O'Neill are indeed becoming much closer and much more comfortable with each other, despite the strangeness of O'Neill's behavior."

"Well, I hope so," Hammond said uncertainly.

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"I don't believe it," Jack said quietly, going unnaturally still as he stared at the chess board.

"What?" Sam asked, looking at the board in alarm. Suddenly, she saw it too. "Oh no," she said quickly.

He moved his castle. "Check mate," he said in quiet awe. Two weeks and he finally won a bet. And chess at that. "Ha! I won! YOU lost!" he exclaimed triumphantly, getting to his feet and doing a victory dance.

She watched him, laughing. When he sat back down, he was smirking. He leaned back into the couch and crossed his arms triumphantly. "I believe you have something to say to me," he said pointedly. "Or more specifically, something _not _to say to me."

"All right. You win. I won't call you 'sir' anymore, Colonel."

"What? Wait. Jack. You've got to call me Jack now," he protested.

"That wasn't the bet, Colonel," she pointed out innocently. "You specifically said that if you won, I had to stop calling you 'sir.' You didn't mention anything about what I had to call you instead."

"I… you KNEW what I meant… aw crap! Okay, okay, one more game, this time..."

"Not tonight, I'm awfully tired, I think I'll go ahead and go to sleep now," she said casually, getting up and stretching. He glowered at her as she practically skipped out of the room.

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"Wow, I can't believe he finally beat her at chess," Hammond said. He was seriously considering having a microwave brought into his office, so he could have some popcorn ready when Thor showed up with his little highlights reels.

"Major Carter is a very smart human," Thor commented.

"Yes, she is, but that's not exactly news, Thor."

"It was quite late at night, it is possible she was tired and not concentrating properly."

"But…"

"Were I to begin placing bets as Major Carter and Colonel O'Neill are doing, I would bet that she is tiring of O'Neill's game and lost intentionally so that he would stop."

"Good point. I'd say it's a definite possibility."

"I will add it to the list of things to ask them when this is over."

"Yeah, care to place any bets on when that might be?"

"Soon," Thor said, narrowing his eyes and disappearing in his beam of light.

"Very helpful," Hammond said sarcastically to his empty office.

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Jack woke up with a groan. He had gone to sleep early that night. Carter had still been doing something on her computer, in the den. He glanced at his bedroom door. It was open a crack, enough for him to see there was still a light on somewhere.

He got up, his knees creaking, and went to go turn it off. He stopped in surprise as he realized it was the light on the deck that was on. "Carter? You out here?" he asked, poking his head out the back door.

There was a lot of thrashing and splashing coming from the lake.

"Carter?" he yelled, having no idea what she could possibly be doing out on the pond in the middle of the night.

It sounded like she needed help though. He hurried to the dock, trying to see, but it was really dark. Of course, they were in the middle of nowhere, not a streetlight in sight. There was a lantern on the dock but all it really illuminated was a crumpled towel and a pair of sandals.

He could vaguely make out that she was in the middle of the lake, doing an awful lot of splashing. She didn't answer when he yelled at her either. Taking a deep breath, he dove into the cold water. It was still a bit too chilly to be comfy during the day, but at night it was even worse.

He quickly swam out to her and grabbed some part of her underwater; he was pretty sure it was her leg. She yelped and started kicking him under water and swatting at him. "Carter! Carter, relax, it's me!" he said, finally managing to grab both her wrists.

"Colonel, what are you doing out here?" she demanded.

"Me! What the hell are you doing out here, I thought you were drowning or being attacked by a flounder or something!"

"Attacked by a flounder?" she asked sceptically.

"Oh shut up. Come on, let's continue this conversation inside."

"I wasn't… done."

"You are now," he said firmly, shoving her in the direction of the dock.

She climbed up out of the water, grabbed her towel, and dried off her face, then wrapped it around her tightly, shoved her feet in her shoes, picked up her lantern, and headed back to the cabin. Jack scrambled after her, as she had the light and he had no towel and was freezing his ass off.

"You're WELCOME!" he called in an irritated voice.

Sam stalked into her bedroom, slamming the door behind her. Jack went to his room, slamming his door as well. He then realized he still had no towel. He poked his head out of his room cautiously and hurried into the bathroom, looking for a towel. There weren't any. He groaned as he remembered they'd done laundry again that day. And she'd volunteered to fold it.

Well, he could freeze to death, use his freshly laundered sheets to dry himself off, getting them dirty with pond water, or he could go ask a very angry and therefore very dangerous Sam for a towel. He hugged his arms and hopped up and down in one spot as he contemplated his options.

Finally, teeth chattering, he went to her door and banged on it loudly. "I need a towel!" The door opened, he caught a quick flash of his 2IC, and then was hit in the face with a towel. The door slammed shut again and he yelled, "THANK YOU!" as he stomped back to his room.

Back in his room, door slammed with a loud, satisfying noise once again, he stripped out of his wet sleeping clothes and dried himself off, then pulled on a new pair of sweatpants and an undershirt. He towel dried his hair with much more force than was required, muttering under his breath.

Sam squeezed the extra water out of her hair, which was really getting in desperate need of a trim. She looked around, grabbed her bathrobe, and pulled it on, tying it tightly and realizing she was still freezing. She put on some socks and sat down on the foot of her bed to comb out her wet hair.

When she was done, she was still freezing. Jack O'Neill was nothing if not stubborn. In all likelihood he'd be staying in his room, sulking or brooding or whatever it was he went off and did alone when he was in a bad mood. She could probably get to the kitchen and make some coffee undetected. It wasn't likely she'd be sleeping tonight anyway after all that drama.

She peeked out of her room. His door was closed. All the lights in the cabin seemed off, except for the lamp at the end of the couch in the den, which was always left on for safety. She tiptoed into the kitchen and bit her lip, glancing back through the den and straining her ears for any sound. Nothing. Sighing in relief, she fumbled briefly for the light switch and illuminated the kitchen.

"Holy Hannah!"

She actually jumped as she spotted her CO. He was sitting on the counter in the dark next to the coffee pot, looking more smug than anybody should be allowed to look, especially so late at night.

"Can I help you with something, Carter?" he asked innocently, pouring a cup of coffee and setting it on the counter, nudging it slowly to the farthest spot he could reach from his perch.

She looked from the mug to Jack, trying to decide if the coffee was worth it or not.

"One way or another you're going to tell me what the hell that was all about. I can ply you with coffee and you can get warmed up and talk, or we can do it the hard way."

"What exactly would that be?"

"Headlock," he said with a shrug.

She sighed and took the coffee cup, then went into the den. He followed and sat down at the opposite end of the couch from her, turning to face her. She grabbed the blanket off the back of the couch and curled up under it in a little ball, sipping her coffee.

Jack gave her a good five minutes to get her body warmed up and her temper cooled down, and said, "When we go home, remind me to send a message to Dad. That man deserves a medal."

She narrowed her eyes suspiciously, knowing that statement was a setup, but she had to ask. "Why?"

"Well, judging by the temper tantrum you threw a little while ago, I can't imagine what sort of monster you must have been during the Terrible Twos."

"I did not throw a tantrum! You were just as upset as I was anyway!" No, she had _not _thrown a tantrum and was most certainly _not _gearing up for another one. She was just... sleepy. And grumpy. And probably a few of the other dwarves as well.

"Well, I tend to get that way when I wake up in the middle of the night and think my 2IC is drowning in the middle of the damn lake!" Jack yelled.

So she wasn't the only Grumpy in the room. Not a good combination. "Well, I wasn't drowning, I was just swimming! And you scared the hell out of me!"

"I scared the hell out of_ you?_ Carter, I thought you were DYING! Maybe I overreacted a little but I couldn't see anything and you didn't answer me, what the hell was I supposed to think!"

"I TOLD you I was fine and you still made me get out of the water!"

"Why did you feel the need to go swimming in the middle of the night in a freezing lake?" Jack yelled.

"So I could get some damn sleep!" she yelled back.

"Wh… what?"

"I just… I've been having trouble sleeping lately, and if I swim enough laps I get really tired and then I can sleep," she explained, calming down somewhat from round two of their yelling match.

"You've done that before?" he asked incredulously.

She shrugged, looking guilty. "Just since it's been warm enough."

"Whether it's warm enough or not is still debatable, and I'm not sure it's such a good idea to be swimming around a lot in there. What if you caught pneumonia or something, we can't exactly pop over to the infirmary, you know."

"Maybe if I got sick Thor would have to take us home," Sam mumbled into her empty coffee cup.

When Jack didn't respond to that, she finally looked at him, and he had a strange look on his face. Like he had been in the middle of an epiphany, and somebody had shown him a bag of dead kittens. "Carter," he finally said. "I think it's time we had a little talk."

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Notes: I am going to stop predicting when the next chapter may or may not be out, as I'm gaining nothing by it other than proving myself a liar. Sorry, bad place to leave it off, I know. But the conversation was just way too long. The next chapter is almost done already though.


	9. A Little Conversation

Notes: Warm welcome and hugs to all the readers who reviewed for the first time after that last chapter. I'm absolutely flattered by the amount of attention this story is receiving. It is definitely making me try to work faster, but I hope I'm not sacrificing quality for the sake of speed. As far as the question about the title of the last chapter, 'Small Potatoes' is an episode of X-Files that I love, so I just wanted to call a chapter by that name. I figured it was sort of appropriate there since so far everything has been in such teeny-tiny baby steps. The next chapter is in production, but I'm officially out of the divination business on this one!

_Previously… _

"_Maybe if I got sick Thor would have to take us home," Sam mumbled into her empty coffee cup. _

_When Jack didn't respond to that, she finally looked at him, and he had a strange look on his face. Like he had been in the middle of an epiphany, and somebody had shown him a bag of dead kittens. "Carter," he finally said. "I think it's time we had a little talk." _

Ch 9: A Little Conversation

"You want to talk?" Sam asked incredulously.

"Yeah, hard to believe, huh. And to be honest, no, I still don't particularly want to. But I'd also rather not wake up in the middle of the night, find you swimming laps like a maniac, and then have a huge fight with you. I'm too old for this, I need my beauty sleep."

She laughed slightly, looking down at her socks. "Okay."

"I'm going to go get some more coffee," Jack said quickly, grabbing his mug and hers and hurrying into the kitchen. He took his time with the coffee, trying to figure out if it was going to be possible to resolve the current issue without bringing up the big one that they were so good at avoiding.

"Here ya go," he said as he handed her coffee back to her. He sat down in the middle of the couch, closer to her than before but still leaving a bit of space between them.

"Thanks," she said, taking a sip and setting it on the end table.

"Okay. So. Um… I don't know where to start," he admitted. "I guess… I mean I can take a guess at why you can't sleep."

"You can?" she was surprised. Other people's feelings were Daniel's thing, not the Colonel's. Hell, he didn't even like to think about his _own _feelings.

"Well, yeah. You're sick of being here. There's not enough to keep your mind occupied. I mean, there's not really a lot to do around here. I'm used to it, and it doesn't take a lot to entertain me in the first place. I know it's got to be really boring for you, but…"

"It's not that," she said quickly, not wanting to hurt his feelings about the cabin and the fishing.

"Really?" he asked, hoping his tone didn't betray how hopeful he suddenly wanted to feel.

"Yeah. I mean, not exactly. I'm… I really do like your cabin, Colonel. I just… we've been here for a _really _long time."

"Yeah, I know."

"Over two months."

"Yeah."

"And… I just… I can't stop thinking about everybody else. At home - I mean, are Teal'c and Daniel not worried about us at ALL? You'd think they'd be trying to find us, and notice the Asgard are still hanging around and connect the dots. And normally even if there aren't any huge emergencies, Siler's still got tons of things he needs help with on the UAVs or the gate, or the MALPs, or something goes wrong with the gate or the other SG teams bring back something to be backwards engineered…"

"Carter, if you keep thinking about everybody else you're going to drive yourself insane. No wonder you can't sleep."

"Well, I can't just _stop. _I would if I could."

"Yeah… well, I was kind of thinking about it too because we HAVE been here for a really long time. And, ah, if we're being honest here I've been shocked at how long it's taking for you to go insane from boredom."

"Colonel," she objected mildly.

"Hey, come on. You haven't had anything to build _or _take apart for a while now. Anyway, the first thing I came up with is there was some giant emergency and Thor had to go into battle so fast he didn't have time to come get us…"

"That's encouraging," Sam interrupted sarcastically.

"Yeah. But I don't think that can be it, because he's still replacing the food and everything, even though he hasn't dropped by via hologram lately. So the other thing I thought is… well, I mean, the Asgard live a long time, right? Assuming they're not killed in battle?"

She nodded. "They're basically immortal, because they keep transferring their consciousnesses into new cloned bodies."

"Uh, yeah. So while this seems like a ridiculously long time for them to be negotiating with our government about… us… to them it's got to be like nothing, right? Especially since they seem to think the future of the entire Asgard race depends on this negotiation."

"I guess I hadn't thought about it from their perspective… but still, you'd think the SGC would need us."

"Well, if the Asgard are still hanging around, who's going to mess with us?"

She leaned back, looking at him in surprise. "That's an excellent point, sir."

"First of all you're not supposed to be calling me that anymore. Secondly, I do have good ideas occasionally, you know."

"I know, I didn't mean it like that. And sorry. The 'sir' just slipped out. So basically, you've come to the conclusion that we're stuck here until Thor decides to let us go and we should just… relax?"

"Yup," he said with a shrug. "But I know that's not easy for you."

"You've been… making it easier," she admitted. "Than I would have… thought it would be."

He smiled, not sure what he should say.

"I just… I'm really glad we're here instead of somewhere else the Asgard could have picked, it's just… no offence, I just never expected the first trip up to your cabin to be such an extended stay."

"I know," he agreed, looking down into his coffee cup somewhat sadly. He smiled suddenly and said, "So, wait, you were planning to actually say 'yes' some time?"

"Wu…well, I hadn't… I mean it's not like it…"

He was grinning with that 'I'm not buying it' look on his face he usually wore when either she or Daniel (or sometimes she _and _Daniel) found themselves having to explain to him why they were up working all night in one of their respective labs.

Only slightly worse than the fact that he could make her so flustered with such relative ease was the fact that he knew he could do it. But while he excelled at throwing off her equilibrium, she was good at recovering it quickly.

"Well, you must have thought I might or you wouldn't keep asking, right, Colonel?"

Ha. There. Now his smile was normal, rather than evil, yet another silent truce having been mutually agreed to. She wondered idly how many times they had gone through this routine over the years. It had to be up in the hundreds by now. Maybe even thousands.

"Yeah," he agreed with a casual shrug. Wait, Sam thought. What was he agreeing with? Kind of impolite for him to continue their conversation while she was having a completely different one inside her own head. "I know you couldn't resist the allure of fishing forever."

Oh right. They'd been having the old 'The Colonel invites me fishing and I make myself say no' conversation. She laughed and said, "Right."

"And ideally," he added. "You would have come willingly. And there wouldn't be a force shield required to keep you here."

"Yeah," she agreed.

"We sure have lousy luck with force fields, don't we?" he asked quietly, not really expecting an answer, fiddling with his coffee cup.

"Yeah. We do," she finally said. Her first thought was, of course, the armbands that had failed at the worst possible moment. Then she remembered the shield-like doorway that had sentColonel O'Neilland Maybourne from a planet to a moon, and the whole Sentinel thing… yeah. Force fields were not one of her favorite things.

"Are you okay?" Jack asked cautiously. Sam realized she hadn't said anything in a long time.

"Yeah, I just…"

"Something else is bothering you."

"Yeah," she admitted, because he hadn't asked it as a question.

"Me?" he guessed.

"Yeah," she said, nodding, her gaze still on the coffee table. She even surprised herself with the honest answer. "But probably not in the way you think," she clarified.

"How then?"

"I ah… I guess… permission to speak freely?"

"You don't have to ask…"

"That's the thing," she interrupted. She took a deep breath and continued before she had a chance to change her mind. "I feel like I should, because you keep contradicting… what you seem to be expecting of me."

"I don't know what you're talking about." He winced and clarified, "I didn't mean that defensively, I genuinely don't understand what you mean. Like the whole apple as the universe thing," he added, flashing a hopeful smile.

She smiled slightly at the memory and said, "Okay. You spent a lot of time and energy and did a lot of really embarrassing things to try and get me to stop calling you "sir.""

"Yes, I did."

"Well, I kind of assumed you… went to all that trouble because you wanted things to be more… comfortable… between us. Less… formal I guess."

"I did," he insisted. "I mean, I do!"

"Okay, but then the second I did something you didn't like, you gave me a direct order, which makes me think you were just doing all that 'sir' crap to keep from being bored or something."

"No, I didn't mean it like that. When did I give you an order because you were…"

"When I told you I wasn't done swimming," she said pointedly.

"I… I did do that, didn't I? That was a reflex, it was freezing, I was just glad you were okay…"

"I just… I don't know how I'm supposed to act around you when one minute you're making stupid bets trying to get me to call you 'Jack' and the next you're giving me orders. These circumstances are bizarre enough as it is without you being so contradictory…"

"I'm sorry," he interrupted.

"S…sorry?" He never apologized, never. Well, she had a vague recollection of Daniel telling her he had once gotten an apology out of him but she wasn't sure. And she wasn't sure she'd believed him at the time. Therefore, she wasn't certain she heard Jack right.

"Yeah. Really sorry," he added.

"It's okay. I know this whole thing is just as weird for you as it is for me. You've been making it easier on me while I've been making it harder on you," she observed, realizing it was true only as the words tumbled out of her mouth.

"Yeah, and I'm not as smart as you so you've got to cut me some slack," he said, nudging her shoulder.

"Yes, s…" she caught herself and smiled sheepishly.

"Ah, see! Right there! It's hard for you too!" he pointed at her with his coffee mug.

"I know, I know. And I'm sorry too. I normally wouldn't be so… this is just…weird."

"Ah, yeah. Definitely weird. Okay. I'll make you a deal. I give you one more order and you follow it."

"One more? For the whole time we're here?"

"Yup."

"Hmm… okay. Deal."

"All right, now since the last time you weaselled out on a technicality I want to make sure I get it right this time… any time we're not in uniform, you have to call me 'Jack.'"

"Yes, sir."

"Ack, Carter!"

"What?" she asked innocently. "You said it was a direct order, that was the proper response!"

"Very funny," he said with a smirk. "I hope you enjoyed that, Sam, because that was the last one."

"Fine. _Jack, _would you like some more coffee?" she asked in a much-too-polite voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Why, yes, I would, Sam, thank you very much."

When she came back with their mugs, she sat down again, muttering, "I might as well give up going to sleep tonight."

"Don't worry about that, it's decaf."

"It's… oh. Okay then." She sipped the hot coffee quietly for a few moments, glancing at him surreptitiously, trying to decide if this was a good time to ask.She decided it was. "I have a question."

He ignored her for several seconds, determined to milk the order he had just given her for all it was worth, and finally said, "Oh, sorry, were you talking to me?"

"Yes, _Jack._"

"Hey, you don't have to say it like there's supposed to be another word after it!" he objected.

"Sorry," she giggled.

He rolled his eyes, realizing he wasn't going to be able to order her not to giggle anymore now either, and prompted, "What's the question?"

"Er… well, I couldn't help but notice you sort of… I mean after the initial excitement wore off, you seem to have enjoyed the fishing more when there _weren't_ any fish in your pond."

"Not really," he said with a shrug. "I mean, I like catching fish as much as the next guy but it's a little _too _easy now. Part of it is the uncertainty, ya know. Knowing you could spend hours…"

"Or years."

"Smartass. Okay, fine. _Years _waiting to get something… in some ways its better than actually catching the fish itself."

Sam swallowed hard, looking away quickly. If that was the way he felt about fishing, what did that say about their relationship, or whatever they had that substituted a normal relationship? That the only reason it had even lasted this long was that they knew it would never really go anywhere? And if it did, it would get really old, really fast? It had always been her biggest worry every time she had let herself really think about the remote possibility of any type of real relationship with him. It wasn't like they had a lot in common apart from where they worked.

"Sam? You okay?"

"Yeah, fine," she said with an unconvincing smile, getting up quickly. "Um, I think I'll try to get some sleep after all. Goodnight, s… Jack."

She hurried off to her bedroom. He watched her go, completely confused. One minute they had been chatting casually, lightening everything up after the serious, but extremely good, conversation they had just had, and the next minute she had been extremely uncomfortable and practically sprinted off to her room.

What the hell? And where was Daniel when you needed him? Most of the time, Jack tried to tune him out but every now and then, his translation and people skills did come in handy. Especially as far as figuring out Sam Carter went.

Okay, so she'd asked him about fishing. She'd been thinking about fishing. That was… kind of funny, actually. He'd been shocked when she seemed to find it mildly entertaining, expecting her to hate it. That had been a very pleasant surprise.

So… she'd wanted to know why he preferred fishing in an empty pond to one where they practically jumped in your lap. He'd tried to explain how it wasn't about keeping the fish itself… he thought through their conversation carefully.

"I don't get it," he finally announced to the empty room with a note of finality. He wondered if she'd explain it to him if he asked, and if she would need fruit or donuts as visual aids in the explanation. He decided to try asking. It had been a while since she'd had to explain something he didn't get to him. Maybe she'd just do it for the sake of tradition.

He knocked on her door quietly. No response. "Uh, Sam, you still awake?"

He opened the door cautiously and peeked in. "Are you… are you crying?" he asked incredulously. She _never _cried. But she was curled up in bed and hadn't even sat up when he came in the room, or even looked at him, and her shoulders were shaking slightly.

"Okay… I'm coming in, all right?" He had no idea what was going on. He knew she was really upset about something, obviously, but had no idea why, and he was trying not to come off CO-like here, but he wasn't just going to leave quietly if she was crying.

Well, she didn't scream at him or throw anything, so he figured he was clear to enter. He crossed the room cautiously. Funny, it had never seemed that big before.

"Umm, look," he finally said, sitting down carefully on the edge of the bed. "At the risk of… upsetting you even more, I… I have absolutely no idea what I said… or did. Seriously. Could not be more confused right now if Daniel was in here trying to teach me ancient Egyptian."

She laughed self-consciously and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "It's nothing. I'm just so tired, I'm not… myself ."

"Okay, me not giving you orders doesn't mean you're going to start lying to me all the time, does it?" he asked.

"No, of course not. I just… we've talked so much tonight. Please, I don't want to go into it right now. It's stupid. It's not something that needs to be discussed. I swear I'll be okay in the morning."

"But I want you to be okay _now._"

"Then please, let me sleep, Jack."

The still unfamiliar sound of his own name caught his attention, and he figured he should probably back off for now, no matter how much he didn't want to. "Okay."

He reached out to squeeze her hand but stopped, not sure how that would be received. He covered the half-completed gesture by fiddling with the comforter a bit, then repeated, "Okay."

He got up and went to the door, pausing hopefully. Hey, maybe she'd change her mind. Nope. "Night, Sam."

"Good night, Jack."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"General Hammond, is this a bad time?" Daniel Jackson asked, poking his head into the General's office.

"Come on in, Dr. Jackson, what can I do for you?" the General asked.

"Um, well, I can't find Sam."

"I see. Well, if I hear from her I'll let you know," Hammond said with a smile, shuffling the papers on his desk so he wouldn't have to look Jackson in the eye. That boy had an uncanny ability to read people.

"But… it's Sam. I mean, I just thought with everything going on she would be hiding in her lab, working her a… working hard. But I haven't seen her in a really long time. Neither has Teal'c. Jack disappearing is at least in character but…"

Thor suddenly beamed in, right next to Daniel. "Dr. Jackson," he said, registering incredible surprise, which for Thor meant that he leaned his huge head back slightly and his eyes widened a bit.

"Thor," Daniel said, showing much more surprise. "I didn't… realize you were still… in town."

"I see. General Hammond, I have a matter of great importance to discuss with you."

While Daniel fancied himself an expert on that type of thing, he figured even Jack would have picked up on that non-invite. "I'll get out of your way then, Thor. Um, sir." He nodded at them both and left to go see if Teal'c had any updates on Sam.

As soon as Daniel was gone, Thor said, "It appears we have a problem."

Hammond got up to lock his door, just in case, offering Thor a seat on his way back. Maybe he could borrow one of the tiny chairs from his granddaughter's little table that her dolls sat around and used for tea parties. It would fit him much better. But he might misinterpret the gesture. It would probably be best not to try his hand at redecorating.

"All right, how bad is the problem? Did Major Carter figure out a way to turn the television into a Colonel-Killing machine?"

"No," Thor stated.

Hammond couldn't tell if Thor got that he was joking or not. Oh well. Better find out what had Thor so concerned.

"O'Neill and Major Carter have been arguing vehemently for some time. I am concerned that Major Carter cannot handle being confined with nothing to do for so long. She is taking out her frustration and boredom on O'Neill. Observe."

Hammond watched the footage Thor provided and nodded thoughtfully. "What do you want do?" he asked the alien.

"I am afraid we may be forced to terminate the procedure."

"I don't know… I think we've all put a lot into this thing, Major Carter and Colonel O'Neill especially. And I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing. They're not naïve little kids, they know any relationship, even friendship, isn't just goofing off together. They're going to need to have a lot of conversations like this. And then some."

"I did not think this would take so long," Thor confessed.

"Well, all relationships are complicated. Add their history, and the fact that they're two of the most stubborn people in the universe… they're going to be there for a while."

"Very well. Still, I believe it would be wise to remove the fish from O'Neill's pond."

"Yeah, that might be a good idea," Hammond agreed.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


	10. One Small Sacrifice

Notes: I was really glad to see so many people starting to figure out what's going on here, catching up to shiny silver grl, who picked up on the very first clue that was dropped many chapters ago. Speaking of shiny silver grl, you are absolutely correct about Sam crying. The other show I watch all the time is Alias, and on that show, Sydney cries in practically every episode. The difference in my head is that Sydney's usually crying for herself, and Sam's always crying for other people. Don't know if that makes sense to anybody but me, but you're right, I definitely should have made that clearer.

Warning: This chapter contains a death. It's not Sam, it's not Jack, but it does take place at the cabin. I thought it was necessary.More about that at the end.

Ch 10 - One Small Sacrifice

"You look terrible," Sam said honestly over her cup of coffee the next morning.

"Well, thanks a lot. Not everyone can stay up all night and still be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed…"

She raised an eyebrow pointedly. She was neither bright-eyed nor bushy-tailed that particular morning.

"Okay, so today you're not your usual… chipper… self, but still… you could go without sleep for a year and still not look as bad as I do today."

Sam sighed, studying him closely. "Did you sleep at all?"

"Tried. A little. Couldn't," he said into his coffee mug.

Okay, that was more than a little strange. He never had trouble sleeping, whether it was during an extra-long briefing or on the floor of a musty Goa'uld prison cell. She took a deep breath. "It's the fishing," Sam admitted, pouring herself another cup of coffee and taking it out onto the dock.

Jack watched her out the window as she approached the dock. "Okay, so if it's the fishing why are you sitting on the dock," he muttered under his breath. He was missing something obvious, of that he was certain. Still didn't help though, because he was still missing it.

And besides, she had said she liked fishing. And he had believed her. So she liked to catch the fish and he just liked the challenge of catching one, that didn't mean… oh. Wait…a thought… sounded a lot like Daniel explaining something important… and kind of felt like Teal'c whacking him in the back of the head too. Weird. Crap, where'd the thought go… OH! He suddenly burst out laughing.

The idea that had just occurred to him… it made sense but there was no way in hell Sam Carter could be that dense about something, was there? He set his coffee mug down and hurried outside barefoot.

He sat down next to her, very close but not touching her at all. She glanced at him as he sat down, but didn't offer a further explanation. Still, she didn't tell him to get lost or shove him in the lake either, so that was good. Time to see if he was right or not.

"Sam… I think I finally figured it out. And you're wrong. What I said about fishing… it's only about fishing."

"I really don't want to talk about it."

"So I'm right?" he asked, hoping he kept the surprise in his voice to a minimum.

"What part of 'I don't want to talk about it' are you having trouble with?" she asked, shocked at her own audacity. Hey, she may have _thought _things like that at him for years but until very recently she wasn't allowed to say them.

"You don't have to talk then, that's fine. But unfortunately for you this is one of the rare times when I _do _want to talk about something, and you do have to listen because there's a force field around us and if need be I can just follow you around talking non-stop until you've heard everything I have to say."

"Okay, fine. What do you want to say?"

"I don't know," he admitted. "I haven't got that far yet."

She looked like she wanted to scratch him.

"Just… what I already said I guess. It's only about fishing that I… think like that. I can't explain it. Well, maybe there's a way I can. Okay. Grab your fishing pole."

"I'm not in the mood to fish…"

"Okay. I'll do it by myself. I need a fish to make my point."

He got up and disappeared, returning quickly with their rods and the tackle box.

When he caught a fish, he thought about stopping but changed his mind. She was just as stubborn as he was, the bigger the demonstration here, the better.

"What are you doing?" she asked as he dragged an ice chest out to the dock, filled it with some water, and threw the fish in.

"Showing you the less-fun parts of fishing."

"Why?"

"Because we don't have any apples or donuts," he said absently as he cast his line back into the water.

"What does that mean?"

"Nothing. I'm just preparing for a demonstration. Go on about your business."

"I really don't think this is necessary…"

"I do. Humor me." She rolled her eyes but stayed there all morning.

By early afternoon, he had an ice chest full of fish. That would work. He went inside and it took him ten minutes to locate a filet knife, and another fifteen to find the sharpening stone and a protective glove. He took everything back outside and nudged Sam awake, as she had dozed off in her chair.

"Lesson number two about fishing!" he said in a falsely happy voice. "The killing, gutting, and cleaning. But first, the knife sharpening!"

He whet the stone and started sharpening the knife, being deliberately loud. "All right, now, if the fish are still alive, we just reach in here and grab one of these beautiful fish by the tail and… whack it in the head here, like this…"

This particular fish was already dead, but he needed it for the illustration and moved so fast he would have been shocked if she had noticed, particularly because she squeezed her eyes shut and refused to look.

"Come on, pay attention, you're doing the next one," he said with a grin, clapping her on the back much harder than he normally would have. She glared at him and he pulled on the glove and picked up the knife.

"Okay, so first we're going to slit him open, like this… oh yeah, by the way, if you thought fishing made you smell bad _before… _you're in for a nice surprise," he said with an enthusiastic grin.

He described everything he was doing to the fish corpse in great detail, making each movement exaggerated as he gutted and cleaned the fish. When he was done, he pulled off the glove and handed it to her. She looked rather green.

She pulled it on slowly, glaring at him so hard he half-expected her eyes to glow, and took the knife from him. Okay, maybe he shouldn't be handing her a knife when she was that pissed off at him, the situation had the potential to be even worse than irritating the doc before a check-up… he gulped and opened the ice chest, where several fish were swimming around as best they could in the tiny space.

"So, Sam, pick your first victim. I wouldn't go with the flounder unless you're feeling really ambitious; they're really hard to clean."

He watched her eyeing all the fish and said quietly, "This is the only reason I let all the fish go, Sam. This is messy, stinky, gross, and unnecessary, especially since Thor's doing all our grocery shopping. I did _not _mean anything symbolic by it. I just don't like to clean fish. Get it now?"

She nodded, the movement barely perceptible.

"Good," he said with a grin, taking the knife from her and setting it down.

"Can I please dump these guys back in the lake now?"

"Yeah. I'll grab this end."

They dumped the contents of the ice chest back in the water. Sam watched them disperse and asked, "Are they going to be okay?"

"Yeah. They're probably a little irritated, I bet we made them all late for work or something, but they're fine." She laughed and shook her head.

"Okay, your way of fishing is way better," she agreed.

"I know. Now, if you'll excuse me, I am going to go take a shower and then sleep all day long. Oh, and just so you know, I fully intend to use all of the hot water."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hammond picked up the translucent Asgard communication device and said, "Thor, how did it go?"

He waited for a response and Thor beamed in a few seconds later. "General Hammond. I regret to inform you there has been a casualty."

"WHAT!"

"I was not able to get back in time to remove the fish before one was used as a visual aid by Colonel O'Neill."

"Oh, so… oh. Okay. You scared me, you made it sound like… wait a minute. Thor, did you just make a joke?" Hammond asked suspiciously.

Thor narrowed his eyes and chose to ignore the question. "It appears you were correct. O'Neill and Major Carter seem to have reached an understanding, although they have yet to progress their physical relationship."

Hammond might have been okay with it in theory but he really didn't need to hear any particulars about the physical relationship between Colonel Jack O'Neill and one of his oldest friends' daughters. To change the subject, he said, "So the fish are gone?"

"The fish are gone," Thor confirmed, in that tone Hammond was coming to realize carried a silent 'goodbye' with it. Apparently clothes weren't the only thing the Asgard had little use for. They weren't big on saying goodbye either. Sure enough, Thor beamed himself away.

It occurred to General Hammond that he and Thor were managing to open the lines of communication between themselves a helluva lot faster than his soldiers were.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

More notes: Sorry if anybody was too offended or grossed out by the fish, it just seemed like something Jack might do to get his point across, so that he didn't actually have to say anything. It was hard trying to make it gross enough for Sam but not too gross (I hope) for anybody reading it. My brothers were very surprised when their vegetarian sister asked them how to clean a fish!


	11. Little Questions

Notes: I've said it before, but I really appreciate the reviews. They really do help remind me that people are actually waiting for the next part of this story. This chapter has actually been sitting on my computer for a few days, completely neglected, because it originally didn't end where it does now. But so many people have shown an interest in this story, I decided to cut it in half so you could have this bit now. My husband's got a flu, which, as anybody who is married knows, means I now have another big child to take care of. Honestly, my six year old daughter 'takes it like a man' better than he does. Anyway, in light of the fact that I haven't had time to finish the back half of this chapter, I'm separating it into two. It was long anyway, so that's probably good. Enjoy, and thanks for reading as always.

Ch 11: Little Questions

Jack and Sam were finally comfortable around each other again, but Jack wasn't sure how long they could make it last this time. In such tight quarters, it seemed inevitable that the tension would keep building up until they finally either had a fight they'd never be able to recover from or, as Sam had said just after they'd been dumped at his cabin, 'gave the Asgard what they wanted and jumped each other.'

He considered it a minor miracle that they'd managed to work out their last misunderstanding without bringing up anything really, truly personal. Feelings had been alluded to, of course, but that was it. As always. Jack had decided at the start of all of this that if at all possible he wasn't going to let this forced isolation be the thing that finally brought them together.

Of course, he also wasn't going to let it be something that forced them farther apart. And after a few days of easy friendship, Sam was starting to get bored again, and now that she was calling him Jack, he had little reason to continue making bets with her, so he needed something new to entertain them.

"Happy with your empty lake?" Sam asked, joining him on the dock just as he started trying to think of a new way to keep her from being bored.

"Yup," he said, glancing over at her so he could see that look she got when she was teasing him. He looked back to the lake quickly. She was in her swimsuit, with a pair of shorts over it. It wasn't a revealing suit or anything, a plain black one-piece, but compared to layers and layers of fatigues…

"Do you mind if I swim, whenever you're done… fishing? I don't want to have to spend months in the gym when we finally get back trying to get back in shape."

"Course not, go ahead," he said casually, reeling in his line. He wondered if she'd expect him to leave. Probably. More than likely she wouldn't want him sitting on the dock staring at her while she swam around.

"Thanks. I'm going to run back inside for my towel and put on some sunscreen. It's really getting hot up here."

"Yeah," he agreed, adjusting his sunglasses.

"Want me to bring you a beer or something when I come back?" she offered.

Did that mean he was allowed to stay? Sweet. "Sure. That would be great," he said, hoping he didn't sound too eager.

As soon as she was inside, he reached into his tackle box for the book he had stashed in there. Some of Carter's books had been among the things Thor had dropped off when he'd dumped them there, and she had some pretty entertaining novels. When she'd caught him watching her read the other day, he'd covered it up by asking her for a book.

She'd rummaged around in her little pile and handed him 'Jaws;' and made a comment about cautionary tales against fishing."Very funny," he had smirked. But he had never read it, although he had seen the movie several times, so he decided he might as well give it a try.

He had just started to read when Sam joined him on the dock again, pressing an opened bottle of beer into his hand. "Thanks."

"You're welcome."

Between the baseball cap pulled low on his head, his sunglasses, and the book, he was perfectly capable of watching her without her being able to tell what he was doing. So while his eyes were on her half the time since the second she dove off the dock, his face was pointed at the book.

He probably should have felt guilty, but he didn't. Because she was the smartest person he knew, so she had to know he was checking her out occasionally. She probably didn't realize exactly how frequently his eyes went from the book in his lap to her, but still. Since she didn't call him on it or ask him to go inside while he swam, he figured she didn't mind. Which was just beyond cool, in his opinion.

He couldn't help but tease her a little. While she swam, he hummed the familiar, ominous Jaws theme song until she got close enough to splash him.

After that day, they settled into a new routine of sorts. After breakfast, Jack went out to fish. Sam usually left him alone until lunch, occasionally fishing for a little while. After they ate, he'd go back out there and about half an hour later, she would come out to swim, carrying her towel and a beer. She would swim for about an hour, then go inside, shower off, and when she finished with her shower he would be back inside, finished fishing for the day, and they would go on with the rest of their day.

After about a week, Jack was settled into this new pattern nicely. He wasn't sure what exactly the difference was; it was probably a combination of a lot of things actually, but he felt like things between them were more relaxed than they'd been in a really long time. So he wasn't prepared when Sam handed him his beer one day and leaned over him, peering closely at his book.

"Um, Jack," she commented, looking at the book pointedly.

"What?" he asked, glancing at her sideways. Her hair was getting so long, it was becoming impossible to look at her without being instantly reminded of dangerous things like zay'tarc detectors and time-loop kisses.

"Um, well, you've been… reading that book for a week, and you're only on page 30?" she asked innocently.

He narrowed his eyes at her. "I'm just being thorough," he grumbled, turning a page of the book with extra force.

She went about setting her towel down, stepping out of her sandals, and wriggling out of her shorts, and felt his eyes on her again. He'd been doing it all week long and she couldn't take it anymore. She couldn't very well order him off of his own dock, but really, enough was enough. She turned to him quickly, catching him checking her out. No way could he pretend to be reading this time.

Jack shot her an apologetic look automatically but then decided he wasn't going to do it that way today. Hey, if she was going to force this, he wasn't going to be the only uncomfortable one… "What?" he demanded indignantly. "You know you're hot, I'm not a… a monk!"

She stopped her laugh and blush by ignoring him and quickly diving into the water. After swimming until she had completely cleared her head of anything remotely connected to their bizarre and complicated relationship, Sam got out and started to dry off. "You know, swimming is really good exercise for people with bad knees," she commented casually.

He folded his book closed and looked up at her. "Are you saying I'm getting fat?" he asked patting his stomach self-consciously.

She laughed and scooped up her clothes. Feeling extra brave as she headed up to the cabin for her shower, she called back, "Come on, Jack, you know you're hot!"

He whipped around so fast to look at her as she retreated that he upset the thin folding chair, crashing in a clumsy heap, entangled with his chair. "Ohfercryingoutloud," he muttered as he picked himself up off the dock.

It took every ounce of willpower Sam had not to turn around and look when she heard the crash, but she knew if she did he would have some sort of comeback, and for once she was determined to come out on top of one of these little matches.

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When Sam got out of the shower, she towel-dried her hair and frowned into the mirror. Her hair really was getting a bit out of control. Like the person under it, she thought. Sometime during her shower it had hit her that she had just told her CO he was hot. Yeah, this whole situation was bound to get completely out of hand soon.

She sighed as she combed out her hair. Every day it seemed to require longer to get it all in place. Although, on the plus side, if they were there much longer she would probably be able to put it in a ponytail for the first time since college.

She suspected Jack was harboring some scissors somewhere, because his hair was maybe a quarter inch longer, but no more than that. But over trying to give herself a haircut, or worse letting Jack do it, she preferred letting it grow, despite how messy it was looking these days.

Hair taken care of, she threw on some jeans and a white tee-shirt and went out into the den, which was empty. Strange. She went to the kitchen to get herself a bottle of water, looking out the window. No Colonel O'Neill out there, and his fishing things were inside. She jumped as she heard a scream and a loud crash from his bedroom.

Having no idea what she might possibly find, she hurried into his room. "Are you o…" She froze, covering her mouth with her hand to try not to laugh.

Colonel Jack O'Neill was lying in his open closet on a pile of very squashed boxes, covered with clothes, the wooden rod that the clothes normally hung on sitting across his chest.

He had his eyes squinched shut and was repeating something quietly to himself. It sounded an awful lot like, "Overwhelming coolness. Overwhelming coolness."

"Yes, overwhelming coolness. That's exactly what this situation screams, Jack," she commented lightly, gathering several shirts off of him and setting them aside.

"Yeah, yeah. You gonna help an old man up or just be a smartass?" Jack groaned.

"Are you… hurt?" Sam asked as she took his hands and hauled him to his feet, grateful that she had years and years of practice at keeping a straight face.

"No. Just a little bruised," he said, dusting himself off and wondering if he could get by without explaining himself. Yeah, right. And Teal'c was going to quit the SGC and take up ballet.

"So… you got in a fight with your fishing shirts and lost?" Sam guessed.

Apparently he wasn't going to be able to get out of it.

"Uh, not exactly. I was… well, you've been swimming to keep in shape. I've been… doing sit-ups and push-ups and stuff in here and… I thought I might try pull-ups and the closet bar looked sturdy enough…"

"To support _you?_" Carter asked sceptically.

"Yeah, I was ah… mistaken," he admitted sheepishly.

They turned their attention to the wreck that was his closet. Sam stepped inside to examine the brackets. "Yeah, one of these was ripped right out of the wall… the other one's just really… bent."

He peered in around her, overwhelmed with the fresh-out-of-the-shower smell that somehow stayed with her a lot longer than it did with him. "Sheetrock repair. Excellent," he said. He stepped completely into the closet to further inspect the damage he had done to his house and suddenly it was just a bit too crowded.

"Um, I'm just going to go… make some tea," Sam said quietly, squeezing past him to get out of the closet.

Way to go, Jack, he congratulated himself as he gathered up all his clothes off the floor and dumped them on his bed. Talk about losing your cool factor. Better go implement his new plan for keeping Sam entertained. Hopefully it would get her mind of his idiotic crash earlier.

He winced as he headed to the kitchen. His shoulder was already getting sore, and his neck wasn't very happy with him either. "Hey," Jack said, leaning back against the counter.

Sam was making a big pitcher of iced tea. "Hi. Do we need to ask Thor to go to Home Depot for us?" she asked with an amused smile.

"Nah, I'll just fix it whenever, and put my clothes in the dresser. Hey, I have a question."

"What is it?"

"How do the gate coordinates work?"

"What?" She knew the answer, of course, but she couldn't believe he was asking. She was expecting a question more along the lines of 'do we have any Oreos left.'

"I get the part where it's like a phone number. Well, kind of, but how… how is it an address?"

"Well, it's sort of like a map. Think of each coordinate as a stop along the way, a reference point for where you need to go next. Now, of course, just as a map in your truck is only a two dimensional representation of three dimensional space, the 'stops' aren't linear because we're talking about more than three dimensions, so…"

He lost her there, but it didn't matter, because she spent the next fifteen minutes explaining it to him and was clearly enjoying it. A lot. Mission accomplished. Now, maybe he could also get some answers to some questions he'd had over the years.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The next day, while they ate dinner, Jack asked, "When we went back to 1969, ourselves from 1969 were there too, right?"

"Of course," Sam said with a nod.

"So how come we didn't have that tropical failing thing your twin got when she was here?"

"Entropic cascade failure," Sam corrected automatically, furrowing her brow for a few seconds, thinking about it.

"Yeah, that. So how come we didn't get that? We were stuck there a lot longer than your twin."

"Well, Teal'c wasn't on our planet in 1969 and neither was I so…"

"Huh?"

"Um… well, I guess technically I was. We were there in July? So, yeah, I wasn't born yet but my mom was pregnant."

He groaned. "God, I am _so _old."

"You're not old," she replied automatically, as if it were one of those conditioned responses men usually had to questions like 'does this make me look fat?'.

"Very convincing," he mumbled, grumpy.

She rolled her eyes and decided to divert his attention back to his initial question. "So, as far as you and Daniel are concerned… well, it's actually a really interesting question, sir. And it's all theoretical of course, but the differences between time travel within one reality with limited causality and crossovers between alternate realities would be a fascinating subject to research…"

He looked like he wanted to stick his fork in the back of his hand just to have something else to do, so she cleared her throat and said, "Sorry. Um, basically, while there were two of you in one reality at the same time, you were both from the same timeline. You were both in your own reality, whereas the other… me… had jumped from one to the other. Although it would be fascinating to try and determine if entropic cascade failure would still occur eventually, at a slower rate, oh and try and determine if physical distance between the two versions of yourself had any affect… but it would probably be impossible to determine because the longer you stayed in the past the harder it would be not to change your own future, which would create multiple new alternate…"

Yeah, he was _so _beyond lost again. But that was just fine, because when she started talking that fast, he could look at her all he wanted to and just pretend he was paying close attention to what she was saying. Which he was, in a way. Just because he didn't understand _what _she was saying didn't mean he wasn't listening.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sam was starting to be able to tell when Jack was about to ask her another question. She knew he was doing this for her benefit, but she doubted he realized how much of his own carefully guarded intelligence he was revealing. While he had no patience for the technicalities of theoretical astrophysics, he was a very smart man with what she was beginning to think of as an intuitive knowledge of how things were supposed to work. He couldn't pin down why a situation wasn't right, but he always picked up on it when something didn't fit.

If she had said any of that to him, he would have brushed it off and that would have been the end of the questions, she knew. So she kept that thought to herself, along with all those other thoughts about him she was keeping to herself.

Back to the present, though. Since Jack had sat down next to her on the couch and hadn't reached for the remote, she knew another question was coming. She put down her book and turned to him expectantly.

"Hey, I have…"

"What is it?"

"Do the Asgard use the toilet?"

She stared at him for several moments, trying to decide if he was serious or just teasing her. He was serious. Geez.

"Well… I guess you'd have to ask Thor about that to be sure," she commented mildly.

"General Hammond ordered me not to," Jack admitted, fiddling with the sleeves of his shirt.

Sam couldn't help it. She burst into laughter, picturing that. Knowing that Hammond had figured it was necessary, that the Colonel's behavior, curiosity, and lack of diplomacy would probably lead to him asking their little grey buddy about his toilet habits.

"Are you done now?" Jack finally asked.

Sam got control of her laughter, hugging her ribs as she curled her legs up onto the couch to get more comfortable, and said, "Well, I can't be certain, of course, but we think…"

"We?" Jack interrupted.

Now it was Sam's turn to be embarrassed. "Um… Daniel and… I."

"Ah ha! You've thought about it too!" he said triumphantly.

"Well, it's kind of hard not to. For purely scientific reasons, of course, we were… curious."

"Right. Purely scientific reasons."

"So what did my little brainiacs come up with?" he asked, genuinely curious for once.

"Well… um… the Asgard are all about efficiency, right? Nothing unnecessary. They don't have reproductive organs and live in controlled environments so they don't need clothes…"

"Yeah, I noticed that."

"Well, we weren't really sure, but after I went to help Thor, when you, Daniel, and Teal'c went to deal with the Replicators on the submarine…"

"Ah, memories…"

Sam nodded and continued. "Well, he offered me 'nourishment' and beamed in these little… well they looked like blocks. Each one was a different colour and shape, and they were really hard. He told me he liked the yellow one so…"

"Carter!" Jack exclaimed, reverting to the old habit due to the context of their conversation. "What's the rule about accepting food from aliens?"

"Well, I didn't think Thor was trying to drug me and get me into bed!" she objected, referring to the incident early on that had caused him to issue that order in the first place.

"Hey, that's number three on the list of 'Things we aren't ever going to mention again,'" he reminded her. About halfway through their first year as a team, Jack had proposed they make a pact wherein certain off-world occurrences were never to be mentioned to anybody. Ever.

They each contributed something they'd rather forget, and had sealed the pact with a round of ginger ales, since Teal'c didn't drink and Daniel could barely handle a beer. As the years had gone on, the list had been added to many, many times.

"Sorry,"Sam said, her tone indicating she wasn't sorry at all. "Anyway, ah, I figured Thor wouldn't offer me something unless he knew it was safe for me to eat, so I took the yellow one, which he said was his favorite. It was _so _disgusting. The taste was just so… strong. But vaguely familiar. Anyway, we had more or less decided they must only consume what was absolutely necessary to keep them alive… that pretty much confirmed it. They eat exactly what they need, the exact vitamins and minerals in their most basic states, so there aren't any… leftovers to be um… excreted. Well, that's our theory anyway."

"You and Daniel spent a lot of time on this, didn't you?" he asked smugly, glad to know he wasn't the only one who had been pondering the Asgard's lack of… certain anatomical… parts.

"And… Janet too," Sam admitted.

Jack smiled slowly, grinning like she had just given him a Christmas present or something. "I should have known."

"You could have asked," she pointed out. "Want to watch a movie?"

"Yeah, sure. I'll go make some popcorn."

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Thor narrowed his eyes as he observed the conversation about Asgard toilet needs. Deciding that was one of the things he definitely wouldn't be sharing with General Hammond, he made a few adjustments on his console and went back to work.

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More Notes: To hopefully prevent a surge of questions about Sam's age, I used her DOB from 'Entity,' which I got from my sister, who had to look up everybody's birthdays for one of her stories. If you're really bothered by it, click on my name, look at my favorite stories, and go to "Birthday Traditions." Her explanation is in one of the author's notes; I think it's in the last chapter. I defer to her judgment for all Stargate-related questions.


	12. The Requisite Massage Scene

Note: I know it's repetitive but I can't help but continue to express my gratitude for all of your wonderful reviews. Thanks to everyone who expressed 'concern' for my husband. I particularly liked the suggestion that I 'throw him a bottle of water and the remote and get back to writing.' The rest of us got shots ages ago, (except for the babies, who are way too young and had to be carefully isolated from their daddy) and nobody else, miraculously, got sick, so I am now a firm believer in flu shots! Anyway, I still have not had much time to finish this chapter, so I did something a bit odd and cannibalized part of an unpublished story that was lurking in the dark corners of my computer. I adapted it to fit this story, so I hope the tone isn't too different. The next few chapters are going to push our little prisoners over the shippy edge, so they probably won't be quite as funny, but after the sappiness, the silliness will return with a vengeance. Maybe they can even co-exist eventually. That's the plan at least. All right, on with the show...

Ch 12: The Requisite Massage Scene

Halfway through the movie they had finally agreed on watching, Sam couldn't take it anymore. Jack had been… squirming. A lot. It was distracting, and it was beginning to annoy her. He couldn't be bored - it had been his idea in the first place to watch "Pirates of the Caribbean." Plus nobody could be bored during that movie.

Finally, she turned to him and said, "Is there some reason you can't be still for two seconds?"

He looked surprised at the sudden outburst, and winced as he settled back into the couch to be still.

"What's the matter, Jack?" Sam asked, her tone carrying the silent apology that went along with the question.

She was sticking to the rules of using his first name, but more often than not she just wasn't addressing him by any name. That, combined with years and years of 'sir' and 'Colonel' still meant that every time he heard his first name it grabbed his full attention. So now he had to answer.

"Just a little sore," he mumbled.

"From falling in your closet the other day?"

To her credit, she managed to ask the question seriously, without a smirk or the faintest hint of teasing in her voice. Then she got a mental picture of finding him in his closet, on top of all those boxes, covered in clothes, still clutching the wooden bar… the smile escaped for a flash of a second and was properly concealed.

"Ah, yeah. It's no big deal. Look, they're turning into skeletons," he said, wanting to get her attention back on the movie and off of him.

"You know, if a body was that decomposed it wouldn't have eyeballs anymore. Those would be the first thing to go," Sam commented.

"Well, I think I'm done with the popcorn, thanks so much for that, Sam," he said sarcastically.

"I'm just saying…" she started.

"They're _cursed, _the normal laws of… decomposition… don't apply to them," Jack argued, setting the bowl of popcorn down on the coffee table and glancing over at Sam to see if she was going to keep arguing with him or not.

She was watching the movie, determinedly not looking at him. Ha. He grinned and got up to go get a soda.

Ten minutes later, he was squirming again, and messing with the couch cushions. "Do you want a…" Sam started automatically, suddenly freezing. She had shocked herself, and luckily caught herself just in time. She had been about to offer him a massage, automatically, like it was something she did all the time. Clearly she was going insane. Giving him a massage would definitely not be a good idea. Especially just offering out of nowhere, Jack would have a field day with that cliché.

"What?" Jack asked, interrupting the mental berating she was giving herself.

"Uh… Tylenol. Advil. Something for the pain," she said quickly.

"Nah, it's not that bad. Yet. Thanks."

"Ah, yeah. No problem," she mumbled. Jack nodded and turned his attention back to the movie. Sam glanced at him and sighed. If it had been Daniel or Teal'c… or anybody else for that matter, she wouldn't have hesitated. No big deal. But because it was Jack O'Neill, a Jack O'Neill she'd been trapped with for months, who had been on his absolute best behavior the entire time in spite of her random crazy outbursts…

She smiled suddenly as she got an idea. He had done the whole betting thing to get her to stop saying 'sir.' She could probably use his own little method against him. When the movie ended, she asked casually, "Hey, do you want to play chess?"

"I don't know, it's kind of late… last time we played this late at night you lost, if I recall…"

"Yeah, that's why I want a rematch," she said with a grin. Well, this was just too easy, wasn't it?

"Hmm. Well, I'm up for a rematch if you are. What are the stakes?"

"If I win, you have to cook."

"That's not very…"

"All week."

"Yeah, okay."

"Whatever I want," she added for good measure.

He narrowed his eyes at her for a few moments and said, "Okay. And if I win?"

"I don't know," she said with a casual shrug.

"How about if I win, _you _have to cook for a… no, that would just be punishing myself."

She glared and hit him with a throw pillow, but she was laughing. He grabbed the pillow, chuckling, and said, "I don't know… I'll go get the board and think about it."

"Okay. I'm going to go make some coffee. Are you sure you don't want some Advil or something for your neck while I'm in there?" she asked as she got up and headed to the kitchen.

"Nah, I'll be okay," he called as he headed to the hall closet for the chess set.

Sam made the coffee a bit nervously, wondering if her subtle reminder about his neck was going to work while he tried to think of a bet, or if she was going to have to come right out and suggest it.

"OH, SAAAAAAAM!" Jack suddenly called, sounding very proud about something. "I thought of something!"

She grinned as she added sugar to her coffee. Now all she had to do was lose discreetly. Taking both coffee mugs into the kitchen, she smiled and said, "What did you come up with?"

"Okay, if you win, I have to cook anything and everything for a week. If I win, you have to help me out with my little neck problem," he said, rubbing at the back of his neck and wincing.

She looked at him in surprise, hoping she wasn't overdoing it, and said, "Okay, but I get to be white this time."

"Okay," he agreed. They sat down on opposite sides of the coffee table, where he had already set up the chessboard.

Sam bit her lip in concentration. That, at least, didn't have to be faked. It was much harder to lose without being obvious about it than it was to win.

Luckily, she had practice. When Cassie was little, she had gradually played harder and harder as Cassie learned the ins and outs of the game, until finally Sam didn't have to let her win anymore. Jack knew her better though, so she had to be more discreet.

She gradually started looking more and more tired as the game went on, so he'd think her brain was gradually shutting down. Yawning and resting her head in her hand while she waited for him to move, she studied the board carefully. When it was her turn, she moved her bishop to take one of his pawns, paused with her hand still on the piece, and took it back. "Oops," she muttered.

"You'd better be careful there, or you're gonna lose," Jack warned.

"I don't think so, Jack. Maybe I need some more coffee," she said after making a different move. She went to the kitchen for a refill so she could let go of the slightly evil grin that had been threatening to escape for the past ten minutes.

Ten minutes later, she made the 'fatal' move. As soon as she let go of her knight, Jack leaned forward quickly and she objected, "Wait, wait, I want to take it back!"

"No way, your hand was off the piece. Those are the rules and you know it!" he said, capturing the knight with a rook so that her king was trapped between his queen, rook, and bishop.

"Come on, Jack, my hand was about a millimetre away from my knight before you swooped in…"

"Doesn't matter. You let go. Your turn's over."

"I would let you take it back," Sam argued, because he would expect her to. And because it was fun.

"I highly doubt that."

"Yes I would," she insisted.

"You didn't when we were in the infirmary after the armbands thing, remember? I had barely taken my hand off that pawn and you knocked it out of the way with your rook so hard it shot across the room and Daniel tripped on it."

"Oh yeah," Sam laughed at the memory.

Poor Daniel. He had just been allowed to get up and go take a shower, and was on his way back. He had tripped on the chess piece and hit his head on the corner of the crash cart. Three stitches later, Daniel was still glowering at both of them and Janet had confiscated their chess board and was threatening to refuse them Jell-O with lunch if they couldn't 'play nicely.'

Thinking about Daniel, Teal'c, and Janet had really started to get to her lately. Whenever something reminded her of them, Sam smiled automatically, but then was always flooded with feelings of missing them.

"Are you okay?" Jack asked.

"Yeah, I just… don't you miss Janet, Daniel, and Teal'c?"

"Yeah, I do. Well, Teal'c definitely. And… even Daniel," he admitted with a wince, as though it was painful to confess. "And the doc… well, she's all right as long as she doesn't have a needle or a penlight in her hands… Now quit trying to get out of paying off your bet," he said with a smirk.

She laughed and said, "It's pretty late, I'd understand if you want to go get some sleep and maybe tomorrow…"

"No way. We had a deal."

"Okay, okay," she said, getting up off the floor and stretching a bit.

She narrowed her eyes at Jack. He was looking a little too smug. So smug in fact that for a split second she debated telling him how she'd planned the whole thing, just to wipe that look off his face. However, that would certainly defeat the purpose of all her careful plotting and he'd never let her live it down.

Okay, she thought, smiling to herself. I'll have to come up with another way to get rid of that look.

Jack was watching Sam uncertainly as she approached him. It had seemed like such a good idea at the time… his neck hurt, she could make it feel better. But now he wasn't so sure this was safe. The closer she got to him, the more nervous he was getting.

Sam picked up on this immediately and happily. For some reason the more nervous he looked, the less nervous she felt. "All right," she finally said, sitting down on the arm of the couch right next to him.

Jack, for his part, had gone uncharacteristically still. He knew if he turned his head to face her, he'd be face to face with her chest. Swallowing hard, he stared resolutely ahead, even when she scratched the back of his neck lightly with her fingernails, which still weren't very long but were longer than they usually were when she was going out in the field every other day.

"Where exactly does it hurt?"

Praying she hadn't noticed the shiver that had just run through his body, he twisted so that his back was to her and he was sideways on the couch, his back against the high arm rest, and her. "Just… my neck. And shoulders," he added. Hey, he probably wasn't going to get this opportunity again. He was going to enjoy it.

Sam rolled her eyes but said, "All right."

Jack briefly entertained the idea of adding, "And back," to the list, but figured that might be pushing it a bit too far. He jumped slightly when her fingers started rubbing the very top of his neck unexpectedly. He let out a groan in surprise.

"Too hard, Jack?"

"No," he croaked.

He rolled his eyes. Not only was she assaulting all his senses with a professional-grade massage, she had to just casually throw in "Jack," which she still wasn't saying with the frequency she had always thrown out all those 'sirs.'

Jack suddenly had the feeling that he had now completely lost all control of the situation, but she was doing such a lovely job on his aching neck that he found he no longer cared.

He hadn't been lying. His neck, especially the left tendon, was so tight Sam couldn't believe it. "You really wrecked it," she said sympathetically after several minutes of silence. Realizing that for the past few days he had obviously been in quite a bit of pain helped her focus more on making him feel better and less on being self-conscious about what she was doing.

"Mmmm."

She smiled at what she assumed was an affirmative response. As his neck muscles gradually loosened up, he relaxed a lot more, melting back into the couch, and her, until he was leaning back against her, without being consciously aware of when he had done that. The only problem with that was that, while it was very comfortable having his head leaned back into her chest, it was hard for her to reach the area she was supposed to be massaging, especially after she had worked her way down his entire neck.

Biting her lip, she couldn't believe what she was about to say. "Jack?"

"Hmm?" He had apparently lost the ability to speak, which made her strangely proud. Refusing to analyse that, for now at least, she decided to just be glad he wasn't making sarcastic or suggestive comments. It also gave her the guts to make her next comment.

"Permission to remove your shirt, sir?"

"Yuh-whu… huh-what?" he asked drowsily.

"So I can reach your shoulders. You said they were bothering you as well," she reminded in a business-like tone she had picked up from Janet.

"Oh. Yeah. Shoulders." He leaned up, away from her, and started pulling it off.

Sam helped him, deliberately raking her fingers up his sides in the process, he was positive. After the shirt was removed, however, the nervousness returned as she stared at his bare back. There were only a couple of ways she could massage his shoulders. He could stretch out on the couch and she could straddle him, or he could remain sitting up and she could stand behind the couch.

She definitely did not trust either of them to be horizontal at the moment, so before he could say anything, she moved behind the couch, leaned over slightly, and resumed the massage.

"Sam, if you ever get sick of the Air Force… and the whole astrophysicist genius thing doesn't work out, and you need references for a new career as a massage therapist…" Jack was particularly proud of himself for managing to string that many words together in a nearly-coherent thought.

She laughed quietly. "Thanks, I'll let you know."

After half an hour more, she had more than worked out all of the tension in his shoulders, and he was in a unique state of relaxation and alertness. He hadn't known it was possible to be so completely relaxed and aroused at the same time.

It occurred to him that her hands had to be exhausted. His brain was much too fuzzy to care that what he was doing was _so _not allowed. He reached up to his own shoulders, covering her hands with his.

Sam inhaled sharply, but she didn't think he noticed. He did. He rubbed her fingers and the backs of her hands lightly with his thumbs for a few moments, then slid his hands up her slender arms, curling his fingers around them just above the elbows.

She got the message and leaned over further, hugging him around the shoulders from behind, before her brain could tell her it was not a good idea. Her face was right next to his. Jack could feel her breathing on his neck.

Turning his head to see her face, he held his breath as his eyes found hers. He swallowed slowly. "Sam," he finally said.

"J-Jack." She mentally rolled her eyes at the stammer that came out of her mouth.

"I have another question for you," he said, speaking quietly but quickly, before the part of his brain that normally stopped him from doing and saying this type of thing kicked in.

A bright white light suddenly filtered in from the kitchen. They both looked towards it automatically. It disappeared quickly. Sam looked at her watch. "Wow, it's really late," she commented. "I was wondering when Thor was stocking the kitchen."

"Yeah," Jack mumbled. Great timing, buddy. It's the 'Carter's about to agree to go fishing, hey, what's that light' incident all over again.

Sam stood up, releasing the hold she had on his shoulders reluctantly, but she had prolonged the contact much longer than she should have already.

She stepped back around the couch and leaned against the arm rest, looking down at her tired hands.

"Um, you had a… a question?" she asked.

"Yeah."

His eyes went from happy and relaxed to piercing in no time flat. She hated it when he looked at her like that. It didn't make sense, but she always thought he was reading her mind right through her eyes. At the same time, she took it as an unspoken challenge, so that no matter how uncomfortable it made her, she refused to look away.

Sometimes, like when they were stuck on opposite sides of a force shield or she was begging for his support on a crazy rescue mission for her father, that was a very good thing. More often than not, it just ended awkwardly, leaving her feeling dissatisfied and vaguely irritated.

"I was wondering if you…" Jack started.

She saw the moment he changed his mind. She had been absolutely convinced that he was finally going to bring everything that had always gone unspoken between them out into the open. But something stopped him. She hoped it wasn't something he had seen in her eyes, but what else could it have been?

"If you… knew what would happen if you went through the Stargate backwards?" he finished with an apologetic smile.

"You would come out the other end backwards," she answered.

"No, I mean, the back end of the wormhole, like if you walked around the back of the ramp. Can you go through it, or would it kill you?"

"Well, you definitely can't go through it. And like the proper side or the event horizon, if you stuck just your hand through, for example, you should be able to just pull it back out. Remember, the wormhole only demolecularizes whole objects, so unless the power was cut off prematurely…"

"Cool," he said simply. "Uh. Well, thanks. For the lesson and the… massage."

"Anytime."

He raised his eyebrows.

"The lesson," she said quickly, rolling her eyes because she knew she was blushing. And he had that smug look back on his face. After all that hard work to get rid of it, too. "I was talking about the lesson. Goodnight, s… Jack." She hurried to her bedroom, eager to get out of there before something else went embarrassingly wrong.

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"Thor!" General Hammond yelled, exasperated with his new friend.

"My apologies, General Hammond. I forgot the food deliveries were on automatic timer…"

"They were so close!"

"I concur. It has taken much time already, however. Despite our untimely interruption, I do not believe we will have to wait much longer."

"I hope so," Hammond muttered.


	13. The Bad Day

Notes: Well, I was going to answer some reviews individually here, but for some reason I can't seem to look at them to get your names. Maybe the site is crowded or something. Anyway, a couple of your questions will be answered in later chapters, but in general, I'll just say that the rating is not going to go up, although there will definitely be a 'ship launched' in the chapter after this one. Since the last one was well-received, I've cannibalized yet another old story I never did anything with. This chapter IS sad. It will probably seem out of place. But despite the silliness of this story, I just could not have Jack and Sam get together under these circumstances without dealing with the issue of this chapter. That being said, I know this chapter still has no resolution. It was very long, so that part is under construction in the next chapter, but I wanted to get something out to everyone as quickly as possible, because you have all been so wonderful about this story. I promise that this will be the only sad chapter. The next one is going to be rather serious as well, relatively speaking, but after that, it WILL be funny again, I promise! Thanks so much for sticking with this story, everyone.

Ch 13: The Bad Day

Sam slept later than she had in years the next day. When she finally got up, she took her time in the bathroom, nervous about how things were going to be with Jack now. She had no idea what to expect.

She wasn't expecting him to still be asleep. Well, she assumed he was still asleep. The door to his room was closed and the coffee pot was still in the drying rack from the night before, so he definitely hadn't been out of his room yet, or the pot would either be halfway full, or at least be empty and dirty.

She started a pot of extra-strong coffee and put two pieces of toast in the toaster, then went to the fridge to get the butter and jam. She looked around to see what Thor had left them this time, until a rather strong odor grabbed her attention. "Crap," she muttered, hurrying over to the toaster and popping the toast up manually.

"Not again," she moaned, quickly grabbing the hot, burnt pieces of toast by their corners and dropping them onto a plate. The toaster sparked angrily. She jumped a little and quickly unplugged it.

"So much for toast," she said, examining the piece on top more closely. It wasn't completely charred, she could just scrape off the burnt part.

She was scraping loudly at a slice over the sink, with the butter knife, when Jack padded into the kitchen without any shoes or socks on. She braced herself for a comment about the burnt toast, something along the lines of "Another one bites the dust," or "Ooh, Cajun style this morning," but Jack didn't say anything at all, not even good morning.

He poured himself a cup of coffee and left without even looking in her direction. She watched him leave in stunned silence, wincing as the door to his bedroom slammed loudly.

What the hell? Was he seriously _mad _at her for what happened? That didn't make any sense at all. Sam frowned and drank her coffee way too fast, trying to figure out what had just happened. She cleaned up the kitchen, went back to her room, got dressed, and settled in the living room to read. Jack was still in his room, and she was getting nowhere in her book.

He finally emerged sometime later, got himself some more coffee, and sat down in the big chair. He propped his feet up on the coffee table and stared at them. Sam looked at him over the top of her book. He was still in his plaid pajama pants and grey Air Force shirt.

"Considering giving yourself a pedicure?" she finally asked, trying to break the ice.

"No," he answered absently.

"Do you want breakfast?"

"No."

Maybe he had figured out her little manipulation of the situation last night, but she really didn't think that would be likely to upset him. After all, he had done the same thing for two weeks to get her to call him 'Jack.' It was all in good fun. Plus, she had contrived the entire situation to give _him _the massage to make _him _feel better. If anything, she would have expected him to make fun of her about it. This made no sense, which was infuriating. Sam Carter did not like not knowing the answer to something.

"Aren't you going to fish today?" she tried with a smile.

"Not today."

"Oh. Jack, are you… are you okay?"

"Yeah."

"Want me to leave you alone?"

"Yeah."

She turned her attention back to the book quickly so he couldn't see how much that had hurt her feelings. Well, of all the scenarios she had thought up in the shower that morning, this certainly hadn't been one of them.

Half an hour later, she couldn't take it anymore. He was watching her. It was something he often did, usually in her lab while she worked on something sufficiently interesting enough to distract herself from him. But since she was only pretending to read, it was getting more and more unsettling by the minute, particularly because he was so clearly upset about something, apparently what had happened between them the night before.

"I'm going to go sit outside for a while," Sam finally said, getting up and going outside. She settled herself in one of the two chairs still on the dock. It was hot out already, really hot, and bright, and she hadn't brought anything with her but her book. But she didn't want to go back inside either.

She had just managed to focus most of her attention on the plot of her book when she heard the back door open and shut. She took a deep breath, wondering what was going to happen now. Jack sat down in his chair, his knee popping, and handed her a tube of sunscreen and her sunglasses.

"Thanks," she said with a confused smile as she took the items.

"Don't want you to get burned," he mumbled with a shrug, leaning back into his chair and staring at the pond.

"You're still not going to fish?" she couldn't help but ask.

"No."

"Jack, do you… it seems like we need to talk."

"About what?" he asked, giving her the deliberately dense look.

"About whatever happened last night. I didn't realize it upset you so m…"

"Not everything is about you, Sam," he interrupted.

She looked at him in shock, her mouth slightly open. He was resolutely not looking at her still. She had nothing to say to that. She hadn't felt like this in about five years, when Daniel, insanely addicted to the sarcophagus, had told her she had never known what love was.

"Sorry," he mumbled, getting up quickly and going inside. She watched him go, now more confused than ever.

When she went back inside after getting too warm outside, he was shut up in his room again. She left him alone until her stomach was growling for lunch. Exploring the fridge, she decided to use some of the sandwich meat Thor had left them, as it didn't keep as long as the rest of the groceries.

Determining that this was going to be her absolute last effort of the day with him, she made large sandwiches for both of them. She added some fruit and crisps to their plates, poured two glasses of tea, and took a deep breath as she went to his room carrying his half of lunch. If he didn't explain himself now, she was through with this crap. He was going to have to come to her.

Knocking on the door, she waited several moments before he opened it. He still was not dressed, although it was late afternoon already, because they had slept so late.

"Thought you were probably getting hungry since you didn't have any breakfast," she said.

He looked at the plate and glass in her hands like they were alien objects or something, but took them slowly. "Thanks," he said, taking them into his room. He left the door half open, but it was clearly not an invitation. Apparently he was merely being polite enough not to shut it right in her face.

She went back into the kitchen to eat her own lunch, but now she wasn't hungry anymore. She picked at it for a few seconds and took it into the living room, setting it on the coffee table in case she got hungry again in a little bit. She grabbed another book, one she hadn't already read this time, hoping it would keep her attention better than the other one she had been reading earlier.

A while later, Jack emerged from his room, taking his empty plate and glass into the kitchen. When he came back, he sat down next to her on the couch, much closer than he usually did without a reason. He was making less sense today than he had done when he'd had the ancient knowledge downloaded into his brain. With their shoulders touching, she couldn't look at him without it being obvious, so she didn't.

"Thanks for the sandwich. It was good."

Wow, a whole sentence, she thought sarcastically. "You're welcome."

"You're not eating," he observed.

"Not hungry."

"Sam…" he started.

"What?" she challenged.

"Nothing. Never mind."

She debated getting up and moving further away from him, but figured he would just follow her. Was this some weird kind of head game or something? No, he clearly was having even less fun today than she was, whatever was going on.

The rest of the day crawled by. Sam watched a movie, deliberately suggesting one she knew he couldn't stand, hoping he would object to it. He had shrugged at her suggestion and then she had to watch it to prove her point. A bit like shooting yourself in the foot, as she didn't really like that movie either.

After that, she had decided to clean. Everything. Hopefully it would get rid of some of her pent up anger. Otherwise, there was a distinct possibility somebody with grey hair was going to be slapped before the night was over. Every room she had moved to while she cleaned, he had followed her, even sitting on the counter while she scrubbed the bathtub for about twenty minutes.

After cleaning everything she could, short of getting up on the roof and clearing out the gutters, Sam decided the time had come. Desperate measures and all that, she reasoned as she went over to the television, this time without giving him a choice in the matter, and put in a new movie. A musical. He hated musicals. And this wasn't just any musical. This was "Chicago."

Sitting down in the very corner of the couch, she wondered if he was going to go fix himself something for dinner. She wasn't hungry, and she sure as hell wasn't going to feed him a second time today.

He went into the kitchen, but he came back not with food, but with his arms full of beer, soda, and water. "Thirsty?" he offered, setting them all down on the coffee table.

Maybe he had gone completely mad. It was probably the simplest explanation to his bizarre behaviour. She took a Diet Coke and said, "Thanks."

After the movie was over, she said goodnight and went to her room. She doubted she'd be able to get to sleep for some time. She got ready for bed anyway. Eventually, she did fall asleep, absently wondering if this was all perhaps some long, bizarre dream.

Sam woke up a few hours later, hearing her door open. "Sam? Can I come in?"

Squinting at Jack, who was stood in the doorway with the light from the hall filtering in, she sighed, contemplating what he would do if she just said, "No." He'd probably just come in anyway. Apparently it wasn't enough that he'd bothered her all day long; he had to wake her up to keep doing it as well.

"All right," she finally said, sitting up in bed and adjusting her pillow so she could lean back against it and the headboard. She pulled the covers up tightly, as it was still chilly at night.

Jack came into the room but left the door open so he could see where he was going. He stopped next to her side of the bed and stood with his hands in his pockets.

"Jack?" she prompted after half a minute of silence. "Do you want to sit down?"

"Okay," he said, as if she was the one who had invited him over or something.

He sat down on the bed next to her. "It's dark in here."

"Yeah, I was asleep," she said pointedly. "Jack, I'm tired, what do you want?"

"I wanted to ask you something," he said. He was being completely quiet, calm, and still, and it was extremely unnerving. Even when seated, Colonel Jack O'Neill was never still for very long unless he was unconscious. He was always fiddling with something or other. Now he was just looking at her calmly, and she wasn't entirely sure he could even see her.

"Do you need some coffee or something?" she asked carefully.

"No."

"Okay... what did you want to ask me?"

"I wanted to ask you about... alternate realities."

Okay. So he confuses the hell out of me all day then has to come wake me up and ask me about complex quantum theory in the middle of the night when he's never shown any interest in it before, she thought angrily. "Now?"

"I couldn't sleep," he said dismissively.

"And you assumed that I'm always willing and eager to discuss quantum theory, at any time of the day or night," she said simply, too tired to worry about being polite to him at the moment.

"I just... I need to know."

"Know what?"

He looked like he was about to cry. Alarmed, she leaned forward and squeezed his forearm. "Jack, what's the matter?"

"There are tons of other realities out there, right?"

"Yes. An infinite number."

"Some are really different, some are close. Based on choices we make..."

"That's the theory anyway, yeah."

"What about things we don't choose?"

"Like what?"

"Like... things that happen... by accident. Could those vary from one reality to the next?"

"Well, some people would argue that there are no accidents. I don't think I can give you a definite answer either way, since this is all pretty theoretical. I mean, we obviously have proof of the existence of alternate realities, and we have proof that fates can be changed, but as for accidental occurrences, I'm just not sure. Why?"

"What do YOU think?"

"Well... for everything that happens, there are a lot of other things that have to coincide to lead up to that point, so I suppose that it wouldn't only be choices that affect alternate realities..."

"What do you THINK. Could there be differences in other realities where things that happened that nobody ever wanted to happen, or meant to happen... could those realities exist?"

"I think it's possible. I mean, never say never, but I would guess yes."

He looked so relieved she couldn't let it go. "Umm, do you mind me asking why this was so important to you all of a sudden? I mean, it's not like you to be up all night wrestling with quantum theory."

"I was just... thinking about something. And I wondered if it was possible. And I thought you would know."

"Jack... are you okay? You're not exactly yourself. I mean you haven't been yourself all day, but honestly I think I'd rather have you mad at me than… whatever this is. "

"I'm fine. I was never mad at you, why would you think that? I'm sorry I woke you up."

He moved like he was going to get up but impulsively she said, "Wait." He settled back down. "What's wrong?"

He winced and looked down at his hands. "Today's Charlie's birthday," he finally said, looking up and locking eyes with her.

"Oh God," she said, her entire posture and tone softening instantly as she completely forgot how upset she had been with his behavior all day. "Jack... why didn't you say something?" she finally asked, not knowing what to say.

"I just started thinking, wondering if there might be an alternate reality, or more than one even for that matter, where... it never happened. Where I locked my gun up someplace else, or he was doing something else that day, out playing with his friends, or something... would it have just happened on another day somewhere down the road? Or happened in another way..."

"There's no way to know that. I'm sorry. As you can probably imagine, after our encounter with the other... me, and Kawalsky, I thought about the alternate realities... a lot. And believe me, it doesn't lead anywhere, because there are just so many different possibilities."

"So it's possible Charlie's alive in another reality."

She bit her lip, trying to figure out which answer would be the kindest, but she had no idea what to say. He was still waiting for her to answer, but she was terrified of saying the wrong thing. She'd never seen him look so sad before. He was usually the master of controlled emotions. Even when he was upset, he tended to try to force things to change. Tonight he was just sitting there, looking utterly defeated, and it was a scary and sad sight to see.

"Don't lie to me, Sam," he said suddenly, locking eyes with her again. "Don't tell me what you think I want to hear. I want to know what you really think."

"I wasn't going to," she said quietly, sliding her hand down his arm and squeezing his hand. "It's just... even if you had proof, and you were 100 percent positive that there was another reality out there where Charlie... where nothing had happened to him, would that really make you feel better? Or would it make you feel worse?"

"I don't know," he admitted. "I just..."

"I know you blame yourself for what happened. I know nothing anybody could possibly say to you will ever convince you otherwise. So how could knowing that in another reality, what happened to Charlie was prevented do anything other than make you feel even more responsible for YOUR Charlie than you already do?"

"I'm not sure. One way or the other. I just... want to know."

"Sometimes there aren't answers, Jack. Only more questions. And sometimes it's better not to ask them," she said gently.

"You really don't know, or you just don't want to tell me?"

"I really don't know. And I don't think knowing would change anything anyway. It's like Teal'c said when Kawalsky and my… 'twin' were here. It's hard to accept, but ours has to be the only reality of consequence to us. Otherwise you'll go insane trying to think of all the possible different versions of yourself and your life that could be out there. Believe me. I've thought about this a lot."

"I figured you had," he said quietly.

She nodded and watched as he turned her hand over and covered it with both of his, then stared at their hands for a long time without saying anything. "What do _you_ think though?" he finally asked.

"I'm trying to tell you I'm not in a position to..."

"I know. But I really need to know. Please. It's important to me."

"I know," she said with a sigh. "I would say it's possible. In most of the realities we've encountered directly or indirectly, worldwide events are basically the same. Development of our civilization, for example, seems to happen at basically the same rate. But there are also a lot of minor differences, and I am in no way saying that what happened to Charlie was minor, but a series of horrible, unpredictable events all led up to it, so it's conceivable that if only one of those factors changed in only one reality, there could be another Charlie out there right now, having a Happy Birthday. I just don't know, Jack. That's what I'm trying to make you understand. It's possible there are lots of realities where he's alive and well. It's possible that there are certain events in everyone's life that are universal. I'm sorry I can't give you the answer you want."

"I don't even know what answer I want. I just... needed some help with the concept and... everything. I get confused."

"It's a very confusing concept. That's why I try not to think about it too much any more."

"I'm sorry I bothered you," he said suddenly. "You were asleep. I was a jerk all day, you were finally asleep, I shouldn't have..."

"It doesn't matter," she interrupted. "I'm glad you told me what this was all about. I wouldn't... if it were me I wouldn't want to be alone wrestling with those types of thoughts. You know if you had said something earlier..."

"It's easier sometimes, if nobody else knows about it. They treat you like normal. They don't look at you... differently."

"I understand what you mean. After my mom died, I liked that we kept moving around so much, going from base to base, you know. It made it a lot easier to be around people who didn't feel sorry for you and stuff."

"Yeah. But sometimes... it's not better."

She nodded, and they sat in silence for a long time. Finally, he looked up and caught her eyes again and she smiled a little.

"Sorry. I was doing that staring thing you were talking about, wasn't I?"

"It's okay."

"Are you sure you don't want anything? I could make coffee, or go get you some water, or... milk..."

"No thanks. I should go."

"You don't have to." He looked mildly surprised. "I mean, I certainly understand needing to be alone. But you did come here."

"I was a giant ass to you all day. You should have beat the crap out of me. Especially when I woke you up. You're way too nice."

She laughed a little. "Well, I won't tell if you won't." She scooted over on the bed to make room for him next to her.

Taking the hint, he shifted so that he was sitting in her previous spot, leaning against the headboard.

She looked sideways at him once and sighed, settling her head in one of its favorite spots, on his shoulder. If the Colonel was anything like she was on the day her mother died, they were probably going to be sitting like that, in silence, until dawn.

"Believe it or not, I really did much better today than I ever have before," Jack offered after several minutes of silence.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Thank you," he said sincerely. "That's _so _not good enough right now," he added with a sigh.

"Well, you can repay the favor next year then," Sam said casually.

"What do you mean?"

"This year, I'm... I'm the same age my mom was when she died. I don't know why that mattered so much to me but... it did. Then it occurred to me that next year, I'll be older than her and... I have no idea how I'm going to deal with that but I'm guessing it won't be well. I wish I had known what was wrong with you all day though. I wouldn't have spent so much time thinking up horrible ways to injure you."

He laughed for the first time all day and hugged her, pressing his nose into the top of her head and closing his eyes. Sam felt him breathe deeply and sighed as well.

It was amazing really, if you thought about it, she decided. How in even just one of an infinite number of realities, a day could be so good and bad all at the same time.


	14. Big Changes

Notes: I was so pleased with the responses to the last chapter that I have been working like a crazy person to get this next one out so you can have a bit of resolution. The next chapter is probably more than a week away. Thursday is my son's fifth birthday, so I have a party to prepare for next weekend. I also have to try to hurry Sydney out of her current phase - she is swearing like a tiny little sailor, and I can't have her cursing left and right around all of Rory's friends or I will have parents ringing me for weeks, not to mention the fact that my mother-in-law will be there as well. Enough about that. This chapter is as promised - Jack even finishes a couple of sentences here and there. Incidentally, does anybody happen to know if Carter has ever been given a middle name, or if they've ever said her mother's name? Let me know if you do, I'd really appreciate it. Find the X-Files reference in this chapter and get... I don't know. Something shiny and imaginary;).

Ch 14: Big Changes

When Sam woke up the next day, bright shafts of sunlight were filling the room. She glanced at the clock and groaned. It was nearly lunch time. Then again, the last time she remembered looking at the clock before drifting off to sleep the night before, it had been close to five am.

She still wasn't entirely sure the previous day had been real. It had been so bizarre… she had spent all day thinking Jack was mad at her for something, only to have him wake her up after she had gone to bed to tell her it was Charlie's birthday.

After talking about it, they had sat together for a long time, not saying anything. And then they slept together, and it hadn't been awkward at all. She didn't have to shyly ask him to stay, and he didn't pretend to want to leave. When she had finally been unable to stay awake with him any longer, she had just scooted down the mattress, and he had followed her. He lay on his back and hugged her, and she hugged him as much as she could, curled on her side against him. She wanted to stay awake to make sure he was still okay, but she had fallen asleep almost immediately.

She woke up once, some time later, and could tell he was sleeping peacefully, so she had gone right back to sleep as well.

Since she could still smell him on her pillow even though she was alone, she knew she hadn't imagined it. Curious as to what Jack was up to now and what sort of mood he would be in today, she quickly brushed her teeth and went looking for him. He wasn't hard to find. It was a small cabin, after all, and she only had to follow the sounds of banging pots and pans, slamming drawers, and the _singing _coming from the kitchen.

The last time Jack O'Neill had been caught singing he had been under Urgo's influence. This time, he had no excuse. There was also no excuse for that song, either. She grimaced as he got even louder.

"Oh yes, oh yes, they both reached for the gun, the gun the gun the gun oh yes they both reached for the gun and SHOT THE GOA'ULD…"

She burst out laughing as she entered the kitchen. He was standing at the stove with his back to her, singing, still in his pajamas, but for some reason he had only one sock onas well. He was also either having a muscle spasm of some sort or doing some sort of jerky dance, it was impossible to tell which. When he heard her laughing, he turned around quickly, holding a big plastic two-pronged fork that was now dripping runny yellow goo on the floor.

"The proverbial deer in the headlights. Where's Daniel and his video camera when you need him?" Sam said, still laughing.

"I was uh…"

"Singing. I believe. Sorry to interrupt, please, finish your number… speaking of which, I thought you hated 'Chicago.' Didn't you tell Teal'c it was a disgrace to the name of your hometown when it first came out?"

"I KNEW that's why you picked it yesterday."

"Hey, I thought you deserved it at the time," she said reasonably, pouring herself a cup of coffee.

"I _did _deserve it," Jack countered.

"Maybe. You're dripping eggs all over the floor," Sam pointed out. He turned his attention back to the pan on the stove, dropped a dishtowel on the floor and started wiping up the goo with his foot.

"Scrambled okay?" he called over his shoulder. "It's kind of late for anything else at this point."

"Sounds great. Want me to do anything?"

"Yes, stay far, far away from the stove."

"Funny. Not as funny as your musical debut, but…"

"Sam. You may be the smartest person on Earth, but I'm warning you. If you tell anyone what you saw here today, I will have to kill you." He pointed the plastic fork at her for emphasis.

She laughed and said, "Duly noted. But I'm sure Thor saw you too…"

"D'oh!" he exclaimed.

Shaking her head and smiling, she asked, "So… why do you only have one sock on, or do I want to know?"

"I spilt a little water when I was making the coffee and wiped it up with my sock, so it was wet, so I took it off. Can you get the cheese from the fridge?"

"Cheese?"

"Yeah. To shred and put in the eggs. It's really good."

"Oh, yeah." She grabbed some cheese and took it over to him. He didn't take it.

He stared at it and said, "Kraft singles? I don't think that would taste very good with eggs. Try the cheddar."

Rolling her eyes, she took the cheese back and tried to find the cheddar.

"It's orangey-yellow, no holes…" he called teasingly.

"Very funny," she said, finally locating it in a drawer behind a bunch of other things. "It was hiding," she explained as she set it down a bit louder than necessary on the counter next to him.

Breakfast was fun. The food was good, and Jack was clearly in an excellent mood. Sam supposed some of it was exaggerated for her benefit, to make up for yesterday, but that didn't really matter. Still, she couldn't help but think that after yesterday, she had to bring up the thing that had been at the back of her mind for some time now. Yesterday had been a kick in the pants, sort of.

"Jack, I… think we should talk," she finally said after they had cleaned everything up from breakfast and were sitting back at the table with more coffee.

"That's very rarely the start of a good conversation. Especially combined with the look on your face. What's wrong?"

"I just think… we've been here so long. I think it might be time to try to convince Thor to take us home again."

"What makes you think he'll listen to us now? What's changed?"

"I don't know I just… I mean, it should be pretty obvious to him by now that nothing is going to… happen. We might as well stop wasting time here and get back to work."

Maybe it came out a bit harsher than she meant, judging by the way he flinched slightly at her words, but he recovered quickly.

Jack didn't know what to say. He knew he had been absolutely terrible to Sam yesterday, but she had been so perfect about the whole thing that he was still feeling incredibly guilty about it, despite the fact that she had already completely got over it. He still hadn't. "Is this because of what happened yesterday?" he asked quietly.

"No," Sam said quickly. "Well… I guess in a way, maybe."

"I'm really sorry about…"

"You don't have anything to apologize for. This situation isn't good for you."

"What do you mean?"

"I just think… with Charlie… the Asgard don't understand that… I'm not sure they even know about it, but… look, I understand that you never want to have kids. It would be a constant reminder… There's got to be a way we can convince Thor that they're waiting for something that's never going to happen…"

"What makes you so positive I wouldn't want to have kids?"

"Wu… I mean…"

Jack watched her, amused. He rarely saw Sam Carter at a loss for words, and she rarely misconstrued a situation as badly as she had done this time, if he was following her train of thought properly.

"I just assumed… I mean with what you told Thor and General Hammond…" He could tell the minute her brain went turbo again. "Oh come on, I'm not crazy. You flat out told them you were completely against this plan, we haven't even talked about the reason Thor stranded us here in months, you clearly don't want…"

"And you do?" he interrupted.

Wow. Carter speechless twice in five minutes. New record, he thought proudly. Then he felt slightly guilty for putting her on the spot and said, "Sam, look… just because I'm against this wacky plan doesn't mean I would never want kids. And for the record, I didn't exactly hear you volunteering to be a lab rat either if you recall."

"I know, but… never mind."

"No, not never mind. Come on, you brought this up. If we don't sort this out now, it'll just come up again later," Jack insisted.

"All right, what is there to 'sort out?'" She was losing her patience quickly.

Jack figured it was a reasonable reaction; she had been incredibly patient with him just yesterday, after all. It wouldn't be fair for him to start interrogating her now. He'd have to be the one talking rather than listening, even if it meant saying something that would alienate her further.

"I don't know. I thought you were just as irritated with everybody for putting us in this situation as I am!"

"I am," Sam insisted. "But I also thought you didn't want kids. In general."

"But… you know I like kids."

"Big kids. Other people's kids. I didn't know you wanted any of your own."

"Well…"

"We can still try to talk to Thor," she said suddenly. "This doesn't really change any of that."

"What are you talking about?"

"I just… we've been here _forever. _How much longer are they going to make us stay here? You'd think Thor would get the hint by now. If something was going to happen it would have…"

"Do you _want _something to happen?" he asked suddenly.

Now it was her turn to do a deer-in-the-headlights impression.

"Sorry. That wasn't fair of me to ask," he said quickly, not sure which answer he would have preferred. One would be very dangerous, one would be safe but incredibly hurtful.

Sam decided to change the course of the conversation quickly. "Jack… with what happened yesterday, I'm surprised we're even talking about this. It never occurred to me you had thought about… ever having more children."

He shrugged, a woefully inadequate response.

"So," Sam continued. "I guess if you've thought about it, then there's just the other part."

"What other part?" he asked, confused.

"Well… the not with me part," she said casually, as if it was no big deal. Her eyes refused to participate in the nonchalant act and completely gave her away.

Jack stared at her so long it made her incredibly uncomfortable. Finally, he said, "I think that's the first stupid thing I've ever heard you say."

"I… what?"

"Sam…" he shook his head. This was like pulling teeth. This was exactly why he hated people, or little grey aliens for that matter, messing with their lives. The stupid rules forcing them apart, the stupid zay'tarc machine forcing them to publicly admit to feelings they weren't supposed to have at all, and now this whole Asgard mess. He hated them all. This was _so _not the way any of this was supposed to finally happen.

"You know how I feel about you," he mumbled. An outside observer might have found it odd that he was making such a reluctant confession to the bottom of his empty coffee mug.

He looked up after several silent moments and rolled his eyes at her. "You're a freaking genius, Sam, and according to some unnamed people named Cassie you'd have to be blind and living in a cave not to know."

"I know," she said quietly, shifting uncomfortably in her seat. "That for a while… I mean with the zay'tarc testing and everything, there was… some… chemistry. Or something. But that doesn't mean…"

"Hey, I have been a hell of a lot more obvious about this than you have!" Jack was getting really, really frustrated.

He knew for a fact that while he had tried to maintain his professionalism as far as she was concerned, he had given her far more indication of his feelings than she ever had. Maybe the reason she wasn't sure about his feelings was because she didn't feel them too, at least not anymore, if she ever really had. That thought sent him over the edge.

"OBVIOUS? When have you ever been obvious?" she challenged.

"Plenty more than you have!" he said hotly.

"Yeah, well, try being around when you're gone!" she yelled right back

"What? That doesn't even make sense!"

"You know what I mean! Maybe it wasn't obvious to you all the time but when you were stranded on that planet with Maybourne, or when you were off… with the Tok'ra… or when you were stuck with the Riole, or when you were on EDORA, or floating around in the X301 with Teal'c…it was pretty damn obvious to everybody else!"

"Well… good then. So you do know!"

"Know what, exactly?"

"Know what everybody else knows, even the Asgard. Dammit, Sam, why do you think they suggested this in the first place? They could have made a baby in a test tube or an incubator or a surrogate or even mixed the stuff together and stuck it in you and still got what they wanted, but even Thor knows it could never be like that with us."

"So what are you saying it's like?" she practically whispered. After all the yelling, he had to strain to hear her.

"It's got to be all or nothing, Sam. For me at least." Her eyes widened in surprise and he couldn't believe anybody so smart could be so dumb. It must have been a deliberate choice she made a long time ago, a self-preservation thing. Jack had tried that too, but it hadn't worked. Maybe he wasn't smart enough to play dumb properly.

He _was _smart enough to protect himself by not looking at her while he continued. Renewing his interest in his coffee mug, he admitted, "You were completely wrong about what you said earlier. About kids. I couldn't even imagine ever wanting any of that again after the horrible way it ended up last time. Until you."

Her eyes got impossibly wider - add a pair of glasses and she'd look just like an owl. He smiled at that thought and continued. He'd already started all of this, finally. Might as well get it all out.

"That goes for a lot of things. I was… done. With everything. Retired from the Air Force, retired from… well, everything. I was finished. Daniel helped me decide not to kill myself, that first mission on Abydos. The second time, with you, I… felt like… like being normal again. Starting over, whatever. It's clichéd and lame, but… it's the truth. I don't think I even realized it was happening at first, and after a while, I realized I was looking forward to the job, even when we weren't going off-world, and I was proud of what I did again, I wanted to help, and I was… happy. Daniel and Teal'c had a lot to do with that too, of course. Well, the four of us together, being a team and… a family. But somewhere along the way I realized how much of it was you, but at the same time it was like I knew it all along anyway… and then… well, after all those other parts of my life got better than I ever thought they'd be I started thinking about… possibly… kids… eventually. But it was really more of an exercise, like a dream or something, some vague imaginary goal for the future. Until Daniel went to that alternate reality where we were engaged I never considered the possibility you might… think of me in that way. And to be honest, after all we've been through, if you really didn't know any of this already, it makes me wonder if you ever felt the same…"

"I do," she said quickly.

Relief flooded through him and he grinned.

"But… keeping all that in mind, I mean you have to understand how your reaction to Thor's proposition has looked to me," Sam said quietly. "If it's all or nothing to you, why were you so dead set against even considering…"

"Because it's the zay'tarc detectors all over again only much, much worse," he tried to explain. "We've waited so long for this and… after all we've been though I think we deserve the overly-dramatic, super-cheesy happy ending, when the war with the Goa'uld is over and everybody's cheering… I don't want the reason we finally get together to be because the Asgard told us to. Do you?"

"No. But Thor said something in General Hammond's office that might be appropriate here."

"When?"

"The day he started all this. It was after you stormed out."

"Oh. What did he say?"

"He and General Hammond were talking about it and Hammond tried to explain that it wasn't right to interfere in our personal lives, and he pointed out that the existence of the regulations in the first place had already done that. I guess Thor sees this whole thing as a way to cancel that first interference out."

"Maybe, but I just… it's a lot of pressure, you know? I don't want you to decide later on that you were pressured into a commitment you didn't want or weren't ready for and… yeah. I couldn't do that."

"I think I understand your reasoning now. But I guess I kind of… agree more with Thor. I mean, I've been doing a really good job of not thinking about this stuff, so I'm still only just now sorting some of it out but… I mean, we had the feelings a long time before Thor intervened, right? So to me, he might be the _how _we finally… but he would definitely not be the _why._"

Jack nodded the tiniest bit, letting that sink in. He finally smiled and said, "Good thing you're so smart."

"What exactly are you…"

"I'm saying all right. Check mate, game over. I concede. Thor is more stubborn than both of us put together. He wins. Let's call the little guy up and tell him we give in."

"That's… touching."

"Oh, come on, you know I… aw, come on, I'm already in danger here of becoming one of those really sappy guys that goes around picking flowers or something…"

She laughed and said, "I can't really picture you picking flowers, Jack."

"Exactly! So, with my grumpy old man reputation firmly back in place, I can safely say this without sounding like I should be skipping around in a meadow or whatever..."

She raised an eyebrow and waited for him to say whatever he wanted to spit out.

"I'm… I'm really glad you made me see… the distinction there. Really, really, really glad. It's like now… instead of waiting around for a hopefully happy _ending, _we can just have the… the happy part, without the ending. Hey, we can have our cake and eat it too!" he exclaimed, grinning cheekily.

Sam rolled her eyes but she was laughing as well. "This from the man who claims to hate clichés. Don't worry, your grumpy old man routine has held its ground for years, Jack. But that doesn't mean you aren't… pretty sweet. When you want to be."

"We're… we're really weird aren't we," Jack suddenly said with a huge grin.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean we wake up one morning and plan out everything. Talk about having kids and… everything. And we've never even really kissed."

"Yeah. We hadn't even really hugged when there wasn't some dire emergency, until last night," she added, laughing with him.

"So… what now?" Jack finally asked.

"I guess Thor will let us go now. I kind of got the impression if we agreed to the Asgard proposal the President would too."

"Yeah, probably," Jack agreed. "But that wasn't what I was really talking about."

"Wh… oh. Uh. Okay."

They both got to their feet, facing each other, both thinking to themselves, "Yeah, this is romantic."

When it became clear that Sam was not going to move any closer to him, Jack stepped towards her cautiously. She didn't back away, but she looked… nervous? Scared? Well, that wasn't good.

"Sam, relax, okay, I just want a hug." Not entirely true, but it would do.

It worked too. He hugged her carefully, one arm around her back, cupping her shoulder, the other around her waist. When her arms snaked around him he pulled her closer, pressing his face into her shoulder.

Sam smiled, despite the face that her face was slightly smushed against some tee-shirt covered part of Jack. He always did the face in the shoulder thing, any time he had ever hugged her, or anytime she had seen him hug anybody else, for that matter. He had even done it when they had found Daniel in the supply closet when he was addicted to the sarcophagus. It was incredibly comforting to know that while things were obviously going to change dramatically between them, so many good things were going to stay the same.

That realization made her relax completely. She knew Jack could tell as well, because the second she relaxed his arms tightened even more and he tilted his head slightly so his nose pressed into her neck. Sam's hand slid up his back so she could scratch the nape of his neck with her fingernails. She kissed the side of his head and felt him exhale against her neck.

He finally lifted his head, pressing a tiny kiss into her shoulder as he did, which she suddenly found to be the cutest thing ever. When they locked eyes again, she had to smile at the look on his face. She'd seen it before. Sometimes he woke up looking like that, for about half a second, then it would disappear and he would get up for his watch, or for a day of hiking, or whatever was in store for them that day. Sleepy and happy.

She laughed and he frowned. "What?"

"Just… something stupid Daniel and I used to do," she said, shaking her head slightly.

"Do I really want to hear about something you and Daniel used to do?"

"Oh please. And you're the one who asked anyway."

"Okay, well, tell me already."

"We'd judge your mood based on dwarves."

"Huh?"

"Snow White… the seven dwarves… it just occurred to me right now, you're Sleepy and Happy…"

He rolled his eyes.

"See, now you're getting a little bit Grumpy. We came up with it one weekend when we were babysitting Cassie, right after she got here and she was trying to catch up on all the Earth culture and everything she missed…"

"Ohfercryinoutloud," he muttered. "So was that the worst one? Grumpy?"

"Sometimes you were Dopey… Daniel was always Sneezy when we first started, sometimes he was Bashful, but the worst mood we had for you was Doc."

"You two are the doctors…"

"Yeah but it was more like, 'DOC!'" she explained, doing an imitation of his harsh bark for Dr. Fraiser. "It's the mood you'd always be in after a trip to the infirmary."

"Hmmph," was the only response he could come up with to this confession. He rolled his eyes finally, because she was still watching him carefully, and said, "My own subordinates mocking me behind my back. I'm sure General Hammond would be interested to know you referred to your CO as Dopey."

"I bet he would," she said mildly with a shrug. "He'd probably think it was hilarious."

"Teal'c is the only one on my side," Jack declared with feigned grumpiness.

"Yeahsureyoubetcha," Sam said in a tone of voice meant to be overly pacifying.

He laughed because she had used one of his phrases, then kissed her, because he felt like it had to be done.

He caught her off-guard. They were still hugging each other loosely, but they had been talking for so long she hadn't been prepared. After freezing for a few seconds, she pulled back and looked at him in surprise.

He looked so confused at her reaction that she shook her head and said quickly, "Uh… reflex. Sorry."

"Right. Let's work on that then."

He leaned in towards her again. Sam blinked quickly and said, "Wait."

"What?"

"I just…" She took a deep breath and started speaking very quickly, as if that would somehow make what she was saying less embarrassing. "I'm still kind of sleepy and you were right before about us waiting a long time for this and it's just that the first time we really kiss, I'd rather be… dressed. And clean. So when I remember this, it won't be with me in my wrinkled pajamas with my hair not even brushed and you only wearing one sock."

"I think you look cute like that. You're all… rumpled," Jack interrupted, laughing. She usually only talked that fast when she was taking something apart.

"I er… I'd like to go take a shower and get dressed."

"Okay," he repeated, biting down the offer of assistance that was on the tip of his tongue.

She narrowed her eyes at him suspiciously.

"What?" he asked defensively.

"I know what you were about to say."

"Well… I didn't say it though, points for that, right?" he said with a hopeful grin.

She laughed again and started to say something, but stopped, frowned slightly, and shook her head.

"What?" he asked again. Now it was his turn to narrow his eyes at her. "You were doing the dwarf thing again," he accused suddenly. "You were calling me Dopey in your head!"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Sam said innocently, pecking him on the cheek and hurrying off towards the bathroom.

Jack watched her scurrying off and shook his head. He realized he was grinning like an idiot at his empty kitchen and snapped out of it. Okay, so maybe the Dopey comment wasn't too far off the mark. He ran a hand through his hair and decided he should probably go get dressed. And apparently he either needed to put on another sock or take one off, as well.

Jack dressed quickly in some cargo pants and a light green plaid shirt he was pretty sure Sam kind of liked. He would have liked to shave, but she was still monopolizing the bathroom, so that wasn't really an option. He settled into the comfortable chair in the living room, picking up the book he was reading to try to distract himself from the sound of the hair dryer in the bathroom.

Twenty minutes later, Sam came into the living room and stopped in surprise, smiling at Jack. He was asleep in his chair, feet propped up on the coffee table, head lolled forwards, chin tucked into his chest. "Jurassic Park" was lying open on his stomach, and he was wearing that shirt she especially liked.

Part of her realized she could have been a bit offended at the fact that he'd fallen asleep waiting for her, but they had been up very late the night before after all, and he had already been up when she awoke that morning. Plus he needed a lot more sleep than she did anyway.

Determined to let him sleep, she still wanted to try to make him a bit more comfortable. If he slept with his head tilted forward like that for very long, he would barely be able to move when he woke up. She crept over to him quietly and lifted the book off his chest, marking his place and setting it on the coffee table next to his feet, brushing against his outstretched legs in the process.

She smiled as she noticed the feet in question. Not only had he put on new socks; he had shoes on as well, obviously trying to make a point, as neither of them liked to wear their shoes inside. "Subtle," she thought with a smirk.

"Feel better now?" Jack asked quietly, making her jump. She turned to look at him and he was smiling just the tiniest bit.

"Yeah. Thanks."

"No problem." He stretched his neck and said, "How long was I asleep?"

"Not long," she assured him, blushing as he scanned her tee-shirt and jeans.

"Long enough," he answered with a shrug, reaching for her hand. When she took his hand, he decided that was invitation enough and tugged her towards him. She got the hint and joined him in the big chair, settling sideways across his lap.

She was blushing furiously now, which Jack found insanely adorable. He made the mistake of voicing that thought out loud, which made Sam roll her eyes and start trying to get up.

"I don't think so," Jack said firmly, tightening his arms around her to keep her still. "So… you're squeaky clean now, dressed, hair brushed. I've got shoes on," he pointed out.

"Yup. I noticed that." She leaned back into him further, on the pretence of twisting so she could look at his feet again.

She glanced back up at his face, and Jack had to stop himself rolling his eyes. She was still nervous. This was crazy. They had all-but planned out the rest of their lives, they were curled up in his favorite chair like little baby cats, and she was still nervous. Maybe it was because he had just been napping, but he wasn't nervous at all anymore. For now at least.

That could very well change after he said what he was about to say.

"I love you."

Cue Carter's huge-and-surprised eyes, he thought.

"I should have said that before, but well, I know you know that already but… yeah."

"It's still good to hear," she said, looking down at his shoulder and fiddling with the collar of his shirt. "I…" She glanced back up at him quickly. "IloveyoutooJack."

He cupped her cheek in his hand and said, "Thank you."

They both leaned in this time, but Sam still stopped. Jack saw her eyes flicked down to his mouth and he said, "Sam, what is this? What are you scared of?"

"I just… what if it's not everything we hope it's going to be? Seven years of expectations… what if we're disappointed?"

There were many things about Sam Carter he didn't understand, and probably several things he _never_ would, but he knew her well enough to catch the unspoken and completely unfounded omission from her question. She was actually scared _he _would be disappointed. That was so absurd he almost laughed, but knew she would probably hurt him if he laughed right now.

"We're _so _not going to be disappointed, Sam. Trust me," he said firmly.

Sam smiled at the certainty in his voice. Then it occurred to her that the certainty, meant to be comforting, sounded a little bit… _too _certain. Almost as if he knew it to be fact… "How exactly do you know that, Jack?"

"Er… ah… well… I just know."

"Was I infected with another alien virus that I don't remember? Did I jump you in the locker room again or something?"

"No, but thanks for bringing up that fond memory," he said with an exaggerated smirk.

She nudged him half-heartedly and he confessed, "I know it because I did it."

"What do you mean?"

"I kissed you. In the time loops. And you, Major Carter, kissed me back."

"I did?" she yelped.

"Oh yes. In the control room. In front of General Hammond and _everybody_ else."

"I… huh. Wow. Okay then. I… I'll take your word for it."

"Yeah?" Did that mean he could kiss her again now?

"Yeah."

"Cool," he replied simply, guiding her head towards his. He caught a glimpse of her rolling her eyes before he caught her lips. He kept his own eyes open long enough to make sure she wasn't still rolling hers. As soon as hers fluttered shut, he pulled her in deeper and his own eyes slid shut so he could focus on more important things, like kissing her senseless.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Thor beamed General Hammond up to his ship.

"Tell them to order carrots instead," Hammond said, holding his hand next to the side of his head as though he were still holding a telephone. He looked around Thor's ship quickly, his heart racing. He should have asked O'Neill a long time ago how he managed to remain calm when he found himself suddenly beamed up out of nowhere. For his part, Hammond felt like asking Thor to beam up Dr. Fraiser as well to make sure he wasn't having a heart attack.

"Greetings, General Hammond," Thor said, stepping into the room. His little bare feet padded quickly across the smooth floor. Hammond had never seen him move that fast, or with such a little spring in his step. It made the Supreme Commander of the Asgard Fleet look almost… cute.

Hoping the Asgard weren't telepathic, Hammond cleared his throat and said, "So… what can I do for you, Thor? The base is going to go on full alert when my assistant notices I'm not on the phone anymore."

"This will only take a moment. I merely wanted to show you something." Thor pressed a button on some remote thing he was holding and a whole giant wall of Thor's ship was suddenly showing Colonel O'Neill and Major Carter, making out like teenagers in a chair in O'Neill's living room, in the middle of the day, according to the time stamp in the corner of the huge screen.

"Woa," Hammond said, taking a step back from the screen involuntarily. It was like watching a train wreck. He couldn't look away, but he really wanted to. "So, our work is done," he finally said, turning his attention back to Thor.

"The hard part, yes. The rest is accomplished easily enough. I am going to visit the cabin later and discuss future plans with them. I will visit you in your office to inform you of the details."

"Good. I'll just start trying to figure out how to explain this whole thing to Jacob," Hammond muttered. "Speaking of which, if you've got an extra personal defence shield lying around somewhere, I might need to borrow it later."

Thor nodded as he manipulated the controls to beam Hammond back to the SGC. "That can be arranged, General Hammond."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


	15. A Little Visit

Notes: Your reviews were even sweeter than usual. I wish I had time to reply to each one individually, but then I would REALLY be slow on these updates!

So just a couple of quick answers:

xdiagonstarx (and anybody else who was wondering,) the rating is not going to go up. That means no graphic descriptions, but that doesn't mean Jack and Sam aren't going to be having lots and lots of sex! I just don't write anything that would remotely be rated M. That doesn't mean I won't read it, but writing adult stories well takes a special talent I just don't possess. Additionally, this is a light fluffy story and there are younger people reading this that I wouldn't want to exclude.

JamSack: That's "Need." Season 2, I believe.

Nobody got the X-Files reference except for my sister, so that was a bit sad. Ah well. It was the line about falling asleep like 'baby cats.' For some reason I always found it funny that Mulder apparently doesn't know the word 'kittens.'

Okay, on with the story. I was missing Daniel and Teal'c, so I threw them in here. Janet should show up within the next couple of chapters as well.

Ch 15: A Little Visit

Sam Carter was in bed with Jack O'Neill. Every time the thought occurred to her it made her laugh, in a 'still not sure this is real' kind of way. The weird part was that they still had some of their clothes on, and while there had been plenty of kissing and a lot of touching, it had been two days since the conversation in the kitchen that had effectively changed her life forever, and they still hadn't actually had sex.

In many ways it had been the happiest two days of her life, but after seven years of UST, she was more than ready for some RST. And she knew Jack was too, so she was quickly losing patience with his insistence that they 'go slow' so they wouldn't 'mess this up.'

If he was just trying to be a gentleman, maybe it was about time she flat out told him to cut it out.

She rolled away from him so she could turn to face him and prodded his shoulder. "Jack, wake up."

He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head.

"Jack, come on."

"Sleepy time. Shh. Some of us are old and need our beauty sleep."

She made an irritated sound at the back of her throat that he had learnt a long time ago to always, always pay attention to and opened his eyes, pulling her back against him. "What's wrong, was I snoring or something?"

"No," she said matter-of-factly, pushing him onto his back, rolling over on top of him, and kissing him before he could say whatever it was he was about to say.

Well, this was certainly an excellent way to wake up, Jack thought, smiling against Sam's mouth and sliding a hand up her shirt to stroke her back.

Her whole body was completely melted into his. His brain hadn't had time to wake up properly before being completely overwhelmed with her, so when she eventually stopped attacking his mouth, but started in on his neck instead, and then started _talking _to him at the same time, he was completely lost.

Did she seriously expect him to be able to have a conversation with her, now? She'd have to stop doing _that _first, then give him about twenty minutes in a very cold shower. Alone.

"Sam, you're a lot better at the multi-tasking than I am, I have no idea what you're saying at the moment…" he finally got out, immensely proud of himself for speaking that much.

She laughed against his neck. He took advantage of her momentary distraction to pull her into such a tight hug, holding her head to his shoulder firmly, that she couldn't move.

"Not fair," she mumbled.

"You were hardly playing fair yourself there, my dear," he pointed out.

"Well, are you listening now?"

"I _always _listen to you," he insisted. "Most of the time I have no idea what you're actually _saying, _but…"

"Do you think we're on some sort of Asgard reality show or something?" she interrupted.

"Wh… huh?"

"I don't know. I mean we know Thor's monitoring us… are you worried about him seeing us have sex?"

He coughed and said, "Uh, no. I wasn't… _now _I am."

She rolled her eyes but refused to let him steer the conversation in another direction. "Then what's wrong, Jack? And don't give me any of that 'old man' crap because I know you've been 'ready' for two days. As a matter of fact," she paused and wriggled against him pointedly. He hissed. "You're ready _now._"

"I've been _ready _for years, Sam," Jack said, loosening his hold on her. "But I…" he trailed off, running his fingers through her hair absently.

She lifted her head off his chest so she could see his expression. "What?"

"I wanted… okay this is going to sound… selfish, but I just wanted a little bit of time with just you, without everything becoming about having a baby right away."

Sam burst out laughing at the confession, but fought to get control of herself quickly so he wouldn't take the fact that she was laughing at him the wrong way. The best way she knew to do that was to distract herself, and luckily she was lying on top of the best distraction she had.

Kissing him until it just wasn't funny anymore, she pulled away reluctantly and said, "You really don't read your memos do you?"

"I don't _get _my memos," Jack insisted.

"All female personnel get shots, Jack…"

"Hey, we _all _get shots, I think Doc gives me more than anybody else..." he grumbled, automatically beginning to pout in the same manner he always did when he was on his way to or from the infirmary.

"Jack. I'm talking about birth control. It's not an exact science but it's got to be at least six more weeks before I could _possibly _get pregnant, and probably a lot more than that because I've been getting them for a while and it will probably take a while for everything to get… back to normal."

He winced and said, "Okay, okay, I don't need the… details." The implication of what she had just said finally sunk in and he said, "So wait a minute, if I had just asked you two days ago, we could have been…"

"Yup."

"Damn."

"Maybe if you weren't so scared of talking about female r…"

"Lalalala," he interrupted loudly, squinching his eyes shut, but she knew he was being extra-sensitive just to keep the situation light. "Hey, I've been around you seven years, all I need to know is to sneak a bag of bite-sized Snickers into your lab on the 18th."

"Yeah, well if you weren't so scared of the subject you'd know that I didn't really _need _those for the past two years."

"Damn," he said again.

"It's okay, I still wanted and greatly appreciated them," she assured him, pecking him on the cheek.

"So about this Asgard reality show… you weren't serious about that, were you?"

"No, I don't see why Thor would be particularly voyeuristic. I mean, it's not like he would be… excited or anything. Most normal people, for example, don't care how plants reproduce."

"So… that's a 'no' then?"

"Yes. It's a no."

"Good, because I just realized what you said a few minutes ago."

"What?"

"Six weeks, huh?"

"At least."

"Sweet."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jack woke up feeling somebody with a very cold finger poking him in the back. Since he was wrapped tightly around Sam, holding one of her hands while the other was pressed into the mattress, he knew it couldn't be her. Which was problematic, because they had been alone for months.

He rolled away from her reluctantly, blinking slowly as he came face to face with Thor.

"Hey, you're actually here," was the first thing out of his mouth, once he realized holograms didn't poke, as a rule.

"Greetings, O'Neill, I would like to speak with you."

"Now?"

"Every other time I have attempted to contact you, you and Major Carter have been… busy. I assumed you did not want to be interrupted."

Jack coughed to cover his embarrassment and said, "Uh, yeah, why don't you go wait in the living room, Thor? I'll be there in a second."

"Very well, but I cannot stay long, O'Neill," Thor said firmly, leaving the bedroom.

"Pity," Jack muttered sarcastically, extricating himself from Sam carefully, surprised when she didn't wake up, but glad, because he knew Thor's lack of… propriety? Lack of something, at least. Self-consciousness, perhaps. The guy walked around stark naked all the time, forcryinoutloud… anyway, it would make Sam uncomfortable.

It made Jack uncomfortable too, but come on. He was still a man. Uncomfortable, yes. Wicked proud of himself too though, absolutely. And since there weren't men in a locker room or at a bar that he could tell to butt out of his (no longer non-existent) sex life with a secretive, smug smile on his face, he supposed the naked grey alien in the living room would be a decent substitute.

He pulled the covers up around Sam tightly and pulled on some clothes. He went out to the living room and gestured for Thor to sit down. Thor perched on the edge of the coffee table. Jack sat down in the comfy chair and said, "So, buddy, long time no see. Nice of you to drop in. Thanks for all the food, by the way, excellent service. I assume you're here to take us home now that we've agreed to your proposal."

"Well…" Thor began.

"ACH! I knew it! What's the catch now?"

"I do not have time to tell you everything, O'Neill. But while we are all very pleased with your changes of heart, there are some details still to be agreed upon, and we would prefer it if you remained here for the time being. Now that you have… joined… are you not happy with some time alone?"

"Yeah, sure, but we are eventually going to be let out of here, right?"

"Of course. And everything will be explained when you return to the SGC."

"Okay." Jack knew if Sam had been awake, she wouldn't have taken Thor's lame-ass explanation without some serious questioning. So it was a good thing she was still sleeping.

"Is there anything else?" Thor asked politely.

"Yeah, uh… we were wondering if you were..." Jack started awkwardly.

Thor was looking at him so benignly Jack was having trouble saying what he wanted to say.

"Thor, if I said the name Paris Hilton, would that mean anything to you?" Jack asked hopefully.

"No," Thor replied.

"No? Pam and Tommy Lee?" he tried again.

"O'Neill."

Jack recognized Thor's 'you're really pissing me off, you idiot' look. It wasn't that different from the rest of his looks, but you had to know the guy. Jack cleared his throat and said, "What I meant was, you're not like… recording everything, on video… and audio…"

"I understand," Thor interrupted. "I am monitoring you daily with my ship's censors to make sure you are okay. I have been trying to contact you for several days. My ship's censors show me where you are and report vital signs like heart rate so when…"

"All right all right I get it. You're giving us some privacy."

"Of course."

"Thanks."

"Please tell Major Carter how happy weare with these new developments."

"Oh, you bet I will. Thanks for stopping by, buddy." Thor nodded and disappeared in his beam of light.

Jack went to the toilet after Thor left, deciding he might as well shave and brush his teeth while he was in there. When he went back into the bedroom, he smiled. Sam hadn't moved. Congratulating himself on his stealthiness, he headed back to the bed, promptly tripped over a shoe, and crashed loudly to the floor with a muffled curse.

Sam still didn't move, Jack noted incredulously as he pulled himself up to a semi-sitting position on the floor next to the bed, his legs sprawled most ungracefully in front of him so that he suddenly felt remarkably like Bambi when he tried to walk on ice for the first time. Jack frowned and then absently wondered where on Earth he had dug up _that _simile. Damn Cassie's Disney obsession. _So _not good for his manly reputation.

Sam hadn't spoken or moved but he finally noticed the bundle of covers was shaking slightly and knew she was giggling under there. "All right, how long have you been awake?" he demanded as he got back into the bed.

"Hmm, something about Thor?"

"Yeah, he popped by for a visit."

"Did he bring groceries?"

"Yup," Jack said, laughing. "Jell-o cups and toilet paper. Among other things."

"What does that mean?"

"He left about twenty different home pregnancy tests too," he informed her, pulling her back into a big hug and dropping back off to sleep instantly.

Sam's eyes snapped open as she woke up fully for the first time that day. She turned over to look at Jack. He was completely zonked again, despite waking up and entertaining Thor for a while. And shaving apparently too, she noticed, lightly pressing her palm to his cheek.

The simple, casual, amused way he had told her about the pregnancy tests made her realize for the first time that this was really, actually going to happen, and it was going to happen soon.

She couldn't say why reality hit her so hard at this particular moment, but it did. The fact that he obviously wasn't bothered by it at all was comforting and surprising at the same time. She smiled, realizing Jack still had a little smear of shaving cream on his neck. After wiping it off with her thumb, she yawned and went back to sleep as well.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Daniel Jackson, I do not believe this is wise," Teal'c stated, following his friend to General Hammond's office despite his protest.

"Well, what can he do, I can't be court martialed and I want an answer. And I know you do too, or was that some other Jaffa I bumped into in Sam's lab this morning, claiming he was just 'looking around?'"

"Indeed it was I," Teal'c confessed, tilting his head and following Daniel down the corridor.

Daniel knocked on the door frame to General Hammond's office, since his door was open. "General, do you have a minute?" he asked pointedly, entering the office in his full-on distracted-but-determined archaeologist mode.

It was the best way to get an extra couple of hours with some new ruins from Jack, and he figured it might work on General Hammond as well. Teal'c followed, looking extra-intimidating.

"Gentlemen, what can I do for you," Hammond said calmly, although he already had a pretty good idea what this was about.

"You told us Sam and Jack would both be back a while ago, and they're still not here."

"Oh, I thought Dr. Fraiser would have told you, Dr. Jackson. I spoke to Major Carter and she requested a little more personal time. In light of the situation I thought it was a good idea."

"So where is she?"

"I don't know, Dr. Jackson, I didn't think it was necessary to ask one of my best soldiers to tell me where she was going to be every second of the first downtime she's taken in years."

"It's just… not like her to go out of town without telling us… or without answering her cell phone, or checking her e-mail…"

"I'm sure she's fine, Dr. Jackson. And she'll be back on Monday, you can ask her where she's been then."

"What of O'Neill?" Teal'c put in.

"Colonel O'Neill told me in no uncertain terms that he was not to be disturbed. He will be back on Monday as well."

"O'Neill has most likely gone to his cabin," Teal'c reasoned.

"Yeah, maybe we should go make sure he's okay, and keep him company," Daniel said suddenly.

Hammond's eyes widened slightly but he recovered quickly. "It's a long drive, Dr. Jackson, by the time you get there he'll be heading back here."

"Daniel Jackson, if we go to O'Neill's cabin, he will most likely make us fish with him," Teal'c said. Daniel was one of only three people who would have been able to pick up on the fear in Teal'c's voice and eyes as he spoke.

Daniel sighed. "Yeah, okay. Well… Monday then. Thank you, sir."

Hammond stopped them in the doorway. "Dr. Jackson?"

"Yes… sir?"

"Please tell Dr. Fraiser about this conversation so she'll stop."

"Stop what?"

"She's been up here repeatedly with 'important' forms for me to sign for more gauze, a new defibrillator… she's given me a flu shot… frankly I'm worried her next excuse to drop by is going to be something a lot more… invasive."

Daniel nodded, trying not to laugh, and said, "I will… definitely tell her."

"Thank you."

Once they were in the hallway, Daniel said, "Wow, we should have been working with Janet on this."

"I concur," Teal'c agreed.

"Teal'c… you don't think there's a chance Jack and Sam… are off somewhere… together, do you?" Daniel asked carefully, speaking aloud as the idea occurred to him.

They stopped in the middle of the hallway and looked at each other. Daniel shook his head finally, laughing at his own idea, and said firmly, "Nah. They wouldn't."


	16. Short Stops

Notes: I wish I had another way to say 'thanks for the wonderful reviews,' but... I don't. So thanks. I appreciate the interest in Rory's party as well - my daughter behaved perfectly and everyone had lots of fun. The only problem was that it was a Harry Potter party, and my son has very, very light blond hair. One of his friends upset him by suggesting he should be dressed as Malfoy rather than Harry.

I truly appreciate every review. For the last chapter in particular, I was glad that Melbell said my story helped her feel better, as she was home sick. I hope you're better! Also, JamSack, if you could e-mail me from your own address we can talk about your idea.

I wasn't expecting to be able to get a chapter out this week, and honestly have spent the least amount of time on this one, so I do hope it's all right.

Ch 16: Short Stops

"Jack, you're NOT doing that," Sam said firmly, her hands planted on her hips.

"Aw, come _on,_" Jack whined. "The last three times Thor's hologrammed himself in here, he's... interrupted. If I recall, you weren't too thrilled with it either. I've never seen your face that red before, except maybe when you woke up on '595 and remembered the night before, when you drank that stuff and took off your..."

"Exactly HOW many years are you going to continue to bring that up?" Sam asked, flushing slightly even at the memory of the infamous event.

"Only a few more, I promise," Jack assured her sarcastically, picking up source of debate between them: the picture he had spent the better part of the morning drawing and admiring his own artistic abilities. It was raining, so he couldn't fish, and Sam was sleeping late. Bored, he had found a few Crayons in a drawer and made a gift for Thor that Sam was now threatening to destroy.

"Come on, Sam, do you really want Thor to see you naked again?" Jack asked, grinning as he remembered the completely astonished look on both their faces the day before, when Thor had walked... okay, _beamed _in on them in the living room.

"Okay, well maybe we can refine the system a little bit, but..."

"He says he tried. Come on, he'll think it's funny, anyway."

"No he won't. Neither will General Hammond and the President when they hear about it. Don't you remember what happened when you insulted Freyer's mother?"

"Oh, they won't mind... besides, he's... cramping my style!" Jack insisted.

"I don't care, Jack, you are _not _giving Thor, the Supreme Commander of the Asgard Fleet, a piece of paper that says 'If this cabin is a-rockin,' don't come a-knockin!'"

"But..."

"And that little drawing you've done at the bottom is just _wrong!_"

"At least I can draw something besides stick people," he said cheerfully.

"Jack O'Neill, if you give that piece of paper to one of Earth's most powerful allies, it really won't matter because it'll be a moot point anyway," Sam said, crossing her arms resolutely.

It took a second for Jack to understand what she meant, and he finally grumbled, "All right. I was just joking anyway."

"Sure."

"I was! You're hot when you're mad," he said with a winning grin.

Sam sighed and shook her head, trying very hard not to smile. She couldn't quite pull it off. They both knew it was an empty threat, as well as Jack's suggestion in the first place. He _was_ right though. Thor's untimely interruptions were getting really irritating.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Hi Thor… woa, are you okay?" Hammond asked. Thor's shoulders were slightly slumped, giving him a rather droopy appearance. General Hammond thought at this point even Dr. Jackson would be impressed with how well he was able to interpret the little grey alien's slight shifts in body language.

"I am wasting valuable time trying to check on Major Carter and O'Neill while giving them privacy. It is very difficult."

"I can imagine that's not a very good use of your time."

"It is not," Thor agreed. "I am considering giving them a device so that they can merely assure me they are okay once a day whenever they find it most convenient."

"Sounds like a good plan," Hammond agreed, wondering why they hadn't thought of that sooner. "They don't suspect anything?"

"As far as I can determine, not yet."

"Well, that's something at least. The rest of SG1 and Dr. Fraiser are getting a little too nosey, in my opinion."

"Well, they do not have much longer to wait," Thor said dismissively, beaming himself away.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sam was swimming in the lake. The water was starting to get chilly again. Pretty soon she wouldn't be able to stand it, so she wanted to take advantage of it while she could. She came up for air near the dock and noticed that Jack had finally emerged from the cabin and was now stood on the edge of the dock, barefoot, watching her.

"What?" she asked nervously, treading water.

"Have you always had that here?" he asked.

"What?"

"_That." _

Sam followed his eyes down to her chest and realizing he was talking about the black bikini that she no longer had a reason to be embarrassed and hesitant to wear around him.

"Maybe," she answered with a small smile. "Why? Like it?"

He shrugged, schooling his features to look like he didn't particularly care, and said, "It's okay. You almost done?"

"Maybe," she repeated. "Why?"

"You look cold."

"Come find out," she challenged lightly. She found it funny that he spent what probably amounted to hundreds, if not thousands of hours sitting _by _the lake but was so reluctant to actually get in and enjoy it. It was a strange quirk she found rather fascinating.

"I still think you're going to get sick in there," he insisted, sitting down with his legs hanging over the edge of the dock. She swam over to him, stopping in front of him and treading water.

Jack had only been swimming twice: when he jumped in after losing the first bet he had made with her ages ago, and the first time he had caught her swimming laps in the middle of the night. Sam, fully aware this was probably one of the last if not _the _last time she'd be swimming all summer, decided she didn't want to do it alone.

"Well, I'm finished. Give me a hand?" she asked, reaching out for his hand.

He took it, and she promptly pulled him down into the water with a messy splash. He came up spluttering, yelling over her laughter. "Damn, Sam, this is freezing!"

"No it's not. Besides, that was a lesson."

"In what?"

"Fishing," she declared, moving away from him and the dock, hoping he wouldn't get right back out.

While he pulled off his clothes and threw them up onto the dock, where they landed with surprisingly loud _thwaps, _Sam moved further out into the lake, calling, "You have to admit you've had it coming, Jack. Years of fishing for something in this lake... something was bound to get you back one of these days."

Now stripped down to his shorts, he calmly turned towards her and called, "Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"I'd run if I were you."

Okay, so she couldn't literally _run, _but she did squeal and take off for the opposite bank when he suddenly started tearing after her.

When he finally caught her, he trapped her to him and said, "Thanks for the lesson, Carter. I figured out what I've been doing wrong all those years."

"What's that?"

"Wrong bait," he said, winking and kissing her nose, which was colder than he expected it to be.

She laughed and rolled her eyes, giving him the look that he now recognized meant he was funny, but borderline on being too cheesy. Hey, she had started it...

"It's freakin' freezin' in here!" Jack declared suddenly in his much-rehearsed Dr. Evil impression, pulling her body as close to his as he could, which wasn't nearly as close as he would have liked, since they had to keep treading water to stay afloat.

"I thought you were a Minnesota boy, Jack, can't take a little cold water?" Sam challenged lightly.

"Cold, yes. Cold _water _we're smart enough to stay away from, cuz, see, when water gets cold it turns into this stuff called _ice..._" he said sarcastically.

"And I'm supposed to be the science geek," she retorted, pecking him on the mouth and turning to head back to the dock. He grabbed her around the waist, pulling her back against him, and kissed her soundly, their legs tangling under the water as they tried to keep afloat.

Sam moaned and deepened the kiss, wrapping her arms around his neck and forgetting about everything else. Unfortunately, she also forgot to keep swimming, and a few seconds later, so did Jack. The kiss was rudely interrupted when they sank abruptly under the water.

They came up for air laughing. "Race you to the dock, Carter," Jack challenged.

"You're on, O'Neill!" Before he could say 'go,' she had taken off, using his shoulders as extra leverage to push off and get a head start.

"Hey! You cheater!" he yelled after her. He realized the longer he stayed their indignantly, the farther ahead she got, and took off after her.

She beat him to the dock, grabbing the ladder and turning to see how close he was. Too close for comfort. She yelped and started scrambling up the ladder. He caught her up but she slipped out of his arms, scrambling up onto the dock, dripping water everywhere. She was _freezing, _she realized suddenly, hugging her arms as she broke out in goose pimples.

"Sam, that wasn't fair," Jack said in a dangerously calm voice as he climbed the ladder, water sluicing off his body.

"Hey, you're the one who taught me to fight dirty, Colonel O'Neill," she reminded him, reaching for her towel. Great. His wet clothes had landed on her towel earlier. Everything was soaked.

"In that case, I'll repeat my earlier warning. Run," he advised.

Sam's eyes widened and she took off into the grass.

It was really much too cold for this, Sam quickly decided as she darted out of Jack's reach. They would both be much more comfortable if they continued this under a hot shower. She smiled, congratulating herself at her own brilliant idea, and let Jack catch her.

She wasn't expecting him to dump her over his shoulder.

Yelling in surprise, she squirmed and kicked, her toe getting caught in the elastic waist of his shorts as she struggled. One hand holding her legs firmly, he quickly grabbed her foot with the other and exclaimed, "Careful there, that was close to the primary target!"

"Put me down!" Sam insisted, digging her thumb into his ribs.

He batted her hand away and said, "Nope. Don't want to. I happen to like this new view." He patted her bum, which she was fully aware was sticking straight up in the air, and started walking towards the cabin.

Well, fine, two can play at that game, Sam thought, swatting him through his shorts, perhaps a bit harder than necessary. "This is not funny, Jack!"

"Hey!" he objected, pretending to drop her. She squeaked reflexively and latched onto him tightly. "See, it's not so bad, Sam."

"I figured you'd be over any caveman fantasies after what happened to you last time," Sam pointed out.

"Ah, but last time we were cavemen, _you _got to have most of the fun, whereas _I _ended up in a cell with General Hammond," he replied.

"Well, this particular caveman better have hot running water in his cave or we're both going to get sick."

"I've always loved that brain of yours," Jack said, patting her bum again.

"That's not my brain," Sam pointed out, swearing she could actually feel him smiling against her hip as he pushed open the door to the cabin and shut it behind them with his foot.

Jack stopped inside the door.

"Hey!" Sam prompted, squeezing his ass to get him moving again. "We're dripping water everywhere!"

Jack's reply clearly wasn't directed at her. "Er... hey, Thor."

"Greetings, O'Neill. Is Major Carter injured?" Thor asked, sounding slightly alarmed.

"Nope," Jack said with a smirk, adjusting her slightly on his shoulder so she was in a more comfortable position, which clearly indicated that he fully intended to stand there like that and calmly talk with Thor while she, what, just hung there?

"I don't think so! DOWN!" Sam insisted, kicking her legs again and twisting around. She was no longer going to worry about his 'primary target,' and most certainly wasn't going to continue practically mooning Thor.

"Okay, okay," Jack said, chuckling as he set her on her feet in front of him.

Sam glanced down at herself to make sure her top was still in place before turning around to Thor. She smoothed her hair down and tucked it back behind her ears, slightly dizzy from being held upside down for so long. "Hi, Thor. Hey, you're really here!"

"You are correct, Major Carter. I have brought you this communication device," Thor said, handing it to her.

"Thanks," Sam said as she took the device, shivering.

"Why don't you go get warm," Jack suggested, squeezing her shoulders.

"Thor, do you mind?" she asked, barely able to keep her teeth from chattering.

"Of course not, Major Carter. By all means."

"Okay, er… see you later, Thor."

She glanced at Jack suspiciously over her shoulder as she headed off to the bathroom. He was up to something.

Jack turned his attention to Thor quickly, leaning over to brace his hands on his thighs and speak quietly down on the same level with Thor.

"Thor, buddy, you've got to help me out here…" he started.

"The device is so you can contact me daily to inform me of your status. Unless you fail to make contact, I will not have to risk interrupting you again."

"That's great, Thor, really, thanks," Jack said appreciatively. "But I need your help with something else…"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Hey, Janet, do you mind if we join you?" Daniel asked with a smile, taking a seat across from her in the commissary. Teal'c sat down next to him with his customarily heavy-laden tray.

"Hi, guys. Of course not," Janet said over her coffee cup.

"Dr. Fraiser, are you well today?" Teal'c asked politely, lightly salting the macaroni on his tray.

"I'm doing just fine, Teal'c. My infirmary is actually empty, for a change."

"That is good news," Teal'c said.

"Indeed," Daniel said quickly, scooting his chair in closer and leaning over to speak conspiratorially. He was so intent on what he wanted to say that he missed the look Teal'c shot him for stealing his favorite word. "Listen, Janet, do you think Hammond knows something about Sam that he's not telling us?"

"Why, what have you heard?" Janet asked eagerly, leaning in as well.

"Not much, but Sergeant Davis told me that General Hammond sent a message to Jacob asking him to stop by ASAP," Daniel said.

"Yeah, Siler said Hammond actually looked… a little nervous about it," Janet continued. "You don't think he and the President are seriously going to consider asking them to have a baby, do you?"

Daniel shrugged and said, "Personally I don't see what the big deal is. It's pretty much a win-win situation. Everyone would get what they want…"

"Daniel Jackson, it is best not to speak of such things," Teal'c said firmly, noticing that theSergeant who ran the office pools was seated at the next table.

"Anyway, even if they did ask, what about SG-1?" Janet asked.

"Well, I don't know, I guess Sam could still be on SG-1 and sit out the more dangerous missions… maybe we could get a fifth team member, like SG-18. They rotate their scientists."

Teal'c watched them both exchange theories about where their missing friends were, and what General Hammond knew about it, while he ate his lunch steadily. It was amusing. O'Neill liked to insist that Daniel Jackson 'turned into a girl' on such occasions, when he liked to 'gossip' with Cassandra or Dr. Fraiser. O'Neill was careful to only say this if Major Carter was not around. She did not respond well to such comments.

"Teal'c, what do you think?" Daniel asked.

"I am sure there are many things General Hammond does not feel obligated to discuss with us, Daniel Jackson."

"Well, yeah, but… come on, this is Sam, we're talking about. Last time she took a vacation was what… when we got back from Netu? That doesn't even really count anyway, we were on stand-down while Jack's leg healed anyway…"

"She will be back shortly. I am sure she will tell you what she has been doing. Speculation in the meantime will prove fruitless."

"Well… but it's fun," Janet said simply.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sam frowned into her pillow, waking up alone. She felt like she had just gone to sleep. Glancing at the clock, she sighed. Why was Jack up in the middle of the night? She slid out of bed, yawning and taking the comforter with her, wrapped around herself snugly.

Padding into the living room, she stopped. Jack had his back to her, standing in front of the open wall-safe and hadn't heard her enter. He had the picture that hid the small safe in the wall propped up against the sofa. This man was probably never going to stop surprising her.

"Jack?" Sam called.

He jumped and turned to face her, slamming the safe shut and holding a hand behind his back. "Sam! Did I wake you up?" he asked, stuffing whatever was in his hand in the back pocket of his sleeping pants.

"Only by your absence," she said with a smile. "What are you doing, Jack?"

"Nothin'," he said with his patented 'I'm innocent' expression. Sam had often wondered if he and Daniel got together a couple of times a month to practice their faces.

"Come on, let's go back to sleep." He wrapped his arm around her and guided her back to the bedroom, pretending he didn't know she was staring at him, trying to read his mind. What the hell was he up to now?


	17. Safe

Notes: I hope our comedy tag-teams of Thor/Hammond and Daniel/Teal'c help with the cheesiness of this chapter... Hey, I never said this story was original, in fact, I flat-out denied it in Chapter 1. Beware: many, many mushy cliches ahead. Proceed at your own risk.

Ch 17: Safe

"Jack, what do you keep in your safe?" Sam asked casually as she got back into bed.

"Things I want to keep safe," he replied innocently.

"Such as..."

Jack decided to go for the exact opposite of the super-secret approach, knowing she'd just go at him non-stop until he caved and told her what she wanted to know. "Well, actually, I probably _should _tell you everything that's in there," he said seriously, turning to face her and smushing his pillow into a more comfortable position.

"You... oh. Okay." Sam wasn't prepared for him to give in that easily. It was lucky for her - she was really, really tired anyway.

"Well, first of all, the combination to the safe is your birthday, so if you ever need to get in there, well, you know it now."

"Wh... _my _birthday?" Sam asked, shocked.

"Well, yeah," he admitted, glad to have changed her line of thinking. She must have been pretty tired. Well, to be fair, she _had _been asleep and it _was _the middle of the night. "This cabin was my grandparents,'" Jack started to explain. Sam nodded to show she was listening and waited for him to continue. "My grandfather was a pretty paranoid guy..."

"Runs in the family," Sam supplied.

"Shush," he said affectionately, scooting closer to her and tugging at the covers she was still coccooned in until she shared them reluctantly. He smiled and continued. "So anyway he put this safe in and all, but he changed the codes all the damn time. Anyway, after he passed away, my grandmother went to live with her youngest daughter, my aunt, and went ahead and handed over the cabin to me because I was going to get it eventually anyway and she didn't want it going unused for years. SO... to make a long story short, I had pretty much forgotten about the safe, until I decided I needed it. And it took so long to track down what he'd changed the combination to before he died that I changed it to your birthday."

"When..."

"Uh, it was after Jolinar," Jack admitted.

"Jolinar! That was years ago!"

"Yeah," Jack agreed. He was embarrassed. He knew this made him sound really paranoid, but if they had ever actually _needed _what took up most of the room in that safe, it would have seemed brilliant rather than crazy. "After what happened with Jolinar, it occurred to me the government might become interested in you for something beyond that brilliant brain of yours. That, combined with all the early attempts to get to Teal'c... I became concerned that at some point it might be necessary for me to get some or all of you somewhere safe. So there's a Glock in there, and cash, and false identification for you, Danny, Teal'c, and myself. And Cassie and the doc too, after her little spinning chess-men displays I got kind of worried they might come after her too. I know it sounds crazy, but... well, come on, you all _have _had problems even here on Earth."

"So have you," Sam reminded him quietly, leaning in and kissing him softly. "It might be a little paranoid, but it's not crazy. I'm not surprised you thought of something like that, to be honest."

"You're not?"

"Nope. But that still doesn't really explain why you were rummaging around in there in the middle of the night."

"Oh. Well, that's not all that's in there. There's some stuff my grandparents left me that I just didn't have anywhere else to put, like the papers to this cabin and stuff. And there's a smaller box in there that locks as well. The combination to that one is Charlie's birthday. In it are medals I can't show anyone."

He said it casually, as if it wasn't a big deal at all, but Sam knew that meant they were from his Black Ops days, and probably commemorated things he'd much rather forget. She scooted closer to him and cuddled into his side, hugging him tightly, not knowing what to say.

She hadn't meant to bring up traumatic memories, she thought they were just playing around!

Jack was stroking her arm lightly, rythmically, like he didn't even know he was doing it, so she didn't have to look up at his face to know he was lost in thought.

If she had looked up at his face before she was lulled back to sleep, she would have seen that he wasn't so much lost in thought as surprised that she had stopped interrogating him about what he had been up to. He hadn't lied. All of those things _were_ in his safe. But he also hadn't explained why he'd been going through it in the middle of the night. He hadn't meant to make her stop interrogating him by mentioning his Black Ops medals, but it was sort of a nice accident that it had happened anyway.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

When General Hammond entered his office after seeing to something in the control room, he paused slightly as he noticed Thor. Not only was Thor waiting for him, Thor looked... well, depressed and dejected were the only words that came to Hammond's mind as he took in the small alien's posture. He was sitting in one of the chairs facing Hammond's desk, slumped back into the chair so much that his ankles and feet barely stuck out over the seat of the chair, looking like he had the weight of the world on his tiny grey shoulders.

"Thor, what's wrong?" Hammond asked, quickly crossing his office and sitting down across from Thor quickly, leaning his elbows on his desk.

"General Hammond, I fear all of our efforts with Colonel O'Neill and Major Carter have been in vain," Thor confessed.

"Why? I thought everything was going so smoothly. Didn't he say he wanted to..."

"He did," Thor confirmed. "But that is not the problem. When I originally proposed this idea to Colonel O'Neill, I did express, on behalf of the Asgard High Council, concern with O'Neill's age and subsequent capability in producing offspring."

Hammond, who had, understandably, not heard about that part of O'Neill's conversation with Thor, tried very hard to keep his most serious and concerned face on. But later, when Thor was gone, he was going to get a good belly-laugh out of picturing O'Neill's 'vitality' being called into question yet again by the Asgard... particularly if Major Carter had been there... Hammond schooled his features again and turned his attention back to Thor.

"O'Neill assured me this was not a problem, and I believed him, but I am now concerned that we may have been right. According to our research, Major Carter and Colonel O'Neill have been engaging in your sexual reproduction practices..."

Hammond winced. Thor needed to learn about euphemisms. Soon. As in a week ago, preferably.

Thor narrowed his eyes at Hammond's discomfort but obviously felt what he had to say was too important to acknowledge it. He paused only briefly before continuing. "...have been mating, then, if you are more comfortable with that term, much more frequently than most normal humans."

Hammond wished he had hair to run his hand through or something.

"Uh, well..."

"They have been mating for five weeks now and according to my calculations have consummated sev..."

"Please spare me the details, Thor!" Hammond blurted out.

"Very well, General Hammond. I will share with you the facts as we have gathered them. In five weeks, Major Carter should have ovulated. It is most unlikely that she would not be impregnated already, unless O'Neill's age has decreased his..."

"I get it, Thor!" Hammond said quickly. He sighed and said, "Look, Thor, I'm sure your research is very... extensive and accurate, but sometimes normal, healthy couples try for years to have a baby. It's just not an exact science, I'm sorry. That being said, there might be some issues with Major Carter I hadn't thought much about before. She's been through a lot over the years, it's possible she's had some... personal issues as a result that Dr. Fraiser hasn't told me about."

"Why would Dr. Fraiser keep such important information to herself!"

It was the most alarmed Hammond had ever heard Thor. This whole thing just made him uncomfortable. "It's doctor-patient confidentiality, Thor. It gets a bit tricky in the military, but on something personal like that, I don't know... also, all female members of off-world units are required to be on birth control, and if Major Carter gets injections rather than some other form, it is possible that she's still technically _on _birth control."

"I see."

"I'll have her medical chart sent up here ASAP and we'll see if we can sort this out. Don't worry, Thor. Uh, judging by the sound of things, I'm not sure there's a problem at all, and even if there is, it sure as hell doesn't sound like it's Jack."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Jack?"

"Huh, what?" Jack woke up quickly at the strange tone in Sam's voice. She was perched on the edge of the bed with a coffee mug in her hand, and looked thoughtful.

"Thor dropped more stuff off last night," she said.

"Good, we were almost out of beer!"

Sam laughed and said, "Did you ask him for a grill?"

"Er... maybe."

"Oh, good. I was thinking it was a strange thing for him to come up with that on his own. Well, he sent one. It looks just like the one at your house, actually."

"It _is _the one at my house. Or, the one that _was _at my house, anyway. I figured we could get some use out of it."

"He sent a bunch of steak too."

"Well, that won't stay fresh for very long, I guess I'll have to do the cooking tonight!" Jack exclaimed cheerfully. Sam narrowed her eyes suspiciously but didn't say anything, sipping her coffee slowly instead.

"Hey, you woke me up and now you're drinking coffee right in front of me without offering to share? Who taught you manners, Samantha Carter!"

She smirked and said, "This from the man who got us thrown off of P2X492 for teaching the local children about belching contests."

"Hey, you're the one who refused to put on the local duds on that planet with the little shrubby things! That nearly cost us a whole bunch of trinium, if I recall."

"Those people's definition of 'local duds' were more like _our _definition of a handkerchief! And I'm not about to be accused of bad manners by a man who's clearly trying to keep something a secret!"

"Sam."

"Jack."

"May I please have a sip of your coffee?"

"What a very polite way to ask, Jack, but no, you may not."

"Ack, Carter! Coffee!" He made a lunge for the mug. She tried to dodge and it spilt all over both of them and all over the bed as well. Luckily it was cool enough not to scald them, but it did make quite a mess.

They looked down at the mess simultaneously, looked back up at each other, and burst out laughing. Sam collapsed into his side, giggling, and said, "Well, I guess that settled that."

"I don't think so, I still want the coffee," Jack insisted, pulling her arm up to his face and licking at the line of coffee running down it.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dr. Janet Fraiser knocked on the doorframe to Hammond's office, clutching a medical chart to her chest with her other arm.

"General Hammond, you requested Major Carter's chart?" she asked, forcing herself to look and sound completely professional.

"Uh, yes, Doctor, I did. You didn't have to bring it up yourself though, I'm sorry. You could have just sent it up."

"That's okay, sir, I don't mind. Do you have a question about Major Carter's history that I can help you with, sir?"

"Well..." Hammond hesitated. Then he decided they really did need the doctor's expertise if they were going to proceed anyway. "Yes. As a matter of fact, I do, Doctor. Please come in and shut the door."

With her back to the General as she shut the door, Janet grinned to herself. She was about to find out what was going on, she just knew it!

"Have a seat, Doctor," Hammond said, gesturing at one of the chairs.

Janet lowered herself into the chair and jumped in surprise. Thor was seated in the one next to her. From the doorway, she hadn't even been able to see him. "Thor! I'm so sorry, I didn't know you were here!"

"It is good to see you again, Dr. Fraiser," Thor said. "I believe we have, as you would say, a lengthy tale to tell you."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jack had been in a really weird mood all day, and it was driving Sam nuts. Most of the time, he was acting like a kid at a theme park who had eaten way too much candy floss. Then some of the time he would go oddly still and look rather worried about something. And she knew he was hiding something. He kept trying to get her to take a nap, too! Alone!

She was wondering if he was starting to go stir crazy or something. Perhaps he was developing multiple personalities, who all seemed to be trying to confuse the hell out of her today.

Finally, around sunset, Jack tried one last time, saying, "Are you sure you don't want to go lay down for a while? Or take a long bath or something?"

"No."

"Okay, then, can you just... do me a favor?"

"What?"

"Could you please stay in the bedroom... no, wait, the other bedroom, for a while?"

"Why?"

"I just thought we could inaugurate the grill properly with a um... a kind of... dinner. Romantic. Dinner." He looked terrified she was going to laugh at him. She very nearly did, not because of the gesture, but because he had got himself so worked up over it.

"I just thought... I mean it's not like we can really go out on a date or anything and I thought maybe you missed that... part... of a... of a relationship so..."

"That sounds wonderful, Jack," she interrupted, hugging him. "I'll grab my book and get out of your way."

She pressed a lingering kiss to his cheek and hurried outside for her book, which she had left on the dock. Jack watched her go, somewhat surprised at how quickly she had agreed. Still, he was grateful. He had a lot to do and not a whole lot of time.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"You're... you're serious about all of this, sir?" Janet asked after Thor and Hammond finished explaining what they had been up to.

"Very," Hammond confirmed.

"And they... Sam and the Colonel are..."

"Yes."

"Wow."

"Yes. And I am equally serious about NOBODY else finding out about this. That means Dr. Jackson and Teal'c, Doctor. I expect you to keep this to yourself for the time being."

"Yes, sir."

"Good. Now, the reason we are telling you all of this is of course because when and if Major Carter does conceive, we knew you would want to be able to help monitor her condition."

"Of course, sir."

"Additionally, Thor has become concerned that Major Carter has not already conceived. I requested her records to see when she received her last birth control shot."

"A week and a half ago, sir."

"I see. So, that would mean it still has quite a few days to... run its course."

"Relatively speaking, sir," Janet said with a happy, not very professional smile.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sam was growing restless in the guest room. It was funny how it was 'the guest room' in her head already now, when it had started off as her own room. Now the only time she came in here was to get dressed. Between Jack's vicious attack on his closet and the fact that, well, he was a man and wasn't much bothered with clothes, particularly up at an isolated cabin, he didn't have a whole lot of closet and drawer space. So all of Sam's things were still in this room.

Speaking of clothes, she wondered if Jack was going to get dressed up or something. She decided a little recon was in order and nudged the door open carefully, peeking through the crack. No Jack in sight. She crept out into the hall and peeked around the corner, where she could see straight through the living room and into the kitchen. Still no Jack. She glanced out the living room window and could see that he was out cooking on the porch, but the lights outside were on so she couldn't see much from the glare, other than the vague outline of him. She couldn't tell what he was wearing.

Sneaking into the bathroom, she grabbed her compact, pocketed it, and quickly slipped back into the guest room. She slipped on some shoes and climbed out the low window, crept around to the side of the cabin, and held out her mirror until she caught sight of Jack's back. Sure enough, he was rather dressed up. Well, she supposed it was a relative term. As the last five weeks had been, for the most part, spent naked or very close to naked, she would have considered a tucked in shirt and a belt 'dressed up' at this point. They _were, _after all, completely isolated. It wasn't like there was a reason to pay attention to what they wore.

But tonight Jack wanted a date, apparently, so Jack was most definitely going to get a date.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Janet had barely returned to her office when Daniel and Teal'c showed up, looking at her eagerly.

"You were in Hammond's office for a long time," Daniel started, not even bothering to greet her.

Looking back and forth at how eager the two were to figure out what was going on with Hammond, Thor, Jack, and Sam, Janet suddenly burst out laughing.

"What is amusing, Dr. Fraiser?" Teal'c asked politely, while Daniel mouthed like a goldfish.

"Nothing, I just... thought of a new nickname for the two of you."

"How will we know to respond to this new name if you do not tell us what it is?" Teal'c asked.

"Yeah, come on, Janet, anything's better than 'Spacemonkey,'" Daniel wheedled.

Shaking her head, Janet said, "All right. I was just thinking you two are the Hardy Boys of the SGC."

Daniel looked embarrassed, which pretty much confirmed Janet's hunch that he'd been a fan of the children's books when he was a little boy.

Teal'c, however, looked puzzled by Daniel's reaction, and said, "Is that not a compliment, Daniel Jackson? Dr. Fraiser considers us to be hardy. Does that word not mean 'inured to hardship or fatigue?' Such a quality is admirable in a warrior, and as a doctor, she is most qualified to make such an assessment. Thank you, Dr. Fraiser. I am proud to be a 'Hardy Boy.'"

Janet and Daniel exchanged smiles, both fighting the urge to laugh.

"Right. So, thanks, Janet," Daniel finally said, quickly getting back to the matter at hand. "Now, what did you find out?"

Janet bit her lip. She hated having to lie to them, but it wasn't for much longer. "He just wanted to ask me about Sam's medical history. He's getting tired of all these discussions and wanted to make sure she was even capable of carrying a child in the first place, after all she's been through with the Ashrak, Jolinar, exposure to radiation and all the trouble your team routinely insists on causing me."

"Oh. She is, right, I mean, she's okay? She would have told us if..."

"As far as I know, Daniel, she's perfectly fine. She has a tendency to be anemic, and she doesn't eat or sleep as much as I'd like, but other than that, she's just fine," Janet assured him quickly.

"Good."

"Look, guys, I hate to throw you out of here, but I have three teams scheduled for pre-mission physicals about to come in," Janet said, suddenly shuffling the files on her desk and trying to look busy.

"Oh, sure, no problem. See you later, Janet." Daniel gave a little wave and both men turned to leave.

On their way out, Janet heard Teal'c say, "Daniel Jackson, I believe it is time for lunch. We must keep our strength up if we wish to keep our reputation as 'hardy boys.'"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jack looked down at himself nervously as he stood outside the door to the guest bedroom. He was probably overreacting, the logical part of his mind kept trying to tell the rest of it. Unfortunately, Jack figured the logical part of his mind was probably one of its smaller, emptier areas. He knew Sam had basically agreed to have children with him, which was pretty much the biggest long-term commitment you could make, but still. He was nervous. They had never discussed specifics before.

He smoothed his grey sweater down and debated his wardrobe choice yet again. He wasn't much for clothes, but he thought he matched rather well in his grey sweater and black slacks. But he was also slightly concerned that the grey sweater would just emphasize his grey hair, reminding Sam how much older he was than her...

He bolted for his room to change his shirt, changed his mind again, and quickly walked back to the guest room, knocking on the door loudly before he had time to question himself again.

Sam jumped at the loud knock on the door, slipped into her shoes, and hurried to open the door.

"Dinner's... wow." Jack interrupted himself and looked at her slowly.

Sam smiled self-consciously, tucking her hair back behind her ears, and took advantage of his distraction to just as openly admire how he looked. The grey sweater made the silver and grey in his hair even more irresistible than usual, making her fingers tingle with the urge to run them through his hair.

She glanced down at herself; she had been nervous about the dress. Thor, understandably, had no clue about Earth clothes, or any clothes for that matter, and had basically beamed the entire contents of her closet in with them, so she had a lot to choose from. It hadn't taken her long to decide to go with her favorite: the perfect little black dress that she loved because it wasn't complicated or particularly revealing, but it did look good.

"You're going to freeze," Jack finally said, after several unsuccessful and adorable attempts to speak.

"We're eating outside?" Sam asked, mildly surprised. It was well-after dark and the nights were already starting to get chilly.

"Not anymore, I'll bring it inside."

"Don't be silly, I don't want to ruin your plan. I'll just grab a coat..."

"Are you kidding me, you look amazing, Sam, you're not putting on a coat. I'll just... have to get a little creative," he said with a quick grin. "Give me ten more minutes."

He turned to go but Sam stopped him, sliding her hand up his chest, curling it around his neck, and pulling him into a kiss that very nearly made him decide to completely forget about all of his plans.

"Let me see how it is now, please? Before you move everything inside?"

"Of course. Oh! I just thought of something... come on!" He grabbed her hand quickly and practically dragged her through the living room and out to the patio, where he had set up a folding table, covered with a simple white tablecloth. The table was already set, with candles and wine glasses and everything.

"Jack this is beautiful. Please, don't change it, I'll just put on a coat..."

"No, this will be good too. Maybe even better, I just remembered something..." He was set on his plan now, and moving quickly. He blew out the candles and cleared the table, quickly moved it inside, and hastily pushed the couch and coffee table back, setting the table near the fireplace.

Sam watched, knowing if she tried to help he would just tell her no. He set the table quickly again, relighting the candles and bringing the chairs in as well. He disappeared and came back with some sort of paper-wrapped log-thing. He tossed it into the fireplace. "Jack, what..." Sam started. It was much too warm for a fire, even if he left the sliding door completely open.

"It doesn't give off heat. I bought it by accident last year, but never used it because obviously when I'm up here alone I need a fire for warmth, not for... ambiance."

Sam figured that was the strangest thing he had done all day long: use the word 'ambiance' in a sentence. Not that he'd ever successfully fooled her with his 'dumb-Colonel' act, but now apparently, he not only knew she knew, he also didn't care anymore. Interesting.

"Okay, there. Wait..." Jack had the fire going now, and he hurried over to the light switch and turned off the rest of the lights, letting the fire, the candles, and the little light from the kitchen light the room. "Okay. Now. Ready."

Sam moved to sit down at the table but Jack called, "Ach! Carter! Wait!" and practically ran over to the table.

Watching him in amusement, she waited patiently while he pulled out the chair for her. This was all so sweet, but really, it wasn't necessary. She didn't know why he seemed to feel like it was all of a sudden.

He scooted her up to the table and squeezed her shoulders, leaning over the back of the chair to drop a kiss on the top of her head.

"I would have done the whole multi-course thing but couldn't figure out how to do it and keep the steak hot without making you wait. Anyway. Be right back." He hurried off into the kitchen. Sam watched him go, amused and confused. She'd never seen him so... nervous? Flustered? Whatever it was, it was kind of cute, but it wasn't typical Jack O'Neill behavior.

He came back carrying two plates of steak, grilled vegetables, garlic potatoes, and toasted bread.

"There's more of everything in the kitchen but the table's too small," he said quickly, setting down the plates and sitting down across from her.

"Jack, this is wonderful," Sam said appreciatively as he poured wine for both of them.

"Sam, _you _are wonderful."

Sam blushed, which was perhaps a silly response to have, but the fact was that Jack O'Neill was a man who spoke volumes with actions, but still rarely with words. That was changing, gradually, but she hoped it never really changed all that much. The cliche about still waters was practically written for the man, and that was who she had fallen in love with in the first place, after all. While it was wonderful that he was opening up and all, she wanted it to be a natural change, not something he felt he had to force himself to do. And she never wanted to lose the unspoken communication that had always been a huge part, for a long time the _biggest _part, of their relationship.

"Hey, you okay?" Jack asked, touching her hand lightly.

"Yes, of course," she answered with a quick smile, squeezing his hand. "I just can't believe you did all of this, Jack, you didn't have to, you know."

"Yes, I did," he said quickly, clearly trying to explain something important to her. "I did have to. Because I wanted to. So I had to."

She smiled at the explanation. It was a good thing she understood Jack O'Neill-speak.

"Come on. Eat before it gets cold."

"Yes, sir," she said with a teasing grin, picking up her fork and knife.

They ate slowly, Sam taking a long time to eat because she was prattling on rather nervously, and she was positive she sounded dumb and flustered. She was sounding dumb and flustered because she was. Because Jack would not stop looking at her. She knew that look. It had always been a dangerous look, so she hadn't seen it very often until recently, when it had become dangerous in a completely different and much more pleasant sense of the word. She'd seen it occasionally over the years... one time over breakfast in the commissary while Jack took huge bites of oatmeal and Daniel rambled on and on about time loops and medieval Latin stuck out particularly in her mind. She'd seen it a lot more the last five weeks, but he'd never stared at her so hard for so long.

When she finally set down her fork, unable to eat anymore, the small noise of the fork on the plate seemed to wake him up. His eyes snapped away from her and scanned the rest of the table quickly, he exclaimed, "Dessert!" and was off like a shot with their plates before she could so much as blink.

"I couldn't... I don't know how to cook anything for dessert," he apologized, setting something fantastic looking in front of her.

"This looks great, where'd it come from then?" Sam asked enthusiastically.

He smiled in relief and said, "Uh, the bottom part is just a really big brownie from this place Daniel took me to..."

"The bakery by his apartment? With the big cinnamon buns out front?"

"Yeah! Anyway, the brownies are from there and I just put the ice cream, caramel, and chocolate sauce on top."

"It looks delicious, but it's big enough to be a whole separate meal!"

He laughed, obviously pleased by her enthusiasm, dug his spoon into the mountainous dessert, held it out to her, and said, "Not a meal Doc Fraiser would approve of. Come on, dig in."

Sam didn't know what to do. They worked their way through the dessert, although Sam was too full to eat very much of it, but every time Jack started to relax he would get inexplicably nervous again. Normally, he was the one calming everyone down in an emergency situation. She was pretty good at calming him down in diplomatic situations. But she had no idea what was making him so nervous, so she had no idea how to calm him down.

"Jack," she finally said, setting the spoon down and touching his hand, looping her fingers through his and squeezing lightly. "This is so sweet." He shifted in his chair uncomfortably. "No, come on," Sam said, holding his hand harder. "I know you don't like to hear good things about yourself, but too bad. You can't do something like this and then expect not to get any attention for it. Now. This was perfect. Everything was delicious, and beautiful, and you look incredible. So what's making you so nervous? If you're trying to seduce me, it's really not necessary, Jack. You did that a long time ago."

Jack took a deep breath and said, "I... I didn't plan to be nervous. I mean I _was _nervous. That's why I had a plan. So I wouldn't be. And when I came to get you for dinner and saw you, I... forgot. It's not the dress," he said quickly. "I mean it is, but... it's not that the dress does something to you it's just... it's what you do for that dress, it's the same thing you do to my sweatshirt, the same thing you've been doing to baggy BDUs for seven years..."

Sam smiled, a quick flutter running through her to be replaced by such a calm feeling that the tranquility of it was surprising in itself. It was part of the way they balanced each other: usually she was the one freaking out because he needed a miracle to save all their asses... in this particular instance, he was the nervous one, and she was suddenly calm.

"Then if it's just me, what's the big deal?" she asked matter-of-factly, sliding out of her chair to go over to him.

He leaned back in his chair, looking up at her, and said quietly, "Because it's not 'just you,' it's... _you._"

She thought he'd be less nervous without the space of the table between them, but instead of calming down the closer she got to him, he was getting even more nervous. This was definitely not normal for Colonel Jack O'Neill. She realized she was sort of looming over him now that she was standing next to his chair, which hardly encouraged anybody to relax. But she couldn't exactly crouch down next to him in this dress. She settled the matter by settling across his lap, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

"I love you, you know. You can tell me, whatever it is." She pressed her palm to his cheek, startled by how warm he felt, and kissed him.

"I love you so much," he said when they stopped to breathe. "But I... I don't want to mess this up."

"What makes you think you'll mess this up?"

"I did it before, and... this time I know there's no way I'd survive it."

"Survive what?"

"Losing you... ruining... everything."

"Jack, I'm right here. What are you trying to say?"

"I... wanted to ask you... _want _to ask you... to um... you know. Marry me. Please."

She looked at him in pure shock, tears springing to her eyes, and laughed. "I thought you were about to tell me something horrible the way you've been carrying on!"

"Sam..."

"God, Jack, you really are paranoid. Of course I'll marry you!"

He grinned and kissed her thoroughly, pulled away, and said, "Yeah?"

"Yeah, Jack. I'd love to marry you."

"Cool," he said, his customary smirk back in place.

Sam laughed and said, "Well, good to have the normal Jack O'Neill back."

"Oh, crap, I forgot..." He started fishing in his pocket for something, which quickly turned into a ridiculous balancing act as he tried to keep her on his lap with one arm while digging around in his pocket with the other.

Laughing, because this was so much more appropriate for them, Sam waited, running her fingers through his hair.

"That is _so _not helping," Jack said, getting frustrated.

"Too bad, I've been wanting to do this all night."

"This was my grandmother's," Jack explained, finally locating the ring but holding it in his cupped hand. "I got it out of the safe last night. So _technically _I wasn't lying. I did tell you that there was stuff in there from them and at the time we had that conversation I had already removed the ring from the safe anyway," he said, clearly pleased with himself.

Sam rolled her eyes and said, "You've been around Daniel too much."

Jack ignored that and continued. "Right. As I was saying before I was so RUDELY interrupted... I have quite a few cousins, some of them women, so I don't know, I guess she couldn't pick which one of them to give this to or something... but she gave it to me. Just before I was called in from retirement, actually. I was... a miserable old bastard, as you may have heard, but she... she was kind of astrange lady and she pretty much flat out told me my life wasn't anywhere near over yet. Then she shoved this into my hand and told me I'd need it someday."

"Wow."

"Yeah, she was... she was pretty funny. You would have liked her. Anyway. If you don't like it, when we get out of here..."

"I'm sure I'll love it, Jack."

"I don't even know if it will fit..."

"JACK!"

"Right. Sorry. Let's see then..." He slipped the ring on her finger. The center was a round diamond, with a triangular sapphire on each side, framing it. Beautiful, but not too elaborate. It was a little bit big, but in no danger of falling off. Holding her hand, they both looked down at the ring.

"Looks right on your hand," he commented, like he was speaking to himself. "Do you..."

"It's exactly what I would pick if I looked at every ring in the world," she assured him.

"Really? It looks kind of big..."

"It's just a tiny bit loose... but that just means I'll still be able to wear it when I'm pregnant," she added somewhat shyly.

Jack broke into a huge smile and kissed her. "It reminded me of you. I mean before. Something about the first time we went through the puddle, and the shape of it is kinda likewings or something, I don't know, but it... I'm glad you like it."

"I love it," she promised.

"I love you. What do you say we go get out of these clothes?"

"Yes, sir!"


	18. Plans

Notes: Sorry for the delay before this update, but the good news is that the next chapter is nearly finished already - this is another one that began as one and ended up as two. Reviews are cherished as always, particularly as I try to deal with overly cliched devices in moderately amusing ways;).

Ch 18: Plans

Sam sat down on the edge of the coffee table and took in the sight before her. Jack was stretched out over the length of the huge couch. He just fit perfectly, and she wondered if he had tried it out in the store to make sure he could stretch out completely before he bought it. It seemed like something he would do.

Making a mental note to ask him when he woke up, she carefully slid the half-empty beer out of his relaxed hand and muted the television. On-screen, Homer was stretched out on his own couch, asleep, drooling and snoring, with a beer of his own, wearing only his underpants. Jack looked considerably better taking a nap than Homer did.

Sam still couldn't believe all the effort Jack had gone through the night before. She had truly been surprised when he asked her to marry him, and even more surprised at how nervous it had made him. She didn't understand how he could possibly think she might have said no. They had, after all, pretty much already planned to have kids, but she still hadn't really been expecting him to propose, especially so soon. She would have been perfectly happy to have kids with him without getting married, understanding that he might not have a very optimistic opinion of marriage after what had happened to his first one.

She thought back, quickly, over how they had come to this point. It would have been a lot easier if both of them weren't so stubborn, she had to admit. But then, that was who they were, and they were both more than okay with that. Still, she couldn't help but think about how adamant Jack had been that everything be done 'right.'

For the first time, it really occurred to her that he was quite a bit older than she was. She knew how old they both were, of course, but it was just something that didn't matter to her. If anything, it was just that much sexier. He kind of had the whole Harrison Ford, Sean Connery thing going on, except he was actually real, sleeping right there in front of her on the couch, wiggling his toes in his sleep.

But she was reminded of their age difference because it had suddenly occurred to her that maybe Jack _was _concerned about getting married before she got pregnant. Not that he was old-fashioned or anything, but it was possible that whether he realized it or not, he would feel better about everything if that were the case.

Whether she was right or not, she also knew him well-enough to know that he would never mention any of this to her, even if she flat-out asked. When she woke up that morning, she was the happiest she had ever been, and she knew Jack was happy, but he was also right: the situation that had brought them together, finally, had been out of their control, and definitely strange. She wanted to make things as perfect for him as she possibly could, because whether he believed it or not, he deserved it.

"Whatcha lookin' at?"

She jumped slightly and realized he was watching her stare at him. "Sorry, did I wake you up?"

"No. How long was I asleep?"

She glanced at the clock. "Just an hour."

"Sorry. Didn't get a whole lot of sleep last night," he said with a smirk.

"I wasn't complaining," she shot back.

"I remember."

"Jack, when do you want to get married?" she asked casually, looking down at her hands.

"Whenever you do." He reached out for her hand and tugged her onto the couch next to him. "Something tells me you weren't one of those kids who put a pillowcase on her head and had a pretend wedding with the little boy across the street, but I just want to marry you, Sam. So whatever else goes along with that is up to you."

"I did put a pillowcase on my head a few times actually," Sam admitted.

"Really?" Jack asked, grinning slowly in surprise.

"Yeah, but it wasn't a veil. It was a parachute."

He chuckled and said, "That seems more appropriate. I didn't mean to sound like I don't care about the wedding though, I just meant..."

"I know. Thank you." She bit her lip and continued. "So... if we were actually free to leave, you wouldn't have any preference on when we got married?"

Confused as to why she was asking, he answered, "Uh, no. I don't think so. I'd marry you right this second if I could, or wait till you got permission to invite every alien we've ever met."

She laughed, picturing the SGC flooded with aliens trying to grasp the concept 'bride's side, or groom's side' and squeezed his hand.

"Hey, I'm gonna go take a quick shower, okay? I seem to remember someone complaining about my stubble this morning. Wanna keep me company?"

"Hmm, tempting offer, but I think I'll take a rain check," Sam said, watching him go.

She waited until she heard the shower come on and then hurried outside with the Asgard communicator. "Thor, if you're listening to this, I need to talk to you ASAP, some time when Colonel O'Neill isn't in the same room..."

Thor appeared in front of her and she jumped. "Wow, that was fast. This is a hologram, right?"

"That is correct, Major Carter. How may I be of assistance?"

"I have a favor to ask. It's kind of a... big favor."

"I believe I have asked you and O'Neill for a rather large favor myself, Major Carter. I will help you in any way that I can."

"Thanks... Do you think you could let us out of here, just for a day or two? We'd stay away from the SGC, we'd only go into town."

"I'm sorry, Major Carter, but that is one thing I cannot do. I am very sorry."

"Oh," she said, visibly deflating. "That's okay. I understand."

"May I ask why you wanted to leave for such a short time?"

"Er, well... we wanted... to get married."

"That is wonderful news. Congratulations."

"Thanks."

"You can get married here. I will arrange everything."

"But..."

"I will handle it, Major Carter. Do not worry. Is there anything specific that you require?"

"Well... I guess I need something white to wear... not a fancy wedding dress or anything, just... something... Thor, are you sure you can..."

"Do not worry. I will have it taken care of. I will return ASAP, as you would say."

"Thank you," she said gratefully. "And, don't mention any of this to the Colonel, okay?"

"You have my word," Thor promised, ending the transmission.

Sam went back into the cabin humming.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Dr. Fraiser, I have an important mission for you," Hammond said once the doctor had taken a seat in his office.

"Yes, sir?"

"I need you to go shopping."

"Sounds like my kind of mission!" Janet said happily. "Sir," she added quickly.

"I thought you might enjoy it. Now, as quickly as possible, I need you to get something for Major Carter to wear for a very casual, very private wedding."

"WHAT!" Janet squealed/yelled, practically bouncing in her seat.

Walter poked his head into the office and asked if everything was okay. Hammond dismissed him quickly and looked at Dr. Fraiser, slightly exasperated.

"Sorry, sir. So..."

"Colonel O'Neill asked Major Carter to marry him last night, and for some reason they want to do it as fast as possible, according to the conversation I just had with Thor. Now, for that to happen, I need you to go shopping immediately. Thor's getting Jack's dress blues and everything, so just get something appropriate for Major Carter to wear. Apparently O'Neill already had rings up at the cabin for her..."

"How?"

"I have no idea, we'll ask him later, doctor, please, we have to do this quickly."

"Sorry, sir. So I have to pick out a wedding ring for Colonel O'Neill? That's kind of... weird."

"My advice would be to get his old one. It should be in his locker, in a cigar box, on the top shelf. That way you'll know the proper size, and I would suggest getting one that is noticeably different from that one."

"Of course, sir. May I make a suggestion?"

"Go ahead."

"If you want this done as fast as humanly possible, sir, I'll need backup."

"What do you have in mind?"

"Well, luckily, I happen to live with the fastest shopper on the planet, sir. You wouldn't believe how quickly Cassie can do some serious damage at the mall."

Hammond considered for a minute and said, "Do it. Major Carter was adamant about using her own credit cards for her purchases. I assume you can get her wallet out of her locker?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good luck, Doctor. And I know this is exciting, but please, remember. Time is of the essence."

"Yes, sir."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Uh, Sam? You've been really jumpy the last few days, are you sure you're okay?" Jack asked cautiously.

"What? Yes, I'm fine. Never better. You?"

"Peachy."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Janet practically ran through the halls of the SGC with a green dress bag slung over her shoulder and a shopping bag in her other hand. She rounded a corner and ploughed right into Daniel, who was walking briskly himself, his head down and buried in the memo he was reading.

The petite doctor was knocked to the ground, and Daniel was sent back into the wall before regaining his balance. "Janet, Jesus, are you okay?" Daniel demanded, hurrying to help her up and gather her things.

"I'm fine Daniel, it was my fault..."

"No, it was mine," he insisted, looking down at the bags in his hand in obvious confusion.

"Were you... shopping?" he asked.

"Er, no," Janet said quickly, trying to come up with something. "I wish," she stalled with a nervous laugh.

"Er... that's Cassie's dress. Big homecoming dance this weekend, you know, and... I picked it up from the tailor this morning and forgot that it was in my trunk... I didn't want it to get wrinkled so I thought I'd bring it in and hang it up in my office. For the day. So it doesn't get wrinkled."

He was looking at her like she was speaking one of the few languages he didn't understand. Finally, he said, "Um, okay. Well... see you around then. Sorry I knocked you down."

"Thanks, Daniel, see you later!" she said enthusiastically, hurrying off.

Daniel watched her go and muttered, "What the hell was _that _all about?"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Janet hurried into Hammond's office. Thor was already in there.

"Shut the door," Hammond ordered.

She shut it loudly with her foot and pulled up the dress bag to show them the dress. "Cassie picked it out," she explained. "It's from some movie with Kate Hudson or something. Apparently it was yellow in the movie, but people made a big deal out of the dress, so they started making them in other colors."

"Major Carter does not like yellow," Thor chimed in.

Janet wanted to ask what he was talking about, but Hammond spoke. "It's great, Doctor, more importantly, will it fit?"

"It should, it's Sam's size and everything... unless she's gained or lost weight."

"She has not," Thor supplied.

Okay, Janet thought. It was a little creepy Thor knew that right off the top of his head.

"You got everything, right doctor? Dress, shoes, ring, uh... I don't know, what else... pantyhose?"

"Everything is in this bag, yes, sir," Janet promised him, smiling at his reluctance to say 'pantyhose.'

"Excellent. Take a seat, Doctor. You're about to be one of the witnesses to the first wedding ceremony on Earth performed by an alien."

Thor stepped next to the pile of bags and nodded at them both before beaming away.

"Sir, is this legal?" Fraiser asked as Hammond set a little Asgard display device on the desk between them.

It was off; Thor would activate it remotely when they were ready to begin.

"Yes, it is. Thor was ordained over the Internet a few minutes ago, but the marriage certificate will actually be signed by the President himself, to assure Major Carter and Colonel O'Neill, once we explain all this, that it was all completely authorized. Thor is going to get them to sign the license, but of course not put the date on, bring it back with him, and then you and I will sign as witnesses."

"Wow. This is so unbelievable!"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jack eyed the huge antique bathtub that took up most of the space in the bathroom warily.

"You never said anything about bubbles," he stated.

"Suit yourself," Sam said with a shrug. "Nobody's twisting your arm here."

Jack looked back and forth from Sam to the tub. True, he had been mocking her about her obsession with the bathtub for months, and she had finally agreed to share a bath, but she hadn't said anything about bubbles. Flowery-smelling bubbles on top of that.

"I warned you that you wouldn't like it," Sam reminded him mildly.

"Well… I didn't know about the bubbles."

"Whatever you do, please make up your mind before it cools off."

"All right, I'll get in. But you better not mention this to anybody. Ever. Especially Daniel. Or Teal'c."

"Of course."

"Or Janet," Jack remembered to add as he got into the tub.

"Of course, Jack," she repeated, smiling sweetly. "Besides, I highly doubt they'd believe me anyway," she added as she got in the tub across from him.

"Okay, now what?" Jack asked after they were settled. The tub was large, but it was still crowded.

"Now, you close your eyes and relax," Sam said, grabbing the rolled up towel from the edge of the tub, positioning it behind her neck, and closing her eyes.

He stared at her, hard, sure she was joking. "For how long?" he finally asked when he determined she wasn't going to move.

"For… fifteen minutes."

"Sam!" He moved to get out of the tub, disturbing the water and her legs, which were on top of his.

"Okay, okay. Ten."

"Five."

"Seven."

"Fine." He copied her movements on the opposite side of the tub, crossing his arms over his chest defiantly as he closed his eyes.

When he was finally still, Sam cracked one eye open and looked at him, trying not to laugh. Colonel O'Neill in a bubble bath… who would have thought? She hadn't been entirely flippant earlier - nobody would buy it.

"So this is your version of fishing then?" Jack asked after nearly two full minutes of silence.

"Hmm? Oh. Yeah, I suppose it is."

"And you really just… sit here? And do nothing?" He knew he was being incredibly irritating - he was doing it on purpose. Annoying Sam was now more fun than it had ever been - now that she knew for certain he never really meant it and he didn't have to worry about really upsetting her.

"Well, no. Sometimes I read."

"You could have told me I was allowed to bring a book!"

"You didn't ask. This past minute doesn't count. Five more to go."

"Then will you come over here?"

"Maybe, perhaps if…"

They both froze and looked at each other in shock.

"Did you just hear…" Sam started.

"I thought I heard…" Jack continued.

The noise repeated itself. A strange, muffled voice from somewhere else in the cabin, calling, "Major Carter! Major Carter!"

Their eyes went to the closed bathroom door for several long moments. Then, turning back to one another, they both said, "Thor."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Note: I have no idea whether or not the President of the United States can legally marry people or not, but I'm assuming he can.


	19. Small Ceremony

Notes: I am shocked at how fast I was able to get this one out. It occurred to me that at the rate this story and my stomach are growing, I'd better try to step up production here so I can have this thing finished before my next (and last!) child is born. I am going to try very, very hard to speed this story up significantly, hopefully without sacrificing any quality.

I really appreciated all of the feedback on the last few chapters especially. I particularly enjoyed those like SG1Fanfic who are liking the references to other episodes... hopefully you'll spot the one I've buried in here! The X-Files reference in a previous chapter, for whomever was asking, was from "Arcadia," where Mulder and Scully go undercover as "Rob and Laura Petrie," and "Rob" tells a neighbour that he and "Laura" "spooned up and fell asleep like little baby cats."

Last but not least, I recently accused my sister of living vicariously through one of her stories that contained an excessive amount of running and drinking, which she is no longer able to do as she is having a very difficult first pregnancy (she is having twins, which run on both sides of our family.) She correctly pointed out that I'm doing the same thing here with coffee and hot baths. Also, from the last chapter probably through the end of this story, I owe tons of credit to her, as I plan to take plenty of inspiration from conversations we've had recently. I also stole Sam's dress from her, although for Kate they were the bridesmaid's dresses, and they were dark red.

Ch 19: Small Ceremony

"Major Carter? O'Neill? Do not be afraid, I…" Thor called as he let himself into the bathroom.

Thor stared at Jack and Sam in the tub. Jack and Sam stared at Thor. Finally, Jack muttered, "He has worse timing than Daniel."

Sam giggled at that and glanced down to make sure she was still covered by enough bubbles. Jack crossed his arms over his chest, which was of course a completely unnecessary gesture, as he was covered in bubbles already, but more importantly didn't exactly have anything to hide in the first place. Particularly from a naked asexual alien.

Jack cleared his throat and said, "Hey, Thor. Buddy. Pal. Listen, let's just keep this between the three of us, all right?"

"As you wish, O'Neill," Thor said, recovering from his surprise and turning to Sam.

Suddenly remembering why he was there, she exclaimed, "Finally, Thor! I spoke to you _days _ago…"

"I apologize, Major Carter. I arranged everything as quickly as possible."

"So… everything is… ready, then?" she asked with a smile.

"It is. I will wait in the living room while you explain the situation to Colonel O'Neill."

"Thank you." Thor tilted his massive head at both of them and left, shutting the door gently on his way out.

"What's going on?" Jack asked as Sam practically jumped out of the tub and grabbed a towel. "We getting out of here?"

"Out of the tub, yes. Out of _here _here, no," Sam said absently, holding out a towel for him.

She was in Carter-has-a-new-project mode, so Jack just pulled the plug and got out of the tub, waiting for her to continue explaining.

She pulled on her robe while he dried himself off and started talking really fast. "Days ago I asked Thor for something. He couldn't do it, but he had another solution. This is it."

"This is _what?_" Jack asked.

"This is… well, okay. If you don't want to I understand. I just thought about how much you wanted everything to be normal and granted, the situation still isn't normal, but it's as normal as I could make it under the circumstances, and for us it _is _relatively normal, I suppose, so…"

"Sam?"

"What?"

"What are you _talking _about?"

"What? Oh. Er. Well. Thor's here to… to marry us. If you want to. That is. Of course."

"He… he's here to… marry us?"

"Yes."

"To each other?"

"No, to himself!" she replied sarcastically.

"Cute."

She shifted nervously on her feet, worried she had made a completely incorrect assumption. "So, do you… I mean is this… what you want?"

"Of course! It's awesome, Sam, I just… I'm just surprised."

"That was sort of the idea, Jack."

"Very clever."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dry and bubble-free, Sam and Jack sat down on the couch across from Thor, who was perched on the edge of the arm chair. Behind him, in the chair, were two large shopping bags, and two garment bags were draped over the back of the chair.

"Greetings, O'Neill. I assume Major Carter has filled you in on the details."

"What I knew, but… that wasn't really very much beyond the original idea…" Sam reminded him.

"Of course. I have with me the things you requested, as well as what I learned you usually require for a marriage ceremony on your planet."

"And this is… legal?"

"Yes. You will sign the certificate after the ceremony. Your witnesses will be watching remotely. When you return to the SGC you will of course be given the certificate."

"And you're… authorized to do this?" Jack asked.

"Yes," Thor said, in the tone that indicated that was the end of that particular conversation.

"Okay then."

"I have studied your customs. I believe if you dress quickly we will be able to perform the ceremony outside as your sun 'sets.' According to my research this is an appropriate setting for such an occasion."

"Where'd you get your research, daytime TV?" Jack quipped. Sam elbowed him in the side as Thor prepared to answer.

"Never mind, Thor. We'll get dressed. Thank you."

Thor handed them their respective things, and they headed off to change.

"Are you sure you're okay with this, Sam? I mean, I know it's your idea and all but…"

"Well, honestly, we probably should have some other type of ceremony later, so that Dad and our friends can be there… most of them have been waiting for this nearly as long as we have, I think…"

"That's for sure."

"Are _you _okay with it though, Jack? Because honestly if this isn't what you want…"

"It is, I swear!"

"Okay. See you soon then," Sam called, heading into the guest room to get dressed. For some reason it seemed weird to get dressed together. It felt more formal this way.

Slightly concerned as to what sort of clothing Thor had provided, Sam immediately hung the garment bag on the open closet door and unzipped it, subconsciously holding her breath as she did so. She let it out in relief as she saw her dress. It was her size, first of all, and it was very pretty without being ridiculously complicated. The white satin actually looked a bit more like a really fancy nightgown than anything else, and as she studied the thin straps, nonexistent back, and thin material she realized she should get dressed as quickly as possible so that it wasn't too cold outside.

Putting on more makeup than she had worn since Thor had first brought them to the cabin, Sam worked as quickly as possible. Her hair, which now came just below her chin, provided more of a challenge. She finally pulled it back away from her face with a thin barrette, frowning at the girly way it was slightly curly from the humidity of their interrupted bath. Hair and makeup done, she hurried over to the shopping bag Thor had handed her, curious as to what was inside.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"O'Neill, are you nervous about your upcoming union to Major Carter?" Thor asked, watching his best human friend pacing around the coffee table in the living room.

"Huh? No, not at all. I just don't see how the woman can be completely geared up for a mission, P90 and all, in ten minutes, and it takes over half an hour to…" he trailed off as Sam entered the room, fiddling with something in her left hand and smoothing her hair down self-consciously with the other.

"To what, O'Neill?" Thor prompted, but he followed O'Neill's gaze and quickly realized he was no longer the center of attention.

Sam finally slipped the ring she was carrying onto her thumb, curling her hand slightly to make sure it didn't fall off, and looked up. Jack was standing in the middle of the room in his dress blues, looking at her like… well, she had never really seen that look on his face before, to that degree of intensity. One minute he looked rooted to the ground; the next he had eliminated the space between them and was kissing her desperately, one hand sliding over the cool fabric of the dress and her warm back while the other curled around her neck, ensuring that she not push him away and remind him that Thor was standing there watching them.

That fleeting thought only lasted about half a second as her own fingers tangled in his perpetually messy hair and she returned the kiss, relieved and happy that she had apparently made the right call on the 'surprise wedding' idea.

Eventually, Jack became aware that someone was calling his name. And since he was still quite busy eagerly exploring as much of Sam's mouth as he possibly could, he was reasonably certain that it wasn't her.

Listening harder, he realized it was Thor, who sounded alarmed and kept insisting, "O'Neill! You are supposed to wait until I give you permission to kiss the bride!" over and over.

Forcing himself to end the kiss, Jack took a small step back and stared at her while he got his breathing under control, and she did exactly the same, staring at him and breathing heavily.

"Hey," he finally said.

She returned his slightly-dazzled smile and said, "Hey."

"You look… unbelievably… perfect. Way too good for me!"

Blushing slightly, Sam said, "I don't know about that, you look pretty unbelievable yourself."

"This old thing?" he joked, waving a dismissive hand. "Had it for years."

"Exactly," Sam insisted, absently running two fingers along the line of medals on his chest. "You look… just like the day I met you, only… more. Better…"

"Older," Jack grumbled, always uncomfortable with honest compliments when they were directed at him.

"Better," Sam repeated, kissing him firmly. "Maybe without the lipstick though," she added, using her thumb to wipe off what she had smeared across his mouth.

"O'Neill, are you nearly ready…" Thor asked.

"Hold your horses, little buddy! We're ready!"

Thor, looking concerned, turned to Sam and said, "Major Carter, you did not mention horses. I have not brought any…"

"It's just an expression," Sam assured him.

"I see. Then let us go outside and begin."

Exchanging grins, Jack and Sam followed Thor out to the dock. He had been right about the sunset making the whole thing seem more… real, somehow. Sam was glad, because as 'normal' went, she had to admit that having half an hour to prepare to be married at an isolated cabin by a three-and-a-half foot-tall alien was still a far cry from most people's definition of 'normal.'

Thor had clearly done his homework, or had very good tutors. He quickly took over the situation, positioning Jack and Sam where he wanted them near the edge of the dock. He dragged the chair out of the way and stood in front of it, facing them.

"Do you have your rings?"

"Yes," they both said, smiling at each other again. It was a good thing Thor was in charge at this point, as they were both more than a little overexcited, still rather shocked at what they were about to do.

"I will begin then. I understand there are many different marriage customs on your planet, within your own country as well. This will be very simple, of course, since there are no other people present. I will skip the part about gathering the dearly beloved, since you have no guests… and I was told neither of you had strong specific religious convictions to adhere to, so…"

"Thor, whatever you say will be perfect," Jack assured him. Sam nodded, smiling at Thor.

"Very well. You have stated your desire to marry each other. O'Neill, would you like to say anything further to Major Carter?"

"Uh, sure. Write your own vows type of thing? That uh… usually works better with a little notice…" he trailed off, turning sideways so that he completely faced Sam. He smiled at her fondly and said, "But in this case I don't think it would make a difference, because no matter how long I had to think about it, the right words don't exist in any language I know. Any language _Daniel _knows, for that matter."

Sam laughed, trying to calm down her hair. It was windy outside, and her dress and hair were blowing sideways, back towards the cabin. As they were outside, Jack was wearing his hat, so he looked completely unruffled as he kept speaking.

"I can't tell you how much you mean to me. How important you are to me. How much you've affected me. I love you more than I thought it was possible to love someone."

Sam's eyes filled with tears but she absolutely refused to let them fall, ordering them to disappear.

"I… I'm finished," Jack added to Thor.

"Very nice, O'Neill. Major Carter?"

Laughing quietly at the exchange between the two, Sam took a deep breath and said, "You don't think you have enough words to convey what you mean, and you get uncomfortable when people try to tell you what you mean to them. And I'm essentially the same, despite my tendency to prattle on about scientific, impersonal things. For years that didn't even matter, because we weren't allowed to say anything anyway. But the feelings grew anyway, all by themselves, without acknowledgment, or reciprocation, or cultivation… even when we actively tried to stop them. So now that everything is out in the open, it doesn't matter that you think you don't have the words, even though you really do much better than you think. Nothing needs to be said except I love you."

Jack leaned in to kiss her, but Thor quickly said, "Not yet, O'Neill!"

Rolling his eyes, Jack turned to the alien and said, "All right, hurry up then."

"Thank you," Thor said pointedly. "Now. You have stated your purposes here today. On behalf of the Asgard High Council, with the support and endorsement of the highest offices of the United States of America, we wish you many years of happiness. May the love you have for each other continue to grow. Now I will ask you once more to confirm what you have already said. After you say 'I do,' place your rings on each other's fingers, _and wait _until I have finished speaking before kissing."

"Okay, okay," Jack mumbled. Sam laughed and wondered if this was being filmed. Jack and Thor were so funny together.

"Now. Colonel Jack O'Neill, do you take Major Carter to be your wife?" Thor asked.

Jack paused, waiting to see if Thor was going to elaborate with the usual laundry list of having, holding, and all that. When Thor just blinked at him, Jack cleared his throat and said, "Yes. I do." He slid the ring onto her finger, beside its partner.

"Very good. Now. Major Samantha Carter, do you take Colonel O'Neill to be your husband?"

"I do," she repeated.

"Are you certain, Major Carter?" Thor asked as Sam slid the ring that had appeared with her shoes and things onto Jack's finger, hoping it would fit. It did, luckily.

"Hey!" Jack mock-objected, while Sam laughed. "Thor! You only asked me once!"

"I thought I would give Major Carter one final chance to change her mind."

"Very funny, Thor. You've been on Earth too long, buddy."

"Thor," Sam interrupted. "I'm not going to change my mind."

"Good," Thor said. "Then you are now husband and wife. NOW you may kiss the bride, O'Neill."

"About damn time," Jack muttered.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hammond shook his head and smiled. That was by far the weirdest wedding he'd ever witnessed. Yet it was oddly appropriate for Jack O'Neill and Sam Carter. Mainly to distract himself from the display he was watching, as he still found it more than a little disturbing to watch his two best officers be so… 'openly affectionate' was probably the politically correct phrase… Hammond turned to the woman seated to his right.

"Dr. Fraiser, are you… crying?" he asked, alarmed.

"No, sir," Fraiser said quickly, wiping her eyes hastily with the back of her hand, trying to remember whether she had used waterproof mascara that morning or not.

"Remember, Dr. Fraiser, you cannot breathe a word of this to anyone."

"Yes, sir. Thank you for letting me be one of the witnesses, sir."

"I'm sure Major Carter would have asked for you specifically if given the option, doctor…" his eyes were drawn back to the display. Thor was standing on the lawn chair, taking pictures. "He better not hurt himself," Hammond muttered.

"Wow. I mean, it's one thing to think of Jack and Sam as being together in the abstract sense, but… that's a little strange to see," Janet commented, still studying the Asgard display screen. From the second Thor had given them permission, neither one of them had come up for air.

"Yeah, you think it's bad on this tiny display, imagine Thor blind-siding you with it on a fifty-foot display on his ship," General Hammond said dryly.

Janet looked at him and laughed when she realized he was serious.

"I'll be the first to admit the way they ended up together is more than a little weird, but I think it was probably a good idea. Maybe they'll have enough 'alone time' at the cabin that by the time they get back here they'll be a little bit more… in control of themselves," Hammond stated.

"One can only hope, sir," Janet commented, thoroughly amused by the whole situation.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"O'Neill, your hat has blown into the lake!" Thor yelled suddenly.

Sam, who had completely disregarded proper protocol and knocked his hat off his head to keep the bill from poking her forehead long ago, pulled away from her new husband (okay, that was going to be harder to get used to than 'Jack') and looked around their feet for the hat. Sure enough, it was gone. She spotted it on the lake just in time to see it slowly disappear beneath the surface.

"We'll just tell Hammond that was your fault," Jack said with a smug smile.

"Good idea. He likes me better anyway."

"A little sure of yourself there, Sam… now that I think of it, you're the one obsessed with swimming in that petri dish of bacteria, why don't you go fetch it so you don't get in trouble?"

"Jack, it's way too cold now!" Sam objected.

"Are you sure? Come on, it's not like you to back down from a challenge…"

Suddenly realizing how close to the edge of the dock they were, she tried to back away. Hugging her from behind so he trapped her arms to her body, he swung her towards the water, pretending like he was going to throw her in.

"Okay, okay, I was kidding," Jack said between laughs as he spun her away from the edge and set her back on her feet. She was half-struggling to get away from him, but was impeding her own efforts by giggling uncontrollably. "I wouldn't want to have to sleep on the couch on the first night with my wife, would I?"

"O'Neill, look up!" Thor interrupted.

Jack looked at Thor, still smiling, and burst out laughing at the bright flash. Only then did he and Sam notice that Thor was standing on top of a chair with a camera.

"What are you doing?"

"Taking photographs so you can have visual representations of this day. I stood on the chair so that it would not be obvious the pictures were taken by someone much shorter than yourselves."

"Thank you, Thor," Sam said, quickly disentangling herself from Jack's arms and hurrying over to him. Without thinking about it, she picked him up under the armpits and set him on the ground, saying, "You've got to be careful though, that chair isn't sturdy. Colonel O'Neill already fell out of it once. You could fall and hurt yourself and… _what _is so funny, Jack?" she interrupted herself, turning around to face him.

Jack was laughing too hard to speak. Thor's face when Sam had picked him up… he looked _so_ surprised.

Finally he got control enough to say in between laughs, "It's just the first time I've seen you acting so… maternal… towards Thor. Now I understand why the Asgard wanted you so badly for this little science fair project. I mean, you told me about your big hug with Thor but I had no idea you had such strong maternal instincts towards him…"

Blushing bright red, Sam turned to apologize to Thor. "I didn't mean to be disrespectful, Thor, I just… overreacted a little and…"

"Your apology is unnecessary, Major Carter. I appreciate your concern and am sorry to have alarmed you. Now that the ceremony is finished, I am sure you would like to be left alone."

That made her blush more, especially because Jack took the opportunity to shoot her a particularly suggestive leer and rock on his heels.

"If you would follow me inside, you can sign the certificate and I will leave."

Thor started walking up towards the cabin. Sam glanced back at the lake as Jack tried to steer her after Thor. "What?" he asked.

"Just thinking. Now you've got something to fish for. Maybe you can catch your hat."

Once back in the living room, Sam signed the marriage license after Jack and automatically started to fill in the date. "Wait!" Thor said, startling her. She looked up at him. "You only need to sign your name," Thor said, gathering up the document quickly.

"Why can't I…"

"Enjoy your honeymoon!" Thor interrupted, quickly beaming himself away.

"What the heck was that about?" Jack asked casually, his tone saying plainly that he really didn't care either way.

But Sam continued to stare at the spot where Thor had just been, thinking hard, wondering…

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Thor was pacing Hammond's office as the General and Dr. Fraiser signed the license.

"I believe she will figure everything out now," Thor stated for the third time.

"From one tiny little…" Dr. Fraiser started, trying to calm Thor.

"It doesn't matter," Hammond said firmly. "Everything will be fine… Dr. Fraiser, I believe you have a lot of work to do. And Thor, why don't you drop this off on the President's desk? It'll get there a lot faster that way."

"Yes, sir," Fraiser said quickly, getting to her feet. She knew she would spend the rest of the day coming up with excuses for the giant smile on her face.


	20. Little Discoveries

Notes: I wasn't sure if the person asking when the babies are due meant mine, Kate's, or Sam's, so I'll just answer them all. Mine's August 29, my sister's twins are October 1, and Sam's is... at the end of this story, of course.

Hopefully, I'm really about to hit the fast-forward button on this story. I hope you continue to enjoy it.

Ch 20: Little Discoveries

Jack really, really had to pee. Badly. But there was no way he could get up without waking his wife. He smiled down at the top of her head at her new identity, even if he really only said it inside of his own head most of the time.

Carefully turning his head to the side, he located the clock under the television and saw that she'd now been asleep for about an hour and a half. It had been a long hour and a half. Not that he didn't enjoy being napped upon, but when she had interrupted his Simpsons viewing by straddling him, he had assumed she had other things in mind than sleep.

Apparently she hadn't. While she had attached herself to him so tightly he had asked if she was considering taking up another career as a barnacle, she had positioned herself a few crucial inches above his navel, pressed her nose into his neck, and promptly gone to sleep.

For the past several weeks she had been sleeping a lot. He liked to think it was because he was just _that _good, but he was starting to get worried. He had watched her work four times harder than anybody at the SGC for years, functioning on less sleep than any person could possibly survive on, and the simple fact was that Sam Carter only slept about four hours a night, five at the most. Yet she was now spending larger and larger portions of her day asleep.

Maybe it had finally all caught up to her. Or maybe she had finally relaxed enough to let her mind take a real break every now and then. Whatever the cause, the net effect was that Jack really needed the toilet, but was trapped between the couch and his sleeping wife, whose nose somehow always remained cold while she slept, even after being pushed into his neck for… one hour and thirty-five minutes.

He had to get up. He just had to. "Sam?"

No response. He rubbed her back a bit and tried again. "Sam? I need to get up. Really, really bad…"

She mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like a physics equation but didn't wake up.

"Come on, Sam, I really have to go…"

This time he was able to tell what she said, although it was still muffled. "Expand the field to consider all ten dimensions."

"Er, yeah, I'll get right on that, honey, after I go to the bathroom. Come on, get up!" He frowned at the top of her head and decided it was time for the failsafe. "CARTER!"

She lifted her head immediately and blinked at him slowly. "What?"

"I need to go to the bathroom," he explained as he rolled her into the cushions.

"Huh? How long was I…"

"We can talk in a minute this is an emergency!" he called as he ran out of the living room.

Laughing sleepily, Sam glanced over at the clock and her eyes widened as she yawned. Why was she so tired all of a sudden?

"Feel better?" she asked as Jack came back into the living room.

"Much. You?" he asked, sitting down beside her and stretching.

"I feel fine; I don't know why I'm sleeping so much… you must be bringing me over to the dark side or something. Pretty soon I'll be sleeping eight hours a night!"

"Unthinkable!" Jack said sarcastically.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Hey Janet, what are you working on?" Daniel asked as he entered Dr. Fraiser's office.

Teal'c followed, inclined his head, and said, "Good evening, Dr. Fraiser."

"Well, if it isn't the Hardy Boys!" Janet said with a smile. Teal'c returned the smile while Daniel rolled his eyes, silently begging Janet not to encourage that nickname. "Just a few things the General asked me to do. Ordering supplies, you know."

"And you have to do that now? I thought Cassie had a big dance this weekend… hey, what happened to her dress?"

"Oh, I ah… hung it up in my locker instead, so I wouldn't… forget to take it home."

"Are you _going _home tonight?"

"Of course, Daniel. Aren't you?"

"Nah, Teal'c and I are going to watch 'Indiana Jones' in his quarters, since Jack and Sam are still gone we figured we'd stick together."

"You are welcome to join us, Dr. Fraiser," Teal'c offered. "We have the entire trilogy, as well as a bonus disc with behind the scenes facts."

"Wow, that's a tempting offer, guys. Thanks, I appreciate it. But I'd better finish up this work for the General so I can get home to Cassie."

"Of course, Dr. Fraiser."

"Yeah… have fun I guess," Daniel said, looking at her carefully.

Feeling his eyes on her, Janet turned her attention back to the screen. The guy could read people way too well; he'd know she was hiding something in a second if he didn't already. Teal'c and Daniel left and Janet sighed in relief. It was a really good thing she didn't have to keep this secret for much longer.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sam stared up at the ceiling, which she really couldn't see as it was the middle of the night and the room was pitch black. After sleeping in the afternoon, she woke up in the middle of the night and could not go back to sleep.

None of this really mattered now, as they had no schedule they needed to stick to while they were alone at the cabin, but Sam really didn't want to go back to work on a nocturnal schedule. She sighed and tried to get more comfortable.

The next morning, she decided to take a long bath after Jack headed out to the dock to fish. As she checked the cupboard under the sink for a fresh bottle of shampoo, the stack of pregnancy tests Thor had left caught her attention.

She pulled one out cautiously. There was no way, it was so early… then again, she had been really tired and sort of restless a lot, and she supposed theoretically it was possible… There were plenty of tests under the sink; it wouldn't hurt to go ahead and try one.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jack came back into the cabin calling, "Still no luck on the hat!"

The living room was empty. He poked his head into the empty kitchen, then headed for the bedroom. "Sleeping agai… nope." He raised both eyebrows at the closed bathroom door and knocked. "You going for a world record in there, Sam, or did you get your toe stuck in the drain?"

When she failed to shout a smart reply, he got alarmed. Maybe she had fallen asleep in the tub… "I'm coming in!"

He let himself into the bathroom. Whatever he had time to imagine in the few seconds he had stood outside the door, he had not been expecting to find his wife sitting on the closed toiled lid, staring at a long line of home pregnancy tests that were lined up along the edge of the bathtub.

"Sam, are you…"

She tore her eyes away from the neat line of tests and focused on him for the first time, nodding slowly.

"Yeah. I think so."

He grinned and pulled her to her feet, hugging her tightly. "That's wonderful, why didn't you come get me?"

"I… I don't know, I kind of… I didn't really think it was possible yet, so I thought the first one was wrong, so I did another one, then I figured I should be really sure, then I figured if the first three were right we didn't really need the other ones anymore so I might as well use them all and… I mean I knew this was going to happen but I kind of thought there'd be more time to get used to the idea and everything so it's still… surprising."

"But a good surprise, right?" he asked, alarmed that she seemed so worried, when he was just completely elated.

"Yes. Definitely."

Jack went a little bit crazy at that point, kissing her face about a million times in between grinning uncontrollably and getting out half sentences like "Show you, Thor" and "plenty damn capable."

Sam started laughing, the shock she had felt replaced with joy after seeing Jack's reaction.

"So, okay, we need to contact Thor so we can get out of here and get you to a doctor. Then we'll have to move… somewhere. My house is bigger than yours but we could look for a new one if you'd rather, and… you need to sit down." He plopped her down on the counter, next to the sink, and opened his mouth to keep talking, but Sam suddenly pulled herself to him and kissed him soundly.

As the kiss ended, he took a couple of deep breaths and then continued babbling, "What else? Milk! You should drink some milk! Do we have any milk!"

He was running out of the bathroom before she could do anything other than be stunned by the sudden outburst. A loud crash snapped her back into action and she hurried into the kitchen. Jack was lying on his back, arms and legs spread out like he was trying to make a snow angel, his fishing pole sticking out from underneath him.

He looked up at her and groaned. "Remember how you said somebody was going to trip if I kept propping my fishing pole up by the door?" he asked. "You may have been right."

Sam tried very, very hard not to laugh. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, but I think the hook is in my ass. Actually, I _know _the hook is in my ass."

She took his hands and pulled him to his feet. "Well, at least this will be a good story to tell the baby," Sam offered as Jack brushed himself off and started turning around in a tight circle, trying to get a look at his own backside.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"I think Hammond told Janet everything, Teal'c," Daniel insisted as Teal'c placed the first DVD into his player, which had been a gift from O'Neill.

"Of course he did, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c stated calmly.

"You… you knew?"

"It is most obvious. Dr. Fraiser is concealing something that has made her very happy all afternoon."

"Why didn't you say something!"

"You did not ask."

"So what are we going to do…"

"There is nothing to do but wait, Daniel Jackson. General Hammond will inform us when he sees fit to do so. As I have stated before, conjecture at this point is futile. Now. Would you like a ginger ale? The movie is beginning."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Jack, come on!"

"Get away!"

"Don't be ridiculous, you need… help."

"I can handle it, you think this is the first time I've got a hook in me?"

"Well, I hope it's the first time you've got one in your ass!"

"Hand me the needle-nose pliers. And put that damn camera down!"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dr. Fraiser stood outside Teal'c's quarters, her hand raised to knock. She _had _to tell them. But she couldn't… Hammond had ordered her. But she _had _to. They were the closest family Jack and Sam had, they deserved to know… but Hammond had ordered her. Letting out a frustrated growl, she hurried off down the corridor. She had to talk about this. She just had to. She could call Cassie… Hammond had given her permission to fill her daughter in to help her shop.

Daniel poked his head out of Teal'c's quarters, peering down the now-empty corridor. "Huh. I thought I heard something."

"Daniel Jackson, you are missing the first inciting incident!"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jack was at his wits end. It had been days, and Thor still hadn't responded to their frequent messages. Sam didn't seem concerned at all. She had also confiscated the communication device after he had used it 'excessively.'

"Jack, if I hadn't done the tests so early we wouldn't have even known I was pregnant yet. I'm sure I'm perfectly fine, and Thor will show up soon."

"Yeah, but… I mean this is what the little guy's been waiting for, you'd think he'd…"

Thor appeared.

"Well, it's about time!" Jack exclaimed.

"O'Neill, I received your transmissions, and I daresay I would have arrived sooner if it had not taken so long to go through them all! Major Carter, how are you feeling?"

"Fine so far, Thor. Just a little tired."

"That is good to hear. Congratulations to you both."

"Yes, I believe _someone _owes someone else an apology for questioning their vitality," Jack said pointedly, smirking at Thor.

Sam sighed and rested her forehead in her hand. Why the Asgard loved her husband so much was completely beyond her comprehension. Daniel was the diplomat, not Jack.

"We are most impressed, O'Neill," Thor said evenly, sounding more like he was just placating Jack than anything else, to Sam at least.

Jack shrugged and said, "Well... all right. Apology accepted. Now, get us out of here."

"What?" Thor asked, blinking slowly.

"Get. Us. Out. Of. Here."

"That was not part of the plan, O'Neill. Major Carter, I assure you that you will be monitored more carefully here than most women on Earth."

"WHAT? You expect her to stay here and not go to a doctor at all? That's insane, that's not safe, it's…"

"Do you not trust our technology, O'Neill?" Thor asked patiently.

"Yeah, sure, but…"

"Do you believe I would endanger Major Carter?"

"No, but…"

"Or the child that is so important to all of us?"

"Not intentionally, of course, but..."

"I assure you she will be monitored constantly. We would really prefer you to remain here. However, Major Carter, we understand your emotional health is important as well. If you are uncomfortable with this arrangement, we will of course return you home."

"Good," Jack said quickly. "I'll go pack."

"Jack," Sam interrupted.

"What?" he turned to look at her and squared his shoulders. At the look on her face, he exclaimed in obvious disbelief, "What, you're okay with this? This is crazy, Sam…"

"Dr. Fraiser will be reviewing all of your reports as well, Major Carter."

Sam looked at him carefully. It was hard to tell with Thor, but she thought he was hiding something, and now she was pretty certain she knew exactly what it was.

"It's okay, Jack. I trust Thor, and so do you."

"All right, fine. But we've got to work out a few details. First of all, Thor, you've got to do better on your response time. She's not having the baby here."

"Of course. As soon as Major Carter goes into labor we will bring you all to the SGC immediately."

"And I don't know how familiar you are with human pregnancies but she's going to be requesting some pretty strange meals and I'm not going to be cooped up here with Sam having cravings we can't do anything about. I'd never survive."

"Hey," Sam objected mildly.

"Of course. You will be provided with whatever you want, Major Carter. I have several books and educational DVDs as well for both of you. And please begin taking these prenatal vitamins immediately," Thor said, handing her a bottle.

"Okay," Sam agreed.

Sam and Thor turned to Jack. He grumbled, "Yeah, okay."

"I will send you the books and instructional DVDs now. We still wish to give you your privacy, but we will be monitoring your health very closely. Again, congratulations."

"Thank you," Sam said, resisting the urge to hug him. Jack was still teasing her about picking Thor up at their wedding.

Thor left, leaving them alone. "Are you really sure you're okay with all of this?"

"I'm surprised you are, but if you're comfortable with it, it's okay with me," Jack answered, shrugging.

"Okay. Good."

Jack smiled suddenly, and she asked, "What?"

"I was just thinking," he explained. "This'll probably be the first time a husband can promise to be there for every single second and actually mean it."

Sam chose that moment to scare the crap out of both of them by bursting into tears.

"Yay, hormones!" Jack exclaimed in a falsely cheerful voice, hurrying over to hug her.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Detailed scans indicate everything is perfectly fine," Thor reported, handing a list of Sam's vitals to Dr. Fraiser.

"I can't believe she agreed to this. I was sure she would at least insist you drop me off for check-ups or something," Janet said as she scanned her best friend's chart.

"It is my impression that she has figured everything out, and has decided to go along with it. I cannot see Major Carter passing up the opportunity to return to the SGC otherwise."

"Probably," Janet agreed.

"And she hasn't caught Colonel O'Neill up to speed?" Hammond asked.

"O'Neill was disinclined to comply already. I assume she believes if he knew everything he would object further."

"That's putting it mildly," Hammond muttered. This whole plan had taken nearly twice as long as originally anticipated because O'Neill didn't like being manipulated (not that anyone did.) It was probably a very good thing he wasn't going to find out about any of that until Sam was in labor, at which point he'd have more than enough to distract him.


	21. Baby Talk

Notes: I believe this is three chapters in the past week, which has GOT to be a record for me on this story! For those still trying to figure out what's going on, if you really want to know, I suggest checking out the reviews for this story, as several people have basically figured it out. Also, for those who were (correctly) sceptical about Sam's decision in the last chapter, I hope to adequately explain it later. I'm going to be skipping huge gaps in Sam's pregnancy here for many reasons. First, this is supposed to be mostly funny, so it's not going to turn into a detailed, graphic account of a difficult pregnancy or anything disturbing like that. Plus, that would just make it very long and not very interesting. The 'baby bean' line is for my sister, who for some reason has called all of my children 'baby beans' when they were infants. But she's weird like that;). As always, thanks for reading, reviewing, and continued patience!

Ch 21: Baby Talk

Jack wasn't surprised that Sam immediately began devouring every book Thor left for them. She didn't know a lot about pregnancy, but a lot of it was science. Even if it wasn't her field of expertise, as long as it was remotely science-y, he knew she would dive into it and not come up for air until she was an expert on the subject. And they had plenty of free time at the cabin. He wondered if she'd be this obsessed if they were at the SGC and her time was divided between the pregnancy and other projects. Yeah, probably. It was Carter, after all.

Not that he wasn't obsessed as well, but he had a very specific limit of reading he could do at once. He could only read words like "neural tube" and "blastocyst" for a little while before encountering the urge to hurl the book across the room. It just took the magic of it all away, for him. Plus some of it was just... unsettling.

So, as usual, he mostly left the science to her. He asked her questions about what she was reading, and was reading the important stuff himself as well, but at a normal, human pace. Unlike some other people he knew and loved.

"Sam, lunch."

"Almost done with this chapter," she called absently.

He sighed and took their plates into the living room, sitting down much too close and waving the plate under her nose. She glared at him. Mood swings. Fun for the whole family.

He kept that comment to himself, having learnt his lesson the first time. On the plus side, the bruise on his arm was fading nicely.

"Come on, you have to eat. You're eating for two now, remember," he tried.

"I'm not really eating for two. It's more like 1.00000358."

"Tell me that is not an exact number," he said in disbelief.

She set the book down finally and looked at him. "Well, it's an approximation, of course, but the baby isn't even quite the size of a bean yet. And I'm not exactly keeping much down anyway."

"I know, that's why you have to try to eat. The book said small meals." He grinned and waved the plate around again. She sighed and picked up the sandwich.

"And here I was thinking you were just looking at the pictures of breasts," she teased.

"They're all just drawings," he grumbled, biting into his own sandwich. He watched her pick at the sandwich and said, "The baby bean doesn't like turkey?"

Sam smiled and started to answer, then suddenly shoved her plate at him and ran off towards the bathroom. "Well, I guess that answers that," he said to the empty room, sighing heavily.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Teal'c, I really think Hammond is seriously considering Thor's request. It looks like he's been getting Janet in on it and what if they're going to try to get Jack and Sam..."

"Daniel Jackson, stop speculating. You must be patient. I am trying to watch. The snake scene is coming up next."

"Yeah, I'd hate to miss that," Daniel grumbled.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Hey, good morning."

Sam jumped slightly, thinking he was still asleep. She turned on her back so she could see him and said, "Morning. How long have you been awake?"

"Just a little while. You know, you're not eating for two, but you are sleeping for two now," Jack said happily, leaning over her without putting any weight on her stomach or chest. She still had no idea how he did that. He pecked her on the mouth and added, "Or you're finally sleeping for one, at any rate."

She laughed and started to retort but before she had a chance he shifted, slid her shirt up over her stomach, and said, "Good morning, little Homer."

Sam snorted and said, "Oh, there's not a chance in hell."

"Well of course not, dear," he said sweetly. "If it's a girl we'll have to call her Marge."

She stared at him in pure shock and he started laughing. Realizing he had been joking, she rolled her eyes and hit him on the shoulder, moving to get up to go brush her teeth.

"Wait, you're not going to throw up are you?"

"No. Not yet anyway."

"Then stay here." He pulled the covers back up around her snugly, as if they would keep her there. "One of those books said for morning sickness you should stay in bed twenty minutes after you wake up. At first I thought it was a conspiracy to get men to bring their wives breakfast in bed, but the book was written by a man. So maybe not."

"Lovely. But it's not like my 'morning' sickness is confined to the mornings, so I doubt this will help."

"Well let's just try it."

"But I need to go to the bathroom," she objected.

"You can't wait twenty minutes?"

"There's a baby pressing into my bladder, Jack!"

"You said little Bart or Lisa was only the size of a bean," he reminded her.

"No."

"Come on... Lisa's a good name. And she's a genius! Didn't you see the one where she gets into Mensa?"

"Jack. You are not naming our child after a yellow animated character."

They were both trying not to laugh. Jack was doing a much better job of it than Sam was.

He waited for several seconds and asked quietly, "Not even Maggie?"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sam set her book down and glanced down the other end of the couch when she couldn't find the book she wanted next. Jack was reading it. What's more, he had a book stretched out on his stomach and three more stacked next to him on the ground. Talk about a role reversal.

"Hey, Jack?"

He was too engrossed in whatever he was reading to respond, so she reached under the blanket covering their entwined legs and squeezed his big toe. He yelped and looked over at her. "Want something?"

"That book."

"I'm almost done. Look at this one," he said, offering the one that was on his stomach.

Sam frowned at the title. "I've already read that one. That one in your hand is the last one left."

"Okay, okay, I'm almost done."

Realizing she was overreacting and should probably just be glad he was so interested in the books all of a sudden, she settled back into the cushions, figuring she'd doze off if she lay there for a few minutes. Despite what Jack might think, she _was _really trying to control her mood swings.

At least the unpleasant ones. Suddenly overcome with the urge to cuddle, she scrambled to the other end of the couch and settled half on top of Jack, who held the book aside with one hand while he made adjustments to the blanket and their position to get her more settled and comfortable.

"This isn't some technique to distract me, snatch up this book, and run away with it, is it?" he asked lightly.

"Maybe I just like you," Sam commented, smiling at him.

He looked at her suspiciously, which hurt her feelings for a moment before she remembered yelling at him that morning about the mangled toothpaste tube, figuring he had earned the right to be a bit cautious. Yes, she had realized later that she was the one mangling it, but that wasn't really her fault. She had to brush her teeth about twenty times a day from throwing up so much.

Jack had to know she was responsible for the state of the toothpaste, but he hadn't argued about it, he'd just asked if they needed more.

Jack frowned as his neck started getting wet. "Are you crying? What's wrong?"

"It's that damn toothpaste!" Sam wailed.

Ooo-kay, Jack thought, letting the book slip between his side and the back of the couch. This one would definitely require both arms.

"I hate being this girly all of a sudden," Sam sniffled.

"I know you do. But I happen to like the fact that you're a girl. Otherwise I'd be gay, and you know how the Air Force feels about that," he said calmly, brushing her hair back away from her face.

She laughed, pressed her face into his shirt, and let out one more sob, then another laugh. "You are so weird."

"At least I'm not crying about toothpaste," he countered. She didn't bother to look up to see the happy smirk she knew was on his face.

"I love you," she said with a yawn, slipping her arm down around his waist and closing her eyes.

He squeezed her shoulder, kissed her head, and picked the book back up, trying to find his place with one hand. Preferably without dropping the book on his wife's head.

Sam woke up needing to pee very badly. She got up so quickly she alarmed Jack. "Want me to hold your hair?" he called. He had to ask now, because sometimes she threw things at him if he followed her to the toilet, and sometimes she cried if he didn't come.

"No thanks, I'm not throwing up!" she called back.

He settled back into the couch, hoping she came back to sleep some more, as she'd only dozed off for about fifteen minutes.

Sam came back into the living room and glanced at the book Jack was reading. She rolled her eyes, then asked, "Is that what you've been doing all day? Reading the parts about sex in every book?"

He looked slightly guilty for a second, then smirked and said, "Hey, I thought we were both sticking to our own areas of expertise."

"Yeahsureyoubetcha," Sam replied, suddenly going green.

"Want me to..."

She nodded and bolted for the bathroom again, Jack following.

Sitting on the edge of the bathtub, which was really not a very comfortable place to sit, Jack watched her brush her teeth. He knew she was miserable; she was throwing up a lot more than normal, and he could tell she'd already lost a few pounds. But he was miserable too, because there wasn't anything he could do. They'd read all the books, and nothing they recommended had worked; Sam continued to be sick all day long and well into the night sometimes.

Thor assured them that the baby was fine and Sam wasn't in danger of becoming dehydrated or anything, as long as she continued to drink plenty of water and take all the vitamins she needed. The books agreed with Thor, claiming that it was okay to lose weight in the first trimester. The baby would get what it needed from Sam, even if she threw up most of what she ate. But Jack still hated it.

"Maybe it's twins," he offered.

She looked at him quickly, alarmed. It might have been a serious face, but her toothbrush sticking out the side of her mouth made the whole thing rather comical.

He smiled and explained, "I just thought I read in one of those books that the er... symptoms tend to be more severe with twins."

"What, did they throw that in with the chapter about oral sex?"

"I read other chapters too!" he said defensively. He shifted his focus to her stomach and said, "Don't listen to your mom, Luke and Leia."

She spit out her toothpaste, rinsed her mouth, and said, "Never in a million years, Jack."

"You love 'Star Wars.' And you KNOW Teal'c would love it."

"Then let him get a couple of hamsters or goldfish and he can name them Luke and Leia or Obi Wan Kenobi or C3PO and R2D2 for all I care. And besides, the books also say that first-time pregnancies can be more intense."

"Good, so next time it'll be easier," he said, patting her on the shoulder encouragingly before heading out the bathroom before she could throw something at him.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Jack, Thor sent the new groceries... and a book of baby names!"

"We don't need a book to come up with a name for our baby!"

"Judging by the names you've suggested so far, we do," Sam countered, unfolding the chair she had brought out to the dock with her and sitting down.

Jack, who was fishing, looked over at her. "Are you cold?"

"No, I'm fine. Okay, well so far you've suggested everyone from 'The Simpsons,' as well as 'Dorothy,' 'Luke and Leia,' 'Mulder and Scully,' 'Mary-Kate and Ashley' and 'James T. Kirk.'"

"Well, okay, let's hear your ideas then."

"What about Jack?"

"That's MY name."

"I know."

"But... wouldn't that get confusing?"

"It's a good name."

"It's MY name. How are we gonna know which one you're yelling at?"

"Well, sweetheart, that will always be you. I wouldn't yell at the baby."

"Okay, that's a good point. But what about OTHER people? Come on, we can't call him Jack."

"Jonathan, then?"

"Bit long. Look, MAYBE as a middle name, but I kind of think naming your kid after yourself is a little... unoriginal."

"All right," she grumbled.

"But we could name him after someone else we love... Danny maybe. But we can't call him Danny without putting Teal'c in there too, and Hammond might have a problem with that..."

"Yeah."

"What about Jacob?"

"Trying to get on my dad's good side?" Sam asked, smiling brightly.

"I'm already on Dad's good side! He loves me!"

"He did love you. Before you disappeared with his one and only daughter and secretly married and impregnated her."

"It wasn't my idea!" he said defensively. "Well, the marrying part was. Okay, so now we HAVE to name him Jacob."

"What if it's a girl."

"Jacobina?"

"That's not a word, Jack. Jacklyn?"

"Very funny. Georgette? Georgia?"

Sam giggled and said, "Danielle?"

"Teal'c-o-lette?"

"Yeah, that wouldn't have any lasting psychological effects."

"Carter?"

"What?"

"No. As a name. Boy or girl. It works."

"You didn't want him named after you, I feel the same way."

"Carter O'Neill then. At the end," he offered.

"Non-hyphenated," she stipulated.

"Deal."

"That part was easy."

"Yeah, now we just need the first half."

"Good thing we've got a while to figure this part out."

"Yeah... are you still opposed to 'Homer?'" he asked hopefully.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Janet knocked on General Hammond's open door.

"Come in, Dr. Fraiser. How's everything going?"

"All right, sir, I've got everything on its way from the Air Force Academy hospital. Sam can have the baby here, in one of the isolation rooms. But I'm a bit concerned... I haven't delivered a baby in several years, sir, not since my residency."

"I have every confidence in you, Doctor, and I think Major Carter would be more comfortable with you, assuming there are no complications. However, I will have specialists on call. I'll have to see who has clearance. If you have time, I was hoping you and Cassie could get some clothes for Major Carter. Thor said she loved the dress you picked out, and she doesn't need maternity clothes yet, but we don't have much time to get all of this done, so I'd like you to go pick out some things ASAP."

"Of course, sir. We'll go tomorrow morning, bright and early. Is that... fast enough?"

Hammond thought for a minute and said, "It should be. Don't forget it will be very cold at the cabin by then."

"Oh, that's right. Thanks for reminding me, sir. Also, I was wondering if you have any objections to me ordering some personal items for after the baby is born? Not on the SGC's dime of course, sir, but from the base computer. And since I'm still on duty and it's technically not work-related, I wanted to clear it with you, sir. I just figured they won't exactly have time for a baby shower or time for a lot of shopping and there are some things they'll need right away."

"Go ahead. But don't get them everything. I DO want to have a shower here, after the baby is born. But I thought we'd save that for Teal'c and Dr. Jackson to arrange. I feel bad about keeping them out of the loop but I think it's best. Knowing them they'd insist on us bringing them back now. Or they'd insist on being dropped off at the cabin. And from Thor's reports so far, I think sticking two other men with Major Carter right now would just be cruel. To all four of them."

Janet laughed and said, "Yes, sir."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Hey, Sam, guess what?" Jack asked, practically bouncing into the living room. It had been a very long process, but they were now about fifteen weeks into their pregnancy, and Sam was finally getting over the morning sickness, and was starting to gain back some of the weight she had lost.

They both felt much better now, much less worried. According to Thor, she had lost nearly ten pounds from being so nauseous, but the baby was developing exactly on schedule, and she had already gained one and a half of those lost pounds back.

"What, Jack?" Sam asked.

Jack froze as he entered the kitchen. "What are you eating?"

"Cheetos and peanut butter," she replied, as though that was a perfectly acceptable combination. "Want to try it, it's good."

"No thanks, I'll pass," he said, wincing as he remembered the time he'd actually taken her up on that offer. Peanut butter and banana. Both extremely good for Sam. Not so good for Jack.

"What did you want to tell me?" she prompted.

"Oh yeah. Did you know the baby's lost its tail and is starting to grow some eyes and ears."

She smiled in amusement and teased nonchalantly, "Hopefully two of each. Eyes in the front, ears on each side. Maybe if we're lucky we'll get a nose and a mouth too."

"It's so weird."

"You're calling our child weird."

"Well... I mean it doesn't even look like a human yet or anything, and it already has a brain and it's already... our kid. But it probably looks more like Thor right now than either of us."

She smiled and kissed him on the cheek. "At this point I don't think it even looks like Thor."

He laughed and suddenly directed his attention to her stomach. "Hey, Lucy and/or Ricky. Listen up, kid. As long as you're busy growing eyes... try to make them look like your mom's, okay?"

He stood up straight and was shocked at the look on Sam's face. He'd seen it before, but it had been a really long time. Way back before the constant fatigue and puking had started. She launched herself at him, taking him completely by surprise, arms and legs wrapped around him. By the time he turned around and set her on the counter, she was devouring his mouth.

He grinned, really, really hoping this meant she was going to be one of those cases he had read about, where the sex drive got a big huge boost in the second trimester. The books had also talked about women whose drives got reduced to practically zero, for the whole nine months! Those parts had scared him and made him sad. He had skipped those parts, willing Sam to be one of the other ones. And apparently she was. He wasn't even going to complain about the strange taste of Cheetos and peanut butter.


	22. Name Games

Notes: I should have put this on the last chapter, but I forgot. Everything I 'criticize' from here on out, specifically strange cravings and baby names, is done in good fun. I actually like all of the names I've put into this fic (the real ones obviously, I would never consider naming a child Teal'c-o-lette) and I do hope if you happen to find your own name in here, you won't take offence. Just because Jack or Sam doesn't like it doesn't mean I share their opinion! The same goes for the reference to the show 'Gilmore Girls.' Personally, I have never seen that show, but my poor son was unfortunately born around the time it debuted, apparently, because several people have started to think of his name as a girl's name (an unfortunate coincidence for him, but I mention it in this story only as an attempt at humour). As I've never seen the show, I have no opinion on it either way, although it's one of my sister's favourites.

Ch 22: Name Games

"You're not gonna want to do one of these weird deliveries are you?" Jack asked, quickly shutting the book he had been skimming and pushing it aside. He hid it under a couch cushion for good measure.

"What do you mean, 'weird?'"

"Like that underwater thing or something."

Sam laughed. "I don't think so. I want Janet to do it."

"Oh. Okay. Me too. What about... drugs and stuff?"

"I don't know," Sam admitted, biting her lip. "I've been thinking about it... I definitely want to know what's going on. I mean unless there's some sort of complication and they have to do an emergency Ces..."

"Everything will be fine," Jack interrupted firmly.

"Well... assuming it is, from what I've read there are potential disadvantages to every kind of drug. And the only disadvantage to no drugs is that it hurts more. To me. But I think it's better for the baby, so I guess I'm leaning more towards that."

"Wow."

"What?"

"You're just very... brave. Is all. I mean... if it were me I'd want to be unconscious for the whole thing."

"Jack, no offence, but I think if men had babies the species would have died out thousands of years ago."

"I'm sure you're right," he agreed.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Now that most of the initial unpleasantness was over, things had settled into a more predictable pattern. They had started 'going to Lamaze class,' which meant that they watched an instructional DVD after lunch every day. Thor had provided a DVD that actually followed a typical delivery, but neither had been brave enough to even _suggest _watching that one yet.

In the morning, Sam had started doing some weird yoga/pilates thing for pregnant women. Jack had tried to do it with her once, but it was a _lot _harder than it looked, and all that twisting hurt his knee and back. The next morning, he had tried to sit in the living room while she did it by herself, but for some reason had found it pretty hot. With the way her hormones were lately, it hadn't been hard to convince her to do a little alternative exercising instead. The next day she had politely asked that he go outside and fish while she exercised.

About once a day they had a name debate. Today was no exception.

"Ariel."

"Katharine."

"Belle."

"Morgan."

"Alice."

"STOP NAMING DISNEY CHARACTERS! I said no cartoons!"

"Actually, you said no YELLOW cartoons," Jack clarified. They were squared off on opposite sides of the coffee table, both with their hands on their hips.

"Oh bite me, Jack, you can't be serious about names like Ariel and Belle!"

"Well Morgan is a boy's name and you're always complaining your dad called you Sam!"

"Morgan is a perfectly normal girl's name as well!"

"Are you as turned on as I am right now?"

Sam stared at him like he was the craziest person she had ever seen, threw her hands up in the air in defeat, and left the room.

"Guess not," Jack commented, going after her. Hey, it wasn't a ridiculous question. Just yesterday, she got all hot and bothered when she found him folding towels.

He entered the bedroom cautiously, not sure if she was really mad or just wanted to quit fighting over the names. Until tomorrow, of course. "Sam? How about Ryan? For a boy, I mean."

She looked at him funny.

"What? You like the more normal names..."

"Ryan O'Neill."

"Yeah, so... what, too Irish?"

"That's the name of an actor, Jack."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I think it might be spelled differently, but it sounds the same."

"One L?" Jack guessed.

"Yeah. And an 'A,' I think. Come on, you've never heard of him?"

"Er, no..."

"Paper Moon? Love Story? What's up, Doc?"

"Those are movies?" Jack asked.

"You've never seen 'Love Story?' Come on... 'What can you say about a twenty-five-year-old girl who died?'"

Sam asked this as though not knowing about this movie was similar to not knowing about rain or something. Jack had nothing to reply with except, "Sounds like a chick flick. 'What's up Doc' sounds okay though. Is it like 'Who Framed Roger Rabbit?'"

"Not exactly. It has Barbra Streisand and..."

"Okay, enough said," he interrupted, wincing. "That's a 'no' on Ryan then."

"Yes."

They stared at each other for several moments, then Jack sighed.

"Okay, maybe we do need the book," he finally admitted.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sam was getting very tired of staring at the ceiling in the dark. After spending the first half of her pregnancy sleeping more than she remembered doing since high school, she was now having bouts of insomnia. On this particular night, she woke up with only one thought on her mind.

"Jack? Are you awake?" she asked, stroking the arm that was around her stomach hopefully.

She was pulled closer to him in response and felt his face go into the back of her neck.

"Jack?" She rolled over to face him, peering closely at his face in the dark. "Wake up." Pressing her palm to his cheek carefully to locate him better, she kissed him on the cheek and turned his head towards her. "Please?" She kissed him slowly, smiling triumphantly when he finally woke up.

"Saaam, go to sleep. It feels like I just went to sleep," Jack mumbled against her mouth.

"I can't."

"What time is it?"

Sam leaned over him to get a better look at the clock, plus to wake him up more. "3:29."

"I've only been asleep half an hour? Did you sleep at all?"

"I can't," she repeated, kicking the covers down around their legs so that the cold air would wake him up. He reached for the covers, still refusing to open his eyes. Sam scratched his stomach lightly with her nails, tickling him. "Jack, do you know how to make mashed potatoes?"

His eyes popped open. "Mashed potatoes?"

"Yeah, do you know how to make them?"

"Yes," he groaned. "That's what you want, that's why you're waking me up at 3:29 in the morning?"

"Yes. Please. I really, really need them, Jack."

"Did Daniel teach you how to pout when I wasn't paying attention or something?"

"Maybe. Please? I can't explain it but I HAVE to have them and I have no idea how to make them."

"Okay, okay." Jack sighed and got out of the warm, soft bed, looking around for some warm clothes. As he pulled on his sweatpants and a waffle knit shirt and sat down on the edge of the bed to pull on some socks, he hoped the only cookbook they had at the cabin could tell him how to make mashed potatoes.

Sam wrapped her arms around his shoulders from behind, hugged him tightly, and looked at him sideways. "Can you make them lumpy?"

"They're not supposed to be lumpy."

"I want lumps. Please?"

Jack sighed and said, "Lumpy mashed potatoes coming up."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Can you even tell that I'm pregnant?" Sam asked as she entered the kitchen one morning.

Jack turned around and tried to think quickly, because apparently he was already in the middle of a conversation he hadn't known about. Sam was dressed in jeans and a sweater, but Jack had no idea what he was supposed to say. If he said yes, was she going to burst into tears because he was calling her fat, or if he said no was that going to set her off because she still wasn't showing?

"Er..." he stalled. "I don't really know what you mean," he started carefully. "Of course I can tell you're pregnant. You ARE pregnant. Until recently you were puking every five minutes, you've got mood swings, and yesterday I caught you eating salsa straight out of the jar, with a spoon. But... if I didn't know you, or if I wasn't allowed to see ya naked, I wouldn't be able to tell."

"That's what I was afraid of," Sam sighed heavily, sinking into one of the kitchen chairs. "Aren't you concerned about that? I mean we're more than halfway through here, I've got practically every single possible other symptom of pregnancy..."

"Thor says the baby is growing fine," Jack reminded her, moving behind her chair and squeezing her shoulders. "But if you want to we can get out of here and go find out for ourselves."

"No, I trust Thor I just... I don't understand why..."

"You lost ten pounds that you didn't have to lose in the first place, Sam. And you're tall and thin and in good shape, and it's your first baby. Didn't that book with the green cover say all those things meant it would take longer to show?"

"Yes," she admitted.

"Okay. You know, most women are worried about having the opposite problem," he reminded her. "And I _can_ tell, sort of, when you're naked, as long as you're not lying on your back. I'm sure little Thor or Thorabelle will start growing like a weed really soon."

"Thor or Thorabelle?" she laughed, shaking her head and wiping her eyes.

"Yup. Come on. That was my way of suggesting we finally get started with that baby name book!" He took her hands and tugged her to her feet.

"Very subtle," she commented as they went into the living room.

"You know me. Subtle's my middle name."

"Right."

They snuggled into the couch so that they could read the book at the same time, curled up under a blanket, each holding a pencil so they could circle a name they liked when they found it.

"Isn't this nicer than yelling across the coffee table?" Sam asked as they opened the book together.

"Yes, so much better," Jack agreed, hugging her tightly and kissing the side of her head.

That nice tranquillity didn't even last through the names that began with 'A.'

Sam was trying to read what each name meant, it's origin, nicknames... Jack reached across her and underlined every other name he saw, reading them out loud as though Sam wasn't looking at the exact same spot on the page. "Oh, Abigail, that's cute... what about Ainsley? Or Ally? You still say no to Alice and Ariel? Amy is nice and short... Annabeth! Ashley? Nah, there are too many Ashleys already... what about Audrey?"

"Ohforcryinoutloud, Jack!" Sam finally exclaimed, resisting the urge to stab her pencil into the back of his hand.

"What did you just say?" he asked lightly, surprised by her outburst but amused by the appropriation of 'his' phrase.

"You heard me! I can't even think about the names I'm looking at because you keep suggesting other ones, and then before I can think about what _you _just said, you've already said three more!"

"Sorry," he mumbled.

"Okay. Maybe we should do this differently," Sam suggested, taking a few calming breaths. "Why don't we take turns with the book and each make a list. Then we'll compare them."

"Sounds good to me."

"Why don't we pick one name for each letter, then from that list pick our five favorites," Sam proposed.

He thought for a minute and said, "If there's not one for a certain letter, like Q and X and Y, can I trade it for another name?"

"Sure."

"Okay. Deal."

By the end of the day, they both had their lists ready.

"This was hard," Sam admitted.

"Yeah," he agreed. "Maybe we should just try to come up with one name that works for a boy or a girl and let that be it."

"Well, that's a good idea in theory but we can't even agree on a final list yet, I don't think we'll ever agree on one name."

"Well, whichever ones we don't use we can save for the next babies!"

"Let's just focus on this one for now, please."

"Okay. Let's hear your list."

Sam unfolded the piece of paper that had been tucked into her pocket and said, "For boys I've got Cameron..."

"Wait. Cameron's a girl's name," Jack interrupted.

"No it's not."

"Cameron Diaz?" he prompted.

"It's both, Jack."

"People are going to think Diaz when they hear it," he argued.

"Not when they see that he's a boy. Can I finish?"

"Yes, dear."

"Thank you. So, I've got Cameron, Bailey, Patrick, Tristan, and Rory."

"Bailey and Rory are also girls' names."

"They are not, Jack!" Sam said defensively. Rory was her favorite name, she wasn't about to just let that one go.

"That girl on that show Cassie likes is named Rory," Jack argued.

"That's a nickname for something else, and since when do you watch the WB?"

"Only when Cassie makes me," Jack mumbled.

"Well, that's not where I got the name from. I can't stand that girl. It's a BOY'S name."

Jack sighed. "Sam, honey, look, three of those are also used as girls' names. Even if they started off as boy names originally, do you think other kids are going to know that? And Tristan's kind of... yech... look, you have a very girly name that happens to have a non-gender-specific nickname..."

"That my dad called me from the day I was born."

"Still. Everyone knows Sam is a nickname for Samantha and you STILL don't like it sometimes. It's a MUCH bigger deal for a boy to have a girly name than for a girl to have a boy's name."

Sam sighed, decided she didn't want to argue about it anymore at the moment, and said, "What about Patrick?"

"Well... can't get much more Irish than Patrick O'Neill. I dunno, it's not so bad. Are you ready to hear my boy names?"

"Knock yourself out."

"Okay. Alex..."

"Alex is a girls' name too."

"Hold all comments until the end, please. Now, as I was saying... Alex, Conor, Fisher, Jordan, and Logan."

"I like Conor and Logan. And I have Jordan down too."

"You didn't say Jordan."

"I put it for a girl."

"You like boys' names for girls and girl names for boys - and your own name is Sam and you say you hate it!"

"I don't HATE it... and every child has something they have to get used to with their name."

"Yeah, but... okay, then, there's the answer. We'll just call him or her Baby Carter O'Neill until he or she is old enough to name herself. Or himself."

Sam laughed and yawned. "And then the child will be in therapy until he or she is fifty. I'm tired of arguing about this right now."

"Yeah, me too. Let's do the girl names later."

"Okay. So which is your favorite? On your list?"

"I think Fisher is cool, because we've been here at the cabin for so long and everything."

"Hmm," Sam replied absently, tucking the paper back into her pocket so Jack wouldn't sneak a peek at it.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"I have a question about names," Jack said as they got into bed one night.

"I'm too tired to fight about the names right now," Sam said, stretching and yawning as she spoke.

"It's not about that," he assured her.

"Oh." Sam toed her socks off after getting under the covers.

"I was thinking about when we get back to work," he explained, turning on his side to face her. "I still get to call you Carter at work, right?"

"Sure," she said with a shrug. She thought for a few seconds, her sleepy brain struggling to kick back into gear, and asked, "Why is that so important to you?"

"I just don't want to lose that part of us, ya know? Does that make any sense?"

She smiled slowly and could only think of one proper response to that. "Yes, sir."


	23. Little Projects

Notes: I've hurried this chapter along because Ithought the last one was rather stagnant. I really enjoyed reading everyone's input about the names. I believe the name that received the most attention (so far) was Morgan. I've had a name and gender picked out for a while now, but I still enjoy people's new suggestions or choices from the names I have mentioned. It's so much easier to name a fictitious child than one who might grow up to hate you for it!

Ch 23: Little Projects

Jack woke up feeling warm and cold in all the wrong places. His legs were warm because there were no cold bare feet touching them anywhere. He felt no cold nose pressed into his neck, back, chest, or either shoulder. There were no warm arms around him and no soft body was pressed up against his, although he was nicely cocooned in the comforter for a change.

He forced his eyes open and looked around. No Sam. Well, he already knew that. He looked at the clock. Just after midnight. Bathroom door open, no light on. Crashes in the kitchen.

He got up and stumbled sleepily through the cabin, not bothering to put anything on besides his boxers. He rubbed his face as his eyes adjusted to the light from the kitchen.

Sam was clearly in the middle of some sort of scientific experiment. In the kitchen. With perishable items such as butter and eggs. Large bowls and spoons were involved. "Sam, what do you want, I'll fix it," Jack said around a big yawn.

She jumped and looked at him in surprise. "Did I wake you up?"

"No. Not really. Just missed the cold feet and blanket hogging."

"Sorry, I couldn't sleep."

"And you had the sudden urge to bake? What are you fixing anyway?"

"Cookies."

"Cookies? Why?"

"Because I'm having a baby, Jack!"

As if that explained everything.

"O...kay," he said carefully.

"Kids are supposed to have cookies. In their lunch. When their friends come over."

"You can buy cookies at the store though, hon. Or get those log things you just cut up and throw in the oven..."

"This isn't about just cookies! Our child can't live off pizza and take away! I have to be able to cook!"

"I thought I was okay..."

"You are. But what is our kid going to think when he asks me for toast and I have to get you to come make it?"

"Sam, that toaster is like... older than you are. It's not you. It's the toaster," Jack said, referencing the truly ancient toaster that had become Sam's arch-nemesis since they had arrived at the cabin.

"Well, it's not just the toaster. I'm a lousy cook."

"You don't NEED to cook, Sam..."

"But it can't be that hard. I should be able to do this," she muttered, turning her attention back to the open cook book.

"Sam. I'm sure you can cook if you really want to. But you've got plenty of time to teach yourself how to do all that before the baby comes... even after. You know, they don't need home-cooked meals for a looong time. So. Let's go back to bed and in the morning we can ask Thor for a whole mess of cookbooks and whatever else you need."

"I want to finish these first," Sam insisted.

"All right," Jack said with a heavy sigh, getting up to come help.

"Alone." He cringed and she smiled apologetically. "Sorry, I just... I need to know I can do this without you watching every step of the way and fixing all my mistakes."

"Can I be the official taste tester then?" he offered, propping his chin up on his hand, his elbow on the table.

"Sure. This is going to take a while though, why don't you go on back to bed."

"Okay," he agreed, getting to his feet. He was chilly already, in just his shorts. "Love you. Don't burn the cabin down."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jack had been wondering, now that she had read practically every book ever written about being pregnant, what the next project would be to keep her occupied at the cabin. Never in a million years would he have guessed it would be cooking. Jack had shrugged and asked Thor for a bunch of cookbooks and supplies and asked that Sam leave breakfast as his thing. After that he mainly stayed out of the way.

His prediction that she'd figure it out if she really wanted to had been accurate. Sam was nothing if not precise, and as long as she meticulously followed the directions to the letter, whatever she fixed actually came out pretty good. She seemed especially good at baking, since there was little room for error once you put the item in the oven.

Of course, there were still a few mishaps if something (or someone, Jack thought with a 'heh') distracted her during the process, but it didn't take long for her to get quite competent in the kitchen. And Jack, as the official taste tester (since a large number of the things she cooked actually made her nauseous - she was having terrible food aversions) kept complaining that he was going to end up gaining more weight than her during this pregnancy.

As she did start to get bigger herself, Sam gradually started spending less time 'experimenting in the lab,' which was what Jack had dubbed her cooking attempts, no doubt trying to reassure himself that she had not suddenly gone completely mad and that the person he had always known was still in there somewhere, underneath all the wacky hormones. It hurt her feet and back to stand and cook for very long, now that she was about to enter the third trimester and had gained a whopping fifteen pounds.

Sam was secretly glad she had lost those ten at the start, as she couldn't imagine gaining fifteen pounds otherwise. She kept that to herself though, knowing Jack was still concerned that she wasn't eating enough. Her total weight had only increased by about five pounds, but everything had just sort of redistributed itself, so that the baby was growing perfectly (according to Thor) and she had finally switched to maternity clothes.

Sam had cried when the clothes arrived. She had known Janet had to be the one picking them out, but had been touched at the note she found tucked inside one of the blouses, which promised her that everything was going just fine, told Sam how happy Janet was for them, and promised to see them soon.

Sam grabbed a fork and went into the living room with the plate she was carrying. "This is the last piece of cake, and I don't think I'm going to be making any more for a while," she said, stifling a yawn as she handed the plate to Jack. "I think I know enough not to make our child die of embarrassment at a bake sale or something, and it's not very comfortable standing around the kitchen."

"Good, cuz one of us is getting fat and it's not you," Jack commented, taking a big bite of cake. "Are you sure we have to do this?" he added, gesturing with his fork at the television, which was turned off.

"Yeah, I think we should. We don't have that much time left, and we can't put it off forever." They had finally agreed to watch the birthing video, but they were both rather scared about it.

"Haven't you seen all this before anyway?" Sam asked, shaking her head slightly as Jack offered her a bite of cake.

"Not really. Sarah didn't want me anywhere near her during the delivery. She actually threw a vase full of flowers at my head."

"Oh my God."

"Yeah. Well, I can't blame her. I missed a lot of the stuff leading up to it, being gone on missions and stuff. And I did duck out of the way. She had her sister with her, so all I heard was the screaming and stuff from the hall, where her dad and I were waiting."

"Oh." Sam got very quiet after that.

Jack glanced at her sideways and took a guess at what she was thinking. "You're going to have to throw something much larger than a flower vase at me if you plan on getting rid of me."

She smiled in relief and said, "Thanks."

Feeling better, she picked up the remote, which Jack promptly snatched from her fingers. "I want to finish my cake in peace."

"Right. Sorry. Want to have another go at the names?"

"Yeah, okay. But you know, we could eliminate half the fighting... I mean, half the _fun... _if we let Thor tell us the sex of the baby," he pointed out for the millionth time.

"Don't you want to be surprised? He already told us he or she is alone in there."

"Yeah. Guess we'll have to save Luke and Leia for next time."

Sam sighed and said, "What are your favorite girl's names?"

"Ainsley, Bethany, Cordelia, Miranda, and Tabitha."

"You're serious?"

"What's wrong with them?"

"They're just so... girly. It's not what I expected from you, that's all."

"They're pretty," Jack insisted defensively.

Sam leaned forward and kissed him. "I thought we were arguing here," he said, confused.

"Yeah, but you're still cute."

"I'm not cute!"

"Yes you are. But Cordelia? Really? I didn't know you were a fan of Shakespeare, Jack."

"I'm not. It's from 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer.'"

"Are you putting me on?"

"Nope. I like the name."

"It's from _King Lear_. She was the only good daughter."

"Well, then, it's perfect."

"She dies at the end, Jack; it's one of the saddest moments in literature!"

"Oh. Okay, then, maybe not Cordelia."

She studied him for a moment and said, "I'm fairly certain Miranda is from Shakespeare as well. _The Tempest_, I think."

"Oh. My favorite is Tabitha."

"Now I KNOW you're joking about that one..."

"What's wrong with it, I love it!"

"Jack, my name is Samantha, I cannot have a daughter named Tabitha!"

"Why not, you... OH!" He smiled sheepishly. "Okay, yeah, I used to watch 'Bewitched' a lot. But I swear it was a subconscious connection!" he insisted.

Sam laughed and scooted closer to him as he set the empty plate and fork on the coffee table. They got comfortable to watch the movie, which took more adjusting than usual these days as they had to work around 'Baby Carter O'Neill,' as Jack insisted on calling Sam's stomach. When he wasn't still calling it Homer, of course.

"Let's hear yours."

"Okay, well, you know Jordan. I also like Avery, Dylan, Skylar, and Taylor."

"Those can ALL be boys' names. I know some of them mostly aren't anymore. But still. Which one's your favorite?"

"I don't know... probably Skylar, but I like Jordan, and you DID have it on your list for a boy," she reminded. "And if I suggested any of those for a boy you would just tell me they're girls' names."

"Yeah. Let's watch this thing before I chicken out," Jack suggested, picking up the remote.

An hour later, he was seriously regretting that decision. Sam had her face buried in his shoulder and was refusing to look at the screen and begging him to mute the television as well. Jack was too frozen to move, completely freaked out by the images on the screen. Finally, he snapped into action and paused the DVD.

"That's... the scariest thing I've ever seen," he finally said.

"And you don't even have to _do_ it!" Sam wailed into his shoulder. She lifted her head up and looked at him seriously. "Forget what I said about drugs. I want them all!"

"Okay. Whatever you want, Sam! I can't believe you're going to... I mean I know you CAN, but..."

"No, I can't! I don't want to do this anymore!" Sam insisted.

"Yes, you do."

"No thank you."

He laughed at the polite refusal and pressed his hand to her stomach. "Yeah, you do. Come on, you're way tougher than that video lady, it probably won't be as bad for you..." he tried.

The baby started kicking and he smiled. "See, the kid wants out already. Maybe it'll be really fast and... not too bad."

"Yeah, right," Sam snorted, but she did feel a bit better. At least the sudden, blind panic was starting to fade. "All right, you can turn it back on."

Jack took a deep breath and reached for the remote.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Dr. Fraiser, would you like to join us for 'Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade?'" Teal'c asked.

"I thought you were watching all of them last night," Janet said, looking up from the file she was reviewing.

"Daniel Jackson fell asleep during 'Temple of Doom' so we are finishing the trilogy tonight. I believe I have heard you say that the final film in the series is your favorite, have I not?"

"Absolutely. Sean Connery and Harrison Ford in one movie... it's hard to pass that up. I'd love to watch the movie with you guys, Teal'c, but can you help me keep Daniel from bugging me about the thing I've been working on with the General?"

"Of course. Daniel Jackson knows I require silence while watching anything produced by George Lucas."

"Speaking of which, Teal'c, I was wondering... have you ever seen 'American Graffiti?'"

"I have not," Teal'c stated, holding the door open for her.

"Interesting," Janet said as they started walking down the hall. "We'll have to watch that one some time."

"Indeed."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It had been three days since they had watched The Video, and Jack still shuddered as he thought about it. He was so _worried _all of a sudden. Daniel had been right when he described Jack as a man whose first instinct was to protect. Protect in general, sure. Protect the people he loved, even more. Protect Sam most of all. And there was just no way this was going to be easy. And there was nothing he could do about it. He had known this already, of course. And he had read the books. But actually _seeing _It was another matter entirely.

Sam seemed the opposite: she had calmed down considerably and actually seemed more determined now that she 'knew what she was up against,'as she had so grimly stated. She had admitted she might have been a bit hasty when she had suddenly decided she wanted to be as drugged up as possible, and was dead set, once again, on doing this 'naturally.'

Jack didn't understand why. He was terrified _for _her; if he knew he'd be doing that in less than two months he would be going completely insane, and trying to find out if Thor had a way to sort of... beam the baby out, or something. Speaking of which, it couldn't hurt to ask...

Sam joined him in the living room. Yesterday, she had tried to calculate how many miles she had walked to and from the bathroom. It was ridiculous. "You look nervous," she commented, sitting down next to him and squeezing his hand.

Jack swallowed and looked at her. "I am," he finally admitted. He hadn't wanted to let her know. All the books said he was supposed to be supportive and encouraging while she had the baby, and it wouldn't be very encouraging and supportive to let her know that he was terrified out of his mind, would it?

"I am too," Sam said quietly, leaning her head into his shoulder.

"You are?"

"Yeah... of course. I mean, you'd have to be pretty insane _not _to be. But I think everything's going to be okay."

"Yeah."

"You'll be there. I'm not worried."

He snorted.

"I'm serious. You've got all of us out of much trickier situations than having a baby. And whenever I start to freak out, you always calm me down, no matter what sort of crisis we're facing. So I'm not worried about that, and you shouldn't be either."

"I can't help it."

"You also can't help the fact that it's going to hurt," she said simply. "You've got to get over that."

"I know."

Sam scratched her stomach absently through her sweater. She had been very itchy lately, and apparently some lotions weren't safe for the baby. She'd already gone through most of a bottle of baby oil.

"Hey, Sam?"

"Yes?"

"What do you want to name the baby?"

She looked at him in surprise. "Excuse me?"

"We've been arguing over names for months, and it's not like I'm going to agree to one of those crazy names you suggested like Gwydion or Dakin, but... I was just thinking. You should have the final say."

"I was thinking too," Sam admitted.

"No!" Jack said sarcastically.

She nudged his shoulder and continued. "I think we should just wait until we meet the little guy. Or girl. Maybe something will just... seem ri-YOW!" she grabbed her back suddenly.

"What, is this it!"

"No, God, you jumped up like a jack-rabbit. I just got kicked rather hard is all."

"Oh. Are you okay?" he asked as he sat back down.

"Yeah."

"I'd apologize for the fact that the baby kicks so hard but I think it's your fault," Jack said mildly, settling back into the couch and wrapping both arms around her.

"It's probably some of both," Sam agreed.

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"Those giraffes are obviously not real," Teal'c stated.

Janet squinted at the screen and had to agree.

"They're endangered so it was probably much easier to use models. I doubt that's a real rhino either," Daniel said.

"Definitely a real lion though!" Janet put in, passing the bowl of popcorn to Teal'c. "I haven't seen this movie in forever."

"The child playing young Indiana Jones bears a striking resemblance to the adult actor," Teal'c commented.

"Yeah, his name's River Phoenix," Janet told him. "Cassie fancied him for a while."

"River, what a name," Daniel commented.

"Yeah, can you imagine if..." Janet started. She froze and stuffed popcorn in her mouth.

"If what?" Daniel asked.

"If... your parents had called you that," she finished nervously. General Hammond wouldn't be too impressed if she ended up blowing their cover by joking about names for Jack and Sam's baby.

"Yeah, I would have got picked on at the playground even more than I already did for having glasses and sneezing all the time," Daniel said lightly. "What if yours had called _you _River, though. Isn't there a Fraiser river around here somewhere?"

"I believe there is, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c said as Janet laughed at Daniel's joke, relieved that she hadn't said something incredibly stupid.

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	24. Beginning of the End

Notes: For those waiting for it, the first part of Sam's explanation is in here. Also, as the title says, this is the beginning of the end. I'm not going to make this story very graphic, as it's supposed to be funny, so just keep that in mind as everything starts to unwind. The ending is taking a while to write because it's a strange attempt at controlled chaos. Thanks for reading, as always.

Ch 24: Beginning of the End

Sam was going stir crazy. She hadn't felt like this since shortly after being dropped off at the cabin in the first place. And she wasn't entirely sure why it hit all of a sudden, but it did. She knew, rationally, that it was a combination of many things. It was getting cold outside, which meant both she and Jack were inside most of the time. Additionally, she wasn't comfortable in her own skin anymore. She was itchy and sore and felt huge and gross.

Jack maintained that she barely looked pregnant at all, and joked that she was making all this up and had just stuck a basketball under her shirt, but she couldn't believe him. She had gained nearly twenty-five pounds and felt huge, and different. She couldn't get comfortable at night, and if she wasn't waking up to move around, she was waking up because she was hot, or cold, or had to go to the toilet for the thousandth time that night.

Sam got up slowly and awkwardly and gave up trying to take a nap. Her socks had come off while she was dozing, but getting her socks on took a looong time, so she decided not to mess with it. She went into the living room and sighed. Jack was prodding at the fire in the fireplace. He hopped up to his feet and grinned at her. "Hey, you're up. I'm gonna go grab some more wood for the fire, be right back!"

He hurried out the back door and soon came in carrying a massive stack of the wood Thor had supplied them with once it had started to get cold outside. While the cabin was heated, he always liked to have a fire going as well. Jack stacked the logs near the fireplace and carefully added two fresh ones to the fire, got up to his feet again quickly, and brushed off his sweater. For the first time since she had ever met him, Sam felt older than him. He looked the picture of health and vitality, and it really, really pissed her off.

Seemingly oblivious to the fact that his cheerful attitude was irritating her, he smiled again and said, "Hey, you lost your socks. I'll go get you some more," and had disappeared into the bedroom before she could protest.

He came back into the room and bustled her over to the couch, helping her sit down. "Okay?"

"I'm fine!"

He sat down on the edge of the coffee table and helped her with her socks. "Geez, your feet are freezing! Hey, want me to move the big chair towards the fire?"

She knew, at the back of her mind, that she was the one who had wanted to stay at the cabin in the first place. And that Jack was being absolutely perfect, and she was just tired and grumpy. But at the moment, she really didn't care about any of those things. "I'm so tired of this," she said with a sigh as she watched him swerving the comfortable chair around to face the fireplace.

He positioned the ottoman in front of it and regarded her carefully. "I know. Come on." He pulled her to her feet and guided her over to the chair. He sank into the chair and pulled her down in it with him until she was snuggled in tightly, despite the fact that her expression clearly said she wanted to be left alone.

"Come on, let's hear it." He was rubbing her lower back with the heel of his hand, and she could already feel those muscles loosening up. She had really wanted to stay mad for a little bit longer...

She sighed and said, "I don't want to be one of those whiny complainers... it doesn't do any good."

"Maybe it will. Come on, list your grievances."

"I just feel so... trapped."

"Here?" he prompted.

"Yes, but I know I wouldn't be feeling like that if I didn't feel so trapped in my own skin."

"Keep going."

"I'm... I'm itchy and I can't get comfortable and even if I COULD get my socks on by myself it would take a long time and I'd need a nap after, I feel incredibly gross, and... I just want this baby to be born already."

"You know we can go back if you want, Sam."

"I know, but we made an agreement with Thor and I intend to stick it out. It's not much longer now anyway."

"That doesn't matter, Sam, it's not like you have to prove to him or anybody else you can do this... why don't you want to go back early?"

"I just... don't."

"Why? I never understood why you agreed to it in the first place."

"I thought..." she swallowed hard and started playing with the buttons on his shirt absently. "I just... we'd been here so long already and everything was great. And... I mean we put work first for seven years. Before ourselves, before each other... I figured we deserved a little time where we didn't have to do that, and it was... nice."

"It was," Jack agreed, kissing her. "And you're right. But if you don't want to be here now..."

"I do. I'm just having a bad day. But I know I'm the reason we're still here so I feel guilty complaining about it to you..."

"Don't. You know me in the infirmary?"

"I have a vague recollection."

"Can you picture me, going through nine months of what you've gone through? I'd be..."

"A bear," Sam supplied, laughing.

"Yeah. On a GOOD day."

Sam smiled and got quiet again. "I was also... afraid. A little. I think," she admitted.

"Afraid of what?"

"I don't know... of being pregnant. And not being able to give it my undivided attention. And... wanting to work more than wanting to make sure I was doing everything I was supposed to for the baby."

"We wouldn't let you do that, Sam. And you're the best multitasker I know, I'm sure you would have worked out a proper balance in no time."

"There's something else, too, but I don't want to talk about it right now. I'm starting to feel better."

"Okay." Jack relaxed, pleased that he had helped her feel better, and said, "Good. And some of those things we can take care of. The itchy, for a while at least. Maybe the comfortable. What exactly does 'I feel gross' mean today? I mean, I know what it means when we come home from a really muddy planet. Or a sandy windy one. What does it mean now?"

"It means I would love to take a scalding hot bath but I know I can't. And all I've been thinking about lately is how badly I'd like to shave my legs."

He laughed at that. "Why do you want to shave your legs, it's winter and we're alone!"

"I know, but... I'd just feel so much better."

"Oh. Well... I could do it. I think. I mean I'm afraid I might cut you but... I could try. I think."

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah. I don't know how we'd work that out though... I mean a warm bath is okay for the baby, right? Or maybe in the shower?"

"I think it would probably be easier for you in the shower."

"Okay then, let's go. We're going to have you feeling not itchy, squeaky clean, and comfortable before dinner!"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dr. Fraiser was paged over the PA system. Teal'c paused the movie while she went to the phone and called Hammond's office.

"Sir, is everything okay?"

"Yes. Your... supplies... have arrived."

"Thank you, sir. I'll have them sent to Iso room 3. Is there anything else, sir?"

"Not yet. Aren't you off duty now?"

"Yes, sir, but I wanted to remain on base until..." she paused and looked over at Daniel and Teal'c, who weren't even trying to pretend like they weren't eavesdropping. "Until SG-12 comes back from their month-long mineral survey," she lied quickly. "So if you need me, sir, I'm in Teal'c's quarters watching a movie with the remaining half of SG1," she said pointedly.

"I see. Not giving away anything, I hope, doctor."

"No, sir," she assured him. And it hasn't been easy! She screamed internally.

"Very well. Good night, doctor."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Oh my God, I feel so much better," Sam declared, tucking her hair, which was still damp, behind her ears.

"We aim to please," Jack smirked. "Come on, let's see what's left to fix for dinner."

"I'm not really hungry. I think I'm too comfortable to eat."

Jack gave her a puzzled look. "What does that mean?"

"I don't know," she admitted. "But I just feel like... if I eat something right now, I'll get all cranky and uncomfortable again."

"Okay," Jack said patiently. "Well... I'm still going to fix dinner. Maybe you'll want it later."

"I'm going with you," she said firmly, getting up and following him out of the bedroom.

Jack had gone so completely overboard that evening Sam now felt even worse than ever for the way she had been complaining earlier. Aside from shaving her legs (and only nicking her once, near her knee,) there had been the rest of the shower, and he'd used up the rest of the baby oil on her back and tummy, trying to make the persistent itching go away. Now bundled up in drawstring sweat pants and an old Air Force Academy sweatshirt that had to be his or she wouldn't be able to get into it still, she felt warm and comfortable for the first time all day. She hadn't even had a Braxton-Hicks contraction in a while either, and the baby, who usually spent most of the evening kicking up a storm, was apparently taking the night off.

"You sure you can't think of anything you want for dinner?" Jack asked again as he messed around with the fireplace, adding another couple of logs and poking everything around so that it flared up spectacularly. Sam was too distracted by watching him, and the fire, to respond.

"Sam? You okay?"

"Yeah, I just... can we stay here for a little while? Have dinner later?"

"Sure." She nodded to the chair she was leaning on, that they had sat in earlier while she complained, and waited for him to get really comfortable before sitting down next to him, halfway on her side but not completely in his lap like before.

Watching the fire helped calm her further and nearly put her in a trance. Jack draped a blanket over both of them and settled one hand on her tummy, the other one absently running up and down her arm. He eventually realized the patterns she was tracing on his chest were actually numbers, and finally figured out she was writing out pi to a ridiculous degree. He was positive if he asked, she wouldn't even have been aware of it.

"Jack, I know you don't like to hear this kind of stuff," she started.

"Sam..."

"No, I have to say this. Don't worry, I'll keep it short and to the point," she said lightly, kissing his cheek.

He glanced at her suspiciously. "No prattling."

"No prattling, I promise. I just... I can't say I'm surprised at how you've handled all of this, because I've known you for a long time, and I know how compassionate you are even though you do a pretty good job at hiding it most of the time. And I know how protective you've always been of all of us when we've been hurt or injured, and I know that this is somehow connected to all of that. So it hasn't been surprising but it's still been... incredibly moving. And I just wanted to say... thank you. It's an inadequate thing to say but..."

"Sam, you're having a _baby. _I should be saying those types of things to you but it would sound stupid if I tried..."

"Haven't you ever heard that actions speak louder than words, Jack?" she teased.

"That's a cliché," he grumbled.

"And you are a living example of that cliché, Jack O'Neill, so you might as well get used to it." She pressed her lips firmly to his and pressed her palm to his cheek, which was warm from the fire. "And," she added against his mouth. "If you can wait on dinner, you're about to get sooo lucky."

He smiled slowly, surprised. She had been in such a grouchy mood all day... "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

He barely had time to get out a "Sweet" before she was tugging on his bottom lip with her teeth, pulling him into a deep, toe-curling kiss that only ended when Sam needed to breathe. Always an excellent multi-tasker, she took advantage of the break to get him out of his sweater but hesitated when he started to remove her sweatshirt.

Guessing why the hands roaming his chest had suddenly gone still and she was holding her breath, he laughed once and said, "Sam, you are being so ridiculous about this. You are still the hottest woman I have ever seen, but you're a lot hotter without this big old sweatshirt on than with it."

She laughed and would have argued that she wasn't trying to fish for a compliment, but it was kind of hard to speak while being wrestled out of a thick sweatshirt.

"Even with that ridiculous sports bra," Jack added.

She laughed and said, "It's supposed to help! And it does!"

"You always say that. It's coming off for a while," he said firmly, feeling around the back of it. He knew for a fact that she had one with a bunch of hooks at the back. And one that even had a zip up the front. This one was an over-the-head thingy. He frowned at it. "This could take a while."

She giggled, apparently in one of those moods where he was suddenly, through no fault of his own, adorable. Still, he couldn't help but play it up a bit, just to get her to giggle again. He glared at the undergarment and muttered, "You are my nemesis."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

General Hammond was pacing his office nervously. According to Thor, it was going to happen very, very soon. He glanced at his watch. Within an hour, definitely. And Jacob Carter still hadn't shown up or contacted him at all. He'd left four messages with the Tok'ra, no specifics of course, and now it looked like not only was Jacob going to miss the birth of his grandchild, but he most likely wouldn't be able to be informed of the 'situation' gradually. Safely. Maybe Hammond could arrange to be holding the kid while he confessed everything to his best friend. Jacob wouldn't hit him while he held the man's grandchild...

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Janet threw a handful of popcorn at Daniel from one side while Teal'c hit him on the head with a pillow from the other.

"What! I just asked if anyone knew when Jack and Sam are coming back!" he yelped, fixing his glasses, which the double-assault had dislodged and left quite buttery from where they had been hit with flying popcorn.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Sam, come on, we should go to the bedroom."

"I like it here. By the fire," Sam said distractedly.

"Don't you think I'm a little old and you're a little... pregnant... to be having sex in a chair?"

She shrugged and pointed out, "It's a pretty big chair."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Thor was realizing that one good thing about wearing clothes would have been that he could have shoved his hands in his pockets as he paced tight circles in front of the main console on his ship. As he was naked, he had no pockets.

He was getting concerned. According to her vital signs, Major Carter had most likely gone into labor. And yet there was no word from the cabin. He finally gave up waiting and switched over to another monitor. He let out a quick, disbelieving sigh.

"Thor? Did you just contact me? I was in the bathroom..." General Hammond said over the communication device.

"I did, General Hammond."

"Is Sam..."

"She is not. I am sorry, it was a false alarm. I believed she had gone into labor but I was mistaken. Once I switched diagnostics I was able to see that she and O'Neill are... General Hammond, what is the distinction when humans are engaging in sexual intercourse without the obvious intention of trying to reproduce?" Thor asked.

Thor heard General Hammond clear his throat, and he finally said, very quickly, "Oh there's lots of words for that, Thor... I gotta go, let me know when you're beaming them in. Hammond out!"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sam woke up disoriented. She was burning up, but no longer dozing in front of the fire, which was the last thing she remembered. She was in bed, a glance at the clock told her it would be dawn soon. She was exhausted but wide awake. She realized she skipped dinner, which she wasn't supposed to be doing at this stage, but she wasn't hungry she was...

She grabbed fist-fulls of the sheet tightly in both hands as a particularly sharp contraction hit. When it ended she bit her lip, looking over at her sleeping husband and debating whether she should wake him or not. It was almost two weeks early. This had to be false labor. That was just a bad Braxton-Hicks contraction. And even if it wasn't, and she really was in labor, she knew this would take a long time. There was no need to wake him up now and send him into a frenzy.

Two hours later, she was fairly certain she was in the earliest stages of labor. Still not having anything to compare it to, she wasn't sure. And still, she knew they didn't _need _to be contacting Thor for quite some time. They were getting worse though, she realized, turning on her side away from Jack and curling into as small of a ball as she could manage, what with the basketball she was already carrying in the way.

The movement woke Jack up and he turned over quickly, touching her back. "You okay?"

"Actually," she said calmly. "I'm pretty sure I'm in labor."


	25. Quick Trip Home

Ch 25: Quick Trip Home

"You're in WHAT!" Jack attempted to jump out of bed, but as his legs were tangled up in the sheets, it turned into a rather ungraceful flopping maneuver that made Sam bounce a bit on the bed next to him.

While he extricated himself from the sheets, she continued calmly, "You don't need to freak out, it's okay, there's plenty of ti-IME!" Another one hit and it was worse than any of the others. Closer to the last one too.

"Hey, Sam, next time you _think _you _might_ be in labor, what say you give me a nudge, wake me up and say, 'Excuse me, Jack, but I'm having a BABY!'" Jack said, frustrated with her for not telling him sooner. He pulled on some clothes in the dark, not bothering with shoes, and fumbled for the lamp by the bed. "Where's that damn thing Thor gave us..."

"Nightstand," Sam said, her jaw clenched. "Jack, you have to calm down. This isn't a sitcom, there's plenty of time."

Jack located the device and activated it, grabbed the bag they'd packed from the closet, and tossed it on the bed next to her. "Are you okay?" he demanded, pushing her hair out of her face so he could look at her carefully and make sure she wasn't lying.

"I'm okay," she promised, grabbing his arm for support while she tried to sit up. "It's not the most painful thing in the world... yet. Can you get me some clothes?"

Jack grabbed her robe off the foot of the bed and she said, "Real clothes."

"You're just going to put on a gown once we get there..."

"Jack, please."

"All right." He reluctantly helped her into the sweatshirt and pants from earlier and was just tying the string on them when they, along with the bag, disappeared in Thor's bright white light.

They had a second to catch a glimpse of his ship before he called, "I will meet you there" and sent them down to the SGC.

Sam grabbed both of Jack's arms tightly as she was thrown off balance by the rapid re-materialization. Jack dropped the bag he was carrying and helped keep her on her feet, looking around the infirmary. "DOC!" he barked.

There were plenty of people in the room, just not any he particularly cared about seeing at the moment. The two guards at the door, who were training their weapons on them and had ordered them not to move, really pissed him off. A nurse was checking on Sergeant Siler, who was in one of the beds and had a lot of gauze wrapped round both his hands.

"Sir, ma'am, do not move," one of the guards repeated.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Lieutenant, can't you see that Major Carter is in labor!"

The guard looked to the other one nervously. "Alternate reality?" he guessed.

"We're not from an alternate reality!" Jack and Sam chorused. Jack turned to the nurse and ordered, "Find Dr. Fraiser, NOW."

The nurse scurried away.

"Siler! Hi!" Sam suddenly said, smiling at him. "How've you been, it's so great to see you!"

"Hi... Major Carter," Siler said carefully.

"What happened to you, are you okay?"

"Sam, later, please," Jack muttered.

Sam ignored him.

"I'm okay, Major, but the gate is dialing out slower than normal, so I was going to check all the connections and I forgot to ground one of them. Just a nasty shock."

Sam nodded, furrowing her brow, and said, "It's probably that capacitor by the fourth chevron. It could be leaking energy, it's one of the oldest ones. You should probably just go ahead and replace it."

Siler, feeling rather foolish for not thinking of that himself, said, "You're right, Major, that's probably it. I'll have that checked out immediately. It's... good to have you back."

"Hey!" The guard who kept telling them to be still and shut up interrupted. "We still don't know who these people are, Sergeant Siler, don't tell them..."

"You know who they are," General Hammond barked, entering the infirmary. "Stand down, Airmen!"

Both guards lowered their weapons. Hammond smiled at both of them. "You're in Iso room 3. Come on."

Jack, holding onto Sam's elbow to help her balance, grabbed the bag resting on the floor next to him and started to follow Hammond out the door. As they got close to him, Sam hugged the older man tightly and kissed him on the cheek. "We missed you, sir."

"We missed you around here too, Major. Come on, let's go get you settled in and then we'll all... talk." The way Sam nodded and glanced nervously at Jack, Hammond was now convinced that Thor was right: she already had everything pretty much figured out anyway.

As they headed down the corridor to the isolation rooms, Teal'c came around the corner running as fast as he could. "I called them..." Hammond muttered, slightly alarmed as the huge Jaffa barreled down the hall towards them.

By this time, Daniel Jackson was also headed for them, although he wasn't as fast as Teal'c. "Whoa!" Jack exclaimed, intending to step between Sam and Teal'c as he saw how fast his friend was heading for her.

Teal'c stopped on a dime however and smiled, a huge smile Jack had only seen when Teal'c told a joke. "Major Carter, I am gl..." Sam launched herself at the huge man, and he lifted her about a foot off the ground in a huge hug, just as Daniel caught them up.

Not possessing Teal'c's impressive maneuverability, Daniel ploughed right into Jack, knocking him back several steps with the force of his hug. "Hey there Danny," Jack gasped, patting him on the back as Janet finally came round the corner, running as fast as she could in her skirt and heels, cursing her short legs with every step.

After she'd kissed him on the cheek, Teal'c set Sam down and she turned to Daniel, who hugged her tightly and kissed her head. Teal'c, in turn, hugged Jack so hard that Jack was glad Fraiser was there, as he was fairly certain he now had a couple of bruised ribs. "Glad to see you too buddy," Jack managed to get out, patting his cheek.

Janet was now hugging Sam, and Daniel was staring at Sam's stomach. "Sam, you're... you're having a baby!" he finally exclaimed. "And your hair is long!" He turned to Jack and said, "And... and you don't have any shoes on!"

"And you're supposed to be the bright one," Jack commented, rolling his eyes. Why did not wearing shoes get the same inflection as having a baby? He had missed the Spacemonkey.

"Everybody, please, let's get Sam on a bed first before we continue this!" Janet ordered.

"Jan, I'm okay, really, I don't think we even needed to be here this early..."

"Let me be the judge of that, Colonel, grab her other arm. Teal'c, carry that bag. Sir, you might want to get Thor."

Everyone scrambled to follow her orders, and soon they were all in the Isolation room that had already been equipped for the delivery. Janet made Teal'c and Daniel wait in the hall while they helped Sam into one of the lovely gowns that tied in the back. "Hey, how come Jack gets to stay!" Daniel demanded as Teal'c all but forcibly pushed him out the door.

Janet, Jack, and Sam shot Daniel and exasperated look and he rolled his eyes and said, "Fine!" sounding like a petulant child.

"Jan, I want them in here after this, we've missed them so much," Sam insisted as they helped her into the bed and propped the whole bed up into a sitting position.

"I know, and I'm sure Daniel's about to pee his pants for an explanation of all this."

"All right, honey, you have the sex talk with Danny and I'll have it with the next one," Jack joked.

Sam ignored that because she was looking at Janet, "How long have you known..."

"Not very long," Janet said. "It's been so hard not telling them though! The juiciest secret the SGC ever had... it was torture!"

"I can imagine!" Sam agreed.

"I saw your wedding," Janet said with a fond smile.

"You did? Janet, I'm so glad..."

"I signed as one of the witnesses and you'll never believe who..."

"Ladies!" Jack interrupted. They both looked at him as though shocked that he would dare interrupt their conversation. "Not that I don't have a lot of questions about all of this too but... SAM'S HAVING A BABY!"

"Colonel, you do know it's going to be hours. And hours," Janet said mildly, picking up her stethoscope.

"I know, but..." Sam drew all the focus in the room as she grabbed her stomach and closed her eyes tightly. "See!" Jack exclaimed, pointing unnecessarily at her stomach.

"All right, Colonel, you need to calm down," Janet ordered as she started hooking Sam up to the fetal monitor. "Sam, you're doing fine," Janet encouraged quietly. While she did a preliminary examination, she said, "Cassie, General Hammond and I are the only ones who know besides Thor. Daniel and Teal'c had no idea. They kept asking where you were, of course, but nobody would tell them anything."

"What? You knew where we were this whole time and nobody... cared?" Jack asked.

Janet covered Sam's legs with a blanket and said, "You're definitely in labor, but this is going to take a long time. Shall I let everyone in for some answers?"

"Yes," Sam said firmly.

Janet nodded and opened the door. It was like opening the floodgates. Daniel, Teal'c, Hammond, and Thor all poured in and surrounded the bed.

"Sam, are you okay?" Daniel asked immediately, coming over to the side of the bed next to Jack.

"I'm fine, Daniel. We got here really early, don't worry. My water hasn't even broken yet," she assured him.

"Well, I'll still do this as quickly as possible because obviously we all have more important things to be worried about here, but I'm sure there are a few details everyone needs cleared up," Hammond said.

"A few?" Jack and Daniel both asked. Sam smiled at them both. A year apart, for Jack at least, and they were back into their old rhythm again already. Well, it had been the same when Daniel returned from being ascended as well, she figured. Even before Daniel could remember who he was, he and Jack had fallen into the same old rapport.

Janet hedged over towards Hammond and Thor, whilst SG1 huddled closer together. Daniel perched himself sideways on the foot of the bed. Teal'c stood beside the head of Sam's bed like he was keeping guard over her, and Jack lowered himself to a stool, pulled as close to the other side of the bed as he could get.

Once everyone was staring at him, waiting for him to begin, Hammond said, "Well, everyone knows about Thor's proposal. The President was hesitant to consider it, but Thor and I privately felt that Major Carter and Colonel O'Neill... would actually be pleased with the... opportunities accepting the proposal could present, if they were given time and space away from the SGC and their military obligations to think about it."

Thor picked up the narrative. "The solution was obvious. We transported Major Carter and Colonel O'Neill to his cabin and encapsulated them in a time-dilation bubble similar to the one used on the human-form Replicators."

Jack and Daniel both started to ask questions but Thor held up one long grey finger for silence and continued. "This seemed ideal, because they were able to have as much time as they needed to work things out between themselves, while the rest of us did not have to wait very long for them to..."

"Stop being so damn stubborn," Hammond interrupted, smiling at them fondly. Daniel's mouth was hanging open. "Even I underestimated how hard-headed the two of you are. Thor had to fiddle with his device several times, increasing the distortion to give you more and more time..."

"So... Daniel, how long did you think we were gone?" Jack asked once he understood what they were telling him.

"Eleven days," Daniel answered. "You guys?"

"About... fourteen months?" Jack turned to Sam for confirmation and she nodded.

"Wow," Daniel said.

"I will let you catch each other up on all the details yourselves. Major? Colonel? It's good to have you back."

"Thank you, sir," Sam said quickly.

Jack nodded, still a little stunned. And the thing that he was having the hardest time grasping was... "You figured it out?" he asked Sam.

She glanced at Janet nervously and then turned back to him. "I suspected. I wasn't sure but... Thor's response times and... when he wouldn't let us put a date on the marriage certificate..."

"You got MARRIED!" Daniel interrupted.

Sam wanted to squeeze his hand, but leaning that far forward was just not practical. "We'll have another ceremony so you can all be there," she promised him. "We missed you guys SO much."

"Then why didn't you come back when you figured it out?" Daniel asked quietly, clearly upset with her.

"I'm kind of wondering that too," Jack added.

"Maybe Thor and I should let you all talk now. Major Carter, we'll be checking on you regularly, but I know you'll get through this just fine," Hammond said with an encouraging smile.

Thor couldn't think of anything to say, so he just tilted his head and followed Hammond out the door, his small grey feet making a slight smacking sound against the cool floor.

"Jack, we talked about..." Sam broke off, wincing and grabbing his wrist as another minor contraction hit. Janet moved over to the monitor to watch.

Teal'c joined her. "This device tracks her birth pains?"

"Yes, see... you can actually see from the readout when another contraction is about to hit and when it's going to end... almost done, Sam," Janet said as it levelled off. Sam breathed heavily and slowly relaxed her grip on Jack's wrist.

"Okay?" he asked.

"Yeah. Still not as bad as say... a Goa'uld pain stick."

"Well, that's something," he said sarcastically.

"Sam, when did you figure out you were in a time dilation bubble?" Daniel prompted.

"I didn't really 'figure it out.' I mean I started to suspect... there were clues, like Thor not letting me put a date on the marriage license. I guess that was the biggest tip-off... well and the fact that he promised if we were needed back here he'd bring us, and then he didn't. I mean I'd like to think we're not _that _expendable."

"But how long ago was that, to you?" Daniel pressed.

"About ten months," Sam admitted. She turned to Janet curiously. "How long was it to you?"

"About three days," Janet said with a smile. "Thor really cranked it up at the end."

"Wha- Janet, you knew! I told you she knew!" Daniel said to Teal'c. "Everyone knew but me!"

"I did not know, Daniel Jackson. I merely knew that Dr. Fraiser knew."

"I wanted to tell you guys so badly but Hammond ordered me not to."

"Nobody told you not to tell me," Jack said quietly to Sam.

She turned to him, looking sad. "I'm sorry, Jack, I just wasn't sure and... I figured if you knew you'd want to get back here so you could let Thor and Hammond have it, and I... wanted to stay."

"That's the part I still don't understand," he said.

"Me neither," Daniel put in.

"Well... once the time dilation bubble idea occurred to me, I felt so much better, because before that I just kept thinking, wow, what the hell were Jack and I so worried about preserving our professional relationship for all those years, if nobody at the SGC even needs us back there after months of being gone. So once I realized that to you guys, we weren't gone as long, even though I did think it was probably a little bit longer than eleven days... I just figured we were already in it, we might as well see it through."

She turned all of her attention back to Jack and continued, "We talked about that some, yesterday. And I said there was one other thing... it was this. I just figured, I might actually miss less work by staying away. It was a win-win situation... we had over a year of just... being with each other, and I didn't have to balance working and being..." She scrunched her eyes shut again and Jack gave her his hand to squeeze.

Daniel shifted at the foot of the bed. It was terrible watching her in pain. He knew it was going to get worse, of course. He'd delivered three babies himself. But with everything that had just happened... he was a little overwhelmed, to say the least. Jack and Sam were married and having a baby... it was just unbelievable.

"Janet!" Daniel suddenly exclaimed, turning to her.

"What?"

"That dress, when I knocked you down in the hall..."

"Was for Sam," Janet finished.

"Jan, I knew you had to have picked that out," Sam said as she caught her breath.

"Cassie helped. General Hammond said he needed a fast shopper, so I went to the expert. She's been shopping all day too, getting things for the baby."

"Blue things or pink things?" Jack asked quickly.

"Don't tell him!" Sam exclaimed.

For some reason, this made everyone laugh. They looked at each other, confused, and shrugged.

"We just... haven't had as long to get used to the idea of you two as married as you have," Janet tried to explain. "And I've had longer than the Hardy Boys here."

"The who?" Jack asked, confused. Sam laughed as Daniel narrowed his eyes at Janet.

Teal'c announced calmly, "Major Carter, I believe you are about to have another contraction."

"To answer your question, Jack, I don't know," Janet said, watching as Sam clenched her jaw and squeezed Jack's hand again. "Only Thor knows the sex of the baby."

"Damn," Jack said.

Janet looked around the small room and sighed. There were way too many people in here, but there was no way she could split them up now, at least not for long.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Janet gave them an hour to catch each other up. She considered these people her closest friends, but they still had a team dynamic that was beyond her comprehension. Sam's labor was progressing very slowly, and it was obvious to Janet that although Sam was loving their little team chat, she was starting to get antsy.

"Sam, do you want to walk in the hallway a bit?" she asked quietly.

"Yes!" Sam said gratefully.

"What? Walk around? Now?" Jack looked at them both like they were stark raving mad.

"It's perfectly fine, Colonel," Janet assured him. "As long as someone is there to help her."

"We'll all go," Daniel said immediately.

Sam was touched by the instant devotion of Daniel and Teal'c, but honestly, the idea of traipsing around the hallway with three bodyguards orbiting around her just wasn't appealing at all.

"Why don't you take turns," Janet suggested. "It might help speed up the delivery."

"I'll go first," Jack said firmly, helping Sam sit up and scoot to the edge of the bed.

"Colonel, you don't have any shoes on," Janet reminded him.

"So? Neither does she."

"Why don't you and Daniel go to the locker room and you can get changed, let Teal'c walk with Sam first, then you can fight over who gets to go next."

"But..."

"No buts, Colonel."

"It's okay, Jack. I really can't sit here anymore right now," Sam tried to explain.

"Okay," Jack said reluctantly. "But we'll be right back. Come on Daniel."

He squeezed her hand and left with Daniel. Janet started taking all the monitors off of Sam, who smiled at Teal'c as he gave her a hand up. "Thanks, Teal'c."

"Of course, Major Carter. I spent many hours helping Drey'auc anticipate the birth of our son. I am sure you will be fine."

"Thank you," Sam said gratefully.

"Um, Sam, hang on a minute," Janet suddenly said.

"What?"

"Well... if you're going to be walking around the halls I think you might want to put your sweatpants back on," Janet said delicately.

Sam blushed and said, "God, thank you!"

Teal'c wisely said nothing, but helped her back onto the edge of the bed and then stepped back to let Janet help her.

"It's so hot here though, I don't want those things back on," Sam suddenly realized. She spotted her bag and said, "Grab me some shorts, Jan."

"You packed shorts?" Janet mused as she went over to the bag and unzipped it, peering inside. Spotting a pair of the Colonel's boxers on top, she suddenly blushed as she realized that's what Sam meant.

"What, Janet?" Sam demanded as Janet helped her into the shorts and pulled them up to her knees, letting Sam do the rest.

"It's just... I mean it's one thing to know that you guys are married and having a baby and everything... it's just another thing entirely to think about you sharing underwear. And to see you wearing it."

"Indeed," Teal'c agreed.

Sam tried to remember that to them, she and Jack had only been gone a little over a week. Laughing, she said, "I guess it must be really weird for you guys. Sorry, it's hard to remember that things used to be different sometimes... everything changed so gradually, and so many things didn't have to change at all..." she tried to explain, glad that a contraction interrupted her, because she hadn't really known where she was going with that anyway.

Teal'c kept his arm around her until it stopped. "Okay, I'm ready to walk now." As Teal'c helped guide her to the door, Sam called, "Everything covered now, Jan?"

Glancing at her friend's backside, she could glimpse the Simpsons boxers underneath her gown and said, "Honestly, I think your bare ass would be less embarrassing than parading around the hallway in _those_ things, but knock yourself out, hon."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Daniel, why do you keep looking at me like that?" Jack demanded in the elevator.

"I just... you're... different."

"Yeah, you try cutting your own hair for a year," Jack quipped.

"That's not what I meant. You're... happy. It's... nice."

"32 languages and all you can come up with is 'happy' and 'nice.'"

"Well, what do you want me to say?"

"I don't know. It is pretty nice," Jack admitted.

"Then I'm happy for you."

"Well then... that's nice."

They looked at each other for a moment, nodded slightly, and kept walking, getting off the elevator and heading for the locker room.

"So... tell me about your wedding."

"You know, the usual. Beautiful woman, white dress, rings, vows, little grey alien."

"Thor married you?"

"Yup. On the dock."

"Weird."

"It was Sam's idea."

"That's... weirder. How'd you get rings?"

"I had my the ones my grandmother gave me in the safe up there and... huh. I don't know where Sam got mine."

"You didn't ask?"

"Had other things on my mind," Jack said suggestively with a satisfied smirk as he opened his locker.

"Oh man... Jack, just because I'm happy for you doesn't mean I want to hear all your lewd thoughts about Sam, okay?"

"Okay."

"EW! Jack!" Daniel objected.

"What, all I said was, 'okay.'"

"Yeah but then you got a... a _look._"

"Oh grow up, Daniel," Jack muttered, pulling on some BDU pants and a black tee-shirt. He just figured out why he'd been burning up since they got back to the SGC - it must still be spring here. He sat down on the bench to put on his shoes and socks and said, "Thor took a bunch of pictures, you should ask him what he did with them."

"I definitely will. Jack?"

"What?"

"I really am happy for you," he said sincerely. "I just... Sam's like a sister to me, ya know?"

"I know. And don't worry, I remember what you said."

"You remember something I said?" Daniel joked.

"Very funny, Danny-boy. Yeah, remember when you were stuck in old Methuselah's body and you said you wouldn't let me anywhere near your sister if you had one?"

"Machello," Daniel corrected automatically.

"I know. But he was really old."

"You know, I was actually thinking about Sam when I said that," Daniel said thoughtfully.

"You were not."

"Yeah, I was. But that was a long time ago, Jack. And... I'm just glad someone came up with a way to let you guys be openly together without you retiring again."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. It would be a real pain in the ass to have to get used to a new CO at this point."

"Wow, tell me how you really feel," Jack said sarcastically, getting to his feet, dressed and ready to go.

"Okay, since you asked so nicely... I wouldn't trust Sam to anybody but you."

Jack stopped walking and turned back to Daniel. "That means a lot," he said, pulling him into a big hug.

The SG-3 marines came in, clearly on one of those post-successful-mission highs.

"Hey, Colonel O'Neill's back!" one of them exclaimed.

"Whoa whoa, did we interrupt something here?" Reynolds joked. Jack and Daniel jumped away from each other as though scalded.

Daniel started to answer but Jack said loudly, "Nah. We're just on our way back up to my wife. She's having a baby, you know."

"Jack," Daniel warned quietly while the rest of SG-3 laughed, thinking he was joking.

"What, Daniel? She is. Come on, let's go. I'll tell Major Carter you said hello, boys!" he called as he pushed past them and headed out of the locker room.

"You do know that now SG-3, and pretty soon the entire base, is going to be trying to get in to see Sam," Daniel pointed out as they headed to the elevator.

"Crap," Jack said. "All right here's the plan, Daniel. You're the one who let this slip, got it? She missed you like crazy, she'll think it's sweet coming from you."

"But you're her..."

"Yeah, she'll think I was just bragging..."

"Jack, you _were _bragging," Daniel pointed out as they got off the elevator.

At the end of the hall, Teal'c and Sam were walking, Sam holding onto Teal'c's forearm and sliding her other hand along the wall for support. "Daniel, that is not the point," Jack said firmly.

"O'Neill!" Teal'c called.

"Hey, buddy!" Jack called. "How's it going?"

"We're fine," Sam assured him.

"The pains seem to be increasing in frequency and intensity, O'Neill," Teal'c supplied as they met up in the hall halfway.

"Yeah, go figure," Jack said, glancing over his shoulder nervously. "Listen, we might want to go back to the room, I think we're gonna have a little company here in a minute..."

"Oh God, Jack, what did you do?" Sam moaned.

"It was me!" Daniel piped up. Jack pointed at Daniel and nodded.

She looked at both of them and sighed. "You're bad liars."

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	26. Little Progress

Notes: Thanks for all the feedback on that last chapter.After this chapter I'm thinking there will probably be about two more.

Ch 26: Little Progress

Ultimately, it was neither Teal'c's stoic guarding outside the door nor Janet ordering everyone who didn't need to be on the floor to stay away that kept the rest of the SGC from turning up to find out if a) Jack and Sam were back, b) they were _their _Jack and Sam, and c) they were somehow married and in the middle of having a baby.

It was the loud, colorful swearing periodically travelling down the hallway that did it. Sam was cursing up a storm with each contraction as they gradually got worse. Daniel frequently raised both eyebrows at her language while Teal'c only raised one, and Jack kept apologizing to the baby for 'Mommy's potty mouth.'

Janet had made the mistake of laughing at that only once. The look Sam had shot her shut her up quickly.

Sam had been in labor at the SGC for four very long hours, and little progress had been made. She was starting to get frustrated, and the rest of SG1 knew it. Janet marvelled at how patient Sam was being. All three men were fussing and hovering around her, constantly wiping her face with a cool cloth and offering her ice chips. She looked positively smothered and about ready to strangle the next guy who was within reach.

"Guys, give her a little room to breathe," Janet warned for what felt like the thousandth time. Jack and Daniel were both on the raised bed with her and Teal'c was looming over it, wiping her brow every other second. Janet was concerned that Sam was about to snap.

Jack's forearm was already covered with tiny little half-moon shaped bruises, four to a row, from Sam's fingernails as she squeezed his arm, and that damage had been inflicted unintentionally. Who knew what would happen when she suddenly didn't want that many people hanging on her every breath.

"It's so hot in here," Sam moaned.

Jack looked to Teal'c, who nodded and said, "I will get Sergeant Siler to adjust the temperature on this level."

"Siler's in the infirmary, find that other guy," Jack called as Teal'c yanked the door open.

"Consider it done, O'Neill," Teal'c said, leaving quickly.

Jack pulled Sam's hair, which just brushed her shoulders now, up off the nape of her neck and pressed the towel there. "That's better," Sam said gratefully.

Jack nodded and turned to Daniel. "Check that bag for one of those hair things," he demanded in the same tone he used to order C4 in the field.

Daniel scrambled for the bag, shoving things aside and pulling things out until he found an elastic, which he passed to Jack, who gathered Sam's hair up into a messy ponytail while she twisted the fabric of his tee-shirt in her hand as another contraction hit.

Daniel, in the meantime, had found the book they had brought, the one they both thought was the best about delivery. Physically incapable of holding a book in his hands without reading it, he started flipping through it as Teal'c returned.

"Sam, I'm going to go call Cassie and let her know you guys are back, okay?" Janet said.

Sam nodded. Jack looked at her like she was crazy. "I'll be right back, Colonel," Janet assured him. "It's better to do this kind of stuff now, believe me. We still have lots of time."

"Great," Sam muttered quietly as Janet left.

Daniel, skimming the book quickly, said, "Hey, this stuff about dimming the lights and focusing and all sounds like kel-no-reem. Teal'c, if you could teach it to Sam maybe it wouldn't hurt so much."

"That's ridiculous," Jack snapped.

"You've done it before, Jack," Daniel reminded him. "So have I."

"I will go get my candles," Teal'c said, disappearing again.

"Can't hurt to try," Sam gasped.

Teal'c returned with his arms full of candles. He and Daniel quickly placed them around the room, lit them all, and turned off the overhead lights. While Daniel shrunk against a wall and continued to read the book, Jack sat back down on the bed and Teal'c sat at the foot, legs crossed, facing Sam.

"Major Carter, close your eyes, breathe deeply, and try to clear your mind," he instructed, demonstrating.

Sam tried hard, but she couldn't do it. She did start to feel a little relaxed for a while, but really thought that was more due to Jack rubbing her shoulders than kel-no-reem.

"This isn't working," she finally said, getting frustrated.

"Relax your mind. Focus on nothing, or focus on one thing in particular."

"Sorry, Teal'c, I'm finding that a little hard at the moment," Sam said through clenched teeth, grabbing Jack's arms again.

"Breathe, you're okay," Jack muttered, feeling like it was a stupid thing to say.

"Okay, the next thing on this list is listening to music," Daniel quickly supplied, looking to Jack expectantly.

"What, do I look like I brought a bunch of CDs with me!" Jack asked.

"Well, you've got everything else in that bag," Daniel said reasonably.

"We don't have..." Sam gasped. "Any music."

She screamed again and swore loudly, which prompted Jack, inexplicably, to launch into a loud rendition of "Row, row, row your boat." Jack looked at Daniel and Teal'c, who immediately joined in.

So it was that when Dr. Fraiser returned from her brief absence, the room had been darkened and lit by what looked like every candle in Colorado, and the three men of SG1 were trying to drown out Sam's loud cursing with even louder choruses of the song she had caught all four of them singing years ago under an alien influence.

Thinking how very strange all of their lives were, she turned on the lights, which made everyone freeze and look at her. She looked at them all, patiently waiting for an explanation.

"It made sense at the time," Jack offered finally.

"Teal'c, Daniel, blow out those candles before you set off the sprinklers," Janet instructed. They quickly complied, while Janet checked Sam again.

"Almost there?" Sam asked hopefully.

"Sorry, sweetie, no," Janet said with a small smile.

Sam nodded grimly and turned to Jack. "Keep singing."

"Huh?"

"Sing something else. It's distracting."

Jack racked his brain and the first song that came into his head was from the last movie all of SG1 had watched together, on a team night with Cassie and Janet. It had been Cassie's pick. "It's the circle of liiiiiiiiiiiiife..."

"AND IT MOVES US AAAAAAAAAAAALL!" Daniel and Teal'c joined in.

"You're all insane," Janet muttered to herself as they kept singing.

Thor and General Hammond appeared in the doorway but nobody stopped singing. Janet went into the hall with the two to update them. The terrible singing could be heard through the closed door.

"Well, it's slightly better than the reports I was getting about Major Carter's colorful language," Hammond said finally.

"Sir, remember when you asked me if I thought the members of SG1 were entirely sane?" Janet asked.

"Changing your mind, doctor?" Hammond guessed.

"Yes sir."

"What of Major Carter?" Thor prompted.

"She's okay, but this is going very slowly. It's difficult to say, but at this point I would estimate around thirty hours, total. And we've only been at it about five."

"I see."

"Everything is going just fine though, although she says she was awake and having mild contractions regularly for about two hours at the cabin so..."

The singing stopped abruptly and a second later, the door was flung open and a very terrified looking Jack O'Neill yanked the doctor inside and slammed the door.

Hammond and Thor looked at each other in concern and Teal'c and Daniel soon emerged. "Major Carter's water has broken," Teal'c informed them.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Okay, Sam, let's check you again."

Hours into it, Sam had long since stopped caring if Teal'c and Daniel were in the room or not. Both had quickly become used to finding other things in the room to do while Janet checked on Sam's progress.

"Four centimeters," Janet said, intending it to be encouraging.

"FOUR!" Sam gasped, looking down at her stomach. "HURRY UP AND GET THE HELL OUT OF ME!" she ordered.

"Sam do you want some more ice chips?" Daniel offered, holding the cup out to her.

"Yeah, the ice chips are a huge help!" Sam exclaimed sarcastically.

"Throw one," Jack suggested.

"What?"

"It might make you feel better," he suggested with a shrug.

Sam scooped a few ice chips out of the cup and experimentally threw them across the room as hard as she could. "Hey, that was kind of fun," she admitted.

Jack reached into the cup, grabbed some, and threw them at Daniel.

"Hey!" Daniel objected. Sam hit him with a full handful. "Sam!" he exclaimed, surprised.

"Sorry, Daniel but this is actually helping," Sam called, hurling the entire contents of the cup at him.

"Nice," Jack encouraged, producing another full cup from the tray Janet was suddenly seriously regretting bringing in. Jack grabbed his own cup of ice chips and threw one at Teal'c. "Don't be left out, buddy, come on!"

Soon all three men were throwing ice chips at each other, and Sam was pelting all three of them as hard as she could.

"Okay, that's enough!" Janet had to order when Daniel slipped on some melted ice and crashed into the rolling tray table the ice was on in the first place. He fell to the ground with all the remaining ice falling on top of him.

"Daniel, are you okay?" Sam demanded as Teal'c pulled him to his feet and started brushing ice off of him.

"I'm fine!" Daniel insisted, clinging to Teal'c's shoulders for balance as he slipped on melting ice cubes.

"Okay, everyone freeze!" Janet ordered. Once she had everyone's attention, she turned to Daniel and Teal'c. "I need you both to do something else to help Sam, okay?"

"What?" they both asked.

"Go to my house and get Cassie. She's got a car-load full of baby stuff and when I let her know Sam was in labor she flat out told me that if someone didn't bring her up here, heads were going to roll."

Janet and Sam both looked at Jack, who held his hands up. "Why do I always get blamed for Cassie's mean streak?" he asked half-heartedly.

"Janet it's not that we don't want Cassie up here too but can't you send someone else to get her?" Daniel practically whined.

"No," Janet said firmly. "Believe me you won't miss much. It's an order. They won't let Cassie on the base without someone with clearance. Go. Both of you."

Teal'c squeezed Jack and Sam's shoulders in farewell, while Daniel dropped a kiss on the top of Sam's head. When he turned to Jack, Jack warned, "Don't even think about it, Spacemonkey."

"Yeah, you wish," Daniel said, following Teal'c out the door reluctantly.

"Okay. Now that some of the insanity is over," Janet said, taking a deep breath. "I think I'll leave you two along for a little while. I'll be just down the hall checking on everything in the infirmary if you need me."

"Thanks Doc," Jack said quietly as she scribbled something on Sam's chart and headed to the door.

"Thanks, Jan."

She smiled at them both and left, leaving Jack and Sam alone for the first time since they had been sent back to the SGC.

"What's it like now?" Jack asked. They were hip to hip on the raised bed, Jack leaning over her with his hand propped up on the mattress so he could face her.

"About like the pain stick now," she admitted. She knew he didn't want to hear she was in pain, but she also knew he would feel a little better if she could describe it somewhat, and the pain stick was something that he could register.

"You're doing so amazing, Sam."

"Are you mad?" she asked.

"Mad? Why would I be mad?" he asked, taking her hand lightly. It was nice to be able to hold it without her squeezing it so hard that he was surprised not to hear his bones cracking.

"That I didn't tell you I suspected about the time dilation."

"Nah, I'm not mad." He rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb. "Although, if I had known I probably would have understood better, why you were okay with it all. Hey, where'd you get my ring?"

"I asked Thor to get it. With my..." She scrunched her face again and squeezed his hand, and this time he was positive she was bruising bones.

"Do I need to get Janet..."

"No," she gritted out.

"Okay, breathe. It looks like it's almost over," he said after glancing over at the monitor.

Sam let out a breath and sighed. "With my dress," she continued wearily. "Janet must have picked it out when she got my dress. Why, do you not like it?"

"No, I love it, I just hadn't thought about where it came from and it was one of the first things Daniel asked me about. Do you want anything?"

"Yeah, I want this to be over."

"I know," he said quietly. "I wish I could make it go faster. Looks like the baby inherited patience from Uncle Teal'c."

Sam laughed tiredly and said, "Well it's certainly not from you."

"Hey," he objected mildly. "I can't help it if I was using up all my patience on our whole... situation... all those years."

"Does that mean that now you'll actually be able to sit through a briefing without looking like you're about to jump up and run out of the room?"

"I don't know, I guess we'll have to see, won't we?" He pulled her up into a careful hug, rubbing her back in big circles. "Hey, if I kiss you are you going to pull a Hannibal Lecter and bite my face off?"

"Should be a while before the next contraction," she said reasonably.

He pretended to be weighing the risk. She rolled her eyes. "The longer you wait, the less I can guarantee..."

He laughed once and kissed her gently, stroking her cheeks with his thumbs.

"Best idea all day," she said with a smile, kissing him back. He smiled and pulled her in closer, trying not to lean into her stomach too much. Yeah, she might bite off his tongue if another contraction hit. At the moment, he was willing to take the risk.

They were so wrapped up in each other that Sam didn't even hear the door open again. Jack registered it at the back of his mind, but, assuming it was just Janet coming back, he ignored it.

The man who had just walked in the door stared in shock at the sight before him for several long moments. Finally, he demanded, "Jack O'Neill, get the hell off my daughter!"


	27. Splainin' to Do

Notes: Wow, I definitely got more reviews on that last chapter than I had ever expected to get on this entire story when I first began writing it. Thanks, everyone, but especially new reader/reviewer Earthdragonette -- Thank you so much!

Kiwi, I'm sorry this wasn't out in time for you to print off and take to detention, but you have no idea how much that concept made me laugh. As a teacher myself, there is something more than a little bit amusing and disturbing (in a very good way) about the fact that I am helping people make it through detention sessions!

Claire: I'm terribly sorry to burst your bubble, but I was most definitely in labor with my first two children for well over twelve hours and nobody insisted on a C-section with me. I know many other women who were in labor as long or longer than Sam, although I believe the record is a friend of mine who hit the 41 hour mark. I'm thinking that perhaps you're thinking about Stage 2. Sam's still in Stage 1 at the end of that last chapter.

Lastly, the biggest thank you in the world to my sister. She knows why;).

Last time...

_The man who had just walked in the door stared in shock at the sight before him for several long moments. Finally, he demanded, "Jack O'Neill, get the hell off my daughter!"_

Ch 27: 'Splainin' to Do!

Jack sat up straight, eyes going wide. Sam looked over his shoulder and exclaimed, "Dad!"

"Dad?" Jack winced at her, turning around slowly.

Jacob Carter was staring at them both like he was about to start kicking serious ass. When Jack turned, however, Jacob got his second major shock of the day, because when Jack shifted on the bed, Jacob saw that his daughter was very, very pregnant.

"What in the hell is going on!" he demanded. "Samantha Carter! You have got a lot of explaining to do here, young lady!"

"Listen, Jacob..." Jack started, realizing this must be an insane thing to try to take in all at once. From the looks of things, he surmised that Jacob had not been informed of the Asgard proposal, or anything else for that matter. He wondered why Hammond hadn't intercepted him before Jacob could make it to the infirmary.

"Shut up, Jack, I'll get to you in a minute..."

Suddenly Jack got angry, very angry, at the look that Jacob Carter was directing at his daughter.

"Actually, you'll get to me now," Jack said loudly, getting to his feet and crossing his arms.

"Stay out of this, O'Neill, I'm talking to my daughter." Jacob's voice was so low and even that it was even scarier than if he had been yelling and throwing things. Which, Jack realized, would probably come after he said what he was about to say. Even knowing that, he still said it anyway.

"You're also talking to my wife."

With that statement, Jack solved the mystery of where exactly Sam had learned how to swear so creatively. He winced as Jacob carried on for a few moments. Sam was yelling at him to shut up and listen, and Jack could hear from the monitor how fast her heart rate was increasing.

Well, that settled it. He had never been known for his brains, but admitted to himself that what he was about to do was dumb, even for him. Advancing on Jacob, Jack said firmly, "You need to get out of here, Jacob. Now. In case you haven't noticed, Sam's been in labor for over ten hours already, so unless..."

"Oh I noticed!" Jacob yelled. "I also noticed you seem to have an awful lot to do with it!"

"Yeah, and you haven't bothered to listen to the situation or tell her congrat..."

"JACK!" Sam screamed, grabbing the sheets because he was too far away to reach.

He looked over at her quickly and turned back to Jacob. "Go talk to Hammond, he'll fill you in," Jack ordered, moving with a dexterity he hadn't used in over a year but was glad to see was still there. He quickly pinned Jacob's arms to insure his own safety and frogmarched his father-in-law out the door.

"Now listen to me, Jack, you can't just..."

"Too bad, I just did," Jack said, peering down the hall in the direction of the infirmary. "DOC, GET DOWN HERE!" he barked loudly, before glaring at Jacob again and then slamming the door in his face.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The gate technician, Walter, hurried up the staircase and ran into Hammond's office, despite the fact that he was on the red phone. "General, sir..."

"I'm on the phone with the President, son, you know not to interrupt me at a time like this!" Hammond barked.

"Yes, sir, I know, but Jacob Carter just arrived, was informed that his daughter's in the infirmary, and ran off before I could explain or tell him to come see you."

"I'll have to call you back, Mr. President," Hammond said quickly, hanging up the phone without waiting for an answer.

"GEORGE!" Jacob bellowed down the hall, right on cue.

Hammond tossed the communication device to Walter and said, "Go call Thor, I want him to help explain this."

"Yes, sir," Walter said, hurrying out of the General's office through the briefing room so that he could avoid Jacob Carter. Jacob Carter on his best day was an intimidating man. Walter hated to think of him in his current state.

"Jacob, I can only guess what you must have found when you went looking for Sam..." Hammond started as Jacob hurried into the office and slammed the door shut behind him so hard that the name plate on the outside fell off.

"What I FOUND after I was told that the Tok'ra had FOUR urgent messages for me to contact the SGC and rushed back here and was told that my daughter was in an isolation room in the infirmary was HER SHITHEAD CO STUCK TO HER FACE!"

"I know, Jacob, but if you could just listen for a minute..."

"THEN HE GETS OUT OF THE WAY ALLOWING ME TO SEE THAT MY LITTLE GIRL IS PREGNANT, CALLS HER HIS WIFE, AND WITHOUT EXPLAINING ANYTHING THE BASTARD THROWS ME OUT OF THE ROOM!"

Hammond couldn't help but be a little more impressed by Jack O'Neill than he already was upon hearing that. He knew the man was brave, but damn.

"Any chance I could talk to Selmak for a little while?" George tried hopefully.

"Oh, he's trying to take over but I want to know why you have NO problem hearing that YOUR 2IC IS OBVIOUSLY FRATERNIZING WITH MY DAUGHTER!" Jacob bellowed.

Well, George thought. If there was anybody left on the base who_ hadn't_ heard about the 'situation' in Iso Room 3, they certainly knew now.

Thor beamed himself into the office next to General Hammond. This did distract Jacob long enough for George to say, "We'll tell you everything, Jacob, but you're going to want to sit down. And before you finish figuring out how you're going to kill Jack O'Neill, I should start off by saying this is technically my fault."

"Actually it is mine," Thor said firmly.

Jacob looked back and forth between them and wearily lowered himself into a chair, internally promising Selmak he would listen without hurting anybody. Yet.

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"...so, to sum it all up, they were completely alone together for over a year, and for most of that, Sam was pregnant. If they haven't killed each other by now after all that, I'd say you have two choices, Jake: you can go welcome your new son-in-law into the family, and later today your new grandchild. Or you can say goodbye to all of them, because I guarantee you, if you try to make your daughter choose, you won't be happy with the result." Hammond finished.

Jacob sighed. "George, of course I'm not going to try to make her choose _anything_. It's just... a lot to take in all of a sudden."

"I tried to contact you sooner so you could be better prepared," Hammond reminded him.

"Yeah. Well," Jacob replied vaguely.

Once everything had been explained, Thor returned to his ship, feeling that Jacob would want to be alone with his friend for a while. Hammond went about his business as usual, knowing Jacob well enough to know he just needed some time so sit, think, and adjust to the new situation. After a while, Hammond casually said, "Jack really threw you out of the room?"

"Yeah," Jacob confirmed.

"You gotta kind of admire that."

"Yeah," Jacob admitted reluctantly.

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"He's always so willing to jump to the worst possible conclusion he can possibly dream up that he..." Sam was ranting.

"He's just being your dad," Jack said with an unconcerned shrug. He knew once Jacob calmed down and heard an explanation everything would be... well, sort of okay. Although he had always got on very well with Jacob and had even referred to him as a brother, that certainly didn't mean he expected Carter Senior to be thrilled with having him for a son-in-law. Actually, it was probably made _worse _by the fact that they'd got on so well in the past.

Jacob would probably see it as a betrayal of trust between the two men... after all, one of the last people you'd want going after your daughter was your brother. Jack made a face as the twisted relationship occurred to him and quickly shook his head. He had known Sam first. By the time he'd met Jacob he'd already been pretty attached to her, as a matter of fact.

"Don't bother trying to defend him, he's always been like this," Sam was saying.

"But you love him anyway," Jack countered. Based on the look he got in response to that, he was getting dangerously close to having _both _Carters mad at him, and nobody wanted that. Especially Jack O'Neill.

Apparently Janet sensed the need for a diversion as well because she quickly said, "Let's just see how you're doing again, Sam. Your heart rate is back down to normal and the baby's is perfect. Sir, why don't you grab some orange juice. It's over there on that tray I brought back with me."

Jack did as instructed. You just didn't argue with Dr. Fraiser when she used that tone of voice. Even Hammond and Teal'c didn't have the guts to do it. The only person he'd ever seen even _try _it was Sam, once, when she'd been zapped in the hand by the entity that fried the gateroom and ultimately tried to take up permanent residence inside his wife.

Well, that's not something I want to be thinking about right now, Jack thought grimly as he grabbed the bottle of orange juice and the straw next to it.

"You're doing just fine, Sam. I know this seems to be taking forever but everything is going perfectly, if a little bit on the slow side."

Jack smiled at the doctor. She _could _be nice and soothing when she chose to be.

"And on another subject entirely, Sam, how in the hell is it that your legs are smoother than mine?" Janet asked lightly, clearly still trying to ease the earlier tension.

Jack averted his eyes from both women and started fiddling with the monitor. When Sam's initial response to the innocent question was to turn slightly pink and glance at Jack, Janet didn't need the explanation that followed, but Sam gave it to her anyway. "Um, Jack did it. Last night, before dinner."

'We never got around to eating dinner' was on the tip of Jack's tongue but a slight widening and sharpening of Sam's eyes warned him not to say it.

Janet, still trying to put them both at ease, said, "Well, judging by the way I've seen you attack your own face after a few days here in the infirmary, it looks like your skills have improved, sir."

"Thanks, doc." He winked at Sam and added, "And that was just my first time. Well, not counting a little misguided hazing as a young, innocent cadet, but we won't go into that. Imagine how much more my skills could improve with a little practice."

"Jack!" Sam was clearly embarrassed that her husband and a woman who was for all intents and purposes the sister she had always wanted were _still _having a conversation about her legs.

"What, Sam?" Jack asked with an unconcerned shrug. "Doc doesn't care. It's okay, you know, I'm your husband now."

For some reason that Jack was sure made perfect sense in her own head, Sam burst into tears and threw her arms around him.

"Wh... what just happened?" he asked, cupping the back of her head in one hand and rubbing her back with the other. He looked to Fraiser for an explanation, but she gave him a look that said she was just as confused as he was.

"Sam, sweetie are you okay?" Janet asked.

"Yes, I'm fine, it's just..." Sam leaned back against the propped up bed and wiped her face quickly, giving them both an embarrassed/apologetic smile. "I don't know if I can explain this but it just... when you said that it was like... I mean most people would say 'you're my wife,' not 'I'm your husband...' I know they're both true and they basically mean the same thing and I probably sound crazy right now but I'm just so tired..."

"It's okay," Jack said quickly, alarmed at the way her heart monitor was beeping faster and faster.

"Sam you need to calm down," Janet said firmly. "Just breathe and try to relax."

Jack felt her nod against his shoulder but she tightened her arms around him even more, so he didn't let go of her even though he was concerned he might be putting pressure on her abdomen. When he finally did start to pull away, he said quietly, "Don't want to squash baby Homer."

Janet's eyes widened. Surely they weren't going to name their child 'Homer.' "Guys, it's not really any of my business but..."

"He's just joking," Sam said firmly, wiping her eyes again. She was smiling now.

Janet marvelled, not for the first time, at Colonel O'Neill's ability to calm other people down. It wasn't just Sam; she had seen him do the same thing with Daniel, Teal'c, and her own daughter, and never figured out exactly _how _he did it. It always seemed so innocuous that she never noticed he was doing anything at all until well after he had succeeded.

Jack, Sam, and Janet all jumped in surprise as the door to the Isolation room was opened so fast it banged against the wall. Fearing that Jacob had returned to yell and upset Sam some more, Jack whipped around and got up quickly, but froze as instead of Jacob, Cassandra Fraiser entered the room at full speed, her long hair flying behind her as she shrieked, "I can't believe it!" and jumped on top of Jack in a huge hug.

"Nice to see you too, kid," Jack said, slightly choked by her arms round his neck.

Cassie was talking a hundred miles per hour at a pitch that Jack was certain would have dogs in a fifty mile radius howling. Jack picked up random words about babies, weddings, dresses, and secrets while her mother tried to calm her down. Teal'c and Daniel returned with her and were hovering near the open door.

Teal'c caught Jack's eye and asked, in the tone that meant Teal'c was clearly amused with Jack's current plight, "Do you require assistance, O'Neill?"

"Sam, oh my God, I can't believe it!" Cassie finally released Jack and made a move towards Sam but paused, looking to her mom uncertainly.

"It's okay, Cass," Sam promised. "And after that greeting, you'd better have a good one for me too."

"I don't want to hurt you," Cassie said cautiously, leaning onto the bed with one knee in the mattress and hugging her carefully.

"It's so good to see you, I missed you," Sam told her sincerely.

"I couldn't believe it when Mom told me about our 'mission' the other day. Did you like the dress?"

"It was perfect," Sam assured her.

"Thor's got pictures," Jack supplied, winking at Sam. Suddenly Sam's focus shifted to Daniel, who was still hovering by the door.

"Jack..." Sam said quietly.

Jack followed Sam's gaze and his eyes widened. "Daniel, what the hell is wrong with you, get that out of here!" he yelled, lunging at Daniel and forcing him out into the hall.

"Jack, relax, it's just a cup of coffee!" Daniel exclaimed, completely confused as to why he was suddenly being assaulted over a tiny Styrofoam cup of coffee.

"Exactly! Do you know how long it's been since either of us has had a cup of coffee! And Sam still can't have it for a long time..." It smelt soooo good. Jack grabbed it suddenly and took two huge, desperate gulps.

"Jack, that's..." Daniel tried to warn.

"Holy shit!" Jack swore, pressing it back into Daniel's hands and sticking his tongue out, fanning it desperately.

"Really hot," Daniel finished apologetically.

Jack ran back into the iso room and grabbed a cup of ice chips, dumping the entire contents into his mouth at once. Daniel slunk back into the room without his coffee while everyone was staring at Jack, whose cheeks were puffed out like a hamster.

Janet looked at Daniel firmly. "No coffee in here."

"Yeah, I... got that," Daniel said, still slightly bewildered.

Cassie jumped to Teal'c as Sam suddenly screamed with another contraction. The closest person to her was Jack, but he wasn't quick enough to offer his hand. She twisted his shirt tightly and he yelped as she caught the skin underneath. He also spit out the ice he was still holding in his mouth. It showered his shirt and her hair.

Cassie looked like she was about to cry just from watching Sam. She was squeezing Teal'c arm nearly as hard as Sam was still gripping Jack's shirt. When the contraction ended Sam collapsed back against the pillow wearily and Jack smoothed his shirt down and pretended to be looking for something on the floor. "You guys want to help me out here, I think she just ripped off a nipple," he asked seriously.

"Oh, like you really planned on using it for anything," Sam said wearily. Daniel chortled into his hand.

Seeing how exhausted Sam was, Cassie declared loudly, "I am NEVER having sex!"

"Yes!" Jack exclaimed, doing his little victory-clenched-fist maneuver.

"So did we miss anything exciting or were you just sitting around with nothing to do, waiting for us to come back?" Daniel asked jokingly.

"Oh, you know, Dad stopped by and scared the crap out of us," Jack said casually.

Daniel laughed until he saw that Jack and Sam were dead serious.

"He did? And he didn't... I mean I guess he was... surprised?"

"Jack threw him out of the room and sent him to talk to the General," Sam told them.

"Wow," Cassie said. "Impressive."

"It wasn't like that..." Jack started.

"Actually, it was," Jacob called from the doorway. He looked around the very small, incredibly crowded room.

Teal'c and Jack moved, as if they did it completely as a reflex, between the bed and the door, placing themselves between Jacob and Sam. Daniel noticed it too and moved between them and Jacob to play diplomat, but Jacob held up his hand.

"It's okay, Daniel. If Dr. Fraiser thinks it's okay... I'd like a few minutes with my daughter. And her... husband." Okay, so he very nearly choked on the word 'husband,' but at least he said it.

Janet looked at Sam, who gave a small nod.

"It's okay with me, but I don't want her blood pressure increased unnecessarily, and I need to check her again in ten..."

Sam let out a tiny cough.

"Five minutes," Janet said firmly.

"Thank you."

"Everyone else, out," Janet ordered.

Teal'c glanced at Jack, who nodded that it was okay for Teal'c to leave, but there was no doubt in the Colonel's mind that Teal'c would be standing right outside that door.

Janet closed the door softly behind her, leaving Jacob, Jack, and Sam alone.

"Are you... are you doing okay, kid?" Jacob asked nervously, approaching the bed cautiously.

"Yeah, sure, no problem," Sam said with a fake smile. "In fact, I'm thinking of getting up and running a marathon as soon as I finish up here."

"Nice influence on my daughter there, Jack," Jacob said with a snort.

"Hey, that's not me, she's always been a smartass," Jack insisted, holding his hands up defensively.

"Well... that's true," Jacob agreed. Jack nudged the stool he had been using towards Jacob and sat on the bed instead so that Jacob could sit as well. "God only knows how stubborn and sarcastic any kid the two of you create is going to be. I don't know what the Asgard were thinking."

"Is that your sweet way of saying 'congratulations,' Jake?" Jack asked.

"Yeah, I guess it is, Jack. Listen... Thor and George explained everything... they told me how long it took you guys to... work all this out and everything, and, well... now that I've heard the whole story I'm happy for you. It was just kind of a shock... I came through the gate thinking Sam maybe got nicked by a staff weapon or something, then I was hit between the eyes with you two... doing something that would normally earn you a court martial. Then I saw that you were in labor, Sam and... well let's just say if it wasn't for dear old Selmak I think you would have given me a heart attack." Jacob paused, smiled at Sam, and added, "Selmak says congratulations too, by the way. To both of you... George tells me you've been married for a long time now... well, to yourselves."

"Yeah, apparently it's only been about three days to everyone else but that was a long time ago to us," Sam said.

"Well... Sam I'll never understand what you see in this guy..."

Jack just smiled patiently but Sam objected, "Dad!"

"But..." Jacob continued. "Obviously if you still want to be with him after being stuck in a cabin alone for over a year, there's a lot about you both that I won't pretend to understand. But you both look happy so... I'm happy you're happy, Sam."

"Thanks, Dad," Sam said, her eyes filling with tears.

Jacob hugged her carefully and turned to Jack, who got to his feet. Jacob sized him up for a moment, looking at him rather sternly. He didn't need to bother flashing his eyes at Jack; the message was pretty clear without the Tok'ra enhanced intimidation factor. "I wanted to name the baby after you!" Jack blurted out suddenly.

Sam snorted and muttered, "Overwhelming coolness my ass."

Jack heard this and looked at her in surprise, not that she'd insulted him, but that she'd perked up enough to be making jokes again. Having her dad here and supporting them had obviously given her a much-needed burst of energy. He grinned at her but refrained from kissing her. Jacob was warming up to the idea, but it still probably wasn't the best time for that. And people said he had no diplomatic skills! Ha!

Jacob smiled his 'this O'Neill guy is weirdly entertaining' smile and stared at him, waiting patiently for Jack to dig himself in deeper. Sure enough, he wasn't disappointed. "I did, didn't I, Sam? Even if it's a girl!" Jack elaborated.

"You would name a girl Jacob?" Jacob asked incredulously. "Just to suck up to me?"

"Not exactly," Sam muttered.

"Now don't be ridiculous, Dad, what kind of a name would 'Jacob' be for a girl?" Jack asked reasonably, adding quickly, "I was going to go with Jacobina." He paused long enough to let Jacob have a chance at determining if he was joking or not and added, "Sam politely said there wasn't a snowball's chance in hell, I believe. Or something to that effect."

"Well, everyone knows she's way smarter than you," Jacob said mildly, shaking his head in amusement.

Janet knocked as she let herself into the room. "Sam, I really need to check your progress again." Sam nodded. "Everything okay in here?" Janet asked cautiously.

"Oh just peachy," Jack said, rocking on his heels.

Jacob left the room, muttering 'Imbecile,' under his breath on his way out. Still, he had to admit, he kind of liked the imbecile.

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	28. Small Miracles

Notes: Since this is the last chapter, I'm going to ramble a bit for a moment here...

I could never have imagined this story being so well-received, nor could I even imagine writing something this long to begin with. Thank you all so much for reading and reviewing, whether you just recently discovered the story and worked your way through it in a couple of days, or whether you've been reviewing every single chapter.I cannot thank you enough.

This is the end of this story, but I suppose there's always room for a sequel somewhere down the road.

Ch 28: Small Miracles

Sam was beyond exhausted. Janet was positive that if there weren't so many people paying attention to her, she would be crying. When General Hammond and Thor crowded into the already-crowded room, checking on her for the third time that hour, it was just too much. Janet said loudly, "All right, everyone listen up!"

The various conversations died down and Janet waited until everyone was looking at her. It took a surprisingly short amount of time.

"I know everyone here is ready for this baby to be born, but that simply can't happen in a room this crowded."

Everyone started arguing as to why he or she should be allowed to stay. Janet yelled, "QUIET!" and waited a second before continuing. "Colonel O'Neill and I are going to get cleaned up and ready for the delivery. Sam, you need to decide if you want everyone else to wait in the hallway or if you're okay with them watching from the observation room." She nodded up at the high window that led to the observation room.

"As soon as the Colonel and I come back with the nurse, you're all out of here," Janet added firmly, nodding at Jack for him to follow her out of the room. Jack looked back at Sam, reluctant to leave her 'alone' with the room-full of people all more concerned, at the moment, with arguing over why they should be allowed to stay than anything else.

"Come on, sir, it only takes about five minutes," Janet said firmly, tugging on his arm to get him moving.

Jack followed her out the door reluctantly, glancing at his watch. "Doc, has it really been this long?" he asked wearily as they headed to the infirmary to get prepped.

"Yes," Janet said grimly as they got ready.

She watched Jack carefully. He looked like he was trying to psych himself up for what was about to happen. "This is the home stretch, Colonel."

"I know, it's just... Sam's going to be okay, isn't she?"

"Physically, she is doing wonderfully," Janet assured him. "And that's _my _primary concern in there, okay? Yours is keeping her focused. She's been having a lot of trouble focusing, although with the crowd of people she's been insisting on I'm not surprised, so hopefully once the room empties that will help some. But for a man who can't sit still for five minutes, you have a strangely calming effect on other people, Colonel. Sam especially. So I know you can do this."

Jack nodded repeatedly to himself and followed her back down the hall. He paused just outside the door to Sam's room. "Janet..."

Janet looked at him in surprise. He almost always called her 'Doc.' Occasionally 'Fraiser,' but never by her first name. He actually looked scared.

"If anything... if anything bad happens in there I... I won't..."

Janet squeezed his arm, letting him know he didn't need to finish the sentence. "I am going to do everything I can to make sure that _everyone _is just fine, Colonel." He nodded and clenched his jaw. "Good. Okay, let's go see if you've got a boy or a girl," Janet said, smiling encouragingly.

The room had already emptied significantly; only Daniel and Teal'c remained, on opposite sides of Sam, each holding one of her hands. Daniel frowned at the nurse that followed Jack and Janet into the room. "If you need an assistant, I could do it, I've delivered three babies by myself and..."

"Daniel, no," Janet said, firmly but patiently.

"Let us join everyone in the observation room, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c said firmly.

"Okay, Sam, you're fully dilated now so when the next contraction hits you're going to start pushing, okay?" Janet began.

"How long?" Sam asked wearily.

"There's no way to tell, sweetie. It could still take a while."

"I bet you wish Thor could send you back in the bubble, huh," Daniel commented lightly as he kissed her goodbye on the cheek.

"It doesn't work like that, Daniel, time is relative!" Jack snapped.

Everyone looked at him in surprise, Janet smiling slowly and shaking her head. Teal'c herded Daniel out the door. He left, muttering, "Never thought I'd see the day... Jack O'Neill correcting me on something scientific..."

Janet waited for the door to close behind them and smiled encouragingly at Sam. "Okay. You ready to have this baby?"

"God, yes!"

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"I don't think I can watch her go through this anymore," Jacob Carter confessed quietly. He was sitting between Daniel, who looked like he was rooted to the spot in a kind of horrified awe, and Hammond, who had been present for the birth of his second granddaughter already, although the entire labor had only taken about four hours in that circumstance.

Hammond looked down at his watch and saw that they were now well into the thirtieth hour here. He didn't blame Jacob at all – he could barely watch one of his favorite officers going through this, and doubted he would be able to if it were his own daughter.

Cassandra Fraiser had left the room hours ago looking horrified and was waiting in her mother's office. George decided to use that opportunity. "Jacob, why don't you go see how Cassie's doing?"

"Yeah... that's a good idea, George," Jacob said numbly, getting to his feet. Teal'c, who was standing behind the row of chairs, helped him with a supportive hand on his shoulder as he passed.

Thor, to General Hammond's left, spoke carefully. "I did not understand what I was asking Major Carter to go through. She will surely hate me for this."

"No she won't," Hammond assured him.

Teal'c took the seat Jacob had vacated and asked quietly, "Daniel Jackson, are you okay?"

"Yeah," Daniel said, swallowing hard. He felt like he was watching someone being tortured, for hours. He had even cried himself a little, two hours ago.

Sound from the Iso room was muffled, but they had all clearly been able to hear when Sam had collapsed against her pillow, crying and looking utterly defeated. Janet had firmly encouraged her, but Sam just shook her head and sobbed, "I can't do this anymore, I just can't."

They had all heard Jack's firm, "Yes you can," and her answering, "Jack, please..." but that was the last the crowd in the observation room had heard from either of them in two hours. They could hear Janet's occasional directions to the nurse and frequent updates to everyone on what exactly was happening, but nobody else could hear what Jack was saying to Sam.

He was next to the bed with his back to the observation window, leaning over her at an incredibly awkward angle so he could speak directly into her ear while still helping hold one of her knees up. Whatever he was saying was obviously working, but Daniel's simple innate curiosity and the brotherly love he felt for both Sam and Jack made him wonder. He couldn't help but wonder if Janet would tell him if he asked later, if she could even hear it at all. Probably not.

Just as Daniel was positive that Thor had somehow made time just stop entirely, Janet smiled up at Sam brightly and said, "Sam, this is it!"

Hammond quickly picked up the phone to get Jacob and Cassie back. They made it back to the Observation room just in time to see Janet placing a very loud, very messy looking baby on Sam's stomach. Jack and Sam were both sobbing. Daniel was crying too. Teal'c's eyes glistened but no tears fell. Hammond, Jacob, Cassie and Thor all just stared, four pairs of wide eyes and four mouths hanging open.

"What is it?" Cassie finally had the sense to ask. The baby was surrounded by so many bodies cleaning it off and still working on Sam that they couldn't tell, and nobody had bothered to tell them.

Hammond pushed the intercom button and spoke into the microphone. "Dr. Fraiser, the most quickly organized betting pool in SGC history is waiting to be settled."

She smiled up at the window and said, "It's a girl."

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Nearly an hour later, Sam and the baby were all clean, the baby wrapped up in a yellow blanket Cassie had brought, wearing a tiny pink hat. They had even had their first nursing 'lesson,' although Janet and Sam had admitted that the baby seemed to know much more about it than either of them did. Everyone was exhausted, but deliriously happy, Sam most of all, on both accounts.

"This is by far the coolest thing you've ever done," Jack commented casually as he stared down at his daughter. "Way cooler than blowing up that sun even."

"We're not normal at all," was Sam's casual response/observation to that.

"I don't think I can keep everyone out of here for much longer," Janet said quietly, smiling fondly at Jack and Sam, who were staring down at the baby in a kind of amazed shock, like they still couldn't quite believe they had actually made her themselves.

"You ready to meet the rest of your family?" Jack asked the baby, making a tiny, imperceptible adjustment to the little hat. He looked up at Sam and they held one of their rapid-fire silent-conversations Janet had always found somewhat unnerving to watch. "Okay, Doc, open the floodgates," Jack said quietly.

Everyone filed into the room as silently as possible, smiling with barely-restrained excitement. Cassie and Daniel both looked like they might pee their pants.

"Er, well," Jack started as Sam pressed the baby into his arms. He held the bundle in the blankets at an angle where they could all see her. "This is... the baby. She's a girl."

"What's her name?" Cassie demanded.

Jack and Sam looked at each other and Sam nodded slightly; he was giving her the go-ahead to pick. Leaning into his arm to look down at the baby, Sam looked back up at him and Jack somehow knew what she was going to say. "Jordan," she told Cassie.

"That's a boy's name," Daniel pointed out immediately. Jacob elbowed him in the ribs. He yelped and quickly added, "But it's a lovely girl's name too," as he rubbed his ribcage.

"What's her middle name?" Cassie pressed.

Jack groaned. "We were too busy arguing over the first name to think about a middle name..."

"You pick," Sam said.

"Me? By myself? You're delirious honey, you haven't slept in over thirty hours."

"I picked Jordan. You pick her middle name," Sam said simply.

He looked down at the sleeping baby in his arms. "You sure?" he asked again with a teasing smile. "You remember some of my ideas, right? Danielle, and... Teal'c-o-lette and..."

Daniel and Teal'c looked at each other and laughed. "O'Neill, I am honored, but please do not name your child Teal'c-o-lette," Teal'c said with a tone of urgency rarely heard in his voice.

Jack laughed and mouthed something that only Sam could see, but whatever it was made her face light up. "That's perfect."

Jack grinned and said, "Okay then. I pick Janet."

"What?" Janet Fraiser asked, truly surprised.

"Jordan Janet O'Neill," Jacob said experimentally.

"Carter," Jack corrected. "Jordan Janet Carter O'Neill."

"Good Lord her name is bigger than she is," Hammond said with a chuckle.

"Danny, T, get over here," Jack said, gesturing them closer with his head. Teal'c inclined his head for Daniel to go first, and Daniel didn't need to be asked twice. Jack passed the baby to him carefully, the movement waking her up. She screamed loudly, scrunching her face up.

"Well, she sounds like Jack," Daniel commented, shifting her to a more comfortable position against his chest. Once she was warm and snug, she stopped crying even though everyone in the room was laughing loudly. It had been quite a long and strange day for the newly born Jordan O'Neill. Jack stepped back from Daniel and Teal'c, returning to the bed. He sat down next to Sam and pulled her into his arms, and they both watched Daniel and Teal'c looking down at the baby. So did everyone else.

Jordan opened her eyes, blinking up at Daniel with huge blue eyes. "Hi," he said quietly, smiling at her. "I'm Daniel."

"Uncle Daniel," Sam corrected.

His grin got even bigger. "Uncle Daniel. Um, it's nice to meet you."

Jack laughed at the formal way he was speaking to the baby and absently wondered how many times he had heard Daniel introduce himself like that. Although, Jack had to admit, he had never quite seen that look of complete happiness on Daniel's face as he introduced himself to anybody else. "Okay, Uncle Danny, give Uncle Teal'c a turn," Jack said after a few moments.

Daniel passed the baby to Teal'c, and she suddenly looked even tinier cradled in the huge man's arms. She focused on his Apophis symbol and tried to reach for it with her tiny hand, but she was bundled up too tightly, so she settled for staring at it instead. "She resembles you a great deal, Major Carter. That is most fortunate."

"Hey," Jack objected half-heartedly while everyone laughed quietly. Sam patted his arm placatingly.

Cassie took her next, as she was standing next to Teal'c. She looked a bit uncertain for a few moments; she had held babies occasionally on Hanka, but never one quite so new, and that had been a long time ago. Jordan was quite happy with everyone holding her so far, however. Cassie looked down at the baby, who seemed to be trying to memorize her face, and said, "She looks really smart."

"Would Cassie be 'Aunt Cassie' or 'Cousin Cassie?'" Jack asked Sam, rubbing her arm to try to wake her up a bit, as she was starting to doze off against his side.

"Mm, well, since I don't see Mark and his kids all that often, it would be nice for her to have a cousin around here, and she already has an Auntie," she said, smiling at Janet.

"Do cousins get to babysit?" Cassie asked hopefully.

"I'm sure that can be arranged," Sam promised.

"Cool." Cassie smiled down at the baby again and said, "All right I guess maybe sex isn't so bad if you get to bring home one of these afterwards."

Janet groaned. "Just what every mother of a teenaged girl wants to hear, sweetie."

As she said this, Jack simultaneously said, "Quick, someone take that baby away from her!"

Hammond, who was standing next to Cassie, took the baby next. He sat down in a chair so that Thor could look at her properly as well. Jordan made a gurgling sound, which Jack interpreted for the rest of the group as, "What was that, Jordan? You want Grampa George to set up a nursery here at the SGC so you can come and visit _all_ the time?"

Hammond rolled his eyes and said, "We'll see, Jack."

Jacob finally got to hold his granddaughter, although he quickly realized Sam had saved him for last so he could hold her the longest. He smiled down at her for a long time while everyone else started talking quietly. Finally, Jack called over to him, "Well, does she pass inspection, Dad?"

"Yeah, she'll do," Jacob said, grinning at him. Jack had never noticed how similar Jacob and Sam's smiles were before. Of course, Jacob's didn't quite stir the same feelings in him as Sam's did, but still.

"She looks just like you did when you were born, Sam," Jacob told her. Jordan chose that moment to yawn loudly, which made Jacob chuckle. "And I think she's getting tired," he added.

"I think we're all beyond tired," Janet said, taking the baby from him and handing her back to Sam. "Let's all get some rest."

She started shooing everyone away. Everyone left reluctantly, promising to come back later after they had a chance to rest and everything. Daniel, Teal'c, and Cassie went off to plan a baby shower, Cassie and Daniel already conferring over what things she had already picked up for the baby and what they would still need.

As they walked out the door, Sam burst out laughing as she heard Teal'c say, "Daniel Jackson, this is a very unusual custom, even for the Tauri. As most humans prefer to bathe alone, where exactly are we going to find a showering facility large enough to accommodate all of these guests? And would a shower not be a dangerous thing for young Jordan O'Neill?"

"Oh brother," Jack said mildly as the laughter about Daniel and Teal'c's conversation died down. "How many years do you think it'll take him to just call her Jordan?"

"I think that's a lost cause at this point," Sam said.

Hammond waved goodbye, and he and Thor started to follow Jacob out the door but Sam stopped them both. "Thor, wait," Sam said quickly. She had noticed how much Thor had hung back when everyone was admiring the baby. Thor stopped by the door and came over to the side of the bed, his shoulders drooped. As strange as it sounded, to Sam, it was the first time Thor had ever looked small. "Is she not... what you expected?" Sam guessed quietly.

"Oh, Major Carter, that is not it at all," Thor assured her. "She is very impressive. A beautiful child. I have not even conducted any tests yet."

Hammond was hanging near the door. He felt like he and Thor were in this together. "So why so glum little buddy?" Jack asked.

"I owe you an apology, Major Carter," Thor said seriously, looking down. "We researched human reproduction but I did not fully understand what I was asking you to go through. Believe me, if I had known how much pain was involved, I would not have suggested it. You are my friend, and I do not want to be responsible for causing you pain. I am sorry, please forgive me."

"Thor, there's nothing to forgive," Sam said quickly, smiling at him. "I should be thanking you for putting all of this into motion in the first place."

"Me too," Jack added. He felt guilty now; Sam had noticed Thor was upset and he hadn't even been paying attention to him at all. "Really, Thor, you haven't done anything wrong at all," Jack added. "You actually... made everything right. You too, Grampa George," Jack added, nodding over Thor's head to Hammond.

"I'm glad everything worked out," Hammond said, smiling at the three of them. "Thor, let's go call the President. He's been waiting by the phone."

"You kept the President of the United States waiting for a loooong time, young lady," Jack said to the baby, who looked at him calmly as though she could care less.

Sam smiled at Thor again and he tilted his head, satisfied that she wasn't upset with him. "I would like to stop by once more to say goodbye before I must leave," he said carefully.

"You better, or Jordan will never forgive you," Jack said lightly.

As Thor made his way to the door, Janet told him, "Don't worry about Sam, Thor, there are all sorts of lovely hormones and endorphins and things that will kick in and make her forget how badly most of that hurt."

Thor looked optimistic. Or rather, Janet thought he did at least. He stood up straighter and started speaking at a slightly faster pace as he said, "In that case, perhaps if our tests on Jordan O'Neill prove fruitless, Major Carter and Colonel O'Neill would not be opposed, without our assistance of the time dilation device of course, to reproducing again in the near future. Don't forget, O'Neill is not as young as he..."

"THOR!" Jack and Sam both objected, although Janet suspected they were probably objecting to different parts of Thor's statement. As enamored with Jordan as Sam obviously already was, Thor's timing was definitely off: nobody in their right mind would want to discuss starting that whole process all over again so soon after going through a thirty-plus hour natural delivery.

And the Colonel... well, he and Thor probably shared about the same amount of tact when it came to things like that, but when it came to hinting that the Colonel was getting up there in years, he was likely to raise an objection faster than anything.

Hammond shot Jack and Sam a slightly apologetic look over Thor's head, shrugging slightly with an 'aliens – what are you gonna do about them, right?' look on his face before holding the door open for Thor. Hammond and Thor finally left, closing the door softly on their way out.

Janet finished up whatever she had been working on in the corner for a few moments and came back over to the bed. "I know how much you love paperwork, sir," she said to Jack, handing him a thin folder with a smile.

"Oh you have no idea how much I missed it, Doc," Jack replied sarcastically as he opened the folder, tilting its contents at an angle so Sam could see them as well.

The top piece of paper was Jordan's birth certificate. "General Hammond was right about her name; it was tricky getting it all on one line but we managed it. You might be interested in the next certificate too though."

Jack pulled it to the front curiously. Sam gasped as she read it; it was their marriage license, now properly signed by the 'witnesses,' Major General George S. Hammond and Dr. Janet Fraiser, and signed and stamped by the President of the United States himself.

"Wow," they both said quietly. Jack arranged the documents side by side and realized the difference between their dates was only a few days. And in all the pictures from their wedding, Sam was most definitely not nine months pregnant.

"We'll have to make sure we put these in different rooms," Sam said quietly, but she didn't seem concerned about it beyond that, so Jack decided not to worry about it as well. Suddenly an idea occurred to him.

"Hey, Sam?"

"What?"

"You still want to do another wedding thing, with everyone there and all?"

"Yes, eventually. No rush though, I'm kind of tired right now," she added lightly.

He laughed and said, "Yeah, but I was thinking we could do it on the day when we actually _thought _we were getting married. This year or next, whichever. I mean, I've already committed that date to my memory as our anniversary, and you know me and numbers..."

"Sounds like a plan," Sam agreed, trying to stifle a yawn.

"You need to rest, Sam. All three of you do," Janet interrupted gently. "I'll give you some time alone but then I'm going to need to put Jordan in the bassinet. She can stay in the room with you but you both need to get some rest. And Colonel, I know it's been a while for you, so I'll just remind you that if you object I've got a nice sharp needle with your name all over it."

"Nice to know some things never change, Doc," Jack called in a friendly tone as she left to give them some privacy.

"I don't know what Teal'c was talking about," Jack commented once they were alone. He tugged the little pink hat off of the baby's bald head and kissed her gently. "She's got your eyes but right now she mostly looks like General Hammond."

"Jack!" Sam objected indignantly.

Jordan scrunched up her face. For a second, both thought she was going to start bawling, probably due to the loud tone of Sam's voice, but rather than foreshadowing a loud wail, her scrunched up face led to a huge sneeze.

"Oh no," Jack muttered as Sam laughed at the way Jordan appeared to have confused herself with the sneeze. "I'm so blaming Daniel for that."

"Jack, you do know that Daniel and I don't actually share any DNA, don't you?" Sam asked mildly.

"That is not the point," Jack said firmly. "This is his fault. I'm sure of it. The baby's got Hammond's hairline, Teal'c's patience, Daniel's allergies, your eyes... she's so tiny there can't be room left in that little body for any part of me!"

Sam knew he was just teasing her with the complaints, but felt the need to respond anyway. "Well, as far as the hairline goes I sincerely doubt that will last for very long, there's a little bit of fuzz even now. And one sneeze, even one as big as that, doesn't necessarily mean she's doomed to a life of antihistamines, but even if she is you may as well blame that on Janet if you're going to blame it on Daniel. As far as the other thing, you know that's not true, Jack. I actually think she seems a lot more like you than like me."

Jack looked down at the tiny, soft, slightly pink baby that was studying them carefully and then looked at Sam like she was completely out of her tree.

"She's got a... a look about her," Sam tried to explain. "It's something in her eyes and the corners of her mouth. I'd be willing to bet that on the inside, Jordan O'Neill is going to be a chip off the old block."

"Well, while I do tend to enjoy taking you up on any bet you've ever proposed, and are you calling me old?"

"Of course not, I only meant that..." she trailed off as both watched Jordan's eyes start closing very slowly. "See dear, nothing to worry about," Sam said, leaning up to peck him lightly on the mouth. "She's clearly got your attention span."

"Hmm, where do I go to buy 'baby's first yo-yo?'" Jack asked.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Thor, I have to ask you something," Hammond said as they went into his office.

"What is it, General Hammond?"

"Do you really think Jack and Sam's baby is the key to solving your cloning problems?"

Thor narrowed his eyes slightly and said, "It is... possible."

"How... possible?" Hammond pressed.

"The odds are not, as you would say, in their favor. But I have never known that to keep Major Carter or Colonel O'Neill from doing anything before."

"That's a good point," Hammond said as he sat down in his chair and picked up his red phone to call the President. He paused, set the phone down again, and asked, "So... if you really weren't counting on this to work... you were actually just using this as an excuse to get us to overlook the regulations for them, weren't you?"

Thor climbed up into the chair opposite Hammond, sat down, and said evenly, "And were you not doing the same thing when you offered to assist me, General Hammond?"

They looked at each other calmly and Hammond picked up the phone again. "That never leaves this room, Thor."

The end.


End file.
